A nightmare of a family problem today

Today I was involved in trying to help save my sister in law's children as well as her.

She called me and told me that she was checking her husband's i-phone and saw that he was down loading child porn! She told me that it was there on his i-phone and at times he slept in her 4 year old daughter's bed!

She is a battered wife. But this was different!

My husband and myself took action immediately. We called the police in the area and told them what we knew. They went to the home and her husband drove up, drunk. He confronted the officer and was arrested for drunk driving. They held him in lock up last night.

After this he went home and the police had taken possession of the i phone. He admitted to down loading "stories about incest!!!" I was sickened and shocked and was helpless as we are here in Az and they are in Virginia. My sister in law has MS and is not doing well. They have a four year old and a one year old daughter!

When the police and Child Protection showed up today, my sister in law would not repeat that he was sleeping in her daughter's bed! Still, they took her and her daughters to the office of child protection so the young girl could be evaluated. During this time, her husband was at home. He could not drive after the DUI and he was staying in the family home! He is abusive to my sister in law, I know, so I was worried about what would happen.

It is so scary to think that if my husband and I had not taken action when hearing about this from his other sister, nothing would have been done!!

The district attorney was at child protection watching the interview with the four year old. He was ready to arrest and press charges if the girl was shown to have been abused in an interview. As far as the i phone,, they have to send it to a lab to have it searched for the porn and whatever else incriminating is on it! They also have his phone.

I still don't know the outcome of the interview at Child protection yet, but I was told by the officer that she did not admit to him that her husband slept in her daughters bed. He said he felt she was afraid of her husband. If they do not find evidence of the abuse in the interview with the four year old, they will return to their home where he waits! It will take some timem to get evidence off the i phone, they tell us. In the meantime, he may be around those girls again and he may be able to hurt my sister in law again.

Now he cannot drive so he will be home and around them all of the time. My SIL's MS is making it hard for her to drive so she is, in effect, trapped!

I am so worried about those little girls! I also cannot believe that my SIL knew her husband slept in the bed with her daughter for 6 MONTHS of and on, not sleeping with her and she did nothing! I know she has battered woman's syndrome but it's still hard to forgive! Should I?

The police chief in the area called me and told me that he has known that she was abused for 2 years! He told me that they have been trying to arrest her husband for SOMETHING for that long! The DUI was just dumb luck!

This situation has me really very upset and scared, as I said, for those little girls! What kind of a man....

It got worse. My SIL confessed that his two sisters told of him molesting them when they were children and that a mother of one of his children of a previous marriage is accusing him of molesting THAT daughter! He has had children with FOUR women and pays no child support.

He does not work and lives off my sister in law's retirement and social security as well as her inheritance which she will NEED as her disease gets worse!

I am pray that he will be arrested soon, perhaps for the child porn if it is on the phone and they will all be free.

I'm looking for strength, ideas and just support from all of you who have been so kind to me and welcomed me into your community. You mean a lot to me. I was going to get off my computer but I did not feel good about that until I posted this, so I must need support.

I hope this story made sense. I am, as I said before, SO upset and worried. I don't even know yet what Child Protective decided but will know tomorrow if not tonight.
My sister in law is so afraid of him and will not call if he is in the home, he moniters her calls. The officer who took them to CPS told us he would call when he found out the fate of the little girls.

I so hope they arrested him, but that means he has hurt the girl!

dancer in distress!

I'm carrying them all (and you too) in my prayers tonight...especially the children.

Dancer, if this man is evading paying child support, and it can be proven that he owes it, AND if someone has gone through the courts to try and get it, he can be arrested on the spot. It takes investigating and getting the facts, but if you know for sure he is wanted for nonsupport, tell the police...in a heartbeat!

This is so sad and it kills me. You've done a lot to hopefully stop anything from happening. Dianne can speak to the abuse portion and to the fact that the women KNEW about the child sleeping in the bed with him. But for the life of me, I don't get how she could turn a blind eye. She knows. That's my feelings. Otherwise, why wouldn't she have told the police about it.

