Posted by: yonuh

Lonesome - 04/18/10 11:54 PM

I'm feeling kinda lonesome as my honey had to leave to go to California to work. He's gone 2-3 weeks then home for a few days and off again. He just left Friday after being home for just over a week and won't be back for a little over 3 weeks. I hate that there is no work here for him. We don't have the option of waiting it out, and we're underwater on our home, and our tenant gave her notice and will be leaving early May - she and her partner bought a house. There is a rental glut here, so we're hoping that we can find a tenant soon. So I'm not feeling very positive these days. I know it will get better, but just now I'm very sad.
Posted by: Eagle Heart

Re: Lonesome - 04/19/10 02:16 AM

Yonuh, I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this, especially the loneliness while he's away. 2-3 weeks seems interminable, doesn't it!! Try not to look at that huge of a timeframe all at once...one day at a time. When my hubby went away for 2 weeks in November, at first it felt so miserable and I wondered how I'd ever make it through. But I planned something special each day, to give myself something to look forward to in the morning when I woke up. After a few days I actually enjoyed the freedom to come and go, to eat what and when I wanted to, to stay up all night on the computer if I wanted to...it was still lonely at night, but I would just take my laptop to bed with me and chat with friends online late into the night. I hope you can find something special to do each day to help pass the time.

I know how hard it is to feel positive some days!! I think it's really important to try not to anticipate too much ahead, to try and "be here now" as much as possible, otherwise it just becomes too overwhelming and I don't know about you, but when it becomes too overwhelming, it paralyzes me and that makes it even worse. Me, I can only manage little chunks of stress at a time, and work hard to find ways to inject some pleasure and/or light into those tough days. Chocolate (I'm not being funny here - it's amazing how a few pieces of special chocolate can help inject a little joy into a chaotic day).

Anyway, we're here, and I for one am carrying you in prayer. xox
Posted by: humlan

Re: Lonesome - 04/19/10 10:13 AM

Eagleheart said it all.. I just happened to look out the window here and the weather is lovely. A cool spring day..in Stockholm..despite the volcano spewing out ashes not too far away from us...everything Eagleheart says is right and will help..and perhaps a short walk in the beautiful spring weather might make you feel better and get you going? It doesnīt have to be a long walk at all. I`ve had an op on my foot..so my walks are very short..but itīs nice to get out anyway. Well, most of the time anyway.

This is a good place to be if you are feeling lonesome..there is usually always someone around or something to read..

I am sorry that your hubby has to be away so often and for quite a long time. I donīt do so well when my partner is gone either. But I have learned one thing..I try to do ONE THING each day..whatever..visit a friend..read a book..watch a tv program..take a walk..call a friend..shop..start a self help book that I have had lying around..and actually go thru the steps..write down what they ask and suggest..this takes time, bring on new ideas and actually MAY help me in the future. One book by Cheryl Richardson, Stand Up for Your Life, I found VERY HELPFUL. I got myself thru it..questions and all..during a long illness I had this past winter..and it HAS helped me..I find. I kinda DO stand up for my life more often than I did before taking the time to do this work. And the book had been lying around for at least a couple of years. Now I have her, Take Time for your Life" during my rehab time for my foot op.

Well, there you go..some ideas anyway. I hope you will check in here when really feel sad and lonesome..I am sure youīll find someone is "in"..day or nite. I live in Sweden..so our time zones alone find us at different hours..

HUGS!!! smile
Posted by: orchid

Re: Lonesome - 04/19/10 02:10 PM

I know how you feel, yonuh.
My partner and I lived apart in 2 different cities for 2.5 yrs. within our nearly 18 yr. long relationship. He lived in Calgary and I chose to stay in Toronto. He was directed by his firm to relocate or lose a chunk of his pension that he built with the firm for over 30yrs. What could he do, he still had child custody payments to make...

And I refused to uproot myself for only 2 yrs. because of finding a job.

It was hard initially. there was a bike route in the city where I avoided cycling by his former apartment during those years.

But I biked solo those years around Toronto. And he and I emailed and talked by phone nearly every evening. We each wanted to and took pleasure in sharing each other's day's summaries. yes, of course, he cycled solo in Calgary.

