Cyber Dating

Ladies:

I'm considering cyber dating for a few months, yet am concerned about "safe" dating, pros, cons, bad apples, etc.

For instance, I note that many men are looking for "any" and "all" types of women, which is rather discouraging b/c is sounds desperate. Also, I fear that "hidden agendas" exist, i.e., S-E-X!

I thought that I would give it a calculated risk to overcome my fears of dating and perhaps learn how to mix w/ men again. I've only had a couple dating experiences, one of which was frightening and the other not so frightening, but not yet accustomed to the "nice guys." I've always been attracted to the "bad boys" or ambivalent men. Now, it would be nice to mingle and choose as I please. Afterall, the dates are simply "interviews".

Thank you gals.

MustangGal, I have had a little experience with on-line dating and didn't have much luck. I did meet some men who seemed very nice, professional and decent. You do need to take precautions and never give anyone your home phone number because they can get your address from it, use your cell phone. Meet in a public place such as a reputable restaurant. I never did give any personal information such as my employer's name. Don't believe everything they tell you. Some embellish their jobs, lifestyle, etc. Think of marketing principals when you develop your profile.

It is possible to meet someone this way, but don't go into it with expectations. Just think of it as a fun thing to do and a way to gain experience with dating.

Here are some situations I ran into: One guys picture looked about 30 years younger than he did. He was the one who was training his puppy with an electronic zapper. One guy sort of stood me up and sort of was enough for me. I was the one rejected several times for whatever reason, but I've been dating for 15 years and have learned not to take it personal. I met one guy for dinner and he wanted to hold my hand over the table and get all romantic and it was the first time I had met him - eewwww! On my profile I could see that hundreds of men looked at me and passed - not very heartening. Some emailed me, but I could tell they were bubbas or just after sex.

You are correct that many men are desperate. I think they find it more difficult to be alone than we do.

I hope this doesn't discourage you. I only want to prepare you for some possible scenarios.

Good luck!
Daisygirl

MustangGal..I'm glad Daisygirl gave you the sound advice of being cautious...so many people can actually "hide" their true selves online! I, however, am part of the other side of the story..I met my husband online and we've been married over 6 years now! We emailed for weeks, then phoned each other for a couple of more weeks, before meeting at a mall. We spent 10 hours in each other's company that day, browsing and talking, and the rest, as they say, was history! Sometimes you DO have to kiss a lot of cyber-toads (not literally) to find the prince, but I found mine, and I'm very thrilled I took the chance. Be careful and the best of luck to you if you try! Blessings....S.

[ September 20, 2005, 02:17 PM: Message edited by: Sera ]

Sera, congratulations on your good fortune! I have a question for you, how many men did you have to meet before you found your Mr. Right?

Daisygirl

Hey Daisygirl! Thanks for the congrats! I never physically met any of the other men I emailed or spoke with by phone...only my husband. He "struck a note" with me when we emailed and talked, so we met. I freely admit my good fortune-it's not easy finding a good man these days...ask my daughter, who's still looking. Blessings...S.

I'm laughing as I type this, yet I did sign up as a free user with www.true.com a few days ago. Sadly, I took the sex compatable test and stopped halfway through the other test, thinking I would revisit them later. Last night, upon checking my email, there were several responses, I did not know why b/c did not finish the tests nor have I (nor shall I) post a photo. Well, interestingly, the sex test was available and apparantely this is all the men were interested in! Just as soon as I figure out how, I'll delete that criteria from my personality!

In stitches now, but one of the guys w/ a photo ID had no teeth! One was 25! Oh dear! I'm amending my viewable personality ASAP!

Mustang,

Yeeee Hawwww! You go girl!

d.

Some men are looking for a nursemaid, and some men are looking for a dentist!

You ladies are in sync with what our future holds. Online dating is becoming more acceptable and widespread.

I say.......YOU GO GIRLS!

Teresa

Its hard enough to be happy with a man you meet in person and date awhile before getting serious, let alone some slug on the computer who can be anyone he wants to be, look anyway he imagines he looks and lie, lie, lie. But who am I to judge? If this is the so called future way of dating we are all dammed and the losers will rule the world.....!

I think that's why I'm not doing the cyber dating thing anymore. I was engaged to a guy I had known for 1 year - someone I met here in my town - and broke up with him because he finally confessed he had some additional children. And they were toddlers!!!! He lied to me for an entire year - AND neglected his poor children all that time!!!

Yes, it's okay to meet someone that way, but just remember that trust is something to be earned!!!

I haven't been in the dating scene for years. Just want you to know I enjoy reading about those of you who are.

Ah yes..cyber dating...another rung in the ladder of our most technology driven society. lol I have dabbled in cyber dating off and on for several years with no credible success. I think the funniest experience I had was going out with a guy I really thought could be a great match. He was an editor with a local newspaper and I have always been interested in writing and newspaper work, so I thought..this could be good. We spoke and emailed and all that and finally went to dinner. Now, I will say this...he had a picture posted and it was okay..not terrific, but I thought he would pass muster. So he came to my door and when I opened the door, I really thought I had a date with a troll. He was short, had large yellow teeth and smoked more than I do...AND left the windows UP in the car while chain smoking. It was certainly NOT a match made in cyberland heaven. We went to dinner in a dark place and made tolerable conversation for about an hour and then I had to choke when he expected a good night kiss. arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. In retrospect, I should have seen a red flag when he told me his ex-wife had come from Russia and he married her so she could keep her green card or whatever it's called.

Just thought I'd share that story...I know success stories with cyber dating, but I'm afraid I haven't attained that success as of yet.

Irishmom46, sorry for that experience you had and welcome to this forum, didn't see you up above in the Welcome posts....you might want to pop in and introduce yourself....Funny and sad all at the same time. Amazing how these men think you aren't ever going to find out they are trolls, isn't it??????????DAH!

Hi Chatty and thank you for the welcome. I did post this morning on the Hi I'm New page. I am new to forum posting, but have done email chat lists in the past. As I said in my morning post, this is a great site. It is easy to navigate and I love the way the forums are categorized. Thanks for you efforts.

Jeneane

Irish, welcome. I love your name. My maiden name is McNamara! My dad was the leader of the band.



Do you think your date posted a picutre of someone else? Do people ever do that?

This reminds me of my son who creates films. He is great at using his editing system. He takes our pictures and distorts them, puts other bodies, or faces on them. It's hysterical. We have a picture of my husband and I all dressed up for this black tie affair. He added weight to me and gave my husband a huge forehead among other distortions. We have had more laughs from that simple picture. It is so funny. We look awful, but we keep it there because it's a riot.

I wonder if people make themselves look better for those dating sites. Would anyone know if they did that?

