Returning to stage after illness!

Hi! I have my first gig coming in July since I had 4 surgeries and 2 were life threatening conditions. I sing back up for Grammy winning musicians and have done so for years.
I return to the stage in July after a 2 year absence and one lawsuit regarding my treatment! I am nervous! I have never been nervous in my life since I started performing as a child of 5! THIS time I am nervous and feel different! I feel puzzled and differently about my life's work! I feel strange as if I'm not sure who I am.
Has anyone faced a life threatening condition and returned to work afterwards?
How did you feel?
I will do this show regardless of my nerves and I'm sure they will be better by the time the gig comes around. I'm just different and it puzzles me as I said.
I hope this makes sense. I will submit it for perhaps, ideas as to what is going on with me from you who all seem so together and as a whole, strong!
dancer9
P.S. I searched out a forum for the first time because of the illness and needing support. I find this forum the best and I think it is indeed, tremendous in the members and how they support one another.

First of all, best of luck on your upcoming gig!

I've never been in quite the same situation, so may not be of much help here. Had 11 months of cancer treatment but didn't seem to be in imminent danger of dying. Did have a near-death experience in my 30's. I've always worked. Can't imagine not working. But I'm not in the public eye like you are.

I've read about people who experience near-death experiences and feel differently about their lives afterwards. Fortunately, I've never been there. Did you talk about it with your doctor(s)?

Congratulations on getting back into the game.

Not anything even remotely similar, but I did have a heart attack two years ago, almost died, and was a bit frightened about returning to work. I was afraid by returning, I would be causing undue stress on my heart. It was a fear that was untrue.

I did learn to manage my stress better, however and learned to let go and live more fully.

Good luck, Dancer. You will knock em dead!

I wish I could contribute and maybe help here, but the closest I can come to it was a near-fatal car accident I was involved in about four years ago. Everything on my left side was broken. I viewed EVERYTHING differently after that. As I sat there barefly conscious in the nano-moments after the "hits" (she hit me three times; believe it or not) I just knew I was dying and that was IT. IT wasn't, and so my outlook on life was totally changed. I don't sweat the small stuff as much, and I became somewhat fearless in my writing, moving forward with my biz, etc...

I still have "what the heck am I doing?" days, but not very often. And usually when I do, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, THE WRECK will come forward and remind me, you only have TODAY. That's about all it takes to jolt me back into gratitude.

GOOD LUCK AND BREAK A LEG! I hope you'll come back in here and share the performance with us. I bet you're just a blessing to watch.

My former brother in law had a near death experience and it completely changed him. Even bodily sensations changed. I think it's different for everyone however. I bet you do great on this gig. Just jump in and do it because it sounds like you certainly have the talent for it!

Saw myself on the operating table from above.
And beyond me was a bright turquoise light. I didn't want to go there. Too much stuff here to finish.

And I was angry -- angry at the loss of health, and the loss of innocence.

Angry for a long time.