Holiday Stress

Do any of you notice that the holidays seem to add stress to a usually happy marriage? I was lucky that my partners enjoyed shopping, the decorating, baking, company coming around and the turmoil that can be generated during the holidays. They were always glad to get back to our normal routine, as was I, but they were real troopers during it all.

I think after the nearly 40 years of marriage that we have the holidays down to a science! As for Thanksgiving, I think it the most work with the most variety of foods. In my Italian family it gets very, very expensive and very traditional. There are dishes everywhere and lots of "timing" to figure out when things should be done, etc. I prefer preparing for Christmas. I make a list of all the gifts to buy and just do it...since I LOVE SHOPPING! He is in charge of putting all the outside decorations up. Seems he always picks the coldest day of the season when he has to take his gloves off to fasten the ornaments!!! We put up a very small tree in the living room with the excuse that we would go back to the tall tree after we became grandparents (well this year is the year I guess!!). I put up a lot less these days and leave tons of stuff up in the attic. We take down the Nativity of course, and some beautiful artificial poinsettias and a few snowmen. We trade off holiday cooking with my brother and SIL, which makes it nice. One holiday is at our house, and one is at theirs. My Mom gets the treat of going everywhere. Our girls come, nieces and nephews and of course the new babies. Some just stop in for dessert since they have in-laws to visit as well. Somehow it works out and at the end of the day, after we fold up the chairs and finish all the dishes we always say, "I am exhausted, we are never doing this again". But of course, we always do and hopefully...always will! I love the holidays.

Here, too, whatever the family does together during the
holidays is pretty much agreed upon by both of us.
It's our favorite season, and more so with seven grandkids
to make it a ton of fun : )
Cindy

Oh gosh. I love the holidays too. And I am bleesed because Ross enjoys them just as much as I do. He especially likes to decorate. He's in charge of the outside, putting up the inside trees and getting the lights on. All of us add ornaments. We used to do it alli n one night, but the last couple years, we've taken a few days to add ornaments and I kinda like that. It makes it less stressful. While he does the lights on the tree, I put lots of the other decorations around the house, leaving the ornaments on the dining room table. It hasn't bothered me to leave them there until they are all on the tree. Then I put the tinsel on and we're all done.

I do the majority of shopping and wrapping, but he will help when it gets closer to Christmas and there are still a few gifts to buy. He's good at going on a mission to find exactly what I tell him. He doesn't like to shop around. He just like to get what he's looking for and make the purchase.

I bake, but he'll help if I want the company. Chatty, we work it out. He's a trooper too! We definitely do it together.

Last year was fun. We had 17 people here for Christmas dinner and my son who was 20 at the time, cooked the feast. He said that if we paid for it, he would cook, but he didn't want to do the traditional turkey. I let go of the reigns and he did an awesome job. God love 'em. It was my most relaxing Christmas dinner ever. It was a real gift!

Yep, for us it's the old, 'Together we stand, divided...neither one of us could make it through!'

We both love the Holidays. And really, all the hustle and bustle, and marathon-like preparations, all of it, I love it! Am I exhausted when the Holidays are over? Of course! But, oh the joy of it all!

I learned a few years ago how to pick my battles and let the small stuff go...which includes Holiday Stress. I love the holidays even more now. Then again, my grandbeauties could have something to do with that!

Any holiday decisions we have, my husband trust me completely. I buy the cards, deciding on a theme for the year, and he lets (hmmm maybe he does it just to get out of it?) me take care of the arrangements.

We split Christmas with my family and Greg's family. Last year we went to Pennsylvania and spent Christmas with Greg's family. So, this year, we'll probably stay home. Sometimes we go to the Keys.

My oldest and youngest live out of state, but my middle kid lives close enough by that she and her husband can spend part of the holidays with us. We know it's hard on them, because they have to spend time with his family too.

I've learned a long time ago that stress cannot be a part of our holidays. I would end up getting physically ill over it and then all of the holiday would go down hill from there. We don't do a lot of decorating and when it comes to dinner, I cut corners where I can to make sure I'm not stressed out about getting everything done on time.

I'll make pies earlier in the week. I'll cook only a turkey breast instead of the whole bird. Things like that. I don't cook a lot, because we don't want a lot of leftovers. Turkey and stuffing is basically it.

We pick three charities that we want to donate to and make sure we take care of that early enough in the year to make a good Christmas for the children (we chose The Ronald McDonald House, Red Cross, and Metropolitan Ministries (local charity that takes care of the homeless) last year)

We send fruit (we're here in Florida, gotta send citrus!) to our families and cash to the kids. Makes getting presents easy.

