40 Years Today (June 7th)

Today is the anniversary of my marriage, 40 years ago. I saw my ex yesterday (after not seeing him for 4 years; he has never stayed in touch, even tho we have 2 children and 4 grandchildren).

I stood beside him for an hour and spoke with him. He never once looked at me. STILL no social skills, LOL, LOL

I feel kind of ucky.

Love to all, Alice

My x and I had our 40th last year..he doesn´t have so many social skills either..

But we have 5 wonderful kids together and now 4 equally wonderful grandkids..I still love him for many things..but I could never live with him..a bit sad really..but such is life, right???

I have a wonderful partner now..and life is good..I hope for all of us at the moment...

And I´ll bet you are very lucky!!!! Lots of hugs and good luck in the days to come,too...

How can you gals talk about 40 years of marriage when you're not even 40 years old yet?

On May 27th we celebrated 42 years together and my feelings are of wonder.
All too fast...and the bond is strong due to all the days we have lived for that day alone...There is a different kind of passion where sheer admiration for a good true man who has enriched my life.

In the news here....
.............................................
Frank and Anita Milford recall 81 years of marriage

Britain's longest living married couple have celebrated their 81st wedding anniversary.

Frank and Anita Milford, who live together in a nursing home in Plymouth, Devon, exchanged vows on 26 May, 1928.

Frank is 101 and Anita will be 101 next month. In February they will break the record to become the longest married couple in Britain.

They say they still have little arguments, but will always have a kiss and cuddle before they go to bed.

The pair, who said there was no "magic secret" to a happy marriage, met at a YMCA dance in the St Budeaux area of Plymouth in 1926 and were married two years later at Torpoint register office.

Blitz escape

Mr Milford worked at Devonport dockyard until his retirement at the age of 60.

The couple stayed in Plymouth throughout World War II.

During the Blitz they narrowly escaped two bombs, including one which fell on their house.

They have two children, five grandchildren and seven great grandchildren.

Their 74-year-old son, also called Frank, said the main secret of his parents' wedded bliss was simply being happy with each other.

"They've enjoyed themselves, enjoyed their lives very much but they've been always very content with their lot," he said.

Dotsie: I LOVE you; you made my day.

Hugs and Love, Alice

Ok Dotsie..you made my day too..but you know that I am 61, right??

Yes MountainAsh I hear you!!! And both you husband and you are truely blessed with having eachother!!! I don´t suppose that it gets any better!!!

Hugs!!

Humlan
it takes hard work and staying power for both.

I've never committed to anything for 40 years. I do not know if it is in me, but I admire the heck out of it.

Dennis asked me one day if I was getting bored with him (he knows my attention span is rather short). I told him, NO! - he keeps me busy trying to keep up with his needs and issues daily. Maybe that is why we have lasted so long. I am not bored. Rather, he exhausts me, which is what I need from life.

Hi Anne..Anno has a blogg..the address is on her posts here..if you want to check it out? She writes about what´s happening with her and Dennis, too.

MountainAsh..What a lovely story you have published here!!!! About the couple who have been married for so long!!!

Yes, I do believe that you have to be able "take alot" and be ready to love the good with the bad..but there are limits for everyone. And I am sure that these limits are different for everyone..and sometimes I think that maybe I could have understood more..taken more. But then the other side of me, tells me that I tried for 10 to 15 yrs of my marriage..tried and tried..but it just didn´t work. I still love him in so many ways..so sometimes it´s difficult for me to accept..but it is like that. I don´t think we could live together..eventho we love eachother in some ways..many ways.

I know that you are NOT judging me or anything..but I am thinking of these things lately..I guess that I always do.. this time of year...we separated 9 yrs ago in the summer.

I know that it takes 2 to make a marriage..and my hubby..well, he doesn´t didn´t SEE..and I didn´t either...shame..really a shame.

I am not regretting my "new life" either..it´s fine..really fine.. just thinking..you know me, MoutainAsh!!!!

HUGS!

Humlan...I would no more judge than be able to jump over the moon!!!

I felt that whilst some have had bad fortune and I symphathise and feel glad they are writing their testimony .This will help others.
I wanted to ackowledge a good man and our years together'

A good man is one to cherish! My folks were married over 60 years
before they went to be with The Lord. WB and I will be married
28 years soon. And my ex? Well, I think about him some; but,
can't stand the sight of the guy. His only value to me is that
he's my son's daddy. Other than that, that union was a huge mistake. Oops, I'm not 40 yet, either!

K keep praying for a good man. Unfortunately, a few years ago, I found my soul-mate. He is not available.

Fine? How is a marriage supposed to be? I used to think that "fine, thank you" was enough for me, but now I think enough is not so much. Alice, how is it that you saw your X on the anniversary? Did you 2 arrange it or was it coincidence? Alice, I have another question: did the soul mate of several years ago know he was a soul mate? And, I wonder, what if someone is a soul mate for a while, and then not so much? Is shared history enough to keep a marriage? I don't know much about marriage and I've been in this one for nearly 21 years.