Okay, most of the guys who "wink" are creepy! Yet, I do find it amusing! Thus, I've not winked back! My neighbor tried to fix me up with her boyfriend's friend. Yet, he is the same age as my mother, so I told the neighbor thank you, yet I do not feel comfortable dating someone who is 60 where I'm 39. She said "I thought you were older." Geez! Will look for the "Solo Bliss" book next time in the bookstore!

My newest book will be titled WEAVING THE WEB. Its a story of 4 women friends who begin surfing the web and the men they meet. The lies and deceptions and it is a murder mystery with a really huge twist....Ya'll be careful out there ya'hea???

[ October 05, 2005, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Oh Chatty, hurry up and finish it so I can read it!

I've given up the "cyber dating" venue. Yeah, I've had quite a bit of experience with it, unfortunately. I live in a small town, teach middle school, don't go out to bars (yuck!), and am generally a stay-at-home type, rather shy of getting out and mingling. The men I've met thru the Internet singles' sites have been generally deceptive on various levels. I liken it to throwing a hook into the ocean and pulling out who knows what kind of monster! And, well, like Chatty, I could also write a book, only it would NOT be fiction! For now, and maybe permanently, I prefer solo bliss!
Ari

Hi everyone
I'm new to this forum and was drawn to this thread. The best experience of my life came from a cyber introduction. I was a widow and met a man through a cyber site. We met for coffee and it was as though a magnet were pulling me in. We were together for two glorious years and finally made the decision to move in together. Three weeks after that happened he collapsed and passed away leaving me heartbroken.

I had truly finally met my soulmate and the memories will live in me forever. I do not regret at all my venture into cyber dating.
Ann

Ann,

What a sweet story with such a sad ending!

Welcome to the site - make yourself at home!

Danita

Ann, thanks for sharing another side to the issue and I'm so sorry it turned out this way! How sad. You are so wise to be grateful for the time you did have together. Memories can be beautiful!

Welcome to the forum and jump in and post whenever you want!

JJ

Bubelah, I am sorry for your loss and wish you welcome to the Boomer site.

Bubelah, oh my garcious. You must have been crushed. Don't you wonder about the Lord's timing in all of life?

Welcome. There are a couple women in here who met their spouses on the internet. I also know a young couple in their late 20's who met on the internet and are happily married.

I don't promote it since I have teens and am petrified of them talking to strangers online.

Bubelah, I'm so sorry for your loss. My blessings and prayers are with you.

Ariadne54:

I understand! Many of those descriptions are deceptive and sadly there are guides/web sites that benefit men and how they can "herd" women through internet dating (typical players). I've noted that men also have ads at several sites, with the same (if not more) photos of themselves with a varying degree of descriptions to entice women. Guess its like shopping for shoes sometimes, yet perhaps not as fun! You can return shoes, but men are another issue! I was informing a friend today that I wish men had bar codes so women could scan their pasts!

If you could post some of the deceptions you've encountered I would be interested and may ad a few myself. Perhaps to help others if not get a good laugh!

Excellent idea MustangGal! Excellent. I don't scan these forums/cyber dating things, but I think stories about the experiences and/or descriptions, deceptions, would be interesting. Please do!

JJ

Okey dokey! Here's one:
The fella posted a much younger pic on the site, saying he was 48, a college grad and a "genius."
Upon meeting him in person, I noticed immediately he was much older than his pic. First thing I noticed in conversing was he wouldn't look me in the eyes while talking, but turned his head sideways! He was age 52, had less than one year of college (flunking out), and was grieving the loss of his much younger girlfriend of whom he talked the whole evening. When he broke down in tears over his "surf and turf," I realized I was with someone who was emotionally unstable. He never listened to anything I said, nor did he ask about me, my interests. He kept apologizing in a whining way about talking incesssantly about the old girlfriend, but I just said, "Oh, that's okay...Go ahead and talk about her!" We returned to the parking lot where we met, and I said goodnight. When he got home, he wrote me a nasty email because I didn't invite him up to my house to have sex!!!! In subsequent emails he told me he was driving past my house in the middle of the night (though he lived 2 hours away from me!). I responded that it sounded like "potential stalking," and he replied with more nasty emails. I removed that email account after that.
ARI

OMG! That is so scary! What a first class jerk. I hope you related this incident to family and friends. I would want someone to know, just in case. I once had a date with a guy who pulled something similar, only the date was set up from a mutual friend(?). Anyway, when he insisted on calling me and sending threatening emails, I let him know if I got another one, THE SONS would be paying him a visit. Never heard from him again. Girl, count yourself lucky! WOW! No wonder you've given up on this type of meeting.

JJ

Thanks, Jawjaw...
He really was a nut!
I actually have others equally as bad, LOL!
ARI

Ariadne, I had the same experience, except that I met him at the restaurant and he didn't know where I lived. But he looked about 30 years older than his picture and about 40 lbs. heavier. He said he was an engineer, but his language skills didn't match up to his education.

I had the exgirlfriend problem with the last guy I dated. This guy was a keeper except that he wasn't over her plus he was a control freak. We ran into the ex on our first date. So we were sitting at an outdoor country music concert (which I don't like) I was sweating like a pig and feeling totally miserable plus my date was a mess. I excused myself, left and called a girlfriend to pick me up. I ended up dating him for a few months, because he called many times and sent a card with a very sincere apology, but he still wasn't over her. Mostly, it was that he couldn't control her anymore. That was the worst date I ever had......well, I should say the worst date with a man who was sober.

Daisygirl

LOL, and LOL, Daisy...
Thanks for sharing.
ARI

You women are cracking me up! I've already told about the worse one I ever had in one of these forums so I won't put you through it again, but Lord! Some of these men take the cake, don't they? I'm finding that SOME I meet, (not all mind you, just some) cannot get past the fact that I'm content to live alone, and have no plans for remarrying. I had one guy tell me that's not normal... uh huh, sure. But him wanting me to sit next to him in the car on the first date is? ewwwww...I wanted to pit up. I said, "don't think sooooo!" What a yahoo...

More! tell more!

JJ

J.J.,

We want an encore of your "worst story". (unless it's on this current link and I haven't gone back).

D.

P.S I looove your photo for nabbw - you are a very lovely looking lady! humor and looks - who could ask for more! no wonder the men are beating down your door!

This is something I have never told you guys but about 9 months ago I met a man in Church. He was with a couple I know and after services we went to the coffee shop and sat and talked and laughed and had alot of fun. He called me a few nights later and asked for a "get together," his exact words! He knew where I lived because he asked my friends. I said I could be ready at 7:00 PM. Whenn he showed up he looked quite handsome in tan slacks and brown shirt and has the most gorgeous head of silver wavy hair. He patted the dogs as he sat in the sofa. I said aren't we leaving? "Oh I thought you understood, I wanted us to get together, you know? He had carried in with him a small brief case thingy. I said whats inside, and he said, "my jamies." I never even turned to look at him just opened the door and said. get out!" Before he could protest I slammed the door and he left. Can you imagine the gall of this man. He was apparently use to another type of woman. Now when I see him in Church he goes the other way. I told my friends we just didn't see eye to eye....Whats with these stupid men??