Not for me to judge and I've said enough, but in the meantime, prayers are going up.

Someday those children will thank you Dancer. Hopefully those children will have a new safe home soon!

A battered woman lives in fear and denial. They can be beaten and still deny to themselves that it happened. The same thing with living in denial about him sleeping in that child's bedroom. They want to believe that nothing is really going on because change is the greatest fear. I know it sounds crazy and awful but you have to be in that position. The possible loss of a roof over their heads, moving, having every person in town know what happened...the list goes on and on. I would have never kept quiet about what he did to a child but lie about him abusing me. It gets crazy.

Can't she and the kids go to a shelter?

Dancer, What a difficult situation and so hard being so far away. Usually knowing her children are at risk will get an abused woman to leave, but not always. Oh, so hard.

Forgive? Perhaps someday, but it doesn't sound like you are anywhere ready to do it because it's good to keep focusing on helping the children.

JJ is right -- getting the guy for non-support is one way of going after him. And it sounds like the ex-wife is ready to press charges. Do you have access to her?

Dianne,It's classic. She is afraid to leave him. He "has things on her," he has threatened her, her entire left side has gone numb now from her MS and her brain has more lesions. She is afraid to be alone with two young children, (which she had when she was over 40, with MS and against doctor's orders, "for him."
The list goes on. I was battered once. If it had gone to my child I would have been gone without a doubt. In fact, I always told myself that if he ever upset my son or hurt him, he was TOAST! I don't get it.. I understand why she stays but why put her daughter in this position?

Child protection is going to the "unannounced home checks," and mandatory therapy until they get the i phone anaylized and know if there is something there they can arrest him on.
It has to go to a lab where they pick it apart, this is a small area in Virginia. They are all back in the same home again. He still faces DUI charges and cannot drive so he will be there all the time. He drinks everyday until he is drunk. The chief of police told us he would be trying to catch him driving so he can arrest him while he is trying to build a case...

There should be news from CPS soon about the children.

dancer, sorry for the misspells. I'm still a bit wired.

Hannelore,
I am frightened for the children. The four year old especially. CPS will do "well checks," on the children and require therapy I think but it's not enough! He has admitted to downloading "incest stories!" How can such an animal go undetected and since he admitted that to the police, why do they have to go through all this to get the "hard evidence," to arrest him?

Everyday in that home is a possible blow up. It is just, as I keep saying, frightening.

We are trying to save the girls. The chief of police, the sheriff, the DA, the Child Protection people, but we, my husband and I, (and my other sister in law,) are trying to do it from Arizona! It's so hard this way. To fly into that little area would be throwing fire on the situation as it looks right now.

dancer horrified.

No, Jaw Jaw, I agree with you and you can judge. She HAS known that he was sleeping in her daughter's bed. She had told her sister that she caught him sleeping there NAKED! I find it hard not to judge a woman who can stomach that. It turns out that he has been sleeping there for 6 MONTHS! What sort of woman, who controls ALL the money coming into the home, (he has no income and she has plenty of money, even inheritance, in her own name,) turn her head? No way can I deal with her regarding that, I am at a loss to forgive that. Most women who are even remotely sane would snap at that point!
They had her alone at Child Protection with her daughters and she could have told them everything she has told us but so far we have no news that she did. The police told us last night that he had "worked her," by the time they got there to pick her and the children up and she was not talking again! He told us he had seen this before and he knew how to handle it. I pray he does. I think of the danger of this man.
He does own a gun.
The last family member who lived there, my other sister in law, was threatened by him and told that "I can pick you off at 1000 yards." ( He has a rifle.)
He has some military training but will not verbally go up against my husband, (her brother,) who has a full career there.
He used to watch the home with a gun and shells on his seat almost all day.

The thing we don't know is how much the MS is affecting her mind. Her recent MRI showed more brain lesions and she has said that her whole right side will "go out." She has said that it is out at this time.

