My poor son

He called me yesterday all stressed. Wedding coming up the end of this month and his dad told him he wanted a cash bar at the rehearsal dinner! You don't do that to people who have spent time and their own money to be a part of the wedding. Good grief. He had promised my son money as a wedding gift and also told him that there would be no money. Their wedding gift from him is an old, used refrigerator he gave them. I should add that my future DIL's mother is a widow, has no money so the kids have pretty much paid for everything themselves. We're giving them money as a gift to help put that money back into their hands as our gift along with air conditioning for their new little house (they live in AZ and it get's hot!).

I wanted this day to be special for them without stress (good luck on that one!) so I told him I would pay for all the liquor at the rehearsal dinner and to not worry about it. I told my husