When People Neglect to R.S.V.P.

What do you do when the date is long past and friends and family neglect to RSVP for a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower or special birthday? I am shocked at how many parties I have had in the past 2 years that I have had to call people directly long after their RSVP was due. I would never think of not responding. I even went against Emily Post on the last invitation for a party and gave my email address to make it more convenient. Still, this week I am forced to call about 5 people before calling the caterer with final numbers. My husband says I should assume they are NOT coming and to forget about calling them. What do you think?

Personally, I think some people don't know what it means!!

I feel the same.........HELLO people! Can you not at least make a call OR send an email?????

Hi, Pam: Would these omissions to RSVP tend to be by the same people time and time again? If so, next time around, I would enclose a note exclusive to these parties in future invitations mentioning the inconvenience caused by delayed RSVPs on previous occasions. Alternatively, it could also be stated on future invitations for general info that final arrangements with catering will be based on numbers of RSVPs received along with cut-off date on which they are expected to be returned...allowing yourself a grace period of a week for postal delay. I'm afraid, I have to agree with your hubby. Phoning everyone is an additional task which you could do without but at the same time, you don't want people to show up at the last minute and not have a place for them. I have known caterers who would allow a number of extras for these "last minuters" then a take home arrangement follows for the untouched extras. Would yours do this on this occasion?

People don't respond even for business functions. I had 2 seminars last week and didn't have enough packets with literature and free samples to hand out. We had double the attendees that we expected.

I think not responding to an R.S.V.P. is just rude. But I'm finding that people don't send thank you notes either. What happened to our manners?

I find it rude too, but I'm a softie so I say call them. You must like them and want them there if you invited them in the first place, but it's such a hassle. YOu've already taken the time to send the invitation. What else do they want form you? I guess a phone call AND a party!

It's almost like a fact of life. I always feel I have to call them because if I just assume they aren't coming and then they do, I won't have enough food, or if it's a wedding or something where you are paying per head, you're in trouble. I don't think people mean to be rude. They just forget. I always respond by email when I can. I hate having to make the phone call. When it's a wedding invitation with a stamped reply card, that is really lazy though. All they have to do is say yes or no and mail it out. They still don't do it. Gee this has given me an idea for a story.

Louisa

Why not save the cost of the invitations and RSVP card and stamps and just call them to begin with. You can insist on your reply as to who is and isn't coming right then and there....works for me!

I swear, some of these events bring out the "weirdness" in people!

I started to feel that when you send out an invitation you should have a form for their credit card number so if they say they're going to show and don't, you can charge them for the food you had to pay for.

When David and I got married, I was amazed at the gall of some people. One family of four showed who weren't even invited! My friends, who were invited along with their children, were suddenly dating someone new and brought them to the wedding. Not that one person would make a difference but still... It's about common courtesy. One couple asked me for gas money to get back home. I gave it to them.

Oh, this was funny...well, not really. There was this woman who had a crush on my husband and had been a long time family friend. She insisted on being invited to my bachelorette party (by making David's sons tell me). Well, you all know at parties like that, you give the bride something sexy. She gave me a pair of flannel pajamas in a size XXL! I was speechless when I opened her gift. I mean, what do you say? I don't know if she was just clueless or if it was meant to be an insult. I donated them to our local shelter.

I think it is extremely rude not to RSVP, but if you don't get one back, you should assume that they are not coming.
Some people think you only need to respond if you are coming

I'm giving up on 5 people for our party in one week. They are all first cousins that I included because I love them and miss seeing them. None of them live more than 30 miles away. We seldom see each other or even talk on the phone but their parents, who are all in their late 70's and 80's are coming. It would be so nice for all of us to see each other again, especially since my Aunts and Uncles are getting older and who knows how long they will be around. I guess that means once the old folks are gone we will probably never see the cousins again. At least the ones that don't know how to RSVP. Oh well, I guess they just don't care about trying to keep the family together. It is really sad. Many of the others are coming and we will still have a great time. I just wish a little courtesy would have been given.

When my Grandmother died the Aunts, Uncles and Cousins scattered, including us and we never see one another living so far away. Its sad but things change if you move away.

I really enjoy all of our family and I am also a softie. This situation recently happened to me and I emailed much as I could, then left phone messages and eventually gave up. I figured that they must be thinking...."goodness hasn't she gotten the hint yet!!". So I concentrate on those friends and family who do make the effort to respond and I am not ignoring, but not going out of my way, for the others. I will always send a christmas card, that sort of thing in order to keep the doors open, because you never know what is going on in their lives to hinder their ability to respond so I dont take things personally and just get on with my life.

DebShines, you are a wise woman. That is my policy with a brother who is not participating in our family (2 other sisters). I know for a fact that he has issues, I was in the same family after all. I hope one day he will get it.

Hey thanks Daisygirl. Perhaps your brother needs to belong to a forum like this one, I know the short time I have been a member has opened my eyes to aspects of myself, some which need changing but mostly my new friends have also given me insight into some pretty good things about myself - THANKYOU.

