Can we talk about sex?

I'm going to jump in here, only because I was glad to find out that menopause killed someone else's libido too. I accommodate my husband but really wouldn't care if we didn't. (PSSST) I find myself too dry and lubricators too harsh.

Try vaseline, they use it on infants so it can't be too harsch, use a LOT!!!!

I haven't found the right lubricator either Sherri. Some of them smell weird. Vaseline? Isn't that...too thick, or too hot, or too too too yucky? Did you mean baby oil, chatty?

Has anyone a good lubricator product they can recommend? As I'm writing this I'm blushing,... but I don't care, it's just us girls here, right? (nervous giggle )

I've tried several. I use a vaginal estrogen cream a few nights a week because I begged for it and it helps a lot. But when I don't, I can get uncomfortable dry. I've tried lots of different lubricants but I always go back to good old KY.

hmmm....define sex. The whole deal...or I...umm..blush...you know...

The KY brand is ok, but I can't use any warming brand, or the kind that promises to make you want to make love.

Well, I think what started out as a rather personal question about sex, ended up being a rather helpful conversation about lubricants!!

What is sex? Hmmmm. I would say anything that concerns you, at least one other person and any of your private parts! Sue

Johnson's baby oil.

Running away while blushing...

Come back here, dotsie... and quit that blushing. We're all friends.

Sex is so many things..don´t you think??? A warm cozy looooong cuddle with someone you are feeling good with or have alot history with...it can be with yourself, to curb feelings or stress or just to enjoy..it can be hot immediate sex with penetration because you are not afraid to reveal yourself to the one you are with..it can be gentle morning sex..when neither of you are really awake..I read somewhere that women in our age group are finding sexual relationships with eachother..because women KNOW how their bodies function and what gives them pleasure..AND due to our age..there are not so many rules or regulations anymore.

Sometimes I think that we,older women, are selfconscious about our aging, sagging bodies..and we don´t "allow" ourselves to let go and really experience what we could do..because, after all, we have all walked many paths in life..and we have SO MUCH to give and live for! We don´t have to be all brain and wisdom..not anymore. We can be "the old crone" instead.

Do you know that in Africa..in some of the groups..an older woman..somewhere over 50..has the right to "take a younger man" if she wishes? Because she is a sort of ruling queen and can give so much experience and knowledge to the young. Her taking of a younger man does not constitute unfaithfulness..

Here in the north, Sweden, there is some discussion that the negative awareness of our female aging bodies is the cause of the "dryness" that is experienced by older women. They block their hormones..that are actually still active. Hmm..

We older women have a natural birth control..so what is stopping us from finally enjoying our bodies and those of our men..in or outside of marriage? This is the discussion going on here..

I have to add that there are some men here, in the north, around the ages of 30, that have told me they have learned alot about themselves sexually and physically, just by their contact with older women. I have son around that age and that´s why I have this info. We don´t have to be over the hill..if it doesn´t feel right for us..that´s all I am saying.

Lots of hugs to everyone!

Um...how do I vote?
dancer

"Where is a good place to kidnap a man?" I gotta answer you there, girl!

The NET. No, I AM serious..match.com for example..you talk..discuss..exchange info that you want to exchange...and then..pop..you meet somewhere..if you want to. And if nothing else..you have an adventure..must be alot of those places in the US??? How about facebook?

What happened to all my peers in the 60´s??? I mean it was free sex and Make love, not war then. I am not advocating free sex without protection..we´ve seen the aids developement since then.Not to mention all the other venereal (spelling?) diseases we have today..like clamydia, etc. I know. But we weren´t afraid of having physical relationships..it was a PART of the relationship then..and still is..judging from where I am living now. A statement..a contact...

Many many couples have met thru the net..because they re more open from the beginning..while making contact there..so they know more about eachother before they even meet. My daughter, 31, just met a man from the north of Sweden..after having mailed with him thru match.com for about 2 months. They met half the distance from Stockholm and Sundsvall=Söderhamn. They spent a lovely day togther taking walks and stopping at cafes and restaurants. The contact continues..and we´ll see what happens. He´s 35.