Then afterwards he went cycling by himself in New Zealand for 6 months. To celebrate his own retirement. We communicated by phone /internet.

Thereafter, in these past few years, whenever he goes off cycling on his own for a few weeks and even up to 2-3 months, i do feel abit sad.

But believe me, 2-3 months is pale to several years. Those years were abit of test for us. And the sadness was assauged always by our evening daily communication. This helps any marriage.

I do whenever he's away for long periods, i do have an image of him, ahead me, when I bike.

Posted by: orchid

For yonuh - 04/19/10 03:04 PM

Some digital flowering trees from Vancouver.

Spring thoughts for you and others here. (More different stuff to enjoy the day.)
Posted by: yonuh

Re: For yonuh - 04/19/10 06:45 PM

Thank you all for your encouragement. What's really weird is that 10 years ago he was gone for almost 2 years, and it didn't hit me quite as hard as this time. Maybe it's just age?!! smile
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: For yonuh - 04/19/10 08:27 PM

Yonuh, I understand how you feel..my husband is often away on business..and now that my kids are grown I miss him terribly when he is away..when I was raising my family there was so much going on in the house that I was too busy to think... and the days would fly by and he would be home again..but now the days are long and the nights even longer when he is away...so like Eagle Heart, you will often find me online late at night..checking the posts on BWS or another community website I joined for SeaGlass Lovers...or else Instant Messaging girlfriends who can't sleep either...if you ever want to chat late at night PM me your IM screen name and I will add you to my Buddy list and we can keep each other company...:)
Posted by: orchid

Re: For yonuh - 04/19/10 08:41 PM

Originally Posted By: yonuh
Thank you all for your encouragement. What's really weird is that 10 years ago he was gone for almost 2 years, and it didn't hit me quite as hard as this time. Maybe it's just age?!! smile

It may well be the reason.
Looking back, I realize perhaps ...I might have learned from my parents' marriage:

Since my father worked in a different city and we couldn't afford a car for first few years, he stayed and worked in the area during the week. Came home on weekends. It happened when I was 10-13 yrs. old.

My mother didn't fall apart but she did have to raise 6 children on her own (and delegating where she could certain small tasks to older kids like me).

I have strong memories of my parents talking alot whenever he came home. It was a source of child comfort to hear the murmur of parents talking respectfully and interestedly with one another.

I find it interesting to read all this,...because I know the opposite of several women who must travel alot for their jobs and hence, away from their spouse/family for certain times.
Posted by: Anno

Re: For yonuh - 04/19/10 10:41 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles, Yonuh. I hate that this economy has put you, and others, in such a position. I will hold you in my heart.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: For yonuh - 04/20/10 01:38 PM

Yonuh...the above responses are good ones and if you can focus on other things each day, I'm betting the time will go by much more quickly. Plus, you could use the "downtime" to write love letters or poems to your partner in appreciation of him and what his care and love have brought into your life.

Why not make a GRATITUDE list that pertains to HIM. Each day, write down one thing about HIM that you are grateful for. When he returns, don't give it to him...but put it in his luggage right before he leaves (be sneaky about it) and when he gets to his "other" place, he'll open it and find your message of love.

You are a very creative person. I know you will think of things to do to fill your time. I am a believer of staying in the moment and living life to fullest. That doesn't mean I don't get down, just like everybody else...it just means that I set intentions to live in the moment and always with a grateful heart. I don't always succeed, but I do try to move forward with gratitude. You might want to read my column for this month if you haven't already...it's about this very thing.

Wishing you FULL days and nights and doing so with warm and fuzzy thoughts shooting your way!
Posted by: yonuh

Re: For yonuh - 04/20/10 06:13 PM

I love the gratitude list idea, JJ! Thanks. I am over whatever bit me this weekend, mostly. I just felt really down, and you all helped me. Thank you. I'm back to my usual obnoxious self. smile
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: For yonuh - 04/20/10 11:36 PM

You? Obnoxious? NEVER! We all have days like that...and to be honest, that's one of the reasons this forum works so well for all of us. If we get down, we come here to be lifted...and lifted we are.

It's what friends do.

