Why do people do this?

Just went to collect the mail and there are a ton of sympathy cards (my FIL died this past week) and most of the cards are addressed to only my husband. A few were to Mr.& Mrs or Mr & Family.

I mean, I lost my FIL, he was a part of my family too! I feel a loss just like my husband and if the truth be known, it was me who remembered his birthday and Fathers Day, not my husband.

I found tears welling up in my eyes as I read the contents of the cards and the caring but it hurt me.

Dianne,
I'm so sorry. First about your father in law and second about the insensitivity of those sending you cards.
It's probably not intentional and if the people are elderly, there was a different standard of etiquette a when they were growing up. My thought is to take the best of what was offered and let the resentment go. :--))
Hugs!
Casey

I don't think it's really resentment (but then again, it could be!) it just hurt me.

So long as you don't transfer your hurt feelings to David, he didn't send those cards and can't help the insentivity of others. I wouldn't even mention it, just leave him the cards and see if he notices it. It always amazes me how others can intrude into our happy lives...

Well, I'm with you Dianne.

It's hurtful. Very hurtful. and these people are insensitive. I'm pretty sad that these people didn't identify you as a family member. I've been through this too. And it's a pretty painful exprerience......When my parens died, my siblings got most of the cards, etc. I can only figure that they were the ones inovolved in the burial rites.....I had to be involved in Nichole's illness at the time..... This is still a sadness......

Search

Well, You can count this as a sypathy card just to YOU.

Please accept the sympathy of your boomer sisters in the loss of your Father in Law. We understand your pain and will keep you in our prayers. We will pray for peace in your family and in your heart.

You have our deepest sympathy.

smile

Thanks ladies. A beautiful, polished cedar memory box came in the mail for David. It contains a book for pictures, family tree, etc. from the company. I mean...it's beautiful! So, I placed it on the counter and surrounded it with all the cards so it was the first thing David saw when he came home. He was very touched.

I've decided that my FIL knew I loved him (I also busted his chops when he needed it too) and that's all that matters.

This has been a valuable lesson for me. I will always remember the spouse of the one who lost a parent in my cards. Their name will be included and I'm sorry for those who felt the same sting of pain that I did.

I don't know why people are so insensitive when it comes to doing things like that, but they are and will, I fear, continue to be. I truly don't remember if this sort of thing happened after Chuck lost his father.

I DO know that my mother insisted we be listed as "her beloved children Jacquleine and Charles" and the same for my brother and his wife. We were all unbelievably touched. The funeral director said he's never had anyone do that before. I thought it was beautiful.

Dianne,
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Our in laws become as much a part of our lives as our own parents. Sometimes we share special interests and memories the natural child can't or won't. Our relationship with them is specail because of that.

When my husband passed away, his ex-wife (whom he said he left because she was boring) called the funeral home and ordered the exact same floral arrangement that I selected to be placed by my husband's casket. So there was one from me and one from her on either side.

Then she wrote an article about him which was published in the paper in Omaha, NE where the two of them had lived listing herself as a survivor right along with me and his mother, brothers and sister.

Then she held a memorial service for him in Omaha and invited all their mutual friends to attend. Oh, and by the way, you can attend if you want to, to me....

I have never been so angry or hurt in my life. I emailed her but her reply was nasty and she accused me of being unreasonable.

Even though John was no longer with us and didn't know the difference anyway, still it was me she hurt and made me feel that my simple funeral for my husband which was filled with little things of his and song we both loved and memories we shared, was small and inadequate.

Still having a hard time with it.

Dianne,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

I'm glad you brought this up though because I know how you feel. The same happened to me a year ago but not so much with the cards as with comments from people. (Tell you husband I said, etc.)
Because of your post I will now be much more careful about how I address sympathy cards in the future as well. thank you!

Gads, Number5. You lose your husband and then, have to deal with that on top of it? That woman is a loser.

I thought it was nice that my husband's ex wife sent flowers but if she had shown up at his memorial service, it would have irritated me. I'm really sorry that was done to you. I'd be upset too. Maybe she needed the attention? Sad.

TVC15, I also learned a lesson through this. And, I also received comments to pass onto my husband but I just smiled and said thank you. What are you gonna do?

So, now I know. Thank you all for your support.