On this particular site, you can direct which age group you want to have contact with..and it´s up to you what you let out or not.

Another idea is computer courses or dance courses..the guys actually show up for these kind of things. At least they do here..I don´t think mankind is all that different from country to country . Ok, I did see a very interesting program about Jamaica and it´s music and the life there..perhaps things are a bit different there. The language seems to music there..and weed/grass . And the life is quite hard and uncompromising too..there. I am very fascinated by Jamaica and it´s music culture..culture in general..but that´s another story altogether, dear Anne.

What you think of all my rambling here??? You don´t have to answer, if you don´t want to. It´s ok,too. HUGS!!!

Wow Humlan. You are certainly a new age woman. Or is it the Swedish influence? I know sex is as normal as breathing in Sweden. I still have problems with that. I sometimes have problems with breathing too. lol.

I wish I could take hormones, because I need them to lift my libido. But my heart reacted crazy,…even to the estrogen creams.

Just to give another perspective on this; it seems to me that maybe a lot of us are desperately clinging on to sex, thinking this is our fountain of youth. I like to think that letting nature take it’s course is a healthy way of acceptance. Of course I still sleep with my husband, but it’s for love’s sake and not for sex sake.

I respect your openness, humlan. And in a way I envy you for that. I’m still rather inhibited, at least compared to you. As to women our age finding sexual relationships with each other;…well, that’s the first time I heard of that. I can speak only for myself, but I think if you have never had lesbian tendencies, you won’t have them in old age either. No way.

Do you take estrogen or is your attitude doing all this for you? Oh, and as for aging bodies? My body (other than a bit too many bulges) looks younger than my face and hands,…so that can’t be the problem.

Does anyone else have suggestions as to how to raise the libido, other than taking estrogen? Gee, maybe I’m not completely at that acceptance level after all.

I had to go off estrogen due to my breast cancer. Now I'm drinking soy milk for it's plant estrogen properties and occasionally use estrogen cream. Libido is such an individual issue as to why or why not. For me, it's all in my mind literally. Over my lifetime when I felt it fading I had to go to work on it along with my husband. I picked up a great book or two of erotica and read it s-l-o-w-l-y I thought "sex" a lot. My current husband can get my libido up like a 20 yearold! LOL! He starts hours earlier...for instance, yesterday we were still working with the ice, snow and water in his garage...while it rained. Very frustrating and NOT very romantic. He winked at me from across the yard and puddles off and on, he'd sneak up behind me and smother the back of my neck with kisses, he told me he loved me, we put on our fun tropical Jimmy Buffett music and sang together (and danced) ankle deep in the cold garage water (!!) he thanked me for my help, later in the house he touched me arm whenever I walked by....do you know what I mean? Sex was the last thing on my mind on Monday morning as I faced the day. A good lover knows how to start the wooing process hours, even days before. And guess what...by the time 10 pm rolled around the candles were lit in the bedroom and we were having a grand old time. Basically, it takes two playful people, lots of non rushed time. Hey, it's a fact that men can have an on and off switch while women need to warm slowly. If I know that's what my aim is I focus on it in a variety of ways for hours beforehand.

Can I send my Hubby over to yours for lessons? I mean the long foreplay thing...just being sweet and lovey dovey all day. You are so right Ladyjane. That is ultra important for me too. Gonna browse through Amazon tonight and see what interesting literature I can find. heh heh.

Lady Jane, I know what you mean. My husband is very attentive all day long. I love that about him. He is a romantic. It's funny, given his career, but it's him! That's one thing I don't have to worry about!
dancer

Oh! There is an old Italian saying that means, "Marriages are made and broken in bed." LOL

OK girls,

A short talk on ingredients.

Ahem. Baby oil and Vaseline are petroleum by-products.

Who wants to put refined petroleum on their private parts? Not me. Not even on my not so private parts!

Dotsie!!!!!!

A quick answer, Hannelore..I think Sweden has taught me alot over my years here..yes. And then..personal experience and men that I have had the pleasure and honor to know..among them my x-husband,too.