[ October 10, 2005, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty,

What a story! And a church man even!!!
eeeekkkkkkk! WHAT is the world coming to?

frightened in Colorado!

d.

That is absolutely unbelievable!
What a fine upstanding church going man, that was.
My mouth fell open, just reading your post.
Don't know how you held back....I would have been one "wild woman".

Eye to Eye wasn't what he was counting on. What a jerk Chatty! Okay girls, you've asked for it. Back by popular demand... and I do backyard parties and BBQ's too.

I'll give you the short version.

Had a date with a guy from high school that I hadn't seen in 30+ years. A "friend" set us up. He shows up in my driveway coming to a screaching halt in a brand new corvette...I'm thinking, okay, I can deal with this. Then he opens his mouth.

He is a Viet Nam vet who lives off of disability because he claims he is shell shocked. He did everything but admit right out to me there was nothing wrong, but he loved the 5000 thousand a month he got from the government. And...if they ever threatened to take it away, he would simply do something like poked a hole in his wall at home and they would declare him unfit, and his checks kept coming.

The first words out of his mouth when we left for the date were "let's go spin some of YOUR money." I of course looked puzzled AND scared, then he said, "Well, the way I see it...you work, I don't. The government take taxes out of your check to pay ME each month, so in essence, we are spending YOUR money."

I suffered thru the B O R I N G evening with him talking on and on about himself, NEVER even asking me where I worked, or if I was a serial killer (which crossed my mind) or if I had children, nutin. Not one thing.

The next day when he called and asked me out again, I said, "don't think so...We don't have anything in common." He was shocked and called me every name in the book except a good hunting dog...I ain't lying.

Two days later, he sent me a dozen roses apologizing, asking me to reconsider. When I said not NO, AND GO AWAY, he asked me to pay for my half of the dinner from the date. Since he had eaten HALF of my dinner that night AFTER he had eaten HIS entire dinner, and then had dessert, I asked him which half he wanted me to pay for, the half he had eaten, or the half of the half I had eaten...

I finally had to threaten to have my sons visit him to get him to leave me alone...and trust me, they would have.

This guy is brilliant, a member of Menza, and could have done anything he wanted with his life. Instead he chose to be a bum (in my estimation)

And this is the short version...as I told Louisa, he is about as useful as a bucket under a bull.

JJ

Well, they say the church is a place full of sinners!

JJ Come on with the story!

Do any of you guys have this problem? If I'm nice to them, they run. If I'm indifferent, they fall in love. And of course I'm indifferent because I don't like them. If I ever marry, it will be with someone I don't like. If I have to be with someone I don't like, I'm going to at least make sure he has a job and doesn't mind sleeping in the spare room so my dog can sleep with me.

JawJaw, I hadn't heard your story before. You know, many people who are highly intellegent do not have a lick of common sense. Now, me..... I don't have that problem. he-he

so daisygirl, are you saying that J.J. has no common sense?

ROTFL,

danita

Well, I meant to say I don't have to worry about being so intelligent that I have no common sense. See what I mean?

Daisy,

You're killing me now!

D.

Danita, I think she was right the first time! hahahahah.... I DON'T have common sense... hmm...come to think of it. None at all. hahahaha...oh Lord. See what you've started?

JJ

Chatty, you go girl. I would have done the very same thing. Woo-hoo!

Daisy, I liked the escape plan. There's nothing like a girlfriend who will scoop you out of danger.

Ari, very scary. I would have been petrified. How did you sleep at night?

Mustang, your idea of bar codes is perfect. How long before you can set that in motion?

Jawjaw, you have a knack for making anything funny! Mind telling us the guys first name? I have a feeling it was a doozy... Was it Earl, or Bubba?

I've been married to the love of my life for 26 years. I am so far removed form these stories, but I love hearing them. I have a single friend who meets men online. I LOVE having lunch with her. I get a peek at a world that is so foreign to me.

BE SAFE ladies! Where are all the nice single men who don't have wicked histories?

Chatty, my heavans, not only is this man a jerk, but the audacity to bring his 'jammies', geez I would have made him put them on then get out! And kept his street clothes! My goodness!

JawJaw, that guy is a double jerk! Sounds like he has a passive-aggressive personality disorder, in other words a nice way to say someone is a real pain in the ass! Also, did you know the term "passive-aggressive" was first introduced in 1945 after the War Department dubbed soldiers with this disorder? Comforting as it can be to pigeonhole our tormentors with off-the-shelf psychiatric diagnoses, sometimes it's best just to call a jerk a jerk.

Jerk(s)!

It's a "laugh fest" imagine that. All of us (ahem) old women, laughing at ourselves (tounge in cheek).

Good to have levity in the forums!

You all are tarp as shacks, and YOU KNOW IT!

giggling hugs,
danita

Dotsie, It give us hope to know that there are good men in the world who are loyal and able to contribute to a stable marriage. I, for one, will not settle for anything less.

It's good to laugh about our dating exploits and to know I'm not the only one meeting so many losers! Wouldn't it be cool if we could meet up and trade war stories over a couple of bottles of good wine?

Daisygirl

Chatty, I am so desperately trying to picture a distiguished, grey haired man, saying "jammies"!!! I haven't dated for almost 30 years...YIKES...what goes on...

Don't you just love the commericals on e-harmony.com and they way they are trying to convince singles everywhere that all you have to do is take their personality test and you'll meet Mr. Right? And of course I'm sure not one person who takes those quizzes LIES. Nu uh. Not one.

What I hate are people who try to "fix me up." By the way, if someone, ANYONE, tells you they have a nice personality, RUN. This means you couldn't drink um pretty.

They think since I'm single, I must not have a life at all. I'm sad...lonely, depressed, and desperate. And that's just my Mother talking. Give me a break! I love being single. And I've even had people say, "that is sooo weird." Yet in the course of the conversation, they will admit how UNHAPPY they are married. And when you tell a guy you're dating that you never want to re-marry, they look at you like "uh huh..sure." They don't believe you.

WHY?

JJ

I was on e-harmony for 1 month. I only was in contact with one man and he wanted to be sure I would be willing to travel to remote, primitive areas for his hobby, which was something like model airplanes. My response was that my idea of roughing it is staying in a Paris hotel without air conditioning. He then stated that he and I were incompatible - no kidding Dick Tracy! What really got me was that before he had even met me, he was already finding out what I could do for HIM!

JJ I'm sorry to say these men get their ideas from women who are desperate to get married and think they can't live without a man. Well, it doesn't help that some men are narrow minded and not open to new ways of thinking.

I have a few friends who are happily married, but even they will say they don't think they'd get married again if anything happened to their husbands. Marriage does not guarantee happiness, it's all about making the best of the situation we are in.

