Now this is rich!!!!!

I called my sister in France this morning and she told me that my parents finally bought my book. Let's see...it's been out seven years. Anyway, she said our mom went on a 30 minute rant and tirade about my book. Said she didn't believe I was ever abused and if I was it was because I asked for it and caused it. And you wonder why I stay away from them.

Anyhoo, to show you the way their minds work, they cannot for the life of them, understand why nobody in the family has come against me and refused to have anything to do with me because of the book. Said that if one person in the family had boycotted my son's wedding because of the book, they would have left everything to them in their will. BTW, that's a hint for my sister to spread the word in the family in case she finds a taker.

My dad had just returned from the store and mom handed the phone to him and after a very, very brief conversation, he hung up on her. This is her punishment for not hating me. They did the same thing to my aunt when she wouldn't join them in their "hate Dianne campaign" a few years ago.

Mom doesn't understand why my kids still have anything to do with me and my sister questioned her about why she would want my kids to hate me.

Ironically, my book put me in touch with four of my cousins who contacted me after reading it and all of them either suffered the same abuse (it runs in the family) or told me they remembered my dad abusing me.

If it wasn't so sick, I'd find this funny. Well, a large part of me finds it very funny because I have had a life time of this childish behavior. My sister and I just shake our heads and then, laugh.

Oh,the things we can't control...

Thank God for your sister, Dianne. I guess if it took them seven years to read your book, that tells all.

Oh Dianne, Your parents waited 7 years before they read your book!?!! Were they afraid of reading the truth! That is the only logical explanation.

Thank God for your good sense of humor...That is what will carry you away and above all that kind of grief. Still, it must hurt. My heart goes out to you.

As does mine. But my heart also sings because you have grown past the abuse handed you by so many people. You are a rock not only unto yourself, Dianne, but to many women out there looking for answers.

I would be happy to be your Momma. Proud. If you ever go up for adoption, see me first, k? You are so loved!

Can you afford my shoe habit?

My sister was amazed that I wasn't upset. I laughed. It actually gave me a giddy feeling for some reason. Like, so...what's new? Been there and wasn't expecting anything different from them.

My mom stopped short of demanding that my sister disown me. She almost said the words but didn't. My sister would have told her to take a hike on that one.

Their only concern when they heard I had written a book was what I might say about them and this was before they read it so they knew in the back of their mind what it was about.

The hub's humor kicked in again. He said he was going to call them and tell them he left me so they will leave everything to him in their will. Then, he called them a really foul name under his breath. He cracks me up.

Truly--honestly--I'm not hurt by this. Had it not been for therapy I could still care and be trapped in their dysfunction. God has been very good to me.

Dianne,
you've got to let me in on your secret. I've got a similar family situation but for VERY different reasons although it all comes down to the same result.
Although I try very hard not to be bothered by it, I still get upset every now and then. I'd much rather be giddy and laugh it off!

Someone once told me, "You're mother is a piece of work...she's not your piece of work." I can't take responsibility for another's actions and stopped trying a long time ago.

It reminds me of when I was married to the abuser. When we were in a crowd, I always watched myself so he wouldn't go off. In truth, if he did, he would have looked like an idiot, not me, but it took me a long time to understand that. People are going to do what they want to do as long as it works for them. I just step back and watch.

Girls, I have spent time with this woman and you would never, in a million year!, guess that she was raised by mean spirited people such as this.

How did you become such a gem? Is your sister great too?

Whatever the reason, you have come out on top. I am glad that you have figured out that you don't need their approval.

yea thats what i was reading and i am always intreting in finding out from people who came throw the mill...what helped you or what attitude or epipianie made you rise above this..?

Anno, what a wonderful, kind thing to say. I really appreciate it.

I feel I learned "how not to be" by watching the examples set before me all my life. A psychic told me I chose them as parents because I had a mission to fulfill and they were what helped me by seeing the pain they caused in me and others. How could I help a battered woman who had a family like mine (very common in abused women) unless I truly understood what it was like and how to overcome.