I do take estrogen gel..daily. I had to way back because my periods were FLOODS and nothing less. Another story..another time..my problem was probably genetic. So maybe I do get some help there? I don´t know..but I think alot of it is Sweden and life...

I agree that we shouldn´t force ourselves to have ANY kind of attitude about anything, including sex and love making. But I also think that making love can be better than an therapist or a stress coach..I am NOT making light of anything here..both professions are very very needed..I just mean that making love can be so helpful if we take away all thoughts of doing it "well" or good enough..if we just enjoy a looong cuddle with our partner and let the good enzymes flow..and the feeling of being close to someone..really close..take over our bodies and souls...

Well, my bod has alot bulges..flabby..vericose veins like grapes on my legs..swollen knees..you get the picture..but there´s always mellow light I envy you there, Hannelore.

Health stores seem to have stuff for the libido..or so they say..then there are movies of all sorts..and I don´t just mean porn..not at all..romantic movies..and music..maybe reggae..slow reggae??

Hannelore, we are free ladies..ok, I have grandkids too and an 18 yr old wall to wall..but you know what I mean? Can´t we have some "fun" when we can finally have it without all the if´s and but´s??? I don´t know...

HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! of friendship to you..

I haven't read this whole thread. Not sure if I even feel comfortable ...revealing much.

Orchid, when you think about it, there isn't more revealed in this thread than in any ordinary Oprah show or lady's magazine. I got to admit, I had to jump over my own inhibitions too, but we are cognito ...so who cares. I think humlan and a few other ladies here have a matter of fact natural attitude about sex. There is nothing wrong with that. I've learned a couple of things; … and that at my age!

Danita, sorry girl.

When we sold our boat, the guy who bought it said he'd never seen so many bottles of baby oil. We giggled and assumed he thought we used it to sun.

I think that if we focus more on pleasing our men, they might take notice and want to do the same. Be intentional! Take interest. Say sweet things. Do little, thoughtful things that they'll notice like buttering their toothbrush, rubbing their backs, snuggling up while watching TV, greeting them at the door, kissing them hello and goodbye, etc.

Maybe we should begin a list of nice things we can do for them, and then in a month, see if it's made a difference. It doesn't always have to begin with them. It can begin with us.

Just thinking out loud here.

Thoughts?

Buttering his toothbrush? Aack, I don't even want to know more about that one!

You're right, Dotsie. There have been times in my relationship where it seems to get stale. We ignore each other, do our own things, only talking when we need to deal with bills and kids. Then one of us will start making an extra effort to be nice, or friendly, or helpful, and you can't keep from being nice back. It's a good feeling, and important to make the effort to stay close.

K

after all the love songs I've danced and sung, I have become simple about how to make it work:
Love them, really love them and the rest will follow.

I know how simple this is but I've seen a lot of relatinships and I've sung and danced a lot of songs. People do all sorts of things other than practicing loving, in ways like Dotsie, posted.. They play games, fight for fun until someone gets hurt, they take each other for granted or in the case of entertainers, they marry for money for fame.

Just love the person will all your heart every day and night and all should be well. The most popular love songs, if you think about them, are simple.

ie: "You are so beautiful to me" Joe Cocker
"Every breath you take," - Police
"Nothing compares to you,- Sinead O'Conner by Prince
"I will always love you," Whitney Huston, and written and performed first by Dolly Pardon

These songs have very few lyrics and are commercial successes! Trust me, I know about this subject and I'm here to say, it's easy.

And if you don't love them, leave them so they can be loved because the most popular break up songs are simple too! Most of them are about the same ol' problems couples have.

Turn on your radio and study!

dancer of love songs

Dotsie and Dancer, you are so right. Why should it begin with them? Hubby still has bronchitis, so I got to wait with the snuggling, but I know I could do more, and I will. Thank you for the nudge.

And Dotsie, was that a motor boat you sold? Well baby oil does have petroleum, as Danita said. Haha…Oh boy, there are a thousand funnies I could say here…but shut ma mouth!