DG

I don't think you're crazy for enjoying being single. There's no one to argue with over every single decision!!! It's soooooooo tiring...

The last post wwas for JJ

If I had just met someone and they said, "will you go to remote places?" I would be going "buh bye!" That's scary in itself! Good for you for being so honest and upfront! My idea of roughing it is a hotel that doesn't have continential breakfast...I'm with you.

And thanks Western. JJ

Okay, you gals have my curiosity up and running. I'm gonna have to visit one of these sites and check it out. And, what is a wink?

Hi, all,
I have read all the posts and enjoyed the levity!
Dianne, a "wink" is usually something you can do for free, without actually paying to join the website. You can still search and read the profiles, send and receive "winks," but if you want to correspond thru the site, you have to pay money.
About Eharmony...It's a crock, and I speak from experience. Don't waste your money or your time. The test is long, and you may think it actually does match you with someone compatible, but NOT!!!
Chatty, your story was funny, but also disheartening to know you met a "church" guy who behaved so outrageously!
I'll post some other nightmare Internet meetings soon.
ARI

I've decided the only way I would have a man in my life is if he made my life better.......not worse. Traveling somewhere to play with toy airplanes is NOT something I would want to do., unless I was on safari or something adventurous like that.

I think the only way I would have one in my life again would be long distance. A REALLLL long distance. And he would be financially stable, no Mother or children...or ex-wife. One foot on a banana peel and the other in the grave... and wanting to leave all of his money to me. What? Did I leave something out? Oh yeah, and he like short, fluffy women. How's that?

JJ

Short, fluffy, FUNNY women!

Amen sister!

D.

P.S ...I know this guy...he's really nice.......

Fluffy?

Sometimes I feel puffy...and stuffy...but,fluffy?

Our family mantra is...I'm not fat...I'm fluffy!

This was what JJ said a man would have to like....

"Oh yeah, and he like short, fluffy women. How's that?

JJ"

I think it is a sweet way to describe ones' self!

d.

Our word is "tender."

Western Bluebeard, imagine my surprise when this hunk of a man who resembled long time deceased Jeff Chandler (before he died,lol) with a sexy low voice winking at me as the word 'jammies' slithered from his lips. Talk about a let down, no wonder I refuse to date. Let my guard down for a second and its weirdo time...I think the only kind of man I haven't experienced has been a serial killer, so I've decided to quit while I'm ahead...

[ October 11, 2005, 09:17 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

LOL - chatty, you are just too much!!

So, I was going to mention all of your names, but I got confused with so many,

As some of you know, my daughter just recently passed away, but what you don't know is that I was at home caring for her for many years - and completely out of the dating circuit - I was just thinking that (it will be 6 months on the 20th )it might be nice to get out, be with someone attractive and have a nice dinner, but after reading all this, I believe I have a proposal-- any prospective date must be interviewed by all of you, plus any family members available and if you attend a church, them too. You know, a board. Since most of us don't have Dad anymore, we'll just have to use each other. I'm not at all sure that prearranged marriages (or at least dates) should ever have been dumped in the first place. At least prospective suitors were pre-screened!!!! Well, I'm only half joking, but it must be a jungle out there!

I think it would be a bit better if we could confine all these horror dates to men in a certain age group. Maybe, they were...wild and ran with wolves, who knows...

But, it doesn't seem to be confined to a certain age. Take for instance...my daughter is 21, talkative, personality plus, sensitive, caring, beautiful, size 5....(yes, I'm bragging)...having the hardest time finding a decent male friend her age.

Most either have a ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, babies that they don't support, other unknown girlfriends, man friend priority's (baseball, football, mud-bog). Several with out jobs, one sat on my couch on 3 different occasions without speaking at all, one drove a late model Porche and no job, one lied everytime he opened his mouth, her last told her he was 26 (he looked it) come to find out he was 40.
So now...everytime she brings a man home, the questions in order are:

Do you have a:
ex wife
ex boyfriend
girlfriend (that follows you, or... your still together with)?
men friends, you can spend time away from
current drivers license (let's see it)
job
criminal record

Sad, because she is really looking for a meaningful relationship.
I would really dislike being in the dating field today.



Brenda

[ October 12, 2005, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Brenda ]

Searcher, I like your idea of a dating board. The men would have to fill out a questionaire, including their SS# so we could do a background check on him. If they pass that section, they would have to be interviewed by "the board" and then we could take a vote. If he passes, well, then he would be authorized to meet said Boomer Woman for a cocktail, but only if they drive seperately.

I'm very sorry about your daughter, Searcher, you must be going through a difficult period. It would be good for you to go out and socialize a little. I do believe there are some good guys out there and you don't have to marry them, just have fun.

I used to think I was a weirdo magnet, but after hearing y'all's stories, I'm beginning to see I'm not alone.

Another story - My pastor fixed me up with his ex-brother-in-law who he and his wife loved dearly. He lived out of town, about 5 hrs away so we talked on the phone for a few months before I met him. He seemed very intelligent, was a Christian and I was interested, until he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him - yes, before we ever laid eyes on each other. When he came to town I met him and he was very shabby and had a couple of teeth missing, and they were in the front. Like JJ said......buh bye.....

Daisygirl

I should add, if it seems like I have a lot of dating stories, I do, because I've been single for 15 years.

Searcher, count me in as a screener. I'd love to be the chair of that board.

Daisy, I would have loved to have seen the look on your face. That's one of the problems with online dating. I still believe there has to be a physical attraction.

Darn tootin' Dotsie! Friends don't let friends date ugly men. Period.

It truly is a jungle out there, with lots and lots of monkeys. Ah...make that APES.

I think we should form this board, and Dotsie can be the Chair since it's her forum and she might whine and carry on if we don't let her. Now...who wants to do the Questionaire?

Like what kinds of questions do we want?

1. Got a job?
2. Got teeth?
3. Are you on first name basis with your local police department?


what?

JJ

4. Do you carry your "jammies" with you?

5. Do you wear jammies?


eeeekkkkk!

It's almost embarrassing to continue to post these disaster Internet dating stories. I've actually written about this one here before in another thread. Here goes:

This fella and I hooked up thru Match.com. We corresponded sporadically for months, and finally agreed to meet for dinner. He wasn't bad, and the conversation was even okay. He brought me rocks from New Zealand, since he knew I create and sell art on rocks, and he also brought several CD's of his fav music as a gift. That was pretty nice, I thought, though I felt no attraction to him.
During the week after the dinner, I decided to go online and see how many singles' sites this man was posted on. On one site, Mingles, I think, there was a link to "Adult single." I had never visited such a site and didn't realize what it was about, but I went there. Whoa! It's very pornographic, with most members showing pics of their genetalia instead of their faces, but there was this guy with whom I'd just had dinner, posting his face! He stated he was looking for "discrete" relationships. He continued to call and email me numerous times, which I didn't answer, but finally I sent him a brief email stating I had seen him on the pornographic site, and please not contact me again. It was quite a revelation to me to see that in my little state alone there were some 80,000 members in that site.
ARI

Yikes!

