Loved it or regretted it?

Have you ever taken a vacation with your elder parent?…
Did you love it, or did you regret it?

Hubby and I are taking my Mom and a good friend of hers on a vacation. Actually my mother wanted to go on a cruise, but the trip to the boat is just too complicated and exhausting for her. So now we are flying to Mallorca (only an hour's flight) and will be staying in a Rio Hotel.

My mother is 85 and her friend is 83. Has anyone gone on a vacation with their elder parent or parents? How did you faire? I'm glad Hubby is coming along. On the other hand, he may become a basket case as well, and I'll have my hands really full.

My Mom's friend talks non-stop, and my mother is very hard of hearing, so we'll be shouting at her the entire week. Mom can't walk far, and her friend can't walk enough.

Our trip isn't booked till the end of March. If you don't hear from me sometime around the second week of April, then you can figure I took a loooong walk on a short pier. Ahoy

Oh, my ... but you are a brave woman! I'm trying to remember when my parents and I took a trip together. It's been a long time. While I love my parents dearly, my weekly spend-the-night and pizza out with them is difficult enough sometimes -- and then I feel guilty.

Since my Dad's accident when he was 80, they don't go anywhere except locally now.

Bring an iPod so you can tune out sometimes for short periods of time!

Actually, I admire you and your husband. This will mean the world to your mother, I am sure. I really kind of wish something like this were possible with my parents.

Hannelore, my best friend and I took her parents and my Mom on a Sunday all day adventure to a place in Newfoundland that they had never been in all their years of living there, kinda like in our own back yard deal.
I have the best memories because we made the trip theirs. We catered to their every whim. It is one of the many memories I now cherish. Mom is no longer with us. I remember how she talked about it long after.
I think this trip is a perfect time to create a cherished memory for you, your Mom and her friend. Hubby will get through this and will probably enjoy it as much as everyone. Have a great time.

chick

Have fun Hannalore! I agree there are some wonderful memories to made on this trip!

Thanks Gals. Actually my feelings are see-sawing between what Eviltwin and what Chick said.
But I am grateful that we can do this for her, and we will orient ourselves to thinking this is not our vacation; this is Mom's and her friend's vacation.
I'll send Hubby off to play golf if he can't take it.

Hannelore,

I'm currently on my 4th or 5th trip with my parents in less than 2 years...my sister is also on this trip...as well as my daughter and 7 month old granddaughter...

some of the trips have been easier than others...over all...I'm grateful for the time to spend with them...I go with no agenda of my own...I'm the designated driver...and try to let them have the experience that they want...

Good luck...have fun...

I would consider renting a portable, light weight wheel chair for your mother. My sister and I did this for our aunt on a trip and it really helped. Uh...good luck!

Hannelore,
Chick had a wonderful way to handle the trip - "we made the trip theirs. We catered to their every whim." I am going to remember that!!! We (my husband and I) have taken my folks (his have both passed) on a couple of trips, no more than 600 miles. If I'd had chick's frame of mind, the trip would have been so much better. As it was, I was wanting to go home so badly throughout the trips. Of course, HL, you probably aren't dealing with dynamics anywhere similar to what goes on between my parents. I sure hope you're not! My mom is the incessant talker, having to feel every quiet moment with some senseless question - sorry, but that's how it comes across. I guess she doesn't want to be in her own head with her own thoughts. UH, OH, I've gone and said too much again... oh well, I'm not retracting any of it. It stays as typed.

We took my dad to a family wedding in New Orleans and used a wheel chair when we wandered the city. It worked beautifully. He never uses one but we thought he'd need it since we wanted to really get around and see verything in one day.

Go with the selfless mindset and I think you'll be fine. The fact that she has a friend going is perfect. That way they'll have each other if you and hubby want to skip out on your own to do something.

I want to take my dad to the beach for his birthday. It's about three hours away. We can go for a night or two. I just hope he's up to it. He is sticking closer to home all the time.

Oh and Hannelore, a long walk on a short pier reminds me of Mom. She used to say that. I haven't heard that in a long time. What a hoot.

Dearest Hannelore,
One time when Daddy was first in the throws of dementia, Mother, my sister Brenda, and I ... along with Daddy, took a 12 hour trip (driving) to Williamsburg, VA. He read every billboard between Alabama and Virginia. I can promise you that. Every sign, every post, everything. We got there on a Wednesday night and had dinner at a great place right in the middle of Williamsburg. Oh how lovely and ancient and authentic it was! We loved it. Even the waitresses wore period clothing and spoke the "language" of the 1800's. It was great.

We got back to the room and Daddy want a six-pack of beer. Why? We couldn't figure it out, but he did and insisted to the point that he got biligerent. We were unfamiliar with dementia, so we got the beer. He never drank it. He went to bed once he saw we bought it.

The next morning he said, "Well, I'm ready to go home." We said, "WHAT?!!!! We just got here!" He got angry, very...and was almost violent which was TOTALLY out of character for him. So we had no choice once we figured out what was going on with him (dementia) and we loaded up the car and started the 12 hour drive home.

Was it worth it? YEP. We laugh about it now. It was SO worth it. And let me tell you, if I could have one more trip with him, dementia and all, I'd gladly take it.

Enjoy your time. Be glad you have it. Be glad you have HER.

2 recent stories about taking an elderly on vacation out of town...but they are not my own direct experience (yet):

My sister and her hubby accompanied an elderly 85 yr. Canadian woman back to her former home country, Sri Lanka. They accompanied her around and also through her, got hooked up to her friends where they experienced stuff a normal tourist wouldn't get. For her, it was visiting Sri Lanka for the last time. She knew this.

Then the following year in Dec. that huge tsumani hit Sri Lanka, Thailand, etc. made world news, flattened part of her home town. Elderly woman had returned to Canada with my sister ..she died a few months after the tsunami disaster.

So it was a special trip in many ways-- and things, many people gone forever.


Right now, my partner must deal with telling his 92 yr. mother that she is unable to fly 4,000 kms. to see her grandson's wedding this summer. She is wheelchair bound, has major heart problems, and is quite frail in nursing home permanently. The doctor has already told my partner she is not to fly in planes.

My parnter doesn't know how to tell his mother. I know he will delay this until maybe a few wks. before wedding.

What would you do/say?

Is there a way it can be live-streamed to a computer so she can watch? Or is there someone who would committ to posting lots of photos immediately after the wedding?

Quote:

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Is there a way it can be live-streamed to a computer so she can watch? Or is there someone who would committ to posting lots of photos immediately after the wedding?

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She is not computer literate at all. Most likely we would have to be back after 1 wk. and visit her, to help her see photos. My partner bought her a flat panel TV with a built-in DVD player...so she knows how to play her favourite DVD movies that he bought her this past Christmas. (Sound of Music, Amadeus..etc.)

We'll get stuff to her..though slightly delayed. My partner naturally loves using the digital camera....alot.