What happend to our empty nest?

Posted by: Dotsie

What happend to our empty nest? - 12/09/09 07:36 PM

As many of you know, our daughter moved back home around this time last year. She's working part time and going to school part time. It's working and we've sorta gotten use to her late hours and routine.

Now our youngest son has returned from a 52 day tour with a band where he filmed behind the scenes footage to produce a DVD for the band. He traveled around the entire country and landed home. While he has his apartment in Brooklyn, he's chosen here to chill for awhile. He's great fun to have around. Very upbeat, has his music playing on his laptop while working, camps out at the kitchen counter with computer, hard drives, little hard drives, etc where he organizes hours and hours of footage. HE also shares footage and songs with me as I go through the ktichen. I just love it. He's pleasant, agreeable, and very easy going. He takes after his dad - ha!

Anyway, while it's great having him around, it's another schedule to get use to and plan around. Also meaning more late hours.

While they are quiet through the night, we still here them coming up and down the stairs, or the dog barks because she gets startled, etc.

I guess all I'd like is a complete night's sleep without any interruptions. I-yi-yi.

How do any of you manage all the schedules in your home?
Posted by: Dee

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/12/09 02:15 PM

Don't have an answer but it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your kids, Dotsie. They're lucky to have you and Ross.
Posted by: KC: Joyologist !

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/12/09 05:37 PM

Hey Dotsie:

Sounds like you have a great family and a positive connection with them. How wonderful! What is the band by the way? Are they on youtube yet?

Think the suggestions above are good ones...here's some more that have worked for me and also my clients juggling teens, adult children and lots of schedules.

1. Try talking to them, share your concerns, get their "buy-in" in coming up with solutions. I find that they often don't even think that their "noise" or their life is affecting us, until we bring it to their attention. "Wow, never thought of that." "Geezz, didn't mean to. Thanks for letting me know." "I didn't know it was bugging you, Mom. Sure I can figure something out." My 17 year old just moved in with us again and he's often surprised when I bring this type of thing up...they have such different ways of doing things, and thinking, diff. sleep patterns, etc. Once they know, they often will offer their own suggestions and be glad to do it.

2. Had my son (music lover like yours) put in his own headphones into his own laptop so he happily listened to music and I didn't have to when I was sleeping.

3. Also set boundaries and ask for what you need! They don't know if you don't ask. You don't want to end up resenting him...or collapse from exhaustion. He might try switching his schedule abit...so when you sleep he is doing something quieter...and he can do the music when you are awake, or away from the house.

4. Possibly a couple nights a week, do his thing at a coffee shop or with friends in their homes, instead of at your house every night.

5. OR when he is home...Possibly a fan in your room (white noise) or soft music to drown out his noise. Might help the jumpy dog too.

6. Look at your home with new eyes. Is there a spare room, a basement, an attic, a workshop..a little area or corner that you never thought about clearing out before...that you could declutter and set him up there with a cardtable for his computer and photos...like a mini-studio...thats abit farther from your bedroom?

Good luck...let us know how it goes!

KC smile
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/13/09 03:43 AM

Where I live it is so quiet I love it. My ex knows better then to make any noise when I am sleeping as I don't usually go to bed before 4:00 a.m. He gets up, closes my bedroom door and takes care of the dogs and makes breakfast for himself. Even my dogs keep still until I wake up, then they go nuts barking and jumping around all excited letting me know they are glad to see me...I mean the dogs, NOT the ex...LOL!
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/02/10 01:39 AM

This is going to be a different new year. I am going to think more about me and what I need to make mmy life complete. How about you ladies... Hopefully emptying my nest except me and my dogs.
Posted by: jabber

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/09/10 02:45 PM

I think you're a neat lady and am delighted to hear what a great
family you have. My son has lived with me on and off over the
years, since he's grown up. But, thank God, it wasn't for very long. He's a nightowl. We are not.

I love that term.

It may be more peaceful for you, if the EX actually finds a new
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/09/10 09:49 PM

Ain't that the truth Jabber? But he just got another 27 week extension on his unemployment, so now he is saving for a car. Geesh, its always something.
Posted by: B61

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 11/07/10 07:31 PM


yes, I once had an empty nest ... but now my daughter and her boy friend are now liv'n in the basement ... it is so hard to not feel a little selfish at times ... she has been gone at college for so many yrs ... and now has returned with much debt and no chance at getting the kind of job which will allow her to Live the American Dream that most of us have ... WOW it is so loud around here at times ... I remember when she left for college and how sad it was ... but then one gets use to having an empty nest ... and you really don't ever think/want them to come back ... the hubbi and I have been thinking, over the last couple yrs, about retiring and down sizing ... it is so hard to imagine that my baby is not out in the world getting what is hers ... and live, working, buying a home, and having babies of her own ... I just want her to be happy ... I wanted her so much to have it better than me ...