Hi Pam and DebShines, I think we are made out of the same mold. I'm usually the one who tries to keep up family and friend ties. I don't get it. My mom, who is 85 years old, has so many friends. Many are still from school and her childhood. She still goes to class reunions. I hardly have any contact to my school friends. Maybe the older people valued their time together more. Nowadays I think people are so caught up in the present, they forget their friends from the past. I've tried to find some of the friends from my street where I grew up, but no luck.
I think this quote says it all:
Go often to the house of thy friend; for weeds soon choke up the unused path.
-- Scandinavian Proverb

Hannelore, I love that quote. Thanks for sharing it.

I'm another one who always keeps getting family and friends together. I have a groups of girlfriends that I've known since first grade and we still attempt getting together monthly. This month, we're letting the hhusbnads in on the fun. That's a rare occasion, but we should do it more often because the guys all get along too.

Anyway, there are people in my family that I call until the very last day to see if they are coming because I want them to know how much I wnat them there. I do the same with very good friends too, but I wouldn't do it with cousins, or people I might not see as often. Not RSVPing is rude, but I certainly have people in my life that I know will rarely RSVP so I hang in there with them.

Why can't some people make decisions about whether or not they will attend? It's as though soemthing better might come along?

Boy what a trueism that quote is Hannelore...When my mom passes, half if not the entire town will turn out, she still has all her school chums and old neighbors from when I was a little kid. She seems to keep in touch with them all. If I died I'm not sure anyone but my son and this family would be there but then I've moved around alot and the curse of us that do that is loosing friends, neighbors and relatives. We become a single entity, alone and not truly known by anyone....wouldn't you agree?

Yeah, Chatty Lady, we too have moved around a lot and you do become a single entity. It does give you the opportunity to make new friends but it seems to me that a lot of souls are comfortable with their groups and don't go out of their zones when new people are in town. Having said that, we have a few close friends in every port where we have lived and I ensure we keep in touch via the net or letters. When we had smaller children it was easier to meet people associalted with school etc. Now the children are bigger it is more difficult to meet people when we move. you might be surprised at the number of people who would turn up at your funeral. When my Dad passed away, a man to whom Dad had been best man at his wedding turned up. They had not seen each other for 40 years and the man only found out about Dad through the death notice in the paper. What a shame that they had not kept in touch, what is the point of showing your feelings to a dead person. I mean it was touching to us, but would have been better if they had kept in touch while alive to enjoy each others company.

Gee DebShines, I thought people clicking together like that happened only in Germany. I was so surprised to read that you experience the same in Australia. Hmm guess people are pretty much alike around the world. How true; what a waste to visit someone at his funeral. What a waste.
I find I have more in common with younger people. Maybe I'm a late bloomer, ha ha. It just seems they are often easier to get to know. They don't hesitate to invite a "Newbie"..People from my age group are more careful, or whatever.
Chatty, no way can I imagine you as a single entity. I read your daily itinerary…you lead such an active life. Wish we were neighbors…I'd probably bug you with my visits…and I don't care if your dogs sleep on the couch.

I've heard it said that people from my town are clickish, and some think it's because it's a military town and people come and go. They don't want to invest in a friend who is going to move away. That's sad. I enjoy people from other places and try to treat them like I would like to be treated.

I would love that Hannelore, I adore copmpany in my home. But I am usually the one who has to do the running and visiting. You couldn't bug me so long as you could keep up with me, I move quickly but then actually I have slowed down now since relinquishing my foster animal duties and only going to the Nursing home twice a month. The editing has kept me busy and at home and "I am loving it." I am also linked to Mystic Publishers via computer and thats handy too, less gas and time wasted.

Yeah, I love it when we have people around. But I find we are always doing the inviting. I would love to invite you guys around, we finally finished the kitchen renovations last weekend by finishing the splashback. Oops I am forgetting we do still have the floor to sand and polish. But I want to try to plan that before a few days away. I will update my website gallery with a kitchen photo that my son who is doing a degree in multimedia did for me. It is a panarama shot, actually shows two walls at right angles but he has 'fixed' it so you see it all on one plane, pretty groovy.
We lived on the Gold Coast for seven years and people there said the same as Daisygirl, that people come and go so why bother making friends. I have a number of great girlfriends from the Gold Coast and we still keep in touch. Mind you we are only one hour drive away so it is not really that much of a big deal. And they are pretty special friends, while they dont really keep in touch, we all met recently and they were absolutely thrilled to bits that I had arranged the dinner and nite out. So while I wondered if they really cared, they showed they did by going out of their way to turn up and telling me how much they appreciated it and that we should do it more often. So there you go, I will get over the "I am the one that always organises everything" I will organise it every year and we will meet and have a great time.

Looking forward to see your renovated kitchen DebShines. I just love renovating...and it sure helps that my husband is an all around handy-man. We've been doing big renovating jobs on our house as well. Do you believe a room should have a theme? Or should it basically be the same color schemes throughout the home?

Actually it would be fun to see the homes we all live in. I think it's a great idea to put pictures in your home-page. If you want, add more pictures of other rooms and the surroundings where you live. I'm a hobby interior decorator (aren't we all?)…so I just love looking at houses.

