When partner is hurt- finding that line

..meaning finding the line between care and being overly solicitous.

A couple hrs. ago, dearie was on his bike...and another cyclist collided him. He was out for awhile in so far, the next time, he awoke, he was in the emergency dept. at hospital. Got immediate medical attention, CAT scan for his head, leg, etc.

But I didn't know about this until he came home. Doctor told him to take an easy. He should replace his helmet, since it's slightly chipped. He didn't want hospital to phone me.

Really I'm not the sort of woman that goes hysterical and cries at the drop of a pin. So I think he under-estimates me that I would become a tousel-haired panicky woman immediately.

Anyway, he'll take an easy next few days.
But now he's even more motivated....to buy new computer to replace his dying computer. sorry this sounds strange. On one hand I understand since he has some major biz deadlines next wk. but well, if I were him, I would let go 1 project bid.

In some ways, he is very conscientious about his health, freely admits his weaknesses to others, while on other hand he plods along down this path insisting on normality. Which it is.

Sorry for this ramble.

WOW! Orchid you are upset, you sound quite frazzled, and rightfully so. I'm sorry he was injured and that it wasn't too bed, say a car hitting him instead of a bike.

Not sure what the computer thingy means but whatever it means I am sure your usual sensibility will come into play. Take a deep breath, have positive thoughts, I bet he'll be fine and back to normal before you know it.
Ramble away it's good for the soul!

Sorry to hear about your hubby's accident Orchid I hope he is back on his feet and feeling healthy soon...

So happy to hear that you are not the "Hysterical" type...remember to take good care of yourself while you help your husband recover...never apologize for venting..Chatty is so wise when she says "its good for the soul"

I like the way your husband handled it. I find it very thoughtful. I'm a bit concerned about how long he was out. Are you? Did they say why? And how is he feeling today? A bit beat up? I think it all sinks in the day after the accident.

I totally know what you mean by a fine line with caring for spouse. As you know, Ross is an insulin dependent diabetic and I walk that fine line often. What's happening is that he's becoming more brittle, though is more active than ever, and takes excellent care of himself by testing, eating properly, going to the Y 4-5 times a week, seeing the doctors, etc. The line I walk is that I trust him, but it's the diabetes I don't trust because it's changing. So if I think for some reason, that his blood sugar is low, I ask if he's tested, eaten, etc? I don't like to nag, but I feel more comfortable knowing.

I think this is an excellent time to heap love upon him just for fun, but without asking how he feels. Just pamper him because he'll probably be sore today.

True and good advice about heaping care and love, without badgering him constantly about how he feels.

He is still trying to figure out how long he was unconscious or similar. He plans to contact the cyclist who ploughed into him. It was on a bike path. He was told that he was incoherent and asked repeatedly where he was..but he has no memory of saying this or saying anything. Someone would have phoned the ambulance.

Meanwhile this happened only 1 km. away from home.
He's back to the hospital as advised by doctor yesterday to examine his head again. When he coughs his head hurts. So this part is not good right now.

And his bum is sore which isn't surprising. So yes, the older we get after we're 45-50 yrs., no matter how fit, the more brittle we become. It takes longer for one to recover.

Like you Dotsie in trusting Ross, I trust Jack in terms of his cycling ability and safety, his many years of cycling experience.

Over the years, I have heard stories in cycling circles, where a guy or a woman cycles and wants to continue cycling but their partner becomes overly controlling to try to stop or reduce the opportunities for cycling. And this is from cyclists who are experienced and would not engage in risky behaviour on the road.

As I cyclist myself, perhaps it might be a tiny easier to understand how much of a benefit the activity is for physical and mental health to a person ..that the benefits outweigh the small amount of risk. It would have not benefitted our relationship at all if I had tried to stop him from his solo cross-Canada bike trips, etc. or tell him to limit his cycling. It is better that I let go and let him figure out his own limitations and changing physical capabilities over the years.

He knows when to stop and go for a walk. After all, a person isn't constantly cycling for the whole day. Which is precisely what he did today ..to get to the hospital. We live downtown, so to hail a taxi if he feels unwell, is easy.