I am surely having fun reading through this thread. As I am intentionally celibate, I don't have anything to contribute but, appreciate the fact that y'all can express yourselves here. I can only imagine what it would be like with you gals at a slumber party. So, what does one who practices celibacy say? I guess it would be: "Thanks for the memories"

Well, I figured as much Lola,...with your new aviator looking over here so innocently. Or do angels make woopee too? Well why not? It might explain tornadoes and thunderstorms.

So angels are to blame fortornadoes, hurricanes and thunderstorms, hey???? Never knew that before, Hannelore.
Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets; i.e., just a little jingle!

I mostly do this now half of the time so there has not been any se_, Hannelore. See? I can't even spell it now!

You are so talented on the computer Lola, I so envy that. I believe that for me being celibate as well, a song might be: 'I'll Sail My Ship Alone' by Patsy cline

Lola, you look like a pretty sexy grandma. Wooeee look at those moves!
Gims, I agree. It has to be a two way street, or nothing goes.

"Every breath you take," - Police.....hate to burst the bubble but this was a song about someone divorcing but still stalking their ex!!! hence i be watching you....love obsesion etc etc but the not healthie type...not my type of love lol. sorrie as i said.

if i aibnt to late to got back to lube then liquid silk, is exilent and i think made especillie for women, so it dosen't lose its, ermmmm slip and start turning stickie like KY dose. I PM you HLore with the web address of a shop in london, that can post it too you.
i know they stock it or.....rummer has it lol.

LOLA me too.... I am intentionally celibate(end quote)...or is that my dyslexia again, muddlin in and un up again lol

gims, you're right and it's something that breaks my heart. I know someone who has lived this and it's awful to witness.

Hey Celtic! I appreciate you letting me know about the lubricant in London. If it's that good, I might just slide right over to visit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

lolol,Hannelore, slide right over, huh?
dancer

Dancer..I listen to music often to get inspired, feel good or get in the mood or to give me thoughts. There is alot of very good modern music out there with very helpful and lovely positive thoughts..for example: I need this train to break down...so that I can be where I don´t need to be..

If you like, look up Damaian Rice on the net..he has beautful lyrics and the music is very very listenable..I promise. "a sacred place" that Damian Rice sings about in one of his songs..the song is beautiful.."Why did you sing Halleluhiah when it meant nothin´to you ya?" Think about it..look it up.

Another very beautiful song is, "One safe place"..I could go on forever.."Love Hurts by UB40..Nothing Else Matters by Metallica..don´t be afraid..it´s beautiful and slow. "Unforgiven" also by Metallica..."Let your son go" also by Metallica..beautiful songs with SO MUCH to say. "Hej Yo, Listen what I say, oh" is a very great song for getting into the mood for moving, running, dancing, walking..Very positive..happy song. "My own prison" by Creed is a STRONG song that has alot to tell you and make you think, too. TRY THEM..there is so much beautiful stuff out there..even now in the present. This generation is a positive, gentle one in many respects..as reflected in their music.

AND I do SO AGREE that you can learn alot about love..coming from both male and female thru music.

I know that Dolly Parton did that song first..and before her, a man actually did it. I don´t know who..it is featured in the movie, Jerry McGuire. AND there we have "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen which is also so beautiful..it talks about our, women´s, "secret gardens" within us..

Do I love music..YES!!! And I dance to it..my way..going by feel and rythm...

Your right, Celtic, but I try, as an artist, to look at it as devotion. You are very correct, the lyrics say that "I'll be stalking you!" lol, it works!
I'll tell Sting!

dancer, good point, celtic!