I've narrowed our friends down to those who invite us back...at first that cut a lot of them out ...and it was sort of quiet around here. I had to keep fighting the temptation to call and invite, just to have people around. Meanwhile we've met new people, through our friends that believe in hostessing. Then we have a circle of friends that we just meet in restaurants. That's the easiest, especially if they have little children. Our house isn't really toddler safe, and I have to do lots of rearranging every time they come...so this works out best for us.

HI Hannelore, yes I will add some interior room shots to my web page. But I don't really go into the theme decorating, just fit in our treasures and do what I like. I could not put the panaroma kitchen shot on the webpage because it was too long, but I have added some recent kitchen shots. The new kitchen is such a breeze to use and to keep clean and all the drawers are much better then cupboards where you have to dig around to find anything.
It's good to try out new people and invite around. I have a new lady and her partner visiting on Sunday to come to the footy with us. She has been at work for about six months and we have coffee now and again at work, but this is the first visit outside of work, and she seemed pretty excited to be asked. But it is frustrating that not a lot return the invitation, and that is probably ruder then not responding to RSVPs (at least just as rude) or perhaps it's a reflection on their time with us!!!!!!!!

Angelika (I worked out to check out peoples profiles for their names!!), I have added a few photos to my website, one shows the inside of our lounge by default, but it is a bit messy!! I will try to do some interior shots when the house is tidy!!

I just posted under "welcome" how I enjoyed your website. The pictures portray the warmth and love in your family so well.
Your new kitchen is beautiful. Is that a granite top? Wow and a fancy backdrop.
The what-do-you-call-it thing over your stove; is ultra modern. For the life of me, only the German word is entering my mind. It's such a neat feeling to cook in a new kitchen.
I think we ladies should get new kitchens every 5 years…just to get that neat feeling. LOL

I would like to work on a personal webpage as well; maybe this winter...when I have more time.

Great kitchen shots. I also have light color cabinets and love them. I like the way you angled your tile about the cool top. Very cool!

Hello again, finally won my turn on the PC. My husband and my daughter are downstairs working on her dolls house, wonderful. She wouldnt talk to him for a while after all the marital drama but they seem OK mostly now!! My 14 year old is in my bedroom watching telly and my 20 and 18 year old sons have gone to bed. And I have a red wine and time!!
Yes, the kitchen is wonderful, thanks everyone. The tiles are glass and were a challange for our brother to lay, but he did it wonderfully!! The benchtop is laminate, but looks like stone, without the maintenance. I wanted wonderful, but did not want maintenance. And I love the cream cupboards too. I always wanted green but am really glad we went for the cream, I thought I would put the colour in the splashback and then if whoever owned the house down the track did not like blue they could change the tiles much easier then changing the cupboards. We are getting the floor resanded in three weeks so then I will really be in bliss!! It is a rangehood over the cooker. I did not want one of them either, as I just thought about all the dust, and yes, it does collect dust but is not too much of a bother to clean. (I just heard husband and daughter laughing together, WONDERFUL sound!).
My 18 year old with the drug issues is still partaking, but also continues to LOVE work at 'my' hospital. I am no longer focusing on the drugs, but on how proud on him I feel. It is great to have him pop into my office, especially on his way home, when I give him instructions on what to make for tea, and when I get home, it is made. Of course this does not happen every nite, but once or twice a week which is still wonderful. There is a lot 'wonderful' tonite!! - must be the red wine, giving me a rose coloured perspective!!
I am going to add a link to an old Queenslander (house) which does Bed and Breakfast close to us. I have not stayed there, but we saw it advertised and it looks wonderfu. I think that you will all enjoy the interior decorating.
Bye til next time!!

Deb, great to see you agin. What do you use to clean your cream cabinets? Mine have been around for 12 years and really need a great cleaning. I've tried different cleaning products, but can't seem to find one that works well.

Enjoying a glass of wine while posting is soemthing I've not yet done, but I love the idea. I think I'm goign to take you up on that one!

How do you stay up past your 18 and 20 year-olds? I konk out way before mine. BUt then I don't sllep until all hours of the day either like they do when they don't have work.

I enjoy hearing about your family. You are definitely doing the right thing by focusing on the best in your son. Keep loving him and perhaps he will come aroune on the drug issue.

Dotsie if they are stained wood, try restaining them, they'll look like new and it is real easy. If they are metal or painted, repaint them. I helped do my friends last year and we put pretty decals on them too and they're really beautiful.

Oh my chatty. You think staining cabinets is easy? I don't. It reminds me too much of painting.

I heard Mr Clean makes new sponges that work well. I'm going to give them a try next.

I've seen stenciling that also looks pretty.

OMG it is one month on!! The kitchen floors have been polished and come up a treat. The cupboards are laminate and so only need a wipe over, which they get about three times a day currently!! Motivation and enthusiasm still in heaps and bounds!!
My 18 year old tells me he needs to go to bed between 9 and 10pm so that he can get up at 7am and be at work by 8am. Still keen to be at work and do well.
My 20 year old is working round the clock at Uni and then does a few shifts at KFC for some money so he gets pretty exhausted.
I must update my website photos soon!! But hard to make time between cleaning all these cupboards!!
Love you all!!!