Boomerangs

Posted by: Dotsie

Boomerangs - 01/13/10 07:15 PM

I attended a family funeral this week and had a chance to catch up with some cousins I rarely see. I was surprised to learn about the number of cousins who have had kids come back to the nest due to the economy. While the kids have jobs, they are not the jobs they once had. Not only are the boomers taking care of our parents, we're also taking care of our children, and even some grandchildren who have moved back too. WOW.

I also learned of a nephew who may be moving home because his roomie lost his job and he can't afford the rent on his own. He's just out of college, has a great job, but can't afford to rent a whole house alone.

Anyone have 20 or 30-soemthings living with them? OUr daughter is 23 and lives with us. She's in college part-time and works part-time. I'm thinking she'll be here for a few more years.
Posted by: Mountain Ash

Re: Boomerangs - 01/13/10 08:03 PM

Perhaps we just all got used to the world that we inhabited prior to the recent economy/job losses duo.Backed up by film tv soaps //I think here about Friends .

In my country many couples looked after aging parents..Many young people did not get married until a house was available to rent or stayed in the best room as lodgers within family here.until a downpayment was saved.Often moving to jobs where housing was a part of the deal..eg farming.. police... armed forces in order to marry...

in bygone days I note during geneaology research that once widowed the remaining parent was resident in a daughter or sons home.might be economic or infirmity but it is a repeating pattern..
house purchase is difficult for low wage earners so this may also be a factor.
adult family who never married stayed home becoming in turn carers.I can think of several older people in that catagory from church...lovely people of both genders

Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 01/14/10 01:27 AM

With kids coming back into, or never leaving the nest there are many variables: are they in school; do they work; do they abide by house rules; do they help out around the house, and so on. I guess it is whatever works best for the family...
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 01/14/10 01:24 PM

Bringing this back...
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 01/21/10 07:11 AM

My two youngest girls are back home living with us Dotsie. They both have decent jobs but it's just so tough for them to go out on their own..the rents are so high..and although they both make what I would consider decent salaries they get killed on their taxes..my youngest daughter travels alot in her position so she isn't around very much..renting an apartment in her case would be a waste of money in my opinion...but the older girl is dying to have her own place...I'd love to help...but the best I can do right now is let her live here rent free while she saves as much as she can...boy would I love to win the lottery!!!!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Boomerangs - 01/21/10 02:19 PM

Welcome back, Nancy...it's so great to see/read you here again!

I heard ya Nancy. My youngest is back living with me as well. While I love the company and I love helping, I do miss NOT having to keep up with toilet paper shortages, shampoo, soap, etc...he does contribute, but before THE SON moved back, I knew when "supplies" were getting low. Now I have to check all the time. LOL! Boys...whatcha gonna do?
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 01/21/10 06:37 PM

JJ..great to be back talking to you as well..:)

I am so in agreement with you about the "supplies"..and having 2 girls back..add to the list..nail polish remover..as in "MOOOOOOMMMM..my nail just chipped..where did you put "MY" nail polish remover?" laundry detergent, hair spray, hair masque, lip gloss, body lotion, foot lotion, hand lotion, and the list goes on and on...somehow they believe these items have all slipped into the "Board" section of the free Room and Board clause...I could complain but....someday I'll be wishing for these days back...so I'll just suck it up and keep replenishing said supplies..LOL
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Boomerangs - 01/21/10 07:49 PM

Same here Nancy....my sisters gave me a 72-bag of Charmin for my birthday plus shampoo and soap...all for a joke, of course, but it was a hoot. (Yes, there were other gifts, LOL)

And I agree that some day we'll be wishing they were home again to use up all of our "stuff."

I love and appreciate my children, so all is well. And clean. LOL!
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 01/22/10 01:20 AM

My son is getting divorced and living with two other roommates in a large home. He has a very good, well paying job (at the moment) so he's okay on his own. I haven't a clue about my younger invisible son, not since 1994.

I would be thrilled to share my home again with my sons. Funny how they would be a joy to have even with all the negatives you guys mentioned, and yet I hate my ex being here.

In another post someone said, blood is thicker than water. I think it must be, it is for me I can assure you!

Oh and nancy, I am still waiting for Publishers Clearing House to appear at my door with the ten million dollars I won...
Yea, sure!!!!!
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 01/22/10 02:29 AM

I love the way your sisters think JJ...how funny!!! I'll have to remember that one ...