Meanwhile I went cycling to get groceries for us...which is a normal routine for each of us..for past many years.

So last night, he rested on the couch with the TV, while I went by myself outside to take fireworks photos in the neighbourhood.

THis coming Monday we are going to the Olympic women's hockey playoff game. The shortest route is a 35 kms. round trip bike ride which he had wanted to do by bike. Hmmmm, we'll see. The buses and light rail trains have been thronging with record-breaking crowds using the transit system.

We'll take each day at a time.
I'm sure that with diabetic (diabetes I) family members, it is something that just gets abit more complicated as the decades march forward.

Does he have a concussion, Orchid? Hope he feels better soon, and it’s good that he is under the doctor’s observation.

Oh yes, I agree the advantages of doing a sport strongly outweigh the risks of injury.

Tell Jack “ Gute Besserung” from me.:-)), and hope you recovered from your scare. I’m sure it was one, even if you aren’t the type to get ravelled.

He thx for the good wishes English and in German. (Yes, he knows that phrase well.)

The guy who hit him, phoned him just now. He offered to pay for dearie's chipped helmet.

Apparently by coincidence there was an ambulance sitting near by, probably resting or on its way somewhere. So it was able respond to get dearie down to the hospital.

It is the Olympics after all, so one expects some more on the road in the downtown area anyway. (All the downtown hospitals had to ensure they had elective surgeries postponed so that they could deal with sudden influx of injuries from visitors, athletes. The athletes have been well looked after by high tech temp. medical facilities near some major venues and at Olympic athletes' village.) There Olympic special car lanes for buses, amulances and firetrucks which are used.

So at this time, dr. has told him to stay off bike for 1 wk.

Orchid...wow...just now seeing this...sorry about your husband's accident. I would have been so worried like crazy. I'm sure everything will be okay but I understand your worrying...it's what we do.
Dotsie...I didn' tknow your hubby was a diabetic...goodness, you have a lot on your plate. and you keep such a positive attitude despite all that is going on in your life you always find time to support us and give us positive feedback...so sweet.
Keep us posted, Orchid, and be strong. Sending both you ladies hugs and prayers.

Orchid, I'm sorry to hear about the accident. If I may ask, how did you feel when he did not let the hospital phone you? I might have been hurt to not be trusted to handle the accident with appropriate sensibility. Oh well, he is home safe and somewhat sound with you now. I hope he recovers quickly, and all is well.

Well, I was simply a bit puzzled why didn't have someone contact me by phone.

Well, let's hope he will phone me when something really serious happens.

I am concerned enough since his helmeted head did touch the pavement. We skipped an Olympic themed friends' party tonight since he finds his hip painful to walk and ...tough to sit down for several hrs. and stand. Exacerbated by walking this morning.

He's abit frustrated because this limits him enjoying the local Olympics festitivies right now. After all history is being made and televised ...down the street.

Maybe he should have his hip x-rayed Orchid? I know someone who had a fall off just two steps and had a hair line fracture of their hip but didn't know it for a week or more until the pain got worse and worse.

orchid, hoping to get an update about his pain. I recall being in a car accident, and hoestly, it wasn't until the following couple days that I realized how banged up I was. I hope that's not the case with him.

I sure hope he's up to going to the hockey game. Keep us posted. Wishing him well.

chatty, good point!

Hi Orchid,
Just read about this, I hope your dear one is feeling better. Please give us an update and let him know we wish him the best. I would have wanted a phone call as well...

Take care,
Kathy

Just checking back to see how he's doing. Any update. Did you get to the skating event?

orchid,
Sorry about your partner's accident. Hope he's feeling better.
Head injuries take a long time to heal sometimes. You sound very
mature and level-headed; and venting is good for us so keeping on
venting. Hope all is well soon! Prayers and blessings to both of
you!

Orchid, I'm sorry to hear about the accident. Poor thing! I'm hoping the next we hear he is much, much better. Please keep us posted on him when you can. God's speed on his recovery.

Am interested in an update. Keep checking back to make sure he's fine. Where's orchid?