Her sister finally got her to answer the phone today and she did not MENTION the ordeal yesterday! She only said that her right side was out and that she had to get her home "organized and cleaned," whatever that means. Of her husband, she would only say, "we're talking." She had no emotion and again, did not mention the whole ordeal of CPS, the arrest of her husband for the DUI or anything. She spoke with no emotion.

Later today I will hear more from the chief of police and fill everyone in.

Thank you, Eagle Heart,and from the bottom of my heart, thanks to every single person who took time to read of my problem and to respond. It means so very much to me that you are there on the other side of my computer.
dancer9

I had an update from the chief of police.
It seems that my sister in law has been leading us on and her MS has not affected her in the ways she said. The chief said that both of her legs and her arms were working fine as far as he could see and that she was "throwing things here and there like it was nothing." He said he has known her for a long time and has seen no change in her ability at all! He told us that "all of her apendages were working well," so far as he could see and he "was with her all day."

He said that her husband "lawyered up," as far as the computer on his phone but that they were now going to press criminal charges and send the phones away anyway. He said that before he called a lawyer he told them that he was downloading porn, and "mostly the father and daughter kind."

The chief said that since he got a lawyer the DA has decided to pursue pressing charges based on the phone and what it reveals, his confession and my SIL saying he did sleep in their daughter's bed. He told us that my SIL was "back peddling," and probably going to pay for his lawyer!

He told us that in his experience, he feels that the little girl was molested by him and he said he has a lot of experience. He said that he believed that my SIL knew about it but did not take part.

He told us to keep her "on our side," in talking to her like we are worried for her and care for her so that we may hear of anything else that may take place.

I cannot believe this is the position she is taking. I am amazed at her behavior! Her brother, my husband, is sickened by her behavior and doing everything he can to keep the DA going on this.

The Child protection report had not come in but they must have seen no immediate danger as they let the little girl come home. They did tell the chief that they would be making visits to the house to check on her without warning.

The chief was at the house today and said he found him drinking beer with a friend that has been in trouble with the law many times. He said that they were waiting to see if his truck moved to try to catch him driving so as to arrest him. His punishment for the DUI will be, the chief said, one year suspended license, a fine of 2,500.00 dollars, classes in alcohol and driving that cost 300.00 to attend and that all of this is mandatory sentencing, and everyone gets it.

The chief was very forth coming with us and asked us not to repeat what he said as it was now a criminal investagation and he should not be sharing. I think he felt better about sharing because of my husband's work. (DEA, Coast Guard, Border Patrol, etc...)

My other sister in law called my SIL and she would only tell her that she had a hard three days and her "right side was numb." She also told her that she "had to get her house clean and in order." We thought that was because of the visits that Child protection will make.

I can't believe my neice was left in that home knowing how my SIL back slid and knowing that the DA is pursueing sexual molestation charges against HIM.

He has now been accused by his sisters of molesting them, of molesting a daughter from another marriage and now this. Like the chief said, "Where there's smoke."

That is what I know so far. We are waiting for the findings of Child protection...

upset but hanging in,
dancer9

Anne,It is MS that she has been diagnosed with. She was diagnosed but after that, no one has talked to her doctors. We just listened to whatever she said and sense she is the only family member in Virginia,, we had to take what she said as fact! To talk to the police chief and find out that she is walking,talking and moving as normally as she was when last seen was a shock to all of us and we felt really put out, not to mention angry about her failing to protect her daughter!
There is no easy way to say it. The police chief saw the interviews and believes she knew about it but did not participate.
Of course she participated! She let it happen!

It's all still frightful. Now we are waiting on a report from, Child Protection and their recommendations. I think we can get it from the police chief even though it is confidential.

We just have to know the little girl is alright. We know he will be prosecuted for both the DUI and the pornography but as far as his behavior before it is over, he's drinking with his friends in his home since he can't drive!

That is the latest at least!

dancer

I have only had time to skim through this, so please pardon me if I am out of line or get details wrong. I want you to know I support you, even if I don't have time at this moment to be thorough in my reading.