Chatty Dear...here's hoping PCH finds you very soon with a big fat check!!!! smile
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 02/01/10 10:26 PM

Oh my AvalonBlondie, I should be so lucky. If it weren't for bad luck, well, you know the rest...
Posted by: DreamrKate

Re: Boomerangs - 02/26/10 06:00 AM

Well....Our 29 year old daughter came back home last year. She works part time and goes to school part time. She was an interior designer but the money dried up. So she's going to school to be a teacher. Then our 21 year old son just came home today because he can't afford to be out. And our 17 year old son is just home.

We don't have a lot of rules - just "be respectful of everyone else, clean up your mess and "yes, I love you but I'm not neccessarily compelled to fold your laundry to prove it." Everyone has different schedules and though I might cook, it won't be three meals a day. I will cook most certainly for Dad and Gabe, but you other two who are in and out with crazy work-school-dating-schedules, yes you two, look in the fridge and don't whine if there's no left overs because your OTHER brother came home to see me and ate the spaghetti that was in the fridge. I love you all. And don't bug me when I'm painting." That's it. Those are the rules. Oh, and clean your cat's cat box and feed it. I have my own dog and cat. That's it. I think.

The other things that some parents have to deal with like boy/girl friends being in the bedrooms or staying over - yeah, we don't even have to discuss that because THAT has never been up for debate, much less discussion, much less happen.

Kate
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 02/27/10 01:25 AM

TOUGH LOVE, thats exactly what it takes these days when our kids are coming and going as if through a revolving door...
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Boomerangs - 02/27/10 06:13 PM

Wow, more of us expereincing boomerangs every single day.

Kate, my daughter who is 22 also knows that rule about the boyfriend. We have two guest rooms right now and her beau is more than welcome to stay there, and he does, but never in the same room. That's an unspoken rule. However, I have freinds who let their kid's boy/girl friends sleep with them. Hello - don't make it too easy for them or they'll never leave!

I'm happy to have my daughter home. She's a great kid who is just taking a little bit longer to put all the pieces together. She's in school part-time and working part-time, visits her grandfathers, hangs out with her boyfriend (they spend most of their time at our home) and isn't really able to save money becasue she only works part-time. I'm guessing she'll be around until she finishes school, works a year or two and saves money to move out.

All the kids I know who are making it on their own are doing so because they have housemates.

Our 21 year-old who lives in Brooklyn, NY has 3 roomies. He has been subletting half his room since October since he's been on the road since. He's finsihing this tour Tuesday night and is flying home to Baltimore for about a week before heading home to NY where he hopes to stay for a few months. I think he's tired of sleeping on tour buses and in hotel rooms.

Our oldest bought a home, but he has two renters in the home, and there's a carriage house out back that he rents to a resident at UM hospital. There's no way he could afford to do this on his own.

People need people to survive. Whether it's family or friends, so maybe this isn't such a bad time.

Blondi, I can relate to the products. I took my daughter to CVS. It started with conditioner, and ended with conditioner, shampoo, some face wash, and body lotion!

chatty, I'm so glad to hear your son has friends to live with. I'm sure he'll appreciate their company during this time in his life.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 02/28/10 01:21 AM

It's kind of strange who he is living with Dotsie. The three men found a nice big house and each pays one third the expenses. He is sharing the house with his stepson, my grandson Jared, and his ex wifes brother, Roland. That to me is a hoot!!!
Posted by: DreamrKate

Re: Boomerangs - 02/28/10 02:46 AM

I think that all of this is a blessing really. I think my children took it for granted that it would just be easy to just jump out there on their own, but I love that in God's incredible wisdom, he shrinks the head size a bit when they find out that maybe they don't know EVERYTHING, and you can't just be smug about making your own living, when the economy can turn in a moment's notice and leave you stranded, needing your family's help. Each one of my children have had to experience that, and now they've learned a new tool, and an invaluable lesson - the importance of planning ahead, and learning to live frugal. Very important things. And I didn't have to say a thing! Well, it was way after I said all I was going to say.

Kate
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Boomerangs - 02/28/10 01:18 PM

chatty, whatever works.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/01/10 12:47 AM

I guess he just wanted to remain close somehow, and this is the way to do it. He and all his children, steps or not, got and get along famously! Like you said, "whatever works!"
Posted by: DreamrKate

Re: Boomerangs - 03/01/10 01:33 AM

I think we could learn a lot (about living peacefully together) from other cultures. I've never been a huge fan of a house crammed full of people, HOWEVER, I don't think there are other countries who are as fanatical about "their own personal space" as we are. I'm actually amazed when I watch something like HGTV where the young couple is looking for a house and there's only two of them but they find it difficult to live in something smaller that 3,000 sq. feet. Geeze, I've got three kids at home right now and our house is maybe 1,800 sq feet and we do it. Of course everyone is up and doing things all the time so we're in and out, but doesn't it teach us patience and compromise on some level? Especially now. We're ALL learning how to make it with compromise and how to live with or on less. It's a good lesson.

