Di - Childlessness Bothers Men

Posted by: Dotsie

Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/22/07 02:31 PM

Di, I saw this article online and thought you might be interested in it.

The title is Childlessness Bothers Men More than Women.

http://dreddy.blogspot.com/2007/10/childlessness-bothers-men-more-than.html
Posted by: jabber

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/22/07 06:01 PM

Dotsie,
Then you've got the men that make babies, and leave both the mom and the offspring. I'm NOT sure about that online article; I personally know women that couldn't have children and it traumatizes the heck out of them.
You have to wonder about some of these survey claims????
Posted by: Di

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/22/07 06:20 PM

Several men I know (on our site) are saddened. But the majority are women who are crushed.

I think the women in the article are mostly those who CHOSE childlessness and are "ok" w/being career women. I am not, and never was, happy with being a career woman. Probably why I completed a two-year degree plan only to be "ready" for motherhood.

Alot of our membership are women who are married to men who've already had kids....and do NOT want more. They've "done their time" and are not interested w/more with their current wife. It's very, very sad to read that.

Then there are men who just out and out do not want ANY. Granted the women KNEW of this and "thought" they could convince the men otherwise later on, but no go.

It's a sad, misunderstood part of life that many just don't "get". They try, but you have to be in our shoes to really grasp the whole thing.
Posted by: Lefty_Writer

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/22/07 07:19 PM

I am childless, and for many pre-menopausal years I let that bother me some, mainly because I'd just assumed I'd be a mother someday. But I also felt excluded from the "Mother club," and so many articles in traditional women's magazines didn't apply to me. As a post-menopausal boomer, I can now look back on my childless child-bearing years with no regret, as I love my life now. Besides, I have lots of nieces, nephews and now grand-nieces and nephews to spoil.

As a new arrival to this group, I would love to know if there are other childless women in NABBW, and what your experiences have been like.
Posted by: Di

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/22/07 09:56 PM

Mary Anne, I started this thread some time back.
http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com/forums/s...age=0#Post89153
Posted by: Lefty_Writer

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/23/07 02:10 AM

My apologies, Di. Like I said, I am new here. And this struck me as a topic that I am much interested in.
Posted by: Di

And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/23/07 03:06 AM

No need for apologies! I posted the link so you can participate!

You are welcome to our website as well. (See my signature)
Posted by: orchid

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/23/07 04:17 AM

Quote:

Several men I know (on our site) are saddened. But the majority are women who are crushed.

I think the women in the article are mostly those who CHOSE childlessness and are "ok" w/being career women. I am not, and never was, happy with being a career woman. Probably why I completed a two-year degree plan only to be "ready" for motherhood.

Alot of our membership are women who are married to men who've already had kids....and do NOT want more. They've "done their time" and are not interested w/more with their current wife. It's very, very sad to read that.

Then there are men who just out and out do not want ANY. Granted the women KNEW of this and "thought" they could convince the men otherwise later on, but no go.

It's a sad, misunderstood part of life that many just don't "get". They try, but you have to be in our shoes to really grasp the whole thing.



I must in the minority of women here..who haven't regretted to have made the choice not to have children.

And I'm with a guy who yes, already has 2 (adult) children and doesn't want more. He was willing to defer to me, if I had any maternal instincts.


Now THIS is nuts to me. A guy must want to be a father (lst time or 2nd time round) 100%, not because he wants to please his wife. I just think it would have been unfair had I desperately wanted children, that he would have been dragged in half-enthused. Not fair either.

Did he want to have children at the time with his ex? He honestly answers me at that time, he was neutral about having children.

I am very much at peace, that I chose not to have children. If I was ever curious what the end result of a Asian and blue-eyed German baby would be...I just have to look at my niece and nephew...my sister married a blue-eyed Scottish-Brit.
Posted by: Lefty_Writer

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/23/07 11:59 PM

Ahhh, Di, thank you for pointing me back to the other thread. I just spent the last half hour reading through it. And when I click on your link, it doesn't bring me anywhere--could you post the URL?

To Orchid, you might be in the minority, but you certainly aren't alone. My mother had seven pregnancies, five children, and I don't think she ever enjoyed being a mother. In her day, though, very few women felt that they could choose not to have children. I think we are more open to different options today, or at least more used to seeing different lifestyles. (I can't say more "open," because there certainly are many, many closed-minded people who reject lifestyles other than what they consider to be "normal.")

I was probably my mother's opposite. In my early twenties, I said to her, "I think I'd make a better mother than a wife." My mother almost swooned at the thought that I might go and have a child out of wedlock. That too has changed today,

So as it turns out, I never married, and because I didn't want to alienate my parents, I never had children. By the time I settled into a committed relationship, it was with a man who had already had a vasectomy and was unwilling to even think about having more children than the two he had.

So I am a true CNBC-er, which someohow makes me feels more connected.
Posted by: Di

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers M - 10/24/07 12:38 AM

Mary Anne, it works now...in my signature.
Posted by: orchid

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/24/07 03:40 AM

Quote:

To Orchid, you might be in the minority, but you certainly aren't alone. My mother had seven pregnancies, five children, and I don't think she ever enjoyed being a mother. In her day, though, very few women felt that they could choose not to have children. I think we are more open to different options today, or at least more used to seeing different lifestyles. (I can't say more "open," because there certainly are many, many closed-minded people who reject lifestyles other than what they consider to be "normal.")

I was probably my mother's opposite. In my early twenties, I said to her, "I think I'd make a better mother than a wife." My mother almost swooned at the thought that I might go and have a child out of wedlock. That too has changed today,

So as it turns out, I never married, and because I didn't want to alienate my parents, I never had children. By the time I settled into a committed relationship, it was with a man who had already had a vasectomy and was unwilling to even think about having more children than the two he had.

So I am a true CNBC-er, which someohow makes me feels more connected.



Well, honestly my mother most likely was suited for less children. probably 4 or less children. Not 6. She really ran herself down health-wise after 4 children. But her attitude probably was: "Make the best of it and I have a good kind hubby that I am grateful for." Remember, she was a picture bride..she really didn't know her husband before marriage at all, so she was genuinely VERY lucky to marry a kind man like my father.

Her goal was to get a...son...and she did conceive one on the 5th child. Yes, old old thinking dies hard.

I coincidentally know quite a number of childless women as good friends, in my age group (late 40's to early 50's). So in real life, I don't feel like a minority vs. here on the forum.
Posted by: Lefty_Writer

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers Men - 10/24/07 01:39 PM

Actually, interestingly enough, so do I. Out of the five women that I locally feel closest to, all 45 and older, three are childless. Interesting.
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: And then...Re: Di - Childlessness Bothers M - 11/08/07 07:11 AM

Mary Anne,

I also have no children, and don't feel the worse for it. Most of my girlfriends have children (most of whom are adults by now) and it's pretty much a non-issue.