Help me to understand this, please

First of all, i am not wanting to do any male bashing....

But, why is it that men do not "see"it when they spill something...and not clean it up?

DH will spill coffee grounds on the counter and it will sit there until i clean up!

or crumbs from his toast...always there until I clean it up!

or, he leaves dishes outside after the dogs have "cleaned' them...until I pick them up!

My DH is not a lazy man...a hard, diligent worker...grew up on a Kansas farm etc.

Can anyone help me...preferrably with a Christian "lesson"??

Di, even though I'm one of the ones always bringing Scripture into this I don't have a clue why they do this--and I don't have a good scripture for you except, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5

Perhaps we should look at it from the spiritual battle side. The enemy is always out there looking for ways to destroy your marriage--because it is the image of the relationship God longs to have with us (the close intimate communication part) So the enemy will look for ways to cause conflict in a marriage. And it usually is the small things that add up and cause problems. We can usually see big things coming and avoid them, but just keep piling up those little things until one day, you get so angry it causes a big fight and the enemy has won.

Perhaps viewing these things from this perspective will give you a new insight on how to pray about them and instead of nagging, prayer can effect a more permanent and peaceful solution.

I know, I know, wringing his neck sounds much better at the moment but take a deep breath.....

I try to do this myself, but usually fail miserably - when you clean up the crumbs, just think "I'm cleaning these crumbs for Jesus". None of us would complain about that although I'm SURE Jesus would never leave His crumbs for someone else to clean!
I agree with starting over. The enemy wants to destroy our marriages because marriage and family are the analogy of the God/man relationship.

Why do they clean up with a dripping wet rag that leaves streaks too? If they do clean up at all! And, replacing the toilet paper roll...forget it!

Okay, from a Christian perspective...consider what you would miss about him if he passed. You would probably give anything to clean up his messes. That's my two cents anyway.

I wonder if some of it has to do with somebody always having done it for them throughout their lives....mothers, sisters, wives, daughters. My husband was the youngest of 15 children and had no father, and his mother was a midwife - those kids had to fend for themselves much of the time. Interestingly enough, he doesn't do these sorts of things - if he sees a mess, he usually cleans it up right away, including dishes, counters and getting the vacuum out! The only thing he forgets is to clean up the outside of the blender or food processor when he makes homemade soup. And he doesn't replace the toilet paper. But he does just about everything else on his own without being reminded or asked to do it.

But I know so many other men, including single men, who leave their messes for "someone else" to clean up...and I know most of those men well enough to know that when they were growing up, it was their Mother, sister or girlfriend/wife (and daughter for a couple of them) who did/does clean up after them, so they've never learned to do it for themselves.

I think it has something to do with maturity too - I know that because hubby used to do everything, I often would catch myself leaving something for him to clean up. Until one day I asked myself why I would do that, just assume that he would want to clean it up any more than I do. Since then, I don't leave anything for anyone else to do if I see that something needs to be done and I can do it myself...it does make me feel more mature than when I was leaving it for someone else to clean up.

I think part of it is also, they really DON'T see it! They are oblivious.

I am not trying to be a smart a-- here Di, but just clean up the mess's. It's part of being married and some things never change. You will be the only one freting and stewing about it so don't bother, just do it. I believe the wedding vows should be: I so-and-so take this man to be my lawful wedded husband, to have, to hold, to clean up after, for richer, for poorer, blah, blah, blah! Well you get the idea....

...to listen to snore...

Here's a twist and I don't know if this will work, but here goes.

I have a friend who hated the fact that her husband always put his shirts inside out in the hamper. One day while disgustingly folding laundry while he watched, she said,"I am so sick of turning all these shirts on the right side every single time I fold them. Don't you think I have better things to do with my time?"

To which he replied, "I never thought about it. I just rip them off and put them in the hamper. Not a big deal. From now on, I'll reverse them."

Hard to believe, huh?

But perhaps all you need to do is mention it when it's not an issue. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

This is funny. My huband usually washes all his own clothes, but his were mixed in with mine recently, but I simply hang them up as I find them. He asked why I hung up his shirts inside out and twisted. I just told him that to straighten them out wasn't my policy. We got a good laugh about it.

Clothes of his, I always put them in the closet or drawer just the way they came out of the dryer, if inside out, so be it. Eventually he began turning them before they were washed. I would pick up anything he left on the floor, magazines, tools, dishware and his clothes. They then all hit the garbage can and after awhile he'd notice, go digging to retrieve his stuff. Oh I did make a sign above the trash can that read:

NOTICE: Missing articles are in here, after Friday they become property of the dump! The best part is I never had to say a word, he eventually got the message...

He did lose a few things until then however!

All I want to say is, I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets aggravated with this stuff. There are many many days when I feel like I do it ALL around the house, while he's watching TV or reading a book. I find myself getting resentful and I try to ask myself what's really important and what isn't, but sooner or later it builds up to a point where I blow up to let it out. True my dh is a quadraplegic but he's very independent and doesn't seem to have any trouble finding motivation when he wants to go fishing or something. I don't expect the impossible but there are things he can do around the house, but it's like he knows if he sits back and waits long enough I'll get fed up and do it anyway. And I do think they're blind when it comes to spilled coffee on the kitchen counter, or splatters in the microwave.........as women we're trained to spot that kind of stuff and take care of it immediately, I think men think if they ignore it, it'll go away (I find men are like that about a lot of things!!) And since we usually come along and take care of it.......they're right, it went away!!
Ann

Chatty, your creativity NEVER ceases to amaze (and amuse) me! I love your spunk and no-nonsense approach to everything.
((HUGS))