Love and Like

Ladies, must we like those we love? I don't necessarily like my family, yet I do love them. Well, let me rephrase, I don't like that their actions, thus does this mean I don't like them? I love my nieces, yet not their mother (my sister) nor their fathers (each has a different father, yet same mother).

My nephew just released from jail -- he's very much like his mother (my sister) and thinks we should all take care of him (very selfish). My parents (mother and step-father) enable his behavior. I won't. That's it.

Yet, I do wan't a relationship with my nieces. It's very difficult b/c I must coordinate with one mother and three different households (sometimes 4 or 5 households if the grandparents are involved).

Thus, I've told each girl the year they turn 15 to pick a country I'd we travel to Europe. I attempt to spend at least 2 days each summer with each girl when the visit with my parents. The eldest is a teenager with her own cell, thus call her at least 2X monthly. I call the 2 younger at least every 6 weeks. Never a card or birthday wish from them or their mother and fathers in recognition of my birthday or holidays. Yet, it is expected of me. I do it out of love.

Never a confidence nor encouragement, thus I've built walls. Sometimes barriers are a good thing, especially when sanity is involved!

I think loving and liking are two different things. One can love one's family but not like their behavior/personality. Most of us change and grow with time so what we like or dislike can also change. I agree with Anne327 that we don't get to choose our relatives, but we can limit our contact with those who are toxic to us.

Interesting. In my family, either a family member initiates real phone or face-to-face contact. Otherwise the contact is zero. Those are the options, because not everyone is on the Internet.


I know that the very least my parents wish is that each child has at least 1 other sibling whom is like at a friend.

No family is perfect..and at least, despite some dysfunction, as family members to one another, I can safely say we are honorable to each other...we don't cheat one another, if we lie we will confess later, don't steal from one another. There is a basic fidelity and respect that provides a good foundation for love in our family. Which love is there ..though sometimes one has to sit back and look for the signals, when family conflict can get abit heated. Or the reciprocity is abit delayed....

For past few years...it's been good.

As a family, we love getting together and every holiday, birthday is a fantastic excuse for this. That's trying to get together over 14 different people now within the immediate family. 'Course I'm the person no longer living in the immediate area..

Yes, families are exasperating at times, but I do miss and love them...they all have been honourable to me.

Oh yes, Mustang, I know where you are coming from. I have a few people in my life that I love, but don't necessarily like. And as you say building those barriers are good to protect yourself…because it's those people in particular, who often don't have a clue that their egotistical ways can hurt deeply.

What a good generous heart you have Mustang to offer your nieces a trip to Europe. And that despite the fact that they don't send you birthday or holiday cards. You must love them very much.