Is it fair that we have careers and empty nests? very confusing times for this family....
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 11/07/10 08:00 PM

Hi B61,

I'm sure you'll find some support here for your new challenges. Good luck!
Posted by: dejavu

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 11/23/10 02:24 PM

Our empty nest exists no more, now that our daughter is living at home while she goes to grad school. at first, she planned to get an apartment with a friend, but now the friend has reneged and our daughter expects to live here until she finishes school, about another year and a half.

and now it also turns out our son will have a few more classes to take next fall (he was supposed to graduate in May, but failed one class and another he needs to take isn't available until fall, erghhh). His apartment lease runs out the end of July and if renewed, has to be for a full year, so I don't expect it WILL be renewed. where he's going to live next fall is still up in the air.

Our daughter is great in almost every way (and straight A student), but she can be messy. But at least she's not noisy. If our son moves back, he'll be neater but noisier.

and to think, I once dreaded the empty nest!

Posted by: Edelweiss2

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 11/24/10 08:47 AM

Carolyn, I remember our little birds flew the coop and came back repeatedly till they were about 26.

For the first time in my life, I feel free. My children are dependent my mother who died just a few weeks ago , has found her piece. Now for the first time Hubby and I can be spontanious, think only what do we want to do, without taking consideration on other family members. I miss my mother terribly, but this feeling of freedom is a new liberating feeling that I am beginning to love.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/02/10 11:03 AM

God knows you did all you could while your mother was alive and NOW that she is in God's hands, it's your turn to fly the nest and have a ball!!!
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/02/10 07:44 PM

Edelweiss, I am so excited for you that you are starting to love the liberation you are experiencing. You certainly have earned it!
Posted by: Glenda Schoonmak

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 12/03/10 02:01 AM

I'm new here (as of today), but I can say from the viewpoint of someone who's been through many stages of children leaving home after high school, returning home for awhile, leaving, etc. that God gives us so much to enjoy in every stage of our life.

I hope you and your husband do find that effervescence in your relationship that is meant to be there--especially when it's back to only being two again. Lots of fun times ahead.
Posted by: Danita

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/02/11 03:14 PM

I have struggled with the "empty nest syndrome".

Before I got divorced, I couldn't wait for my little chicks to fly the coup and have my life with my husband.

But because of my divorce, I felt like the "coup" emptied too quickly and not in the timing/way that I had thought it would.

Even my daughter moving out of Denver with my precious grand baby recently has been hard for me...

So, I'm finally at a place where I see the empty nest as a time for....me me me! Wow, imagine that...after 22 years of being a wife and mother..its now all about me and what I want and need.

I still grieve my children (as crazy as that might seem). I try not to worry about them. I'm a mom through and through...

and I'm going forward with EXTREME joy with the expectation of HUGE blessings!

Posted by: Dotsie

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/02/11 07:46 PM

Wow, so much has happened. So many ways to feel that freedom from 20-somethings and our parents. Somehow we have to figure out a way to feel free even while in the midst of taking care of everyone. I'm trying to figure that out as we've had our 23 year old daughter move home, and as we continue to pitch in with caring for/visiting our dads, and it ain't easy.

I've learned that we can't wait for peaceful situations to surround us. We have to create the peaceful feeling within so we can be in the midst of chaos, but still feel peaceful. Not always an easy task.
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 01/02/11 08:08 PM

Great to "see" you here again, Dotsie! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas/holiday season.

I've probably mentioned before that our son moved home for a few months shortly after we moved to Galena. He had taken an internship at a newspaper in Dubuque, IA right after he graduated, and when the internship ended, they asked him to stay on "for a few months" while they searched for and hired a new photographer, but he was no longer eligible for their "intern apartment."

He didn't want to rent some place with a lease, as he had no idea how long they would keep him - and he didn't like Dubuque well enough to want to apply for the opening, so he knew this was very short-term...

Fortunately for us all, Galena is an easy commute from Dubuque - it's less than 20 miles - so he moved in with us and stayed in our spare bedroom for a couple of months...

It WAS hard at first for all of us to get used to living together again, after all, he had been living on his own for 5 years by that time. But it was also a wonderful time.

So my impression is that as long as you set appropriate ground rules, and the kids agree to do some work around the house in order to earn their keep, "boomerangs" are a good experience.

I am quite interested in the stories I am reading now about Boomers moving in with their kids... Anyone have any friends or acquaintances who have done that?
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 02/19/11 08:40 PM

I had my DIL with me for several weeks while they were doing something in her condo regarding gas or fittings or something serious. She was a delight and we had a lot of fun together but to be honest I was happy to have my space back and she was happy to get back into hers.

At church we were talking and many seniors there say there kids are coming back home as they have lost jobs and unemployment is running out. That has to be such an ordeal for everyone.
Posted by: jabber

Re: What happend to our empty nest? - 02/21/11 03:31 PM

I know what you mean. And the way the economy is going, don't ya
bet there will be a lot of these type situations. Wouldn't it
be nice, if elected officials would figure out how to turn the
Nation's financial mess around and make the hard times disappear!