((Princess)): No, it was a coincidence in seeing the ex. Yes, the soul mate knows he is my soul mate; after 5 years I still see him (in a professional capacity).

can't answer your questions because you are the only one (the therapist in me, LOL) who can answer those for yourself.

I am a passionate woman and I know I will never settle for less than what I want.

It sounds as if you are not fulfilled; can you talk to your husband about how you feel?

Hugs, Alice

I believe when a person "means it at the time " whether love or friendship then that is the core of the relationship.

In my case I meant it at the time and mean it still. "It" being the wish to be together share and cherish..
If the time comes for a relationship to shift or move on then still respect the good that came from it...

How we develop as an adult (my self at 21 and how I am now indeed) and how my husband also matured seems to be compatable.amazing since much of my adult learning changed me..he is patient and has a sense of humour..also very tender hearted for those in need..

some times people grow apart and then to stay together must be soul destroying..

Alice is it painful having a soul mate who is unavailable?

I think it is really cool to totally respect and admire the
person you're married to! It's neat to be content and happy
day-in-and-day-out! Isn't it Dotsie????

Know something Jabber...???
I dont understand your last post..is it in regards to my post?

Alice, that is so interesting that it was mere coincidence that you and your ex bumped into each other on the anniversary. Mountain Ash, well said about... I know I am not content. However, it is always difficult for me to discern the source of discontent.

Princess
I love childrens books..lucky that my daughter was a primary teacher and now lecturers newby teachers..so we have many childrens books around.
One particular book had as a punch line..."Its the want in my tummy" I connected with that description..Where I FEEL reactions in my body tells me so much..for example even when clothes shopping or choosing a day out..could call it instinct or stomatic feeling but it serves me..
so can I ask what would feed the want in your tummy?
with Love

I had one of those story book marriages from start to unexpected finish and he remains my soul mate today, which makes it more than difficult because I know he will never return to me and it still hurts ever day. We would have been married 43 years tis month and only were given 14 of those to share. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen

Re: misery, loneliness and suffering....that is why I am trying to make a difference in the world. I believe I had a lifetime of suffering (except for 3 years in the armmy) for a purpose. What a waste, if I had not done something with it.

Love, hugs, Alice

You women are such a wonderful group. Woody Allen is sooooo offbeat. But sometimes he portrays real life accurately, as in "Hannah and Her Sisters." Other times, I don't "get" him, especially as pertains to what we hear of his personal life, ie. marrying his adopted daughter. You know, I suddenly wonder if I know what a soul mate is. What is a soul mate? I have soul connections.. to both living and dead, with all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I recall a scene in the Titanic where an elderly couple chose to lie in the bed together, and let the waters come over them, as long as they were together. MA, I just don't know. Chatty, have you ever come across anyone else that you feel is a "soul mate?" Not necessarily romantically speaking.

Mountain Ash, happy belated anniversary. Sorry I'm late, but I've fallen behind in my reading posts again. It made me happy reading your words, to know that you have someone so important and loving in your life.

Thank you Meri..for your kind words...
wee story
There was a theatre group in Scotland called Wildcat..We followed them due to the political content and evolving actors/musicians for years.
They had a play "Golden Wedding" due to be played on 27th May..It was our silver (25 years) anniversary that year and we chose to have a meal and go see the show.My collegues in laws had their own Golden anniversary that day and behind the scenes my friend got tickets beside me..
I had a cunning plan...
I sent a message to the producer who at the end of the show had the actors hold a moment to ask Mr.Mrs Christie to stand up and wonderfully congratualted the couple. the applause was so heartfelt...tears of happiness all round.
The evening was wonderful.
Next day at school I had such a buzz when told how surprised and happy everyone had felt.
Anniversaries bring such happy thoughts for me

What a nice thing to do. Pleasant surprises are the best.

We are coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary and I can't wait to celebrate. I encourage all the younger generations to do something special on their anniversaries because it's the memories that sustain you during difficult times. You have to take time to celebrate the good stuff.

Yes, we do have to take time to celebrate. It's like when someone wins the national trophy in a sport, and the announcers say, "What's next, the Olympics" Wait a minute, let's just celebrate what is happening right now!

M. Scott Peck, author of the popular "The Road Less Traveled" wrote in "People of the Lie" Genuine love is always ultimately sacrificial." He did not explain what "sacrificial" means to him. I guess if you are in a marriage for 40 years, and you give of yourself without giving up your SELF, then that's a good thing. Whenever I wonder about my marriage, I remind myself that I am accepted for who I am, as I am, in whatever moment in time. I think that is something we all long for: to be accepted for who we are.

Scott Peck's books are important to me.

in "In Search of Stones" he writes about his own perception of love.. adultery..and how his marriage endured.

I would have so liked to have attended some of his conferences.

Yes, he died. I have not yet read "In Search of Stones." I am enlightened by his perspectives, which are a bit "out of the box." I bet it was daring for a psychiatrist to write about exorcisms, as Peck did in "People of the Lie."