Orchid, I just read this about the accident! How is he doing now? Any complication?
Dancer

Hey Dancer, so very happy to see something from you here today. I do hope you will stick around my dear, we miss your fashion and makeup tips...

Thx for all your thoughts so far.

He tried cycling once earlier this week..only a 5 kms. round trip ride to check out bike helmets to replace his cracked one. He did find his head hurt abit, when he turns...etc.

When he walks and stands for long periods of time..meaning for over 1-2 hrs., he can feel pain in upper legs. But the pain is fading and goes somewhere else.

We ended up taking local transit to 2 different Olympic venues to see women's hockey game (Swiss vs. Russians, Swiss won) and last night to see women's and men's short speedskating races.

Taking local transit is pretty well expected for spectators during these Olympics, because the transit authorities knew there was insufficient parking and also the roads would be a serious perpetual traffic jam with 100,000 additional people on the road.

Glad to know your Hubby is on the mend orchid...great news!!! I envy you going to all of those Olympic events!! I hope you are enjoying every second!!!!

I keep looking in the audience expecting to see a Boomer Women Speak sign so we know it's you, LOL!!!

Great idea chats.

orchid, seems like your hubby should still take it easy. I hope he doesn't push himself. This may be his body telling him to slow down a bit.

When we aqe we heal so much slower, what a kick in the head that is!!!

I do notice certain things and have told him. And then leave it alone.

I hope he will make a dr.'s appt. to have a physical checkup. He is avoiding this..for past 2 years. And I know partially why: probably wants to avoid knowing how much weight he's gained, etc. But he has been returning to cycling..around 35-40 kms. each day after his collision. I do nothing to stand in his way. He is resting his butt now, because climbing hills on bike, means pushing down which is making it more painful. But he is not stoppping from doing abit of cycling every day.

For people who have been healthy for a long time, it's a matter of striking a discreet balance of care and respectful encouragement...it never stops, folks. Very healthy people are ALWAYS working towards their own good health. It's just some people have found something physical that they enjoy doing so they keep on doing it and after awhile, they don't talk about it with others. And always, always remember for healthy folks, have their own long-term health problems, but they just don't allow themselves to dwell on it too much. (He's had tinnitus, nacrolepsy for past few decades.)

Then other people think such folks have inherited a good luck/good physical fitness gene. Nope. It's just mindful living, movement and mindful eating.

I agree with the mindful living, and I totally believe if we stop using it, we lose it. Just hoping he isn't over-doing.

Same here, Dotsie about the overdoing. But he tells me if he hurts ..or right now, he's napping. That's more his narcolepsy where he can't sleep fully so he naps briefly.

It does help for a couple, if each person is physically active in some form of exercise (doesn't have to be done together) so that the other person can sense what is truly 'normal' exercise vs. overdoing it. If I didn't do any form of exercise then I would have no personal experience to benchmark what is really 'overdoing' it.

On a totally different different but related to supporting a partner in exercise activity:

when I did witness and cheering the Olympic torch relay at different points in Vancouver, I found myself thinking of the times I would talk on phone, email or Skype him when he did his cross-country bike trips by himself in Canada and New Zealand.

So important to support a partner on exercise, making healthy changes, etc. It is a "journey" in itself.

I'm totally with you about supporting one another's physical activity. Ross goes to the Y and works out for at least an hour 4-5 times a week. He started doing it for his health, but now he does it because if he doesn't, he feels out of whack, physically and emotionally. I encourage him to go. In fact, when we go out on weekend nights, he exercises right before we go, comes home and takes a shower and is just like the young guy I dated all those years ago.

I'm still walking, and absolutely love it. In fact, it's going to be 50 and sunny this weekend so my walking partner and I are gearing up for two walks that will be about an hour and a half each. Can't wait.

My husband is religious about working out too...and it makes me feel even more guilty when I don't do anything...I have been sort of depressed this winter so I have been in hibernation mode...reading alot..hanging out online...TSK TSK...very very bad..I'm hoping the arrival of Spring gives me the butt kicking I need to become active again.

Dotsie you are forunate to have a walking partner to keep you motivated!!