This is what I asked my husband before our first date:

Are you married?
Do you live with a woman?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Are you gay?

The gay question was important because my sister had just found out the man she'd been married to for over 25 years was gay.

I've weeded through several responses, and didn't like any! So, I winked to someone in another city, yet same state, and we've corresponded via email only. I answer w/in 48 hours so as not to appear desperate.

Recently, he wanted to know more about me and sent me a pix. Well, I know he is posted on at least half a dozen singles sites, and the pictures get progressively older (yet he is still attractive). So, in response to his question, I state that I note that in his varios posts he indicates he works for one of the big 4 accounting firms and that I work for a large firm, too. I do not provide names of the firms. I also mentioned that I love to travel. Also, that in his postings, he does not mention travel at all, and if he has traveled, what was his favorite place?

Have not heard from him! Must be looking for one of those snow bunny types!

Mustang, this is another reason I no longer visit the singles' Internet sites.
I really don't know what these men are looking for.
ARI

Okay, I'm gonna ask again...what is winking? You're driving me nuts!

Humm, excuse me,not to rain on anyones parade but if anyone should chair this board its me...thats right, who has all the experience checking out men? Who discovered the 3 men trying to infiltrate this Forum? You need a real tiger here not a pussy cat like our beloved leader. She's too nice, as where I am a b*&^% when it comes to finding out about losers. The only reason the guy with the 'jammies' got by me was because of my girlfriend and her husbands recommendation and he was so normal and charming when we were out for coffee. I volunteer...I'll give these apes a run for their money.

[ October 13, 2005, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Dianne, you can literally send a wink to someone you are interested in, but maybe don't feel comfortable emailing. The guy sends it and you get an email saying so and so is interested in YOU! Aren't you the HOTTIE of the moment!! You better hurry up and email him, or he will GET AWAY!

My questions:

Are you an available man? (covers married, engaged, in a relationship?)
Are you a believer?
Do you have teeth - for sure!
Would you mind sleeping with a dog?
Do you like kids? Do you have any?
Are you able to trust people?
Have you ever hit a woman?
Do you think there is ever a time when it's okay to lie? When?
Have you ever been arrested?
Have you ever done any sort of illegal drugs?
How often do you have a cocktail or beer?
Are you addicted to sports, food, work, exercise, alcohol, drugs, sex, church, etc.
Are you adventurous and passionate about life?
Is that your real hair? (I prefer bald to fake)
Do you have a job? Do you make more than minimum wage?
Do you keep your house in good condition?
Do you bathe and change your undies daily?
Do you like your mother? (like, not love)
Do you smoke?
Do you have a healthy relationship with your adult children and are they self sufficient?
Do you know how to use a mitre saw?
Are you over your last relationship?
Do you like R & B and blues?
Do you like to travel?
Are you willing to give foot massages?

JMO
Daisygirl

The problem is every man on this earth should spell his name LIAR...it takes a sixth sense or being psychic or both to see past their tall tales, we poor women are doomed if we wait for one of them to tell the truth. I love your questions though Daisygirl....JJ could have a ball with these.

Chatty,

Do you know how you can tell when a man is lying

(I Knooooooowwww - we aren't saposed to be male bashing here!)


his LIPS are MOVING!


danita
quick writer

[ October 13, 2005, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: Danita ]

I'm wondering how this one got in there, "Do you know how to use a mitre saw?"

I think a multple choice form would be good. Like,

1. When we go out to dinner, you see a beautiful young woman sitting at the table next to us. You:

a) Pretend you don't see her and look directly at me and make wonderful conversation

b) You poke me in the ribs and say, "get a load of that babe, will ya? Hooter heaven!"

c) You wait until I go to the bathroom and then make a move to get her number.

d) You say something stupid like "See that pretty young thang over there? Well, I'd pick you over pretty any day. Un huh...sure would. Can I sleep over? Brought my jammies!"


So...whatcha think? Chatty can be chair, and I'd be happy to get Danita to help me write the questionaire...

Who's in? Where the devil is SMILES when you need her?

JJ

Watch out. Daisy's on a roll. And the queen is right behind her.

I'm here to take up for men. They are not all slugs. I happen to know many sensitive men who would never consider doing any of the ridiculous things mentioned in this forum. My husband and his brother are two. My father and my brother. And, moving along to the younger generaton...my two sons. Let's hear it for guys who know chivalry isn't dead! Also for gentlemen who know how to treat women like gold...who in turn treat them the same way!

Dotsie, the problem that we single women have to contend with is that the good men stay married to their original wives and do not stray. I just heard a statistic that 65% of the divorces are instigated by the woman.

JJ, I love your multiple choice idea. That way, the responders would not have to think too hard and if they couldn't figure out the answer, they could guess.

Chatty, we would definitely have to administer a drug that would compel the truth to come out. Any doctors or nurses out there?

I'm with Dotsie. I was a professional dater, meaning I dated a lot but the majority of men were nice. Sure, there were a few duds and those few were bad news, one stalker included, but when I met my husband, he was so different. Our beginning relationship was based on business talks. We both love business, go figure!

Have any of you considered that some of these guys come with their own questions? Yikes! And, the players know exactly how to act because they've read up on what women like so even if they are acting wonderful, it could all be an act. My abuser did that and even told me he knew the rules of the game. Ugh!

Dianne, you got that right. Some men find out what women want....they bring flowers, are generous, wine and dine you.....but they are really bubbas in disguise. Sometimes they just like the chase.

I think many of us single women have been disappointed and we are just having a little fun here - if we don't laugh, we would cry and be horrified! I think we realize there are good men, although few. I enjoy hearing about your husbands who are true and good - it gives me hope that maybe someday it could happen to me or one of us.

I have dated some really nice men who treated me very good. But I would find out a little detail that would make me run.....such as the guy who had 2 additional children he confessed to after we dated a year....or the pilot I dated who confessed he had an affair with a married co-pilot and didn't take responsibility for it, it was her fault....one guy I loved a lot, just couldn't connect emotionally with other people, including me....one guy I discovered was a compulsive liar and even lied about how great his kids were in sports.....one guy couldn't make up his mind so I made it up for him.....one guy chased and chased me and when he caught me, he let go of me and ran. All these men were gentlemen and treated me very good - they were nice men and I was attracted to them. But there was something I could not live with - maybe I'm too picky. I just know I need honesty, integrity, stability and didn't think I could get it from any of them.

It's not been that long ago that I was in the dating world. Actually I loved it. I had a great time. I dated a few losers and like Diana, one stalker who almost drove me crazy.
But for the most part I liked the men I met. I almost married a couple, but for some reason when given time to think it over, I just couldn't. Then I met my husband and married him immediately. So far there are no regrets.