Maybe that makes us predictable and kinda humdrum, but it's how we survive the stress of the holidays.

I've been struggling with "holiday stress" ever since Mom died in 2001. I think a big part of the stress has come from trying to figure out how we want Christmas to be now. Before Mom died, it was mostly centered around my family and Mom's traditions. Now it's centered mostly hubby's family and HIS family's wants and dislikes (they didn't really celebrate Christmas before we met but now they insist on having everything their way!) It seems that every year more of my traditions and preferences get ignored and overridden.

Like Vicki, I realized that I couldn't afford to get so stressed out - it makes me vulnerable to breakdowns and I just can't afford any more of those. So like JJ, I've learned to pick my battles and just go with the flow unless I really need something to go my way, which isn't actually very often anymore.

So we're still in the process of creating a "blended tradition" Christmas, still creating as we go. My beloved turkey dinner is a thing of the past - we usually have seafood fondue now, which is actually much easier (hubby does most of the work) than turkey anyway! Then later in the year, when my brother and I can't wait any longer, we have a big turkey dinner just for the three of us (and anyone else that happens to be around who likes turkey).

It's been hard, but I think I've done well, considering how much of my own family tradition I've had to let go of over the years. I miss "my Christmases", but heck, it's just one day when all is said and done - and nothing can take away my heart's "reason for the season" part of it, can they!

I know this is probably a stupid question to some of you BUT Eagle what about turkey on Thanksgiving? Don't they have that holiday in Canada? Hey, if not just make one up.

Chatty, we've had our annual family reunion every Thanksgiving for almost 20 years. We always meet somewhere neutral, stay in a hotel and eat out at buffet restaurants the entire weekend. Everyone loves the reunion and doesn't want it changed. We tried to change it to a summer reunion this past summer, but it didn't work out (because of my brother's cancer diagnosis). We may try again next summer. If that "takes", then we'll get to try doing the turkey thing at Thanksgiving...and if we DO start doing the Thanksgiving dinner, it will be on MY terms - only two choices: turkey and pumpkin pie (nobody in hubby's family likes either) or peanut butter sandwiches. But I can already see the writing on the wall...

Just tell these controling busybosies (Nope, spelled correctly) they can have Christmas BUT Thanksgiving is 'yours.' Put your foot down on this one and good for you! Hah, peasnut butter, love it.

Eagle, what would they prefer for Thanksgiving dinner?

Hubby's family prefers fondue over anything else, you know, where you keep a sauce boiling in a special pot on the table and everyone sticks their forks in and cooks their own food? At Christmas we usually serve beef, chicken and shrimp for the fondue, and so far, that's been everyone's favourite (including my turkey-loving brother!)

So if we were ever going to do a Thanksgiving dinner, they'd probably prefer fondue or maybe a ham. We usually serve a big spiral ham at our 2nd Christmas dinner on the 27th (when my other brother and 2 nieces are here). We used to have fondue on the 25th (with hubby's family) and the turkey dinner on the 27th (with my family), but it meant that hubby and I were in the kitchen all afternoon while the gift exchange was going on, so everyone asked us to change the menu to something simpler so we could be a part of the festivities, which was very sweet of them, and we were very happy to comply (especially since one niece is vegetarian and the other doesn't like turkey anyway!)

I think my brother (the one with cancer) came up with the perfect solution - we have the fondue for the 25th, the ham for the 27th, and then we have our turkey dinner just for ourselves later on in the year.

One year, when my kids were litte, they decided they were sick of turkey and wanted chicken on Thanksgiving. When my son went to school and told the teacher he had chicken, she kept telling him, "No, you had turkey." Of course, he kept insisting his mother made chicken. I had to call her and tell her we did, in fact, have chicken. I think she thought we couldn't afford turkey or something.

Growing up, we had the typical Italian Thanksgivings that someone else mentioned with the pasta (only it was called macaroni then and the turkey. When my kids were growing up, I made turkey (except that one year) and my mother-in-law made raviolis and we had both.

Now, I make just the usual turkey dinner and it's more than enough. Sometimes we go to my daughter's and her m-i-l cooks a turkey and I BUY a ham and she cooks it and we have both. This year, I'm doing Thanksgiving so it will be just us and my kids. His kids may come later for dessert.

It can become stressful trying to split ourselves up with the who is having what holiday and who is going where that comes from extended families, kids getting older, US getting older. We've had to change some of our traditions and begin some new ones. Now with kids getting married and having other "parents" to visit, we have to be flexible and adjust. It's not easy. And this is not even touching upon the shopping part of the holidays.

But I do love Christmas and I'm praying that this year will be joyous with the two new grandchildren we have and the anticipation of my daughter's baby due in January. Last year was not.