MS rears it's ugly head on and off. Please don't judge her abilities by what she is capable of at this particular moment. She may me completely incapable sometimes of any real movement and completely capable at other moments.

Victims of abuse will protect their victimizer for many reasons. Please find a way to support her while pushing her to be honest with you and herself. Sometimes reality is just too hard to face - it's not that she is being "bad", she just may not be able to face the complete truth.

All that being said, I hope that he will face severe charges, and the children will be protected from any harm, no matter who is doing the harm. They are truely the innocents.

I will pray long and hard for everyone. My heart and thoughts are with you and yours.

Dancer wrote: "The police chief saw the interviews and believes she knew about it but did not participate.
Of course she participated! She let it happen!" This is a very horrible experience, and there is much reason to be alarmed. How was it determined that the creep was sleeping nude in the daughter's bed? Did the daughter say "My daddy sleeps with me?" Or did the mother tell the other sister that she saw the creep in the daughter's bed? If so, that makes the mother complicit. That is covert participation. As Dianne said, it is under the defense mechanism of denial on the mother's part. But if the mother saw and suspected, caught him nude in the daughter's bed, then there was no reason to stay, especially if she has the money. I certainly hope the youngest child has not been harmed in any way. However, the chaos of this destructive home enviornment is harmful enough. Enough said.

I'm hoping I can get more info tomorrow from the police chief about Child Protection's actions...

Princess Lenora,
I know she knew. This is why I said I was not able to forgive at this time. I don't know if I ever will. This woman told us that she caught him sleeping in her bed nude, this is why my husband and I could report it!
She is playing "dumb," to Child Protection but she did turn over the i phone with the down loads so that is something.

Lately, although she is my SIL, my husband and I have been wondering if she deserves to keep the children. There is a case for "failure to protect."

The chief said he felt she knew but did not participate. My husband asked him if he felt she participated because at this point nothing would surprise us.

I just hope the CPS report on the children will punish them and do something for those girls.
(The other daughter is one. They are one and four.)

dancer

Dancer, would you and your husband be willing to raise these girls if they are removed from the home?

Dianne,
We would but there is another family member who would probably expect to raise them. Her older sister took care of her two grown children while she worked all of their young lives and she would probably like to do the same with these two children of her sisters. It's strange, this sister was their "day care," while my SIL worked long, long hours and now it may be that she raises these two girls too! The first two children think of this sister as a second mother. I don't think my SIL has the ability to take responsibilty for the children she has! Four children and so far she's not been able to raise any of them. She was hardly there for the first two. ( Her first husband was into porn too, just not incest, thank God! However, during the divorce, he did get a little covert with his daughter...) She has a pattern here.
dancer

Maybe for another thread.....but husbands that are into porn....how do you feel about that?

Lordy we have seen many posts regarding men into porn, the whys, what fors and possible solutions, NONE!!! I talked about phone sex which is porn only with a live person on each end of the phone and these men, most of them, are married and say so. Great topic actually, but so sad when it strikes in your own back yard.

Glad to hear there is someone who can step up to the plate and help raise these young children.

Porn in marriage is just asking for trouble. I would be really insulted if my hub looked at it and trust me, he'd hear about it too!

I'm going to start another thread on the porn subject. I know you've had some already in the past year. I found them and read entire threads. I just need to talk about it...well, when I get up the courage, at least. I deal with this now, even though it hasn't been as bad in the last few months. Anyway,when I dare!

Dancer, I applaud your caring and concern but cry for the little girls who may suffer further abuse if they're left in that home.

Your SIL knew. She's complicit. Allowing a tiny child to be molested in your own home is unforgivable.

