Rollercoaster

This is definitely a rollercoaster summer with the kids. Our oldest has taken the summer after college off so he is in and out, coming and going to see friends and having a grand time. Our youngest son is away at college so we don't see him...sigh! And our daughter is away at college baut comes home occasionally to visit and/or spend the night.

The other morning, after our daughter spent a couple nights with us and went back to school, I woke up thinking she was still here. It wasn't until I was awake a couple hours and she didn't get up that I realized she went back to school the night before. I'm losing my mind.

Are any of your doors swinging open and shut this summer? Or do you recall the time when they did? While I love their visits, I miss them when they ar egone again. It's like a big tease. Then after they are gone a couple days, we settle back into our empty nest and love it! I guess we have to live in the moment and appreciate the times with and without them, and the time spent alone with our spouses. This is definitely a time of growth for me. I'm still learning.

My oldest son moved out last fall. He chose not to do college after high school, and already realizes it was a poor decision. But now he's stuck in a full time job and can't afford to go to school.

We've told him he can come back if he wants to commit to school. (He's 20) But he says he feels it would be a step backward to come home again. Although he has no hesitation bringing his laundry several times a month! That's okay, another excuse to see him and hug him!

Now his roommate moved out, so he's going to try to swing keeping the apartment on his own. I don't know if he can afford it, but he wants to try. He's also considering night classes online in the fall, and he has applied to the California Hwy Patrol as well.

He takes the written exam today; that's the very first in a long process to see if you can be approved for the academy. Then there's a physical test, a psychological test, an oral interview, a background check, etc. If approved, you move into the academy for six months.

My youngest will be 16 in September, and he just got his driving permit. We'll go out today for his first "behind the wheel".

Dotsie, my best friend's daughter was away at school all last year and didn't do well, so now she's back home and will be going to community college in the fall. Her mom is having a hard time with getting used to her being around again. More worries when she's not home at night, etc.

It's hard when they've lived on their own for a while and then move back home and have to live under Mom and Dad's rules again. That alone often drives them back out to independence, which isn't a bad thing.

I think Mom's take it hardest when kids move away. We're used to having someone to take care of and nurture.

My two sons have been out long enough that I don't think they will move back in again. My daughter is only 13 so we've got her for a while.

My oldest son works full time and goes to school in the evenings. He has a ways to go but he'll get there. He doesn't like his job so that's an incentive to continue his education.

My younger son works for a company that installs security and fire alarm equipment. He has been taking electrical courses and taking the tests to become an electrician. He's to hyper to sit at a desk.

I recall when my children were younger...(they are grown now!) my son would spend some nights in the city to fit in with work patterns and at that time my daughter was having marvellous holidays.She has visited China Russia and US as well as much Europe and Scandinavia.One day I just did not know who was here and what day it was (only for a few seconds)Then things get into a pattern and all is clearer.
Our nests are continualy changing.
Mountain ash

My daughter and her family were just here for a visit. I loved seeing them come and I loved reclaiming my space when they left.

I think there is a big shift once they actually have a place that is their own...both my daughters are married and own homes. When they are still in college, etc. your house is still their home and the apartment or dorm is just where they are staying...once they establish a real home for themselves...it changes the feel of it for both of you...and they don't usually come home for extended periods of time anymore.

It's not hard anymore...it's just my life.

Round and round we go, and where we'll stop nobody knows.

That saying reminds me of when the kids come and go, for various reasons. And the cycle will continue unto eternity...Isn't life grand?

I thnk you're right...and I gues that's what unconditional love is about.

Jane,

"It's not hard anymore. It's just my life." What a positive way to describe change in your life!

This will go on one of my 3x5 cards, attributed to you, of course!

Love it!

Emily

Dotsie,

I only have one child, Jonathan. He came back and forth for several years. Now he's married with two children.

I'm not seeing them as much as I would like to. But, they live in Elkridge, which is not too far away. (Some of my acquaintences children and grandchildren live in California, etc.)

