Empty nest ... then partner retires.

Posted by: chickadee

Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/06/07 07:37 PM

I have been an empty nester for a while now. I am used to having the place to myself long hours of the day and/or night depending on Mr. Chick's (as JJ dubbed him) work schedule. He will be retiring soon. I wonder what life will be like with him underfoot...(I mean that in a gentle way).
Anyone in this situation?
I know we'll be moving and planting our butts in Tennessee, building a new home and getting settled in. Then we will have our days and nights together. I am looking forward to this but I was wondering what life will be like. Did your partner cramp your style or get in your way or did the time spent together make your relationship better?
We have a great life and I hope it stays that way. Anything I should look out for? Kinda nip it in the bud...

I know da queen won't let this slide without humour...
Posted by: browser57

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/08/07 04:53 PM

I have been in this boat for almost 2 years now. After my kids headed out on their own, DH took a job transfer and we moved to TN for a few years. It was a wonderful time for us (kids were OK, parents were still healthy - met lots of great people and had a ball.) But, with the impending failing health of my parents - we moved back to MI. DH continued to work for another year, but the company was put up for sale and early retirements and buy-outs were plentiful.

I guess we hadn't really given much thought to what life would be after retirement - we'd been empty nester's for a long time and had been on our own in TN (away from family and friends) so why should retirement be any different? Well, that was a huge error in judgment.

He has been a problem solver for his whole career. Now, all of that energy has no outlet. He works around the house (making decisions - mostly without my input.) He has fair-weather hobbies (golf, etc.), but living in MI leaves us in the deep freeze for many months. Cabin fever about did us in this past winter. We will be heading south next January for an extended get away. I'm not nuts about it, but I realize that we NEED to do it.

Since I'm still trying to find 'myself' these days, I'll not be the one to give anyone advice. I am so grateful that we're both healthy and have a solid marriage. This time together should be special and cherished - so I feel awful when I let it get to me. It's just such a huge life altering adjustment that we were obviously not prepared for.

I'm anxious to see what others have to say about this, also.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/08/07 05:54 PM

One of my closest friends just retired LAST WEDNESDAY. It hasn't been a week yet. Her hubby, who has been retired for a year or more, is sleeping with one eye open, I hope. He should be.

He too was a big-time boss with tons of people under him. He was a problem-solver, a PR guy and was use to making quick, on-the-spot decisions. Unfortunately, he still does. My friend and I cannot even get on the phone without him interjecting sentences and offering advice when he is only hearing ONE SIDE of the conversation between us.

He is driving her nuts. He wants to go everywhere she goes, and is telling her "what to do, go, say, wear, buy, and when to breath," and everything else you can think of. When she said, "Look, this isn't going to work, you need to butt out," he became livid and told her she should not have retired because her retirement income so so piddly. She's 70. And she should wait until she kills over?

I was livid then. They had the mother of all verbals and it hasn't been a week yet?

I honestly believe he thought, "well okay now, she's home and I have someone to boss around again."

If that were me, they would be looking for the body.

When I retired, I told Trixie (my dog) how it was gonna be. I get the computer Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. She can have it after hours as long as she stays off those smutty sites like "Dogs-Gone-Bad" and "The Young and the Leashless." You know? So far we haven't had any probs...
Posted by: Edelweiss

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/08/07 06:01 PM

Chick, if your marriage is good now, it will get better after retirement.

Some of the problems we had before my husband retired seemed worse after retirement, because we had no kids and his full time job to distract us. But as you know, we're working that out.

I think it's extremely important that you share some hobbies with your Hubby. I never wanted to play golf, but started it because of my husband. Now I'm glad I did.

My husband cooks while I work, and he's taken over other household duties as well. That sort of happened naturally. I never asked him to do anything, which was probably the right approach. I think it was important for him to decide himself to take over household duties. I have never criticized him on any help that he has given. Even if he doesn't do something the way I would do it, I think at least he does it, and that is better then being married to a couch potato.

Oh yes, and a rather pleasant side event is sex whenever you feel like doing it. That calms down over the years, though…phew.
Posted by: mrs_madness

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/09/07 07:50 AM

My husband is bad enough now when he's still working. He follows me around the house on weekends, asks me what we're doing on Saturday nights, impatiently waits for me to cook his breakfast on Sunday mornings--is an omlette ok this morning dear?

I fear his retiring. I may have to keep him locked up in the bathroom.
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/09/07 08:13 AM

Thanks for your replies. I decided to go right to the source and find out what his 'plans' include. I just asked Mr. Chick what he forsees for our future retirement together and he said, "A lot of gardening for you and a lot of fishing for me. Of course in between, you'll have to catch bait and I'll have to plant roses." We spent 20 minutes laughing about it!

Am I blessed or what?
Posted by: Anno

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/09/07 11:00 AM

You are blessed.

Best of luck Chick. It seems as though you married, and retired with, the right guy. And he definitly married the right gal.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/09/07 12:39 PM

She is a gem, that's for sure. And Mr. Chick is so adorable you would fall in love with him. A gentle giant of a man, if you ask me. I'll just be glad when you all are retired and living closer to ME!
Posted by: Louisa

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/09/07 01:00 PM

Gee, Chick. Now, I'm wondering what it will be like in reverse? Mine is retired and I'm still working. I'm wondering if I will be in HIS way when I finally retire He's used to having the place to himself all day long now. I hope he won't expect me to cook or anything like that. Been there, done that.

Good luck, Chick. Sounds like you have it under control.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Empty nest ... then partner retires. - 06/10/07 10:38 PM

chick, when does Mr. Chick retire? I have a feeling you two communicate well. That will help matters.