The new information I have came in today from the chief of police there.
It seems the Child Protection report came back "inconclusive." It said that the little girls knows what a "penis," is and all about it. It also said that the little girl did know her father was nude sleeping with her and my sister in law gave the excuse that they sleep in the nude and walk around that way as well. (This is not true according to her older children.) The chief thought that we could find out more about the report if we called and we will do that today.
He was able to drive today, his seven days were up and he has not been to court yet for the charge where they will take away his license for 1 year. The chief said he was in his truch and off this morning very early. He also said that there was a recent "domestic," in which he was asked by the officer to leave the home for the night and he went "to a friend's home," to spend the night. I think this "domestic," was the day before yesterday.

We are looking for more information and to give more information this afternoon.

It is never ending but we will not give up until he is away from those little girls!

There are two sisters claiming sexual abuse by him when they were girls, and one ex-wife claiming her daughter with him was sexually abused by him. Where there is so much smoke, there is fire. I just hate that the girls are still there with him while they build their case!

dancer9

I'm with you on this, Dianne,NO p or "p types," in my home!
It is my own opinion that p, degrades women, contributes to the abuse of women, helps to deny us respects and rights, and does much more to cause destruction to women!

Also, I don't need it, my husband doesn't need it.

I have friends from school who could not cut it as a dancer. Maybe their toes were wrong, or their legs were too thick, who went towards p because a dancer is "in like Flynn," in the p world.

They show what can happen to a women in that world, and my sister in law, marrying two men who were heavily into p and abused her, is another example.

The last husband's specialty was "p featuring the disabled!"
Imagine his sick mind!

I know that I might be seen as "open," being a dancer, a singer, a model, but NO. I did not participate in ONE nude photo. There is NO nude photo of me in the world!

That is that for me. I am aware others have their reasons
for thinking P is ok. I have enough creativity to not need to excite myself or my lover using such a tool.

dancer, romantic that works out fine.

Lady Jane,
I just posted an answer on this thread. I deplore it.
That's just me.
dancer

dancer, I'm glad that you said all that you did. Thank you. I hate it also...hate is NOT a strong enough word. It's foreign to me after the life I've lived before and it makes me physically sick with some of the things I've found. I do not understand at all WHY men get so hooked. I understand some of the sick psychology of it but I don't understand what makes them think it's okay or "all guys do it." NO, all guys DON'T.

No, they don't! Why do they prefer some fantasy woman over a living, breathing and loving wife who is in the next room waiting and available? It's like robbery.

Thanks Lady Jane.
I just had to write that! And all guys don't, I know plenty!
There are a lot of men addicted to it and that may be why it's so hard to find good men our age! They see no harm in it but if so, why do they hide it from us? When you first get to know a man, they don't confess they love p and are involved deeply with it! They lie and hide it. They hide it because they know it's wrong.
I was told by a friend who is a psychiatrist that p is getting more and more violent to women! How's that for an influence on our sons? BAD STUFF
I'm not afraid to say that is how I feel
dancer

Oh, I really don't want to hijack this thread...but...that, Dianne & dancer is my concern...the hiding. They...well HE says "all guys do it" but goes out of his way to hide it. I don't know why because he also knows how computer savvy I am. He got sooo angry when I called him on it...again...that he flipped over the monitor and claimed I attacked him verbally. Actually I was trying to discuss it like an adult. He says he'll put a computer in his garage just for "it." How does an otherwise sweet, sensitive man go crazy like this? I haven't brought it up for awhile because it means a night of fighting and there's no fight left with me. I want to talk like an adult or not say anything at all. I've seen some of this stuff and all he ever views is bondage...sick, violent, abusive things done to women. It's so awful and it makes me feel numb inside. Not sure what to do.

Lady Jane,
I started a p thread in a Very Fine Whine and answered this there...
dancer

Lady Jane,
The name of the thread I answered your post in is now called, "your feelings and experiences."
thanks,]
dancer

When you know he's viewing it, grab a chair and pull it up beside him. Tell him that if it's fine for him, it must be fine for you too. They sure don't want their spouse looking at it with him.

Honestly, I would tell him that it makes you feel dirty, right along with him and also, unneeded. It would bother me so much that I'd have to tell him that's it's me or the porn and if he chooses the porn, let him know that you will be telling all of your friends and neighbors why you booted him out.