Batten down the stress hatches, shop early, (do as much online instead of in line as possible) and Happy Holidays to all my boomer sisters!

Louisa

Eagle you can make a turkey, let it cool and cube it, thats right, cut it up into cubes...perfect for a fondue, and you can put a kind of turkey gravy in the fondue if you'd like to. I think your brother has the perfect idea however... Whatever you do,I hope it is a happy holiday for all concerned. That goes for all my wonderful Boomer sisters.

Eagle, I love fondue. We have a great restaurant called The Melting Pot. You get meats, veggies, fruits, and desserts to dip in all kinds of delicious sauces. Yummy. DO youever have strawberries, pound cake, and/or brownies to dip in chocolate and/or caramel?

Chatty, I like your solution for Eagle. Why not?

Louisa, I don't buy much online, but I am going to take advantage of your advice. What are some of your favorite online stores?

Also, babies make all the difference in the holidays. WE have a couple little ones in the family now, and they make all the difference in the world. Two of them will be here for Halloween. I can't wait.

I believe that too much emphasis is put on holiday 'food.' What about just gathering together in love. Sharing ideas, plans and stories of whats happening in our lives. Seems to me food becomes the most important item when we have nothing in common anymore. Food is warm and comforting but when it becomes a matter of discention then something is wrong with the importance being given it. Sound crazy, maybe it is, was just thinking out loud....Want something good food wise, go check the Favorite Recipe section today.

I went Christmas shopping today with my daughter. We got so much done with the mall empty on a workday and this early. No lines, no waiting. Plus, we bought a lot of gift cards which made it so much simpler. Not a lot of bags and heavy bundles to carry. I got a few mall gift cards and some at the Disney store. My sister-in-law and her husband are coming to Disney with us in May so it's a nice gift card for them. Their other one I will buy online - either to a restaurant in disney or Foxwoods. I found a CVS at this particular mall that had all kinds of gift cards. What a find. American Express gift cards, Visa gift cards, Hotels, such as the Marriott & Hyatt, restaurants, Home Depot, Babies R Us, airlines, movies. Just tons of great gift cards. I got two good ones for my husband, one for each of my stepchildren and one for my daughter. It saved me running to 3 other places and using up my gas and time.

Dotsie, I don't shop online that much either, but I am buying a couple of gift cards online for friends and family. Last year I got them gift certificates to the gambling complex, Foxwoods, as they both go there frequently. Didn't have to go out and shop. It was nice. I know a lot of people shop at Best Buy online. At this rate, I will be done early, which is good. We sent the baby shower invitations out today. I have a lot to do. I can't believe we're about a month away from the shower.

Louisa

Louisa, you are so on the ball. Good for you.

Our CVS has the gift cards too. Whoever thought of that idea is a genious! can you imagine how easy it would be if you didn't care about pcicking out that perfect gift? You could go to CVS and do ALL your Christmas shopping in one little visit. Amazing.

Oh my Louisa, and I thought I was organized! I can't begin to even think of Christmas...not till Thanksgiving is over.
I'm sure you avoid the last minute stress that way. Gee, maybe I should start shopping.
Hannelore

My daughter has been pushing me to do it early because she is shopping now. She doesn't want to have to deal with crowded malls and wants to get it all done in case the doctor puts her on bedrest at some point in this pregnancy. He told her in the beginning that he might. But her shopping is almost done. She's way ahead of me.

Louisa

Lousia,
Oh, I have been thinking of Christmas and Thanksgiving thise year . This will be a good one this year husband will not be in the hospital this year . I am truly thankful for that .

We will start shopping next month .

Renee

I have a big chunk done and I'm happy for that. Now I have to switch gears for a bit and concentrate on the baby shower that's coming up. Then I'll finish my Christmas shopping and work on the wrapping.

Louisa

Think I'll break 1000 posts in the next few days. Yahoo.
Louisa

It's the final count down! Way to go, Louisa !

Louisa, I was thinking of you the other day when I read that you were concentrating on the upcoming baby shower. Are you going to plan on any games? We tried to make my daughter's shower as simple as we could but played just a few games. Of course, Baby Bingo but one that was a big hit was "The Price is Right". A friend recommended it and said to purchase about 5 baby items: Diaper cream, bottle brush, baby shampoo, wipes, diapers, etc. We had a page typed with the items clipped to a clipboard with each guests name. They entered the total dollar amount of what they thought the items cost. The person closest, but not going over was the winner! We gave out prizes like 2 or 3 lottery scratch off tickets for the bingo game, and someone got a Rachel Ray paperback cookbook for the price is right. I must say it was fun! And...my daughter got to bring home the baby items like the diaper cream and diapers!

