How "old" is "old"?

Posted by: NYWoman

How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 01:08 AM

I didn't know exactly where to post this, so I chose "A Very Fine Whine" because I could be perceived as "whining."

That being said, my DH and I were shopping at Wal-Mart today. I was standing in line waiting to pay for my "goodies" when I overheard a conversation between two college-age young women. Their topic of conversation was teaching dance. The gist of the conversation was that one of the women preferred teaching dance to children rather than "old" people. I wanted so badly to turn to them and ask, "How 'old' is 'old'?" I did my best to keep my thoughts to myself.

So I ask you, "How 'old' is 'old'?" Is 50 "old"? Is 60 "old"? Is 70, 80, 90 "old"? What do your children consider "old"?

I remember the movie "Wild In the Streets" where a little girl asks Max Frost how old he is. His response was "35." The little girl frowned and said, "That's old."

The floor is now open to my "old" friends.
Posted by: orchid

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 02:12 AM

I was just thinking about this age perception and comparisons while cycling by myself this gorgeous morning. I felt terrific..then I realized that my mother when she was my age, had a totally different life ...SHE must have felt her age or older.

It's how you feel, trite...though there are many outside voices that keep insisting we have to live up to our chronological age.
Posted by: Dancing Dolphin

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 02:18 AM

I think your perception of "old" changes as you age. I'm sure when I was in my early 20's, 50 seemed ancient and quite rickety. Now that I'm 50, I don't feel old at all, other than a few more joint aches.

And as I age, I realize that the people older than me - say in their 70's and up - have more wisdom and value than I gave them credit for when I was younger. I used to look at older people as kind of done with life, without realizing how much I could learn from them.

I hope when I'm really old (at 80, will I think 100 is old?) that no one talks to me like I have no sense left, like so many people do.
Posted by: orchid

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 03:07 AM

Well, honest I "felt" my age last weekend for the lst time I can remember. You know cycling beside someone who is 30 and she was having a conversation with me while we were mounting a long hill. She was not panting while she was talking and was slowing down for me. Now she is in great shape and not all women even her age are so fantastically fit.

However I have to remember that now close to 50 (I'm 49) I can still do that hill, but not necessarily as agile and nimble in style. It was a route I normally do solo, where I don't feel my age.

For myself, who doesn't have children, methinks that the passage time is just abit different unless we have a job that involves working with children. I don't realize the passage of time nor my age until I see my nieces and nephews are growing.

It is possible the state of our present health might affect how we perceive ourselves...and if we are complaining alot about our aches and pains to others, then others will see you as old.

Not saying that one should not complain..better to do something to make yourself healthier and have fun at the same time.
Posted by: gims

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 03:48 AM

Old is when you see 20-30 year olds and think they are still in their teens.
Posted by: Edelweiss

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 06:51 AM

lol gims. That's good.

If you have a good straight back and a spry gait, then you look young. It's the bent back, peering over the spectacles, and holding yourself on to any object near you for support, that makes you look old...at 35 or 80.

I noticed something interesting. When we had my grandchild to take care of, children at playgrounds immediately mistook me for the mother. At stores, I was carefully asked if I were the grandmother. While doing sports like golf or hiking, people just knew I was the grandmother. Probably because I was pushing the baby carriage with stretched arms, bent back, and groaned like a brown bear.
Posted by: Eagle Heart

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 02:30 PM

Quote:

Old is when you see 20-30 year olds and think they are still in their teens.



Gims, that is a good one! Can I relate! There's a guy working in our local post office, looks about 16 to me, but he's close to 30, finished university and worked abroad for a couple of years!

For me, there's a generation gap between my mind and my body...there are days when my mind still feels so young that I'm surprised when I look in the mirror to see those grey hairs and wrinkly eyes. My body feels the age more...the other day I knelt down in the card store to look at cards on the lower shelf of the display, and couldn't get back up because my knees just wouldn't co-operate! One of those very young-looking salesclerks had to come and help me up. Talk about feeling old!

But the part of me that feels old the most is my heart. I think that grief has aged me more than time...losing Dad, Mom, my youngest brother, all of my aunts and uncles and several close in-laws in less than 10 years has had an excruciating impact. I'm only 52 and have lost almost my entire family. That has wrinkled my heart and wearied my spirit, which I'm sure comes across to others as "old".
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 05:49 PM

Great topic.

I think it's more about lifestage than age. I also think it has a lot to do with your activity level.

After Easter, I mentioned to my kids that Pop-Pop was looking a little old to me (he's 79).

My youngest son, said, "He IS old. What do you mean?"

He spoke the truth and I was surprised by it.

So I guess I think of old as no longer being able to get around like you once did, slowing down, no longer driving, looking hunched and no longer capable of picking up your pace if you had to. I guess I'm thinking more of the physical aspects.
Posted by: humlan

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 07:57 PM

He he! Some days I feel young and spry (everything is relative, of course)..other days I feel heavy under the weight of my years..due to sorrows or problems..or stiff joints or a tummy that is giving me problems (IBS..the runny kind ).

The other day a colleague said that she couldn´t believe I was 60..this made me feel 20 and beautiful..then today a colleague laughed, gently, and said..guess it´s age right..meaning my forgetting something. I actually had to laugh with her..but I didn´t feel 20 exactly..maybe just human!

But when I listen to my adult kids ranging from 18 to 35..well..35 is old for my 18yr old! And my daughter of 35 tells me that 60 is no old age anymore..And my son of 28 says..but, mom, you can keep young if you keep fit (read between the lines here, I think). And my 31 yr old daughter, single with 3 kids, who just had her heart broken..yet again..well, she doesn´t give a sh.. about my age. I am just mom.

The kids I work with..3 to 6 yr olds..they have me starting school in the fall at the age of 6 or dying soon at the age of 60.

I mean..what is a gal to think??? My partner is 35 and we are still doing it..and he finds me desirable which is more than I find myself

Fun thread I guess the bottom line is that when I look in the mirror..I realize that I am not young anymore..and if I am feeling ok..I think..well, that´s life. If I am not feeling ok..out of sorts..then I can get sad and wish that I had more time..but I am grateful for the time I have had so far..so very grateful! My daughter died when she was 11 yrs old..and she went thru most of the phases of life before she left us I have also lost some dear friends before they reached 60..so I am lucky to be 60..and still be standing upright and can walk with my own 2 feet.

I don´t mean to be morose here..just saying what I think and feel
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 08:13 PM

I wrote this somewhere else in here last week about feeling devastingly old. I have always been told I look much younger than my actual age and that made me feel younger. Then last week I was passing a guy in a parking lot in the opposite direction and his truck got very close to my car, he stuck his head out the window and yelled, sorry Grandma!!!! I was so upset by that I called my mom when I got home in tears and said, "I am officially a geezer." She is 88 and just laughed at me.
How does one come to grips with their age as we grow older in years and yet still think and feel young?
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/05/08 11:06 PM

I think Humlan has the right idea. We should all get 35-y.o boyfriends!

I'm on line...
Posted by: orchid

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 04:01 AM

Quote:

I think Humlan has the right idea. We should all get 35-y.o boyfriends!

I'm on line...



Or the opposite, a guy like my partner who will turn 65 next month and still cycling thousands kms. annually. Seriously, I have a warped perception of "old". Because I'm so accustomed to his level of fitness (which is very good) and some of his friends are his age or older, also cyclists, they are in good health that I find it difficult to physically assess people's age correctly now.

Then I meet some men MY age, I think some of them look "OLD" because they haven't kept themselves in shape much.

His adult children don't worry about their father getting frail yet.... I mean jeez, my partner is cycling 10 lbs. of dog food in the cycling trailer for his adult daughter..he sees it as a wonderful way to be a creative utilitarian cyclist. I'm serious...just like the time he cycled 4 dining rm. chairs on the bike trailer after buying them.

