Through the fire!

Two weeks ago today after 15+ years of marriage, my husband got up from the dinner table, packed two bags and left the house. Thus began 10 days that felt like crawling through the fires of hell.
We love each other madly, this was not possible.
Thankfully, he came home on Sunday. In the two weeks this is what I've learned.

He was trying to grow into the man I knew he'd eventually be and I was trying to keep him the boy I married. I was trying to become more butterfly than moth but was afraid to let go, to change, to show vulnerability. I had to juggle all of the balls because I couldn't trust anyone else to do so. So when all of the balls came crashing down this past 2 weeks, I went a little insane.

God challenged my every notion of my life and my marriage. God challenged every concept of self I ever had. God challenged every issue, trust, love, kindness, communication that I thought I was fairly good at and showed me that I was blind to many things. God is great....God is a patient loving father. But God is a scary guy and I learned that I will never ignore Him again!

And as for my marriage....I learned that I value my husband and our marriage above all things. That the kids shouldn't always be my first consideration. That I need to value myself more and realize that I need a life separate from my family and my husband wants me to have that.
I've learned that I have many friends and that they care about me...really care. I've learned that even if my family is a little nuts, they are there for me to lean on.

So the lesson in this, hm? Never take your husband for granted and don't let him do so.
Kids can take care of themselves from time to time and are capable of doing more than we make them. We are valuable, generous, giving people who deserve to be appreciated and deserve a night out. God can solve all things in time. And a two week separation will be the best thing that ever happened to your sex life....believe me!!!!!

i think all of that is good news right?!?!?! at least the sex part..yahoo.. i have also found that giving more of myself to the hubby gets more in return. as much as i hate to say it..... it even says that in the bible somewhere.. we are their servants according to the lord...(what was He thinking on that one!! ) it does seem to work though. i mean i am not saying i kiss my husband's a** all of the time but giving in to his crap occasionally does not hurt and even after a while...he gives in to mine!! it turns out that it becomes a real give and take actually. we have been married for 22 years and have hated each other every now and again ...we get it off of our chests and then go on. take some time for you and your hubby and let the kiddos fend for themselves. you deserve that.

I am glad to see you have emerged a stronger person and it sounds like you have learned a lot these past two weeks. I'm sure you would have rather learned these lessons without having your life make a complete 180, but at least it wasn't for nothing.

Kathryn

I was so moved by your post. You took a situation that would have destroyed most people - most families and turned it around to become stronger and better for it.

Like Candice said -- I'm sorry you had to go through so much -- but I think there will come a day that you will actually be thankful for the inner peace and spiritual happiness that can come from a visit to Hell.

Thanks all of you, and one thing that I failed to mention is that I might not have made it through this crisis without the love and support of a few of my favorite forum posters!!!

Wow Kathryn. Thanks for sharing. More often than not difficult times, although misrerable to go through, open our eyes and make us stronger in the end. I am happy for you. I think we can all gain from your
experience.

Kath, how about an update?