I think all guys love and need the chase. It's a primal instinct and actually causes the secretion of beneficial hormones. And just as men need to chase, women need to be chased. Now that I am married, I try to keep a little of myself not quite caught so my husband still has to chase me. It's our way of flirting.

smile

For you single gals here I want to give you some information that I learned after hours and hours of exploring the mind of men who could turn out to be losers.

BEWARE OF THE MAN BEARING GIFTS ON THE FIRST DATE!

I'm serious about this. While we might think it's romantic or nice for the guy to show up with flowers, perfume or a bottle of wine, it's really a warning sign. He wants you to look at the gift and not at him. He's hiding behind the gift. Dating is about getting to know someone, not buying them off with gifts. Good relationships take time and if a man wants a whirlwind relationship, run as fast as you can.

Don't compromise for any man or woman for that matter!

jawjaw,

O lemme lemme do it - I want to do the questionaire !!!! And, yes, Dotsie can be chair because I want to be chief whiner.

Now, let's see, we have job, teeth, residents of the local police station, jammies, girlfriends, boyfriends,driver's license, and men buddies, that's a good start.....

Okay, so if I post a potential date's postings and the sites he's posted at, would you gals be willing to "check him out" for me!

i.e.:

wera453 posting at true.com and date.com

Okay JJ, I'll bite:
I'm thinking I should elaborate on daisygirl's questionaire a little. Here's my comments to her questions.

Are you an available man? (covers married, engaged, in a relationship?)
First question for an online guy might be "ARE you a man? I mean online you might not be able to tell (Unless you have chatty on duty of course) Then you have to clarify "available." Like available for what? I mean some might be available for an affair or a roll in the hay or... Well, you get the picture.

Are you a believer?
Better ask in what? There's a lot of stuff guys believe in, like beer, football, one night stands, Hooters restaurants, strippers--well you get the picture.

Do you have teeth - for sure!
Better ask if they are in their head and if they stay there all night. If the teeth sleep in a glass, it can be a problem.

Would you mind sleeping with a dog?
Now that one is just waaay too wide open. It could mean 1. YOU are a dog, 2. You have a dog 3. You sleep with a dog 4. And of course all the crude jokes in between. Oh that one is way too full of trouble.

Do you like kids? Do you have any?
Now that might be a good one. Of course it might also reveal no end of problems.

Are you able to trust people?
Hmmm. Trust people with what? Sounds like one of those financial scams, you know "Trust me, you'll love this ocean front property in Arizona."

Have you ever hit a woman?
Now there's a good one. It might also be revealing to know if they've ever been hit by a woman and why.

Do you think there is ever a time when it's okay to lie? When?
Now that's really a good one, but if the guy says he would "never" lie dump him. I mean if I've got a new pair of jeans and I ask if they make me look fat, he better have enough sense to LIE.

Have you ever been arrested?
Now that one's a great one. Of course if he's a criminal, he's probably a liar too so he would never tell you he had been arrested.

Have you ever done any sort of illegal drugs?
Oh boy, another good one. Of course he might be prone to lie. And you might want to know what 'medicines' he takes too. Some of that 'medicine' stuff can be very revealing.

How often do you have a cocktail or beer?
Ah ha! Another good one. Very specific.

Are you addicted to sports, food, work, exercise, alcohol, drugs, sex, church, etc.?
Boy that about covers it all. Of course based on some of the other topics on here, I guess you could add internet, porn, etc.

Are you adventurous and passionate about life?
Good question, but how does he know?

Is that your real hair? (I prefer bald to fake)
Very good question. I agree! I guess it could be hair implants though. I'm not sure if I like those or not. Don't know if I know anyone with them.

Do you have a job? Do you make more than minimum wage?
Oh boy is that ever a good one. Excellent.

Do you keep your house in good condition?
Maybe it would be good to know if he will keep your house in good condition too. It's always nice to have a real handy guy around.

Do you bathe and change your undies daily?
Oh my gosh. Boy is that ever a good one. Very personal though. Some guys might not know they are supposed to change undies daily.

Do you like your mother? (like, not love)
Another good one. I think it's okay for them to love their mother, but not be 'in love' with the old girl.

Do you smoke?
Another good one. I kind of hate smokers worse than drinkers. At least the alcohol doesn't cause your hair to smell bad.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your adult children and are they self sufficient?
Boy another good question. You don't want to date the whole family for heaven's sake.

Do you know how to use a mitre saw?
Oh yeaaaah! That's my kind of man. I like those helpful types. I'm all for it. Of course they all think they are handy. You might want to administer some kind of test. You know like remodeling your kitchen or something.

Are you over your last relationship?
I'm too tired to even elaborate on that. By now the guy might be in a coma.

Do you like R & B and blues?
Now that might be a little picky, but...

Do you like to travel?
Okay, that's a good one.

Are you willing to give foot massages?
Boy that ranks right up there with the mitre saw. Essential. Of course foot massages don't last remodel jobs do.

Boy that was a lot of questions. Not to be negative or anything, but if I was a guy, I might be too exhausted to date. Then you add JJ's multiple choice. Shucks, I might just stay home and watch football.
smile

I think JJ left a question out: Do you believe Elvis is still alive?

Ah, well-L, ye-ah...I mean, what kind of question is that? Yell-o? Isn't that a given? Everyyyyyybody knows he's alive and living in Arizona. Don't you ever eat at Burger Kings?

Okay, I think we have a good start for this questionaire, and SMILES did help to clear up a few things, but I for one want to see the mitre saw thing stay in, k? Also, it wouldn't hurt to find out if he can do plumbing... NO, not that kind...geeish, you women! The kind you need worked on in your bathrooms/kitchens. Just ask them how many Lowe's or Home Depots are located in their town. If they don't know, dump um.

I think the "do you lie" may be redundant anyway. I mean, you ask, "do you breathe?" and if they answer "yes" there you go...see? (This is fun...)

I think we should ask them at least ONCE if they've ever sat thru the entire movie, "Gone With the Wind." If the answer is no, dump um...

JJ

Other movies would include

Ghost
Dirty Dancing
Dance with Me
Pretty Woman
Shall We Dance
An Affair to Remember
Sleepless in Seattle

Whew...and that's just for starters...

JJ

Well, now that I'm a handy woman I just CANNOT have an un-handy man in my life! I refuse to clean the clogged up commode while he sits on his arse. See,I am a very optimistic "desperate woman" and that's why I already have my honey-do list made up. I'm pretty handy, but there are some things even I won't do. He should be able to plumb, wire, make furniture, garden, cook, support me and last but certainly not least, be handy in the sack.

Hi, Mustang,
I took a peek at the fella whose ID you specified.
It all sounds and looks good except the "relationship status" question, which he left unspecified. What does that mean? It should have stated, divorced, single, separated, married, etc. You need to know that, huh!
ARI

Hey Ariadne54! Thanks for checking, wow good observation! I'll go back and check his postings again. He did send me another email today -- he is apparantly on business in NASHVILLE. Hmmm, . . .

Mustang...I think the relationship status is very important! Have the two of you discussed this? It seems odd that he would not have posted that up front!
Ari

He's in my town? You want me to follow him for you? Hey, send me the link. I want to check him out too. I know, I'm married but this is fun.

I too took a look at him and saw contrary statements. I'm guessing he is in the technical area with the headset he was wearing in the photo, yes?

He said in one place he didn't care about body type, hair color, whether or not the person smoke, drank, etc.. then in the statement below he says:

I'm looking for someone who is in charge of every aspect of their life, takes care of themselves (physically, mentally, spiritually), and has checked all their baggage before boarding the relationship express.

See now that statement about the "baggage" bothers me. Who doesn't have baggage?

He also says he looking for someone between the ages of 25 to 45. What could someone 37 have in common with someone 25? Anyway, I don't believe he is 37, he looks much older to me. Just my two cents worth.

JJ

My advice after checking him out is (and its only advice) Bag him and Tag him and toss him on the pile....he doesn't ring true at all, tries to be clever with his words but the real meanings slink through....Right on JJ!

[ October 13, 2005, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Dianne:

His profiles are at www.date.com and www.true.com, both as wera453. I believe you can do a member search using that criteria, he posts as a 37 year old male living in Greenville, SC. Supposedly, he's in Nashville now staying at a "starwood points" hotel. Not certain what that is! I've done some research and apparantly he is single, a local school in his town has been named after his manufacturing family.

Unfortunately, I cannot access these sites presently, otherwise I would provide the exact links!!!

Yet, his homepage is:

http://forums.13x.com/member.php?s=9a6a5c85439e03777f4d040675bc5b50&action=getinfo&userid=734

and

http://members.aol.com/wera453/


Also, I find it rather funny he also has a profile at the following as wera453:

www.wanttomeetme.com
www.casualkiss.com
www.passionclick.com

I just find this all very funny and interesting! He's a player!

Okay, found the link, scroll down and you'll see wera453:

http://augusta.date.com/men-single/georgia.htm

Is he a motorcycle racer or something? Is that a picture of him riding? Couldn't access the dating sites unless I joined and I'm sure not looking! Doubt my husband would appreciate me joining even if it was to check this dude out!

Apparantly, he was a professional racer, yet quit a few years ago. I've only joined true.com, but not a paying member.

I googled him as "wera453" and was able to discovery these various profiles! Yet, the one link I posted will exhibit on of his pictures.

http://augusta.date.com/men-single/georgia.htm

Which one is he? I don't see wera453 on that page.

Scroll down to the 6th photo!

He's good looking enough.

I do want to warn all of you about this: all of my posts here show up on a Google search. Mustang, if you have any concerns about this, for instance, if you are using the same name in your Singles' sites, be warned. If you have used the same name you use here, they will show up on a Google search.
I had the very humiliating revelation that all of my posts on a previous forum, discussing personal matters had been viewed by the Psychology Ph.D. because I had naively used my same ID as he had found on my Ebay account!
My ID here is different, but I'm still paranoid from that experience!
ARI

I go by the old saying, "if you don't want it repeated, don't write it down." But you are so right to warn others and thoughtful too, I might add. Thanks Ari...

JJ

Thx AR54, you're correct, yet I do not use the same login. However, yep, I searched using my login here and some of my post were available. Sorry about that professor fella. Its rather an oxy moron when we research a potential partner/date, women do it for safety and security reasons, men do it to take advantage of women. I've sent my last response to his inquiries and again have heard nothing, which is most probably for the better. Afterall, he had profiles on at least 6 dating sites.

Gosh, wish us single gals lived closer to each other! Most people I know are married or in a relationship, which is awkward for me. Also, some single women are not easy to make friends w/ b/c they think other women are in competition with potential men.

So, me, my dog and cat seem to entertain ourselves!

Where do you live MustangGal? I know we've all answered this before, but I can't find the post.

I'm in Georgia...

Whirlwind

Watch out world. You gals are pretty close to each other.

Whirlwind, I'm in SC near the state capital.

I am new here and single. I was intrigued and curious about the topic because when I was younger (30's) I placed a personal ad in New York magazine and met several really nice men that I dated for awhile. I see that there are 8 pages of the topic, so cyber must be the way to go these days.

p.s. I plan to read all 8 pages of this interesting topic :-)

Welcome Vannie, by all means read all 8 pages but I can put them in a nutshll for you:
Internet dating...Bad idea, don't do it!!!

Yep, I tried it! Now, not to certain about it!

Hi Chatty Lady,

Thanks for the welcome and advice. I read the pages here and also took a look at some of the cyber sites. I think I will probably not go that way, but I did enjoy reading the posts. (smile)

Sadly, none of these sites screen the members. Guess for liability reasons. I did it half heartedly for a while..met a few men...they actually were rather decent but there was no chemistry...it felt like a job interview very stressful making conversation with a stranger on the phone and then having to meet them etc. Two of the men were decent gentlemen who took me for dinner. I called both of them back and thanked them but told them it didn't look like we had enough chemistry for dating. they both took it well. One experience was awful..a guy who met me, then pretended he had a family emergency and had to leave( guess he didn't like the way I looked? ) so the experiences can vary widely. I had met and dated a man for two years from an expensive dating service who turned out to be a con man who borrowed money from me. People do get married and find love from these services and just as many or more find frustration, heartbreak, boredom...the whole gammet.. for now I find it too stressful and distracting so am giving it a pass.

Do you think the percentages of good/bad relationships compare with people you meet in a bar?

The difference with meeting in a bar or where ever face to face is its harder for them to lie about age, weight and such when you're looking at the person. As far as the rest of it, unless your a psychic they can lie, lie, lie about job, relationships, kids what ever. Any way you look at it it's a crap shoot. I met a gorgeous man in Church and he turned out to be a jackass of the worst kind. Go figure....One thing I would advise is to take a LONG time getting to know a person inside and out before making any type of a commitment....Sometimes time itself reveals the trouble in a man/woman...

This may sound hokey, but I still think it's a good idea to date someone that a family member or firend has known for a very long time.

No, Dotsie, it is not hokey at all, I know people who met their spouse through good friends. Both friends and family know your strengths and weaknesses, thus they can determine if the person is a good fit, too.

Chatty, Ditto! People in general, not just men, are the same no matter where you meet them. You can find good and bad anywhere!

Dotsie, I think that is better, but what if you never meet anyone that way?

A single woman needs a private investigator fund so if you meet Mr. Right, you can be sure he didn't just get out of prison.

Daisygirl

Dotsie, I also trust that way of meeting a man and it should be a good safe way to meet one but thats how I met the church man, through good friends who said they knew him well. Apparently he had them and everyone else fooled about his behavior, me too until I let him into my home....

