Bragging about retirement

I guess I'm sensitive to what my personal issues are. A lady kept bragging today about how Wonderful retirement is...and here I sit having to struggle/work the rest of my life. Granted it's not a job that offers me retirement (but I will be eternally clean and have great skin!) She called today, Sunday, so obviously I was WORKING OVERTIME!!

Just a quick note of advice: Think about to whom you are speaking. If you know they work, don't brag. If you do not know what they do, don't brag anyway!

I'd LOVE to do whatever I please but I'll never be able to do that.

Sorry.....had to get this out....she just got my goat!

Being mindful to whoever you are speaking to is a talent worthy of cultivating.If you show genuine interest in the other persons way of life then a good conversation can happen.
We all have our own hallowed ground..for some women who stay at home having a job may be something these strive for.
I listened to a sermon recently that pondered on hoping for "enough" and if thought about that seems a fair thing to wish to have.

Di, myself and several of my close friends, my age who are still working full-time and need to do so, until at least 65, we were saying the same thing as you were thinking: it's difficult to hear others our age, talk about retirement or early retirement. Usually these friends have worked in government for the past few decades.

It's even hard for me to listen to my sister, 1 year younger than I (she is only 49), who is able-bodied and university-educated, talk about vacation on multiple trips by following her working research husband on his international research conference trips. She's been a full-time mom since she was 29 yrs. Her children are adult with 1 of them no longer living at home. I doubt her son (great young man) really wants to live at home. But is looking for work, so not much choice for him right now to live away.

Unless something horrible happens to her husband, I don't she will ever return to the paid workforce. Her mind is in vacation trip mode several times per year, meaning going outside of Canada.

Sorry I sound brutal. But I am her sister and know she is a gifted, bright and fully healthy person who still has alot to offer.

Retiree-friends could help better by playing the role of sounding board for working peers.

I don't mind hearing about projects, volunteer or community work that they are engaged in. After all, some of the non-profit organizations are seriously strapped for funding some staff positions. Some volunteer roles for some organizations, the people undergo a screening process and criminal record checks. Almost like a job pre-qualification. Same for applying to be a volunteer director for some organizations' boards. In our city, there's real competition for certain volunteer board positions at the municipal level. One has to formally apply, like a job.

I have the attitude of not comparing myself to any other..not their salary their home their lifestyle.There will always be the bigger home or whatever we gauge as important.
Its a mindset that has served me well.I have had goals and mostly they have been fulfilled.
I have I am aware has a supportive family and circumstances have led me to a career I thrived in .I did work hard to gain qualifications and had good people as tutors..

Bragging often covers disatisfaction so anyone who says too much may be covering up other issues.

Di, that's great advice regardless of the topic. Thanks for the reminder.

Mountain Ash, one of the problems withour society is that enough is never enough.

orchid, your focus on volunteerism is admirable. I'm with you. If one doesn't have to work, then they should be giving back because so many do have to work and can't volunteer. Plus, everyone has soemthing to offer this world.

Mountain, I'm with you. I've often shared these thoughts with my kids. Someone will alwyas have more and someone will always have less. Just be happy with where you are, and if you aren't,do the work to change your circumstance if it will make you happy.

However, it's much easier said than done in this economy.

I have found that unless your home is owned free and clear and your car too, it takes two incomes to survive or maybe one very good income. I retired several years ago and I get a nice retirement check but still have to work for those extra things. My home is paid for BUT to live here I must pay space rent which sucks. It's as much as a mortgage payment would be. It would cost me over $5000. to move my home not to mention the cost of a lot I'd have to buy. So that means no real retirement for me until the lid on the box closes....lights out!!!

I'll probably work forever. Like Di, I'm in a profession that doesn't make near the amount of money as a salaried job -- most of which come with benefits, which I also have to pay for myself.

That said -- I agree with Mountain Ash and others -- retirement is not an issue, but bragging is.

Di,
Bragging is just in some people's personality. I had a dear friend who bragged endlessly. But the guy would drop everything to help someone else and everybody thought the world of him. He died way too young, so all that bragging did him no good. He had everything but was in debt up to his eyeballs. Still he was a nice guy. Point is, some people just like to brag. They seem insensitive to the fact that it turns others off. Whatever. We're all different. Sorry about folks saying stuff that hurts.
I know how you feel, though.

I feel there is no sense in bragging, because you never know when your circumstances will change. I've worked full time since the age of 15, and have had to start over a few times in my life.

Since my last full time job folded a few years ago, I have been fortunate for the first time in my entire life to be at home without having to worry where my next meal would be coming from.

My estranged "baby" sister, who never worked until she was forced to get a job and start supporting herself in her 40s, had always criticized my decades of full time night nursing, saying that I was money-hungry and left my child to work so I could have “fancy things” like a house and a car. lol (She lived with my parents, then on the government dole, and then having my older sister support her for a long time.)

