Having a hard time here...

Hi, Boomers,
I'm reluctant to post about this here, after the response I had with my last thread. (I'm not communicating with the Maine fella, btw!, LOL!)

My grade school/high school/college and beyond old flame visited here in WV for the second time in one month. He went off to Harvard after leaving the coalfields of WV where we grew up together, encouraging each other to pursue our educations. He is a mediation lawyer for labor groups now, and had a hearing down here. A rare opportunity to see an old friend/flame! I have seen him now three times in 30 years. The first meeting, I met his lovely wife, who generously left us alone together for dinner and visit. During this last visit, which I was actually dreading because it dredges up so much emotion in me. These last two visits, during which he was here without wife, I've told him, despite our mutual love and feelings of attraction, I intended to behave as if his wife were present. During our last evening together, after dinner out, he cried for most of an hour here at my house, expressing emotion and desire for me like no other man has or ever will, I'm sure. I remained strong and somewhat detached! I did!, though I do love him. What point is there in acting out irrationally, then living with the consequences of heartache? I'm glad I remained strong, not acting out in some irresponsible way.
He even stated that he will try to find more work down here in my area! He's so intelligent, sexy and attractive. No other man could attract me and elicit such emotions. I'm left feeling a void, almost wishing I had gone ahead, ya know. But my 8 years since divorce have been filled with heartache and I'm better off alone, not extending myself.
Upon his arrival back home, I rec'd an email reflecting upon our visit lovingly, while at the same time mentioning wife happily baking cookies, being funny. Whew! Where would I be now if I had acted on my emotions?
ARI

Okay, in love I'm going to say this. Like I used to, I think you somehow attract and are attracted to men who aren't necessarily nice.

If a married man said and did the things this man said, I'd want to vomit. A nice man doesn't plan or try to find ways to connect with old girlfriends and cheat, even if it's just emotionally.

So my dear friend, I want to encourage you to seek therapy and find the deep rooted feelings, which are probably not nice, to discover why you would continue to communicate with a man like this.

Yes, you have a history with him but how would you feel if you were in his wife's shoes? How would you like your husband to say these things and then, continue to communicate via e-mail? No, you didn't act on your feelings but I'm reading between the lines here and something just ain't kosher about it all.

Thanks, Dianne, and yes, you are probably right.
I do know if I were married to such a man, I'd be very uncomfortable and anxious about it. He describes both himself and his wife as keeping in touch with old loves, seeing them. Very confusing to me.
Thanks,
Ari

ariadne, he mentioned his wife happily baking cookies while reflecting upon your visit. I smell more than cookies. Kids maybe? Or maybe a coverup in case "poor, dear wife" accidently finds the email. He's married, He's off limits...he's selfish...he's a jerk. If he really "CARED" about anyone besides himself,he wouldn't be acting like the jerk that he is... behind his wife's back and right in front of your face..
When he cuts ties and I mean cuts ties with his family...are you going to be there to pick up the pieces...and live a miserable life with someone you could never trust anyway.
Ariadne...you yourself said it best anyway when you said

quote:

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" But my 8 years since divorce have been filled with heartache and I'm better off alone, not extending myself."

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In this case hun, I believe you are right.
I may seem cold here, but I have your best interest at heart, sister. Hang til you meet your soulmate...you know...the one that will love "you" forever.
chick