Daisygirl it boggles the mind how no one seems to be forthcoming about what they are really about or looking for in a relationship. You're right we do need a Private Detective.

This is all very helpful and interesting. I particularly like Quitstar's characherization of a "job interview, and stressful making conversation." I've "been there, done that" more times than I care to recount, as well as actually becoming involved with a few of them.

Now, here's the latest episode: I am not searching on Internet Singles' sites, but in the past week, I met a man on Pogo, where I play Internet games. There is chat on there while games are going on. This man is in Maine; I'm in WV. He's divorced 5 years, very handsome, and has attended to the care of his ailing parents who have now recently passed away. He has been emailing me incessantly, is incredibly handsome and articulate. His plans are, now that his parents are deceased, to move to FL and a warmer climate. I have to admit, that a relationship with a retiree summering in Maine and wintering in Florida is appealing! At the same time, I am very reticent and even a bit annoyed at his constant contact with me. Why is that? Have I become a recluse? Shallow? Probably.
ARI

Ari, it's probably because it shows a sign of desperation. Something to watch out for.

Amen to that and after all Ari you gave your trust and other things to the last man who turned it around on you and you were hurt by him. You're not a recluse nor are you shallow, just cautious. And as Martha Stewart would say, "that's a good thing." Relax and it'll happen...

Mustang, while my message might be an older one, I must admit, my experience with dating from online have been fruitful, I see on and off again a guy who is 11 months my senior, while I want to call what "we" have an open relationship, there is that respect between the two of us also. I have dated along with he, but, in the end we come back to one another. While for me, I have learned to take each day as it is presented, as really there is nothing more any of us can do, good luck and smile

patricia, how did you meet him online?

Ariadne54, I want you to be safe both emotionally and financially b/c desperate men are out there looking for women who will take care of them. Although your choice, please do not pursue this relationship.

I will tell ya'll a story:

I once worked w/ a secretary who was Scottish w/ auburn hair (not her natural color!) who was then married to her 2nd husband (both military) and had a child from each marriage. She divorced no. 2 to marry no. 3 who she met on line and he moved from another state. He was very flattering to her. She quite her job to be near him, when that did not work, she came back to our firm and worked. Well, after nearly 6 months of marriage to no. 3, she came home to find that he had moved out, took what he wanted, to include $$$$. She was devasted. She finally tracked him down and he was in Hawaii, when she contacted him (he did not contact her) he asked her to move there with him. She asked why had he done this, he said he was embarrased b/c he lost his job. This man was consistently desperate and would do/say/take (not pinned down) anything. This woman had to live in a co-workers garage for nearly a year while awaiting the divorce -- and to save some of the $$$$ she had lost.

She divorced no. 3 and found no. 4 on line. She moved away -- never heard from her again.

Now, I've toyed w/ on-line dating, but shall no longer pursue that avenue much longer. I don't "get out there" to advertise myself either, yet I will continue to pursue my interests and if I find someone . . . who knows!

But, if it feels right, then go with the on-line dating.

I was watching either the Today Show or something over the weekend and a website regarding "don't date that guy" .com or something was presented, if I find the website, I'll post in a new thread. Apparantly, you can view those who are liars or cheaters at these various dating sites!

Update:
I asked this man from Maine to share some of his personal and professional history. He stated that he had been married three times, recounting the history of each. His work history has been working in various and dissimilar occupations, and apparently for the past 5 years unemployed while caring for his elderly parents. I suspect he is on a very limited income, though I have no real way of knowing this.
Today, I sent him an ambivalent sounding letter, hoping to distance myself from him, and rec'd a nice letter in response, not offended or pressuring in any way. I'm relieved! I hate to hurt someone's feelings, but, in truth, this sounds like pulling another creature from the vast ocean of the Internet. Thanks all of you.
ARI

Run Ari, Run!!!!!!!!!!!

mustang, I think you have the right attitude. Go withyour interets and if you meet someone, fine! Then you'll know you have something in common to begin with.

ari, I wouldn't even email him at this point.

Hi, Boomers,
I haven't written since my ambivalent reply to him, and came home from work today feeling relieved not to be hearing from him. I simply don't want to deal with a relationship now, possible ever again.
I was talking to my daughter this past weekend telling her how happy and content I'm feeling, and equating that to being "man-free," to which she acknowledged she had seen the patterns I've repeated over the past 8 years. At long last, I seem to be seeing the patterns too! It's an odd and new feeling not to be stressed over some man!
I like it!
ARI

Ever wonder why WOMAN isn't spelled WHOA-MAN???
Thats the way I now look at each new encounter...

I'm having a great time today going to all the forums I haven't seen yet and finding topics of interest. I've been doing the internet dating thing for 2 1/2 years (after 18 years of being absolutely alone, no dates, no nothin'). I ended up dating the very first guy for 8 months until I realized I couldn't deal with his fiscal irresponsibility, the litter on the floor, and his political views. There have been a number of other connections since but nothing beyond 3-5 dates. Thought I had a winner a year ago (at least he had most of the characteristics I was looking for in a man and was "swept away" by me, a nice feeling)...but his former girlfriend got cancer and he went back to care for her. But every couple of months a new prospect pops up, we do some e-mailing, some phone conversations, meet for coffee. Haven't had one run off in the middle but a couple made a pretty hasty exit at the end!! Only scary one, surprisingly, was one with my same profession (a clinical psychologist). Thank goodness we never met. He got exceptionally weird on me after a chatty little phone conversation.

I just haven't found any other way to meet men. Nobody sets me up, there are no single men at church, I can't date my patients!, no single men as colleagues. Have never met someone in a class. And have given up the bars (that's where I met the two husbands...both alcoholics surprise, surprise).

Have a hot prospect I'm meeting this weekend. Hope reigns eternal. He almost sounds TOO good to be true. I have learned to be very cautious and very skeptical. My dating mantra is ... ah, well.

Happy hunting this weekend Doc....

Remember me telling you about the mobster's son I dated when I was 18? Well, he just passed away! Here's the link if you're interested. Nice to know he didn't follow in his father's footsteps.

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/wire/newyork/ny-bc-ny--obit-bonanno1111nov11,0,807372.story?coll=ny-region-apnewyork

Wow Dianne!
It is good that he didn't follow his Dad.

Those of us that grew up around the so called mobsters never saw that side of them, at home they were just Grandpa and Uncle and Godfather who I called Uncle. As we grew older and heard the slurs and even the accusations it became evident our family was different to those seeing them but to us they were our loving, nurturing and sometimes funny relations.... Now that I am dating a Detective they must be turning over in their graves.

[ November 14, 2005, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

You're dating a detective? Give us the details girl. All of them!

Joe Jr. pretended he didn't know what his dad did. Said he was in real estate. However, when I visited his parent's home and he showed me the secret panel in a closet that hid a room stocked full of weapons, he had to know. I should have started running right then!