Kate
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Boomerangs - 03/01/10 03:30 PM

I was raised in a three bedroom home with one bathroom and three sisters and one brother, Mom and Dad and a dog. I totally believe it's taught me to go with the flow. I can handle commotion, noise, comings and goings. I can talk in three conversations at one time, ha! I don't care if someone sees me changing, or sitting on the toilet. I don't care if I have to share. I can sleep in a double bed with a friend if I have to. Whatever. So much of this is because of Grand Central, where I was raised. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We vacation with several families each summer, all staying in the same home, kids on the floor in our room sometimes, kids/some adults up most of the night, adults up early, babies up early, and I deal rather easily. I'm grateful for the good old days.
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 03/01/10 07:29 PM

There really is alot to be said for "the good old Days" smile
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 01:34 AM

Today my son David spent the entire day with me. He wanted some recipes and direction in making cabbage and noodles, stuff peppers and my goulash. He loves to cook and the other guys love to eat so it works out well. He also got the recipe for stuffed mushrooms, it seems he has a new friend and he is cooking dinner for "her" tonight. Off with the old, on with the new I guess...I wish he'd move in here with me, we have so much fun together.
Posted by: DreamrKate

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 03:00 AM

No, no, no..... resist the urge Mommy! Give him the recipes and live vicariously through him. It's good for both of you.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 12:28 PM

chatty, so you've turned your grandson in to a cook. Way to go girl.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 11:09 PM

Dotsie, my SON is David and he was the one visiting me who loves to cook, not my grandson, his name is Jared and he David and Rolland (my ex DIL's brother) share a house. There is also Jason he's the youngest grandson, he is in the Marines now. Kind of confusing isn't it?
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 11:24 PM

I love that your son came over to your house to learn to cook Chatty...I am looking at that picture in my head and it really makes me smile...how on earth did he decide on a recipe though? You have so many great ones to share.

You could be the Paula Dean of Las Vegas and give cooking lessons to all of the eligible bachelors...I'll bet the Food Network would pick up on that idea in a flash with you as the star..:)
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/03/10 11:38 PM

You are too kind Blondi but I do like your idea, bachelors, hummmm!!!

My son already is a darn a good cook. He came over now that he is single again and is the one cooking for himself, his stepson and BIL. The recipes he chose were his personal favorites and he wanted to make sure he did them exactlky the way I do them. I gave him a copy of my cookbook to get family favorite recipes from. He is such a doll and now that he is single is fighting off an array of women, geesh!!! He says he isn't planning to get serious and wants to remain single but still wants me to meet the new girls to see what I think of them. That's```my```boy!
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 03/04/10 06:01 PM

awwwwwwwwww...your son sounds like a treasure Chatty!!

My son is my my oldest child...the other 3 are girls...I love all of my kids, but there is just something special about the connection I have with my boy.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 12:18 AM

MY son not only cooks and does it well but my DIL never had to make dinner or do laundry. He got home before her, had dinner started and the wash either started or done. He mopped floors, cleaned windows and even ironed on occasion. He is a clean freaks just like (me) his mother... Now that they are apart my DIL told her daughter she really misses all the stuff he did she took for granted all the years they were together. He never cheated on her either, and they were very active in their church.

I don't understand her wanting her freedom to run around with the girls she worked with. She did as she pleased even took vacations with her friends, so what the heck is she complaining about? I say 'worked with' because she lost her job about a month ago when a new b-witch of a supervisor replaced her boss. Her old boss helped her file a wrongful termination suit which she is waiting to hear about. So now my ex DIL and my son are done, and her so called girlfriends don't even call her. What a mess!!! Plus now it seems some little cutsie is trying to get her claws into my son. He's known her casually for several years, shes a friend my ex DIL that always envied her having such a good man, so now she is staking her claim and my son is having a grand old time. I know I am his mother but YES, this son is and has always been a treasure to me. My other son is 'crap' with a capital 'S.'
See, I tell it like it is no matter what!!!
Posted by: Anne-MarieH

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 04:02 PM

I have a 20 year old living at home. She will graduate from university in the spring of 2011 and plan to move to another city to complete her degree. It should be interesting to see her manage her own place. Her room here looks like a pig's sty.
I'll miss her, but I won't miss the never ending pile of clean clothes in the laundryroom that never get put away.