Honestly, my therapist was the one who finally made me realize that they weren't mind readers, didn't know my every thought, didn't control the outcome of my life and had pushed negative thoughts about me because of their own problems.

When you stop hoping that toxic people will change is when the road to healing begins. It's the hope that keeps you hurt and frustrated and makes you keep trying to get their approval. Understanding that it will never, ever happen stops a lot of useless effort. I mean, my parents are in their 80's. What's the chance of them suddenly becoming different? Plus, they are responsible for their behavior, not me.

My mom always seemed to compete with me. I think she was jealous if I experienced anything good in my life. She is so wrapped up in her negative energy she doesn't have any left over to help others, even her daughters.

My sister is a very good person but because of the conflict in our home, she is very afraid of any confrontation. She runs from it. That caused a lot of grief in her first marriage because he ran over her constantly before leaving her. Now, she has a great husband. But, she told me she has to watch herself so she doesn't react like mom. We both fight to not be like her.

I think I've written a chapter here. Sorry.

A chapter of wisdom that for some will set forth healing. This is a good thing Ms D...a good thing!

Dianne, you are so wise and have figured out so much about relationships. Are you writing a book now? If so, what's the topic. You should right about toxic relationships. You've shared so many wise posts about this at BWS. Have you thought about it?

I'm working on another book but not about toxic relationships. If I tell you the title I'd have to kill you. For now, I'm just happy to help a woman who has gone through what I did and try to help her find some sanity because the toxic people can make you crazy. I always receive a lot of emails about it so I know it's a big problem.

You are an inspiration to us all, Diane. It takes great courage to come this far after a childhood such as yours.

It's their loss.

Laurel

Thanks, Laurel. That's very kind of you.

Dianne,
Thank you for being so open and honest with us about all of this. I'm learning so much!

This is such a vital topic. Dianne, I'm sorry your parents are in such denial -- and good for you that you've grown beyond it!

In my workshop, Finding the Love You Want After 45, I talk about Domestic Violence and hand out a sheet describing it for the Domestic Violence coalition. One woman looked hard at it and went home and dumped her boyfriend because she saw his traits on the list.

This is such a victory for me. Keep up the great work, Dianne!

Way to go, Casey!

And thank you, Dianne, for all that you do.

Thanks gals and good for you, Casey! You might have saved a life!

I know a lot of you don't believe in this but I talked to a psychic. She was so right on, gave names, dates and places andn prayed before she began. I was blown away. This is what she said about my mom:

"You have a sister, which surprises me. Your mother had one child out of obligation. She didn't want another one but became pregnant with you. She doesn't have energy to give to others and when you were born, her resentment toward you is because she feels you ruined her life."

This is how I became the family scapegoat. My dad doesn't stand up to my mom because he pays for it if he does. So, he follows along in her footsteps (emotionally) and has joined her in never welcoming me into the family and if they could concentrate on everything I did, they never had to look at their problems. They still don't. If my dad ever tried, when he wasn't angry, to get close to me, he paid for it.

My dad is very wealthy. He and mom have used money as a means to control the family and rule over them. Now, they can't do that anymore because we're all out on our own and that tactic doesn't work anymore. I believe they are going to end up very much alone in the end.

Strangely, they have only told my two kids that speak to them, that they read my book. They tried to drag my oldest into a mud slinging contest and he told them he couldn't help that I wrote a book and he had problems of his own. So, whatever they tried to do hasn't worked. We are a bunch of disloyal heathens in their minds. Oh well...

Oh dear, I wrote another chapter!

I enjoy your chapters Dianne, Keep 'em coming.
I'm inspired by your ability to overcome all of this.

I've been to a psychic, too. She predicted my husband whom I hadn't met yet. She said I'd meet someone totally different and better for me than anyone I'd ever had in my life. She was right!

So glad your psychic was right, Casey. Do you suppose you just needed to hear someone say you could have someone different and great, to begin allowing that person to find you?

Does she do over the phone readings Casey???