When I tried to explain that I was putting my then-husband through college and that I wanted a modest home and a better life than our family had growing up in tenement projects, she scoffed and continued the name-calling, while saying that she would NEVER leave her own child to go out and make money.

I guess you call that reverse-bragging. lol

Yes, my husband (who still works full time) and I have a lovely life right now, but we each know that it could all be gone in a second. If and when that happens, we’ll both live in a rooming house if need be, and if God allows it, we’ll take care of each other as best as we can.

My 54 yr old sister, who has chosen to live in a studio apartment in a bad neighborhood, works 2-3 days a week as a nurse to afford her rent, utilities, and 2 religious trips to Europe each year. She says she does not need to work more days per week for “things,” because "God will provide."

When I mentioned that she may want to consider working a tiny bit more to have health care insurance, she said, “ Why should I? If I get seriously ill, there are enough programs out there.”

All that being said, I think some people who brag are scared about the future period. Some do it because they are ignorant. And some are like my baby sister, who take what they can from others for as long as possible, but do little to help themselves.

I will never be retired from volunteerism and from using my survival instincts when needed. We each have to choose our own path, with the knowledge that it could all change at any time.

Life is like that. That's for sure!

This topic interests me..
partly due to not knowing anyone here in my circle who brags about being retired.Maybe the fact we have universal healthcare allows more security.But those who are retired mostly talk about their volunteer work and how time passes so quickly.I hear from people "how did we have time to work"
we also have recession here so that is a shared fact.

I guess it's an "American" thing...bragging about retirement. Some of us did not work for bureaucrats and struggled with work. Henceforth, did not get a HUGE retirement package or was ever offered an early one. Sooooooo, we all have to continue working the rest of our breathing days.

I'd love to be able to volunteer, but oh well. That's my life and I"m living it the best that I know how. Thankfully my DH and I have created something that we enjoy immensely!

Di,
You have a lovely home, many animals, an awesome business, and
sound happily married. You're a beautifully sweet person. I'd
say you don't need to brag, everything speaks for itself.
Like Josie said, folks who brag, are generally insecure about
something and want life to sound better than it really is. My friend who bragged nonstop, was very unhappy in his private
relationships. I think he was convincing himself that he was
successful to cover up other stuff. Don't know why anyone brags
about retirement; by the time a person retires you'd think
they'd be smart enough, old enough, and wise enough not to brag.
LOL...

Well said Jabber!!!

And I also feel that, here in our area, there's been a HUGE influx in the recent few year of retirees/boomers have moved here with "stars in their eyes". Escaping cold weather, family "problems" etc. Glad to be retired etc. They've sold their homes for mucho bucks to come here to a lower cost of living. Having literally "no worries". Then feel the need to brag about their "new lives'.

I also guess I'm a bid miffed at the large population growth here lately as well.

Such is life!

Just ignore 'em Di! People who really have it made, don't have
to brag. The obvious speaks for itself!

My village is sought after due to its rural locality and transport network giving a train staion nearby and main motorway to cities.Also near coast and golf.
what we have is incoming families who build then build some more.Making great profit. Buying any house building in the garden and changing the style of the village by creating homes unlike the core village architecture.
There are three families who have done this .build sell build another up to four times.
and I heard that one couple now intend to settle in a nearby bigger town..quote..they prefer more people around them.
I have never objected to any plans..these folks know the system inside out and would achieve what the want in the long run..
No doubt in the long run these changes would have happened anyway but it was all so rapid..My older house and those like it would sell very quickly due to the garden size..but I was happy with the village as it was..I dont loose sleep over it life is too short..these families all have outside work as well as speculating..

I don't mean this for anyone here but all this talk made me want to create a limmerick/poem, so here goes...

It's a drag, when you brag,
make others feel like they lag,
your head they'd love to bag,
because no one likes a nag,
all your boasting makes your popularity sag,
and spotlights your inner hag.
So heed my words, never brag!

Hahahaha...Way to go Chatty !!!!

How apropos, Chatty. Love it!!

I have a very hard time dealing with braggers. The I/me crowd. I have to admit I do all I can to yank their chains just a bit, LOL!!! MY bad?

Chatty,
Loved the poem. Don't like braggers either; people who really
excel, don't need to brag! Their life speaks for itself!
You ain't bad!

I feel that if someone has worked hard all their life and planned for their retirement and are able to retire, they have earned the right to talk about it freely. It's a privilege they have earned. (I'm not talking golden parachutes here.) Time does pass quickly, way too quickly for all of us, retired or not. Volunteerism is a wonderful thing. However, I don't think anyone should "brag" about being retired to those of us who cannot retire yet or maybe not at all. If someone asks them how they like retirement or what they do with themselves, I see no reason why they shouldn't be truthful and say they love it if they do. But throwing it in someone's face who might love to retire but can't is mean and thoughtless. "There but for the grace of God."

Another thing that really irks me is when someone asks me how I like retirement when they know full well that I am NOT retired, I am unemployed and looking for a job. There is a BIG difference. Sometimes, people just don't think before they speak.