Good for you, Humlan! I know a lot of those artists and some of the songs. Music is my life, has been my life, since I can remember. My earliest memories are of singing and dancing and music on my transistor radio! Remember, I performed from the age of 5 and I was "a natual," they said in dancing and singing so I listened to people on my transistor when I was in grade school, (Eric Burden, "House of the Rising Sun," WAR, "Low Rider," and many others,) whom I met and worked with later on! It was a thrill to sing with the very artists that I grew up on! I love music and have been told I am somewhat of an expert on it. Name a song and I can tell the band, usually if I hear it. I can hear a song and sing it, (perfect pitch,) and I can name the artist(s) I can even tell who wrote it if it's in my time frame of being alive. If not it's before my time, I've often learned the secrets from my musician friends. (Such as who they meant by "I am the egg man," on the Beatles record and who got the first call when Jimmy Hendriks was found. (same person.) I love music and live on it. At this time I am playing old recordings of Aretha Franklin although I have always sung with men as leads with the all stars I have performed with! We need a music thread here, don't we! I'll start one!
Thanks for the post, it made me smile and I could imagine you dancing around to your favorite songs! I love that, when people will dance around to music, as a dancer and as a performer and singer. It warms my heart! I love the concerts when people can't help themselves and stand up and dance to the music! The Bands I work with are all known bands so they often sing along and roar when their favorite song comes along!

What is your favorite song, Humlan?

dancer

Hi Orchid..I was wondering when you would visit this thread..I don´t quite know how to express myself here..I think that you have quite a few "new/different ideas/thoughts that you air on this forum time to time. You bring up things and ask questions that turn my brain around alittle..and I like that. I experience you as careful and gentle..so I think it´s ok if you don´t want to "reveal"/say so much here..I am just glad that you visit..

maybe the flannels or pj´s are a way of giving some caring or TLC along the way in life..?

me too, Orchid! Although we don't always agree, I love your posts!
dancer

Ohhh Dotsie..YESSSS!!! I think that sometimes we women have to break the "ice" if life is too cool and routine. It´s not all up to our men! We want to be "equals", yet,we women, often put ourselves in the realm of the "victim" and play at some kind of inverted opression or discrimination..if you know what I mean?? But not to get too complicated here: It takes 2 to tango, they say. So maybe some times WE have to RISE UP to the situation..hmm We have lots of ways to get the balls rolling,too..don´t we???

My 18 yr old just came in and saw the title of this thread.. he told me about a vibrating gadget that you can attach to your Mp3 player..a vibrator..that vibrates to the rythm of the music that you are listening to. If you put up the volume, the vibrations become stronger. "You can take it on the bus, if you want" He got this info from a serious program on sex that we have here in the evenings called, "Ask Olle" (fråga Olle). Olle being a sex therapist. This program discusses many aspects of our sexual lives and is often very interesting..

Now THAT'S technology, Humlan! Makes you proud to be an American. Or is it made in China?

dancer

What a bus ride... can you imagine?

Oh, I´m having a good laugh here..can´t wait to tell my son!!! He´ll love it! AND I´ll ask him where these gladgadgets are sold..can´t be asking him right now..he´s cuddled up in the sofa with a lady..that he kinda likes, he says..and he can see a continuance here..and I just met the girl this evening. But I totally blew it because the first thing I did when they came in the door was GROWL at my son because he skipped some classes AGAIN today. NOT COOL, I know..UFF!!!I´ll get back to you all when the coast is clear. Have to tiptoe gently right now.

Celtic, love..as to Metallica and the Red Hots..I wouldn´t recommend using that music while on a bus or any kind of public transport..or we might go into the famous scene from "Harry Meets Sally"..only for real.

HUGS!!!

Dancer..my one and only favorite song??? Now that´s a tough one! It´s as you say..there is so much out there..BUT one song that comes to mind is Bryan Adams´ song.."Everything I do, I do for you"..it has kind of withstood the tooth of time and experience for me..

OK!!!! Now WHAT IS YOURS THEN???

Ohhh,Humlan,
I have a favorite song but I'm vulnerable to it. It makes me cry whenever I hear it and has since I was a child!
I can tell you that it's by Cat Stevens.

Dancer

HANILORE

well thank you hl......are you freeked yet?
lol

OMG!!! I almost forgot there are other shops in Soho other than the burger joint! I must take you to another branch, Celt

---

yea and soho the bigggest concentrasion of gays anywear in london, .....apart from THAT cathedrial lol.

onlie that one will do lol.