This thread has moved to "Feelings and Experiences" as mentioned by dancer in above message. Thanks!

Where the he// is Feelings and Experiences???? Cant find it anywhere on this board.

It's under "A Fine Whine", I think it's called Your Views and Experiences...we didn't want to spell out the p-word for fear of attracting unwanted guests...

That's a good idea, Anne! To put him on some of these warning sights might be a good idea. He has now had four wives, made all of them pregnant within the first year and either left or hurt the child and the woman.

I will look into posting about him on one or two of those sights that warn women off those types of men. I'm sure that if he get's off on the charges, he will repeat them. There is no question he is a repeat offender. If he is convicted, he will have to be idenified everywhere he is. If he is not, the chief said that he will at least have the charge on him.
My husband and I tried to reach the case worker for our neices but could not reach her yet. We left a message for her to call...
dancer9

just read this thread all the way through. Keep up the good work dancer.

shoking is all i can say at this moment. thank god someone is doing something.

An update,
My husband and I talked to everyone legally involved and this is what we learn:

My SIL has called the police chief and requested the I phone with the evidence on it back. She also told him that
"if anything happened to my daughter, I will make sure it will not happen again!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF the D.A. has already gotten a search warrent for the phone, then they do not have to give it back. If they have not gotten an order, it will go back to her, as her lawyer has probably advised her to get it back to protect her husband.
Child protection services told us that the investigation is still open but they have ruled the case, "interesting and inconclusive." We gave them more information regarding what my SIL has told us and they took this down. They said that they are "blocked," by what they can do legally without enough evidence that this little girl was molested!
I asked them if her father saying he did download father/daughter porn, and my SIL admitting he did sleep with the little girl naked, along with everything elsew was not enough, WHAT WAS??
And so my husband and I called the State CPS office and told them about the problem, basically going over thier heads and also wrote to the office of the Senator for Virginia to ask him why the CPS office had thier, "hands tied," in this matter and explained the whole situation.

We are running out of things to do. I know that the situation will blow up again as the Chief tells us but waiting for that while he is in the home is like asking him to hurt my niece! It's absurd!

So this is where we are. We are waiting this out but know he will get the whole nine yards for the DUI he collected. They will not move on this problem until they get "enough," evidence.

If the I-Phone has a search order on it, it may save the day. If it does not, both of them have started to hide behind a lawyer and my sister in law is saying she will protect her daughter herself. Also, her grown daughter has been given a ticket to visit her mother on the promise of a car. I'm not sure what that will cause...

dancer9

Thank you, Anne, for sticking with me through this.
dancer9

A lot of us are following this, Dancer. Sometimes I don't know what to say. There seems to be too much injustice. I mean, I could go on and on, like how dare the "authorities" allow him back into the house? I wonder if this is a candidate for CASA: Court Appointed Special Advocate. The CASA works entirely on the behalf of the child.

Princess Lenora, I thought of the same thing when I was done with the day. I thought "this girl needs her own attorney or a court appointed avocate," (as they call them here!)
dancer9

Dancer, I don't know about AZ, but in CO the advocates for the children are GAL Guardian Ad Litem or CASA. CASA is a national organization, but in different regions it has different names. Perhaps it would benefit her?

I'm going to look into it, Princess. She is in Virginia so I'll have to call there but I'll see if I can get it done!
Thanks
dancer9

She and the children need to leave immediately, the longer they stay in the situation, the longer it will take to recover. Also, the longer women stay in abusive situations, the less likely others will believe them (i.e., police). This is simply my opinion and I speak from experience having been in an abusive marriage. I only want for your SIL and children to be safe and happy (both mentally and physically).

She won't leave, Mustang. She has started to cover for him and pay for his attorney! She has even said that SHE' will protect her daughter from him! She won't let the authorities touch him!
dancer9

Dancer she can say all she wants on the subject but being a major part of the problem, head up her a//, so to speak, someone needs to drop a dime or two to the right authorities to protect these children. THEY are the innocents that must be protected here at all costs.
Anne, I doubt there is enough harshness available on the planet when innocent children are at risk.