I learned a long time ago Louisa that if someone asks me a question I choose not to reply to I just ask them a question right back...Example:

"So Loiusa how do you like just being a lady of leisure with nothing to do all day but rest?"

Your reply could be:

"Say Chatty is that a new hairdo I see, or are you letting it grow longer? Looks nice."

>or<

"Chatty, that reminds me, they are having a sale at the store, do you read any of the sale papers?"

Get the picture?
This throws the person off and puts the ball in your court. The person asking the dumb question usually forgets what they asked in the frst place. Do this often enough and before you know it those irritating questions stop, and you aren't being rude or getting angry.

Ask any question that comes to mind, the less sense it makes the better...LOL!

A few years ago, colleague of mine made a song and dance about his retirement. Those of us who still have to work went about in the same manner that Louisa stated: "...if someone has worked hard all their life and planned for their retirement and are able to retire, they have earned the right to talk about it freely. It's a privilege they have earned."

However, on his last day as he kissed his big fat cheque from the firm, he remarked: "I will be thinking of you all slaving away while I loll about in sunny Spain with my big fat cheque." Thereafter, we made him pick up the tab for our lunches on his last day. When he drops into the firm because he does not have anything to do, we still make him pick up the tab sometimes.

Lol Lola...If it's so great to be retired...why does he even come back?

I'm just glad we got winter tires. That's all I know about re-tiring.

Cerebral stimulation and the banter that goes with it, I guess. I suspect it also keeps him from boring and infuriating his wife when they're in town because he won't lay down tools, so to speak.

Whenever I've seen this for different employers, to me, it looks sad.

Dearie took early retirement from his lst career where he was with his firm for over 30 yrs. He did well career-wise (meaning good, challenging roles) but when he left, he broke all his biz ties. ALL. No visits to his firm nor contacts.

He doesn't even want to mention that he worked for an oil firm for his present company that he set up for consulting on side. I dunno. I realize bikes and oil tanks don't jive, but anyway..

This type of role breakaway is just healthier. A person learns to transform themselves with their real personal passions that they are unable to pursue when working full-time. But then some people haven't figured out their personal passions. Better to do that many years before retirement.

It just floors me..a chief judge for a province that I know, retired a few years ago. He still does some legal work. I can't believe this because while he was the province's most top ranking judge, he was also oil painting landscapes on the side in his spare time. So already he had a personal passion and gift, that alot of people recognized, talked about, etc. One would walk into his office and it was this glowing gallery of at least 10 of his paintings. It was stunning. This website doesn't quite give the full impact when walking in office in person.
http://www.osgoodehall.com/mcmurtry4.html The style is impressionistic. He was pals with a major Canadian painter and did go on plein d'air trips to paint scenery.

I don't get it.

We never know what fires a person up..although the judge painted and appeared to have found his passion..but people are complex and have many desires needs and wants.We have a friend who still goes into his garage haulage business daily..he is wealthy so its not for cash reasons..he handed over to his sons..he built his own home took up thr violin at 50.. has a lovely greenhouse a garden he designed..he is just wired for being in the buzz of the company he built..
I was told years ago that we each should work out their own "salvation" and this is evident from what we are putting into this discussion..
disengaging is discussed in sociology where a person slowly steps back from a career in stages..but it is not universal and this is shown here.

I know doctors and lawyers who have retired, but continue to do volunteer work within their profession. This makes total sense to me. If it's your passion, you want to keep doing it.

One lawyer was sickened by the new way of practicing law. And one doctor is an ob/gyn who chose to leave because of the threat of law suits and the cost to remian in practice. Both had done well and had the financial stability to retire.

I think I'll be one of those who will occasionally drop in to visit former colleagues at work when I retire. Not because I'll miss work but, because colleagues become friends over the years. I won't pick up lunch tabs though. I'll bring in a cake instead.

I suppose some retirees miss working to some extent and, I would not be surprised if there are a few with misgivings about retiring too soon since there is no compulsory retirement age over here. I suspect that my colleague does miss work. How can he not? He spent most of his lifetime in the profession. Whilst he can volunteer, and he does do that, he must feel stifled because there is a limit to what he can do as a volunteer. Perhaps, he can teach or tutor for exam revisions. I must speak to him about it the next time he comes around.

Well, you can either be happy for your friends who have taken early retirement and are enjoying themselves, or you can take it as a personal insult that they are having fun while you are still working.

We are fortunate our friends and family are emotionally secure and fair-minded. They all seem happy that my DH and I were still able to retire while we are still in reasonably good health. They don't seem to mind at all when I send out emails or blog about our travels and fine dining (my family are all serious foodies).

We were lucky that things worked out for us, and are grateful for the opportunities life has given us. Maybe that's the difference between those who seem to brag, and those who don't.

Otherwise, if I thought my friends/family were going to be thin-skinned about our ability to take early retirement, it would severely constrain our ability to say anything at all to them, LOL!