Feeling Sad and Lonely
Posted by: NYWoman
Feeling Sad and Lonely - 12/17/07 03:18 AM
Where do I fit in? At 55 years of age, I've come to realize that most of what I want to talk about is foreign to non-babyboomers. I have participated at another message board for over two years and decided today to "cut the cord." The women there are primarily young marrieds with young children. Why would they want to associate with an old fossil like me?
I cried my eyes out today because I was once again feeling excluded. That is an issue I've dealt with since childhood. Can I just say I want that feeling to stop? I want to feel part of a group.
I've tried other message boards, including this one, but still I feel on the outside. I am married to a wonderful, loving man (he's 61). We've been married for 35 years. We have a 27 year old son. Our son is developmentally disabled, hence we will never become grandparents.
How do you shake feeling like a misfit?
I realize I'm wallowing in self-pity, but I can't ignore my feelings.
I'm also an adult orphan. My dad died when I was 11 and my mom passed away in 1990. I have two older sisters back in NY where I grew up.
I live in California because my DH is a native of the SF Bay Area.
We so much want to get out of the area. Our dream is to move to Great Falls, Montana. There is something about that town that feels like home.
Okay ... I've just rambled on and on. Thanks for listening to my "fine whine."
Posted by: mrs_madness
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 12/17/07 05:11 AM
Move!
You've waited long enough. Pack up your husband and your son and go. It can be done, what are you waiting for?
The Russians who speak English have a wonderful phrase I've heard many times when I speak of some off-the-wall notion I have. They'll always give me a deapan look and say "Why not?"
Then I can't think of a really good reason why not.
Your dream is to move to Great Falls MT. Why not?
Posted by: ladyjane
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 12/17/07 12:27 PM
Also, your life can mirror some of ours in many ways. You should never feel like a misfit here. We're all walking this journey and I never thought I would find myself in such a place as this...at BWS. Here, I've found friendship and understanding. Oh yeah, we're all different but share a whole lot more than we don't! We understand, give advice when asked and sometimes someone will say something that gets me thinking in a whole new light. It's well worth an effort. You're not unusual!
Posted by: gims
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 12/17/07 05:46 PM
The question that comes to my mind is, "why aren't you spending more time with us?" Give us 30 days, no, make it 2 weeks... come in, contribute, share, ask questions, make suggestions... I think you'll feel a difference.
Grab a chair and put your name on it.... I think you'll see and understand that some of the others of us are experiencing some of the same feelings (re: ladyjane's comments).
Posted by: glessmom
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 01/03/08 05:51 PM
My goodness, NYWoman - start planning your move to Montana right away! It's a lot harder to feel sad if you have exciting things to do in your life and something wonderful to look forward to. (spoken from a point of experience there!) You may never have grandchildren - but you will have your son with you - which is a blessing in itself! Confidentially - I may never have grandchildren either - as my oldest is gay and my son is 17 - so there had better not be any grand children from him anytime soon - if at all while I am on the earth!
We are here - and maybe we are all fossils too - but we speak the same language - right?
Posted by: Saundra
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 01/03/08 08:18 PM
Dear NYWoman. There are no misfits here. We all fit in. You'll find your place with us while you're packing to move to Montana.
I'm 60, single, both parents passed away, no siblings, and no children. You sure you feel sad and lonely? Maybe you just don't belong in the city you live in now. I feel I should move too, but don't know where to go.
Posted by: Anonymous
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 01/04/08 03:29 AM
Dear NYWoman, I've lived in Great Falls, MT while stationed at Malmstrom AFB. It is a very 'family oriented' town. Hope you like snow b/c it snowed Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends! Yet, there's a great pancake house on Fox Farm Road, waterfalls, CM Russell Museum, B&Bs, charming homes, etc.
I know what its like being an outsider, I've also struggled with that most of my life. Now, I accept my "geekish" self and found moving to the country with less folks enlightening. Yes, its an oxymoron, I miss being part of a 'family' or 'group', yet crave being on the outside or in the country away from crowds! Gosh, now the city is moving out my way and I'll need to move further out!
NYWoman, God Bless ya & let us know how your moving plans come along!
Posted by: NYWoman
Re: Feeling Sad and Lonely - 01/20/08 04:57 AM
Quote:
CM Russell Museum
DH and I totally enjoyed the C.M. Russell Museum. If our house could sell, we'd be on our way to Great Falls in a heartbeat. We have to trust that when it's meant to happen, it will. Okay ... right now I'm hearing Billy Joel singing "Keeping The Faith" in my head. 
NY Woman, I was just about to turn my computer off for the night when I saw this thread in active topics. I could not resist replying to a "sad and lonely" topic title. Here's something I wrote in my teens because I felt like a misfit, and was trying to convince myself otherwise. " I was not a misfit. There was something missing in me, and if only I could figure it out, I would figure it in." You asked, "How do I shake this feeling?" I lived in 8 different states, a hundred different cities, with divided families, foster families, and in psych wards with my own different states of mind simultaneously. Even in my own families (yes, plural) I would ask my grandmother if I had been adopted because I did not fit in. (A counselor later told me that I was born sane to an insane family, thus the poor fit.) I'd run away and end up with foster families which felt like a better fit than the aforementioned multi-families. But no matter where, I always felt like an outsider. In my case, I learned that it was not about where I was or who I was with, but about a "fitting" relationship with myself, and dare I say a Higher Power. When I began to believe that God accepted me for who I am, I began to accept myself, and I began to feel accepted by others. (still a wee bit insecure, though.) This is not meant to be a lecture; it is just my way of letting you know you are not alone, and that I and others can relate. As a boomer woman you are certainly not a misfit, unless we are all misfits because a misfit does not fit anywhere except with misfits, and with all these boomer women, there would be an entire subculture of misfits, which we are not. OK, I better sign off for tonight. Love and Light, Lynn
Sad and Lonely. Wow! I think that's a place that is familiar to most of us. I am the youngest of 12 kids from Kansas. I totally understand. Sometimes the loneliest place of all is in a crowd of people.
I have spent the last 1 1/2 years working on ME every single day. I have FINALLY realized that no one else can do anything for me. I have to do it for myself. I am a poet as are many many others. But it is a fact that not ONE of them can write the poems God intended for me to write. Nor can I write anything that is theirs to write. Same with a day. It is a special gift to you from God. Use it wisely. Sometimes I ask him almost minute by minute "How can I serve you today, God?" or "What should I do NOW?"
I just wrote about this in my prayer letter last week. When I start feeling discouraged or sorry for myself, I start literally screaming at satan to get out of my life (presuming I'm home alone) and leave me alone. I totally call on God and ask Him to get rid of satan for me.
I agree with all the other women. Start packing and get to Montana. We will be with you when you need us.
God's Little Pencil,
Joan