My husband is such a butthead....

He plays too rough sometimes and then blames me for getting into a fight with him when he doesn't know when to quit. I've been trying to get through to him for the seven years we've been together, but so far, he just doesn't get it. How do you get through to someone about projecting? They project and blame because they can't or won't see their own behavior... I'm really pissed off about this, and I'm almost ready to brain the poor bastard. What the hell am I going to do about this?
Not having a good weekend,
Lil who's rapidly turning in Kali standing on Vishnu's chest

Lil,
Only going on what you have posted, but it sounds as if he KNOWS he has he upper hand, and likes the power behind knowing this. I may be wayyyy off, but it also sounds as if he uses this as a way of working off his own frustrations...he may not be King somewhere in his life (his work situation maybe?) but he is when he dominates the scuffles? Just a guess. Me thinks if any of the above is true (and what the heck do I know?), then calmy, very calmy, sitting down and having a heart-to-heart is in order here. When does it become too rough? When the other person is uncomfortable with it, or in danger of it going too far. Then...when and IF it does, it is a whole new ballgame and becomes abuse. Take care, and I hope I haven't said too much. Trying ONLY to help. Honest

Ah projection, I know it well. I should email you privately and fill you in on my projector!
And I think jawjaw has the right of it in your husband feeling powerless or emasculated elsewhere and bringing his frustration home to you. As much as I believe in heart to hearts, I know that everytime I tried to work thru issues with my hubbie, he'd get defensive. I strongly recommend finding a local pastoral counseling service in your area and having a mediated heart to heart. Don't leave it too long, either.

LOVE THAT HURTS

If you love me
why do you hurt me?

When things go wrong
why am I the one to blame?

Your anger for something else
always explodes my way.

Just when I start to forgive
and start loving you again

Life takes a bad turn against you
but its me that you seem to hate.

What did I do to deserve
the tempers that flare?

Is it becasue I'm the one
who happens to be there?

Yet another example of "we always hurt the ones we love" because, I think, they are the quickest ones to forgive us. Yes? No?

Also, because they can. Simply because they know they can.

It's almost like a child who misbehaves and the Mother says "if you do that one more time..." but she never follows through with her disciplines. So...the child misbehaves once again. And the Mother says "if you do that..."

Just a thought or two ...

Oh I don't know ...I may forgive but I don't forget...all the little hurts eventually pile up and then it gets harder and harder to forgive. I try hard to just sluff it off my back but it really gets to me at times.

My husband has been deceased now for almost 4 years. I wish I could have back every little disagreement we ever had just to have him back here next to me. At the time we were having them, it seemed so important and I was so hurt and angry at him for whatever the reason was he was nasty to me at the time. Life was dealing him horrible blows before I ever met him and the longer we were together, the more he seemed to take them out on me. Now, I don't mean physically, just that I was the one that was always there and took the brunt of the reactions to whatever it was. After he was diagnosed with cancer and we were fighting for his life, he told anyone that would listen that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to him because it taught him who really cared about him and how to care for others in return. And it did...it was just a shame that the last 4 years of his life were the best ones and he wasted the other 40+ years getting to where he had love and peace in his heart for others....

Micki, hindsight is always 20/20. I have read where people have said the same thing as Tim about getting a life threatening disease. Really brings what matters to the forefront.

There are people who drop dead of heart attacks and never get to that point. Don't you think?

How wise of you to be able to sort all that out about his past hurts and desire to change. I bet those 4 years were awesome. Many mixed blessings, I'm sure.