Glad to hear you are back to your lovely self, gal. Onward as Dotsie would say...with grace!
Posted by: Eagle Heart

Re: For yonuh - 04/20/10 11:45 PM

Amen, JJ, Amen! How many times has this forum been the ladder out of whatever deep dark hole I've managed to crawl into over the past few years! Gosh, would I even be here today??? One of my favourite quotes these days is: "Failure isn't falling down, it's remaining where you've fallen." Daring to come here and share your heart and seek comfort and solace not only helps yourself, but it helps us too, because we all have days when we need that boost up and it allows all of us to pay forward to others all that we've received here...it's love in action.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: For yonuh - 04/21/10 02:21 AM

During this my time of need you all ralied around me and Yonuh as well even with her own problems. That is why I love you all and apologize to you Yonuh sincerely for not reading any posts until now and missing yours. I too am here if you ever want to talk. Hopefully I can help others even if not myself.
Posted by: yonuh

Re: For yonuh - 04/21/10 02:24 AM

It's okay, Chatty, no apology needed. I mostly posted to vent. I think knowing that others have been through the same thing really helps. And I love that about this place!
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: For yonuh - 04/21/10 04:01 PM

Yonuh, I came back here to BWS after a long absense when my dog Zeke died in January...I needed a shoulder to cry on and a push to soldier through my grief...I found all of that and more...I just can't ever thank Dotsie enough for creating this warm cushion for all of us.

God Bless you Dotsie! and Thanks again!
Posted by: yonuh

Re: For yonuh - 04/22/10 12:37 AM

I received a beautiful, funny, heartwarming card today from Di. Thank you so much. Your thoughtfulness is so appreciated as are the sentiments from the heart, even the puns.
Posted by: humlan

Re: For yonuh - 04/26/10 12:20 AM

JJ..what a very helpful post!!! I am reading it in the middle of the nite here in Stockholm..and it helps. It really does. Now I am going to check out your column..


Posted by: jawjaw

Re: For yonuh - 04/26/10 01:30 PM

Humlan, I received your note and I'm checking out the yoga you referred to in the note. Very cool!

How's the foot?
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: For yonuh - 04/27/10 12:33 AM

What happened to your foot Humlan?
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: For yonuh - 04/27/10 05:14 PM

yonuh, I've come ot this late, but realize your honey is still away. There's lots of wisdom offered here, as usual. Just wondering how you're doing today...

Do the two of you Skype? http://www.skype.com/

I have friends and relatives who have loved ones who travel, live afar, or are in long distance relationships. They rave about it.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: For yonuh - 04/27/10 05:16 PM

Also, do you text? It really is a great way to stay in touch with family and friends who live out of town or travel. I just love it. It's an easy way to drop in on someone without being too obtrusive. Ross, the kids and I often text for all kinds of reasons. Just anohter thought. It makes the distance seem so much shorter.
Posted by: yonuh

Re: For yonuh - 04/27/10 07:22 PM

Dotsie, the thought of him texting made me laugh - he is severely technologically challenged! He can barely operate his email, cell phone, etc.If it's mechanical, he's a whiz at figuring it out and/or fixing it; but anything that he can't see inside of to see how it works throws him for a loop! I'm the techie in the family and have spent a lot of time teaching him how to use his cell and computer. He had his cell for over a year before he knew the little icon on the screen meant he had voice mail.
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: For yonuh - 05/05/10 07:24 PM

Skype and texting ARE good suggestions, Dotsie. I haven't used Skype much, but when I used it I did just the phone. Now I know Skype can handle video calls, so if you have access to a web cam on each end, you can actually talk through the computer and SEE your "peeps."

As for texting, I don't know why it is, but my son will answer a text from me BEFORE he will pick up the phone...

So we just need to keep up with the wonders of technology, I guess. I was watching one of my new fave shows, Army Wives, the other night, and they had a story where the mom, an Army colonel off in Iraq, was planning to watch her daughter's one year old birthday party via Skype and a web cam... Isn't that amazing?
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: For yonuh - 05/05/10 08:27 PM

yonuh, that's funny. I wonder how many images I'm ignoring that mean something.

Yes, I know many people who Skype. Hard to believe. Not sure how it works, but I still can't figure out how this type appears, remains and is Googleable. HA!