Narcissism

What do you do with a 31 year old step daughter, single and happy with it, who is so narcissistic that I can not even contend or relate any longer.

Her father had pancreatic cancer surgery last Sept. Went through radiation and chemo, we moved, he is flat on his back with a bad back and we saw her once last Oct. and she called once wanting money for an antibiotic that she could not afford becasue she did not have a job and now has emaild (we are supposed to be proud of her for this accomplishment) and insists that her father get text messaging on his cell phone so they can keep in touch because she won't have a computer when she goes to Key West this winter.

Her father is a hard working, loving, giving man and father.

PS: I replied to her email giving her our new address etc and she ignored my emaila nd wrote back to her Dad. I must be Casper. What do you think?

Lynn

Narcissism is the absolute right diagnosis here. My husband's family invented it, I think! You know, the problem w/ people like your step daughter is that, because they are narcissists, it's as though you are Maxwell Smart (remember that show) and you are in the cone of silence....your lips are moving but she doesn't hear you. My suggestion is that you let your husband work out the relationship as he sees fit and you go on with your love and your life w/ him.
I've learned, at least most of the time, to ignore my in-laws all together. I only remember their existence when they call....as always...needing or wanting something. Maybe narcissism is contagious?

Thanks for your insight Kathryn.

Fortuantely, she is the only one in the family that is narcissistic. My in-laws where some of the finest people I have been blessed to have in my life. Even my step daughter's mom is closer to me than she is.

It also bugs me that her relationship, or lack there of, with my son who is 5 comes and goes on my daughter's terms. He does not understand that and he actually forgets that he has a sister most of the time. Then when she is coming his enthusiasm level goes sky high only to be shattered 15 minutes after she arrives.

I am past the trying part and really do not like her at all. My only feelings are for my husband who is mostly hurt and disappointed and my son.

Lynn

Lynn, we're taught to love one another as we liked to be loved. Isn't it hard to love someone when you don't like their ways?

I wish I had an answer.

Lynn, as far as I am concerned with me you get the full benefit of the doubt for along time and then you begin to get what you give right back in your face. I would be more concered for my 5 year old and try to protect him from her stupidity because thats what she is a stupid, stupid woman...sorry you have to be burdened with this situation. Smeone once told me 'you can literally kill an enemy with kindness, it short circuits them," ha ha!! I have found this to be true and yes it drives them nuts....

I too read this post over and over and struggled with a response to help but couldn't think of anything. All I could think of was how John needs her love right now, of all times. I think Kathryn gave the best and most solid advice and I agree with her 100%. Get on with your love for your family and know that when she is around, it's temporary, and "this too shall pass."

JJ

Lynn, anytime you're a stepmother of an adult spoiled brat, you are gonna be the evil stepmunster no matter what! I am too and I have been good to my two stepsons...well...I used to be but now, I don't see them anymore and when they call our house, they call their dad's cell phone so they won't have to talk to me. Tell you what, doesn't bother me one bit. Who wants to talk to someone who doesn't respect you simply because you married their father.

I've learned a valuable lesson in the last year in regards to this stuff. State what you think the daughter is doing to your husband and then, back away and let him see it for himself. I nagged, cried, begged, yelled, yadda, and nothing did any good until I just stated my position and then, would never bring up the stepsons name in conversation and if my husband brought it up, I grew silent. He finally saw that he was indeed Dr. Frankenstein and had created a monster. Now, he's working on changing it.

Just love your husband and concentrate on your little family. Someone stated that he needs to feel his daughter's love right now and that's true so if possible, I'd just step aside and outside of their relationship and wait. Just love your husband to death to make up for what the daughter does. I wish you luck and know how you feel.

Thank you all, as always words of wisdom.

Lynn