It should also be intereting to see how she defines "there's nothing to eat in this house" when she has to buy groceries and prepare her own meals. Yes, it should be quite a learning experience for her but I'm sure she'll manage just fine.
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 04:58 PM

Ann Marie, I think it's amazing how well our kids all seem to manage their lives once they no longer live with us...I have 4 grownup kids and they all do well out there on their own...with meals, laundry, keeping their places clean...then they come home and they turn into messy, needy, hungry 12 year olds again...obviously it's me!! smile I don't mind if they revisit their childish ways as long as they don't stay forever...the truth is..everyone grows up at some point...
Posted by: DreamrKate

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 09:15 PM

Can I jump in here and commiserate? Only today - small small peeve. Daughter has new boyfriend. Daughter is almost 30. She's going to school and working part time to be a teacher. She HAS lived out on her own but came home a year ago when her interior design job sort of dwindled. Okay, that's all background information. Room is pretty much always messy, laundry is lft in various stages of washer/dryer status. Invites boyfriend over for dinner, THEY watch a movie, I buy, cook, set table, mention that she could get drinks or set the table; I set the table, put everything on the table... I clean up which is okay, I was good with that, but later I mention that I've put everything away so she can do the couple of pans and dry the stuff washed. I get up this morning, she's already gone to work and she didn't do ANYTHING except put a cake pan on the wrong side of the sink so that I have to dig out the cake crap from the drain so that it will in fact DRAIN. I clean the kitchen and the pans before I make husband and my breakfast.

Was I able to convey all the information well without being too slighted in my favor?

And I am not leaving a mess just to prove a point. Her boyfriend would think that I was the slob. No. Any thoughts?

Kate
Posted by: Edelweiss3

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 09:21 PM

Kate, I’ve been where you are now. My son lived with us off and on between jobs. It got worse each time. When I look back, I ask myself why the heck did I put up with that?
Was I feeling sorry for him? Was I avoiding conflict? I don’t know. But it’s 6 years later, and I am at the point where if I were in that situation again, I would tell him, either you abide by my rules and treat your parents and our home with respect or you leave. By the first misdemeanour I would put his suitcases out. And truthfully I would be relieved that I needn’t swallow all that grief.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great relationship with my son. But live with him? Yikes, no.
Posted by: orchid

Re: Boomerangs - 03/05/10 09:36 PM

Kate you do need to have friendly chat with daughter who's approaching mid-life.

Need to lay out objectively what might be good things she could do to help around the house since she is an adult and knows what it means to keep a home decent/livable. Of course, her standards of cleanliness are different but it's not her home.

And leave the mess if she creates it if possible. Otherwise picking up after her, she'll take you for granted.

Other option is if you have an extra basement kitchen with room for her to treat whole area like an apartment where she must look after that space. Otherwise she pays abit of rent to you or buys some groceries for home to share. Latter, would be quite reasonable to ask, Kate. A few groceries aren't that expensive...otherwise she'll take you for granted. It's easy for adult children to slip into baby/child mode.

I will add here: I paid a small token monthy rent to my parents when I lived in a 2nd house that they owned but rented out to tenants. Just after university when I had very little money but was working part-time. Since parents lived in a different city, we (myself and other siblings) were required to fulfill some absentee landlord responsibilities...by maintaning parts of house --garbage, snow removal, cutting lawn, raking leaves, etc. It was a good thing, Kate. Because I lived like that for a few years before...I bought my own home.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Boomerangs - 03/06/10 12:54 AM

It's funny Anne-Marie how they begin to understand and even appreciate us parents once they are on their own and have to pay for or fix everything by themselves. It is a great learning experience for most of them all, us too at that same age I would imagine.
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: Boomerangs - 03/28/10 10:40 PM

Hi Dotsie,

Our son came home to live with us for a couple of months after he'd graduated college and finished an internship. It was tough for us all to accommodate his being there, as he had become an adult and wasn't used to having to tell anyone where he was going, when he might be back, etc.

However, we felt this was something that was the courteous thing to do, since we were all together again.

It worked out fine. He got a job in Florida, and now he's in Georgia. Far, far away, now we never see him except at Christmas...

But I wanted to share a blogsite I just found whose goal is to help parents deal with their 20-something children, boomerang or not.

Here's the link: Parenting 20-Somethings
Posted by: AvalonBlondi

Re: Boomerangs - 03/29/10 12:42 AM

I just clicked on and glanced at this link Anne...I am going to dive into it when I have some quiet time to actually be able to absorb the info....presently we have 2 daughters in their 20's back living with us while they try to save some money and get their feet on the ground...while I love my girls it's often hectic and crazy around here...it's not that I am anxious to push them out but at the same time I don't want to be enabling them ..sometimes I feel like I am walking a very thin line ...