I haven't known you for long, so I don't know how long it took for you to initiate the boomer sites and organizations.

But, I for one, am so happy that you did!

It is difficult to make changes, for me. Also, I don't adjust to loss easily. I'm trying. Still seeking answers.

I love the way Jane described her adjustment to change. See post above this one, or Jane's!

Also, I don't think many mom's go through empty nest without some "down" or "loss" feelings. Just remember: your babies are your babies no matter how old they get.

Love,
Emily

My Grandmother saw he two sons and one daughter in the forces in WW2..One son in France at 18 years.When they returned and live moved on and one by one they married she so appreciated them having their own "nests" and visited and stayed often.Not as a guest only but as a helper in childbirth illness and this was what I was born into.When we Grandchilden were small this was the norm...then as one by one we married she bustled about checking on us all.
When I do feel I miss my mothering time I think what Grandmother had to contend with...war food shortages and the stress or worry.The fact her early married days were post 1918 war then the 1926 depression only to live through her family being involved in another conflict.She was happiest home making having family visit sharing what she had.
I do however admit to missing my children... and understand the wrench of change.
Mountain ash

Dotsie, you know, I think it has a lot to do with 'programming'. I mean, there we are, live-in parents, for years and years, main objective-raising our children to the best of our abilities. Family group first, at all times. Then, suddenly, they are no longer a permanent presence in our homes. We adjust, some more slowly than others, but, we do adjust. Just when we have 'shifted gears', so to speak, we may find one or more of our children back in our home, temporarily. Result-We automatically shift back into the well-remembered progamming. Often, this is quite pleasing-it feels natural, comfy, right. We may beat-up on ourselves a bit, if we do feel these emotions, after all, we have been striving to carve out for ourselves the next phase of our lives, during the childrens' absence.

We will eventually succeed. Of course, our children are our children, we will be there for them, when necessity arises. But, the day will come, when the old program seems to have undergone an update...It will be less of a strain on our newly re-defined lives.

My older daughter came home from college in early May and stayed with us long enough to get ready for a month of studying in Japan. She's been home with us since early July but, alas, in only 2 weeks we'll be taking her back to college again. There's a great book of essays -- The Empty Nest (edited by Karen Stabiner) that describes what we're feeling.

Misfire, how was her first year of college? I'll have to chek out that book.

Our daughter took summer classes and lived on campus. She is now with us for a couple weeks until she goes back. It's nice having her around. She also has a friend who is living with us for a couple weeks. It's been fun having another girl because we have two sons and our daughter was usally out-numbered.

Our older daughter's first year away at college went great. She liked living on her own and admitted that she only felt homesick when she thought about our puppy dog! I'm not hurt by her comment. I'm happy that she's happy at school. Our goal was to raise independent girls who want to leave home and we did!

Misfire, I totally agree with your post. If the kids are happy living away from home and being independent, we've done our job.

I guess she's getting ready to go back soon. SO is our daughter.

My youngest daughter graduated from college in May and took a fabulous job with Nestle's..I am so happy for her success but she has moved 450 miles south to North Carolina...I miss her so much it hurts my heart... she calls me every day and keeps me in her life that way... but now my nest is truly empty and I wish I could back and have a few more babies to raise...I thought it was hard sending my kids off to college but this latest step feels too permanent ...I guess I just miss being the Mommy

AvalonBlondi, where the heck have you been? It's great to see you again. Welcome back.

I'm happy for your daughter, but now I see what you mena by the permanancy to the emptynest. When they're in college, they are still in and out. You are now in the next life stage. Congrats and good luck.

Thanks Dotsie,I've missed you girls...so happy to see so many familiar names still posting here. As for the next life stage...I am praying daily for news that a grandchild is on the way...that is the next stage that excites me most.I cannot wait to join that club!!!

Is that your son's wife?

No...my son is still single, but my oldest daughter will has been married for almost 4 years and is talking about
"trying" ...so I keep praying...:)

She may very well be trying and not getting anywhere. I recall those days. The best thing to do as a mother is not to even mention it if that's the case.