Chatty. lovely Chatty, we do think alike!
We have contacted the STATE Child protection service office and reported all of this and we
wrote to their Senator and explained the whole situation and how the ball is being dropped on this girl and that she is slipping through the cracks.
I told the CPS institution that has the case that they could be legally libel if this girl is indeed, abused and they leave her in the situation. I pointed out the law that I was working on a long time ago that is now passed that says if you were abused and it was reported but it went unpunished or you were ignored, you can now sue years later. I told them that the little girl could have an attorney assigned to her case at any time in her young life and THEY would be libel for any abuse she suffered once they were alerted. They got real wiggly but I had to say it! I was SO upset about the ineptitude of this organization.
Chatty, we are SO Italian, you and I! Beware those who cross us!
dancer9

Anne,You are correct, in adding her husband, sheltering him, getting him a lawyer and telling the authorities that she would protect her daughter from further harm, she is libel. She could have come out with all she knew while alone at child protection and with him over night in jail. It would have put him in jail longer and resulted in charges being made by the D.A. She did not open up and she chose to protect him. This makes her culpable too and she will probably end up having charges.

I do not know what makes a mother sacrafice her children but my friends who are in the field of psychology have given me scenarios that make some sense. I can't accept that she would not choose her daughter's mind and bodies safety over her fear of her husband. Most women would stop that abuse and turn on their hubands at that point. Since I have know my husband all of my life and I know his sisters very well, it is like my own family and my own sister is sick and perverted. I can't forgive it.

The police tell us that they are having "domestic," calls about the family as of late so they are fighting. I hope this fighting results in her kicking him out of the home as all of the finances are HERS! She supports the entire family! She does have options! She could have refused him a lawyer, etc...

She breaks down on occasion and calls myself or her sister. When she does this, we find out about things like this I-phone having pornography on it. I hope she does this again so we can call the police AGAIN and get more charges! She goes back and forth on leaving him but there is more at stake now with the knowledge of the danger her daughters are in. (She has a 4 year old and a 1 year old daughter.)

The latest news is that she has talked her grown daughter, (age 17) into visiting her for the holidays by offering to buy her a car. This daughter is uncomfortable around her mother's husband and aware of the charges. We shall see what she can find out.

It's just such a tangled web we weave when we are like these people! I'm staying with it and hoping someone will start to unravel it!

Thank you,
dancer9

I am a CASA and a CASA cannot be appointed until the child is taken away. In my opinion, the children should be taken away NOW. Their mother has "failed to protect" and that is a crime. I happen to also have MS and yes, it sucks. Yes, it makes things more complicated. But you (meaning anyone) cannot let your empathy for her overshadow what's really going on. Children are being hurt. People know about it.

Dancer, make noise. It is the noisy bell ringing in the middle of town that gets EVERYONE's attention. Keep ringing it. And when you're tired of ringing it, ring it some more. Make noise and make more noise. It can't all be done from a distance. Never underestimate the power of personal contact.

Karen

Lavinia,
Let me thank you for your interest in this issue. I do NOT have ANY empathy for my sister in law at this point. I consider her culpable for anything taking place. To hire a lawyer for the man molesting your daughter is deplorable, sick or not sick. The little girls count, as you say.

Your post will help me keep "ringing the bell." I will do so and had planned on doing that. I will try to get someone in Virginia in that location to ring a bell for me too, esp. if you think this might work.

I am a performer and I know that the "squeeky wheel gets the grease," as well as "any press is good press," in this situation.

I cannot thank you enough for getting involved enough by reading this post and giving your expertise.

dancer9, still fighting. One does not get through the ballet barre without a measure of tenacity!

thank you, Anne, you've been dear through all this.
I've not felt alone.
dancer9

You're welcome. Just keep doing what you're doing, loud and strong. ~Karen