Pam that game sounds great.
I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year. We've had so many bad ones in the last few years. Gosh probably the last 5 or 6. Loss of family members and other rotten things, like the year my husband's auto shop was broken into and robbed on the 23rd.
I'm thinking of keeping it small this year. Money and gift certificates sounds like an easy way out of the shopping.
I told everyone last year that I was going to celebrate Christmas in July this year but that didn't work out either.
I just hope I get into better spirits as the day approaches.

Saying a little prayer that you get your wish this year TVC. If I could I would give you all 4-F's. They are that your holidays be Festive, Fulfilling, Fun and Fruitfull.

No games at the shower, Pam. My daughter doesn't want that. She doesn't want "baby" centerpieces like teddy bears and stuff and little plastic bootie favors. So, since it will be Dec. 2nd, and the hotel where I'm having it will have lovely Christmas decorations up by then, I think we are going with poinsettias for the tables and Godiva chocolate favors wrapped in gold foil. I can get poinsettias cheap at the supermarket. They wanted $45 each table for floral centerpieces. I can get enough poinsettias for under $45 to take care of all the tables. But, I think it will look pretty. I asked her if the cake could have something to do with a baby, and she caved. But, I think it will be nice. It's the same hotel Dick & I got married in 7 years ago, different room. We're having a brunch and they do a great brunch there and it always looks festive and pretty around the holidays. I'll take lots of pictures. Her bridal shower wasn't as elaborate and I always regretted that. There won't be games, but I don't care. I just want it to go well and everyone to enjoy it, especially my daughter.

Louisa

Louisa, your daughter sounds like mine did for her wedding. She refused to throw the bouquet and do the garter routine. Whatever makes them happy, makes me happy! As for the baby shower, hers was a surprise, so she had to deal with whatever her sister and I planned!!!! Have a great day, the place sounds lovely and will be so nice with the Christmas decor.

Thank you Chatty,
4f's right back at you!
Hugs,

:Louisa maybe you could slip in the cutest baby of all, the New Years baby....just a thought!

As long as she doesn't do that. She's not due until the END of January.:)

Louisa

Louisa, I love reading about your relationship with your daughter. You two sound so close. I bet you're glad she's in town. Don't your hubby and her hubby get along well too?

The shower sounds very classy. Be sure to reserve a table for your boomer women friends!

Pam, I like the way the kids these days do what they want. WHile I lvoe tradition, I also appreciate creativity.

TVC, I'm sorry to hear you haven't had great holidays. I'm praying you turn the corner on this one and it will be one of your best ever. Will you go home?

Thank you Dotsie. She is truly my best friend. We spend a lot of time together. We also work together. Her husband and mine get along very nicely. They really like each other. She gets along well with my husband too. He's good to both my kids.

I picked out the cake today and the tablecloths and napkins (red for Christmas) and the menu. This is so much fun. I knw my boomer friends will be there in spirit.

Louisa

Louisa, do you see her at work every day?

Only for the last three years have my daughters been able to celebrate Christmas with me and my ex-husband at the same time.

This has been such a blessing for the girls and actually a nice healing touch for the two of us. Until then he was married to a woman who would not have allowed such a blended family get together.

The holidays were stressful for me for the longest after the divorce but now they are just nice...time spent with family and friends...

Yes, Dotsie. We see each other throughout the day and have lunch together. We've worked there fr 8 years and before that, we worked at another nursing home for a few years together when she got out of nursing school. But she woked the night shift. And before that, we both worked in a hospital in the same department. Our hours overlapped a little, but we were'nt typically there the same time every day. She's a nurse manager and I'm the secretary for the administrator, director of nursing,and social services. I wear many hats.

Jane, before my ex passed away, 5 years ago, we started spending Christmas at my daughter's house. We couldn't do that in the beginning after the divorce, but time had a way of taking care of that. He also had a new girlfriend who wasn't involved in the divorce. That helped. And, he and my husband got along. In fact, they liked each other. I think it helped my kids to see we could have a holiday and put the past behind us.

Louisa

Louisa

Jane, that's so good to hear. I think a book that shares how families get beyond the hard feelings so they can celebrate holidays together could be a bestseller. There are so many families who suffer through the holidays and I wonder if it's necessary. I'm glad to hear you are beyond that.

My husband is a child of divorce. For our married life, my MIL was single, but my FIL dated. If FIL was coming to a family gathering single, we could all be together, but if FIL was bringing a girlfriend, it caused problems and we couldnt' all be together. We would have to celebrate the occasion twice - once for FIL, then again for MIL. URG.