However, he's relieved I don't want children, because he seriously wonders if he has the stamina/energy for wailing/rambuctious baby/child. He's happy with his 2 adult kids. (and so am I)

I believe his children think their father is "old" or his age for some of his opinions. But not for his physical health.
Posted by: Edelweiss

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 06:21 AM

Chatty, how to come to grip with a situation like that? It's like a good chess game; the best defence is offence.

You could have yelled back, "Sure thing Grandpa!"
or " Go get an eye operation!" or ...
hmmmm any body got any other ideas?

Whatever...you could decide to take the word grandma as an endearment. The word grandma doesn’t have to mean old. It also means loving, nurturing and a safe haven for many.
Posted by: Eagle Heart

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 11:48 AM

I would love my grandchildren to call me Grandma! Because they're STEP-grandchildren, they just call me by my first name, and call my hubby Papy (the French term of endearment for Grandfather).

But a few weeks ago, we were finishing up a wonderful day's visit with the grandchildren, and were just heading out the door. Hubby's son called to the 18-month-old..."come say good-bye to your grandma"...it was the first time in seven years he had actually acknowledged me in that way. That word "grandma" coming from him really touched my heart. It didn't make me feel old, it exhilarated me.

But I'm not sure how I would feel about someone calling me Grandma in traffic like that, especially if it had any kind of derogatory ring to it...I'd probably laugh it off, and then think of a great come-back - about six hours later!!!
Posted by: jabber

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 01:13 PM

The funny thing is, I was just thinking about the age issue when I logged on this morning. I remember in my preteen years, I thought 15 was old. Then in the teen years, I thought 21 was old. In my 20s, I thought 60 was old. Now, 75 doesn't even look old 2 me. John McCain will be 72 in August and I know some folks in their 70s, and they don't seen old. But McCain lived an era of being a prisoner of war, and an era of mistreatment, and other problems along the way, and I guess that aged him beyond his years. A few years ago, I had a friend in her 80s; and, she looked 60 something. Now, because of abuse, she looks 100 plus. But up until 3 years ago, she colored her hair and dressed to the hilt and looked 20 years younger. Age is a weird thing.
I don't feel my age. Folks say I don't look my age. And, like chatty, I'm having trouble facing the fact, I'm as old as I am. To answer Chatty's question, "I have NO idea how you deal with this issue." And I doubt if anyone else does, either.

P.S. I've known young people that looked old, and old people that looked young. The bent back thing does make a person look over-the-hill!!!!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 08:08 PM

Anyone ten years older than me is old. I have decreed it.

Ann...I think 87 is the new 77....
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 09:41 PM

I would like the gals who came to Vegas to tell me HONESTLY if I looked my age. I was sick that weekend but it didn't make me older just a little less frisky...Please girls, I really want to know. Good or bad!
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 10:24 PM

Chatty, I think we ALL look our age and I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm happy being my age because it means I'm still alive.

The next time someone calls you Grandma, you can always reply, "Why thank you! You're such a sweet little boy!"
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/06/08 10:55 PM

Don't forget girl, I have pic's....and I agree with Meredith, we ALL looked our age, me thinks but I was the cutest one. Whatttttttttttttttt? Okay, okay....(tuff room.)
Posted by: jabber

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/07/08 01:00 PM

jj,
You always make me smile!!!! I've never seen any of you in person, but after reading your posts, I sense you're young at heart! And what sweet, sweet spirits you ladies have!!!
And I'll bet every one of you are youthfully pretty!!!!
If "youthfully" is a word, that is! Otherwise, you're young and beautiful!!!
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/07/08 01:17 PM

I think Anne and orchid 's mention of activity level has a lot to do with how we perceive age. Only two years ago, when Dad was getting around very well, I didn't think of him as old. Now that he's no longer driving and having a hard time walking, he seems/looks old to me.

I really believe that when we stop using it, we lose it. And I'm referring to mind, body and spirit.
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: How "old" is "old"? - 05/07/08 08:22 PM

Heck I'll accept youthfully, word or not...

WELL ladies, that answers my question in a back handed way, geesh, I am officilly a geezer...I may as well let my chin hairs grow...ho humm!