Family Problem...

Hi ladies. This really doesn't fit in this category, but then it didn't seem to fit into "any" category.

I have a cousin who recently spent almost 7 weeks in the hospital (he almost died, but is doing much better and hoping to go back to work next week).

He has made bad choices over the past 30 years, and is now paying for them (no money in the bank, living with a relative, no health insurance, no job.... you get the picture).

He has asked to borrow $200 so that he can use it to get started back to work next week. And there is my dilemma.

I have already given him $450 over the past year (and he can't pay it back). He's a good soul, I love him dearly, and I want to help. But I really don't want to give away another $200, even though I know it's the right thing to do.

I work a full time job and two or three part time jobs (depending on time of year), to keep myself afloat. There were times (before his illness) when he'd stay home from work for a day because he couldn't afford the gas. Instead of trying to find better employment there would be excuses.

I'm annoyed too because the day he went home from the hospital he started smoking again (which the doctor has said is contributing to his many health problems). I know that is a difficult habit to break, but people "do" manage to do it. Funny, there is always money for cigarettes.

There is really no advice anyone can give me. I'm just trying to work through my feelings on this today, I have to call him back this afternoon and give him an answer.

Sigh...

Whirlwind

Whirlwind, what does he say he needs the money for? Is he specific? If he needs a new suit for work, then take him and buy a suit - but don't just hand over the money.

If he needs transportation to work, buy him some bus passes or train tokens or something, if you're near public transportation.

His history sounds like you'd be throwing your money away if you just give him cash, but if he's sincere and needs help to "get back to work" and you can help him with specific items he needs to be successful, then that's good. But not if it goes towards buying a case of cigarettes.

My 2 cents... and good luck!

Dancing Dolphin is absolutely right whirlwind. I would like to ask about something you said above...WHY do you say giving him MORE money is the right thing to do???? It is NOT! You have done more than your share it seems and cigarettes aren't cheap, yet here he is smoking. I would say NO, sorry, I don't have it and in fact you probably don't have it, to throw away because giving it to him is the same thing. I have a similar problem myself I am dealing with. I finally just said NO!!!

You've gotten great advice here.

Our philosophy as far as lending money goes is that unless we can afford to give it away, then we shouldn't lend it becasue as you've found it, it's not often paid back.

This is something that irritates the heck out of me. I would never think of not paying someone back while running around buying new things for myself, house, yard, etc. Can you tell this has happened to us? I don't care if they give you a teeny bit each pay check, but at least make an effort.

As DD mentioned, the best way to lend money is to make a payment for them, or purchase precisely what they need. Done that too.

If you can find out exactly what he needs, maybe a local church can give him the money. Quite a few of the churches around here will do this.

If you end up saying no, maybe you could buy him a little food or something?

Oh, I and I think more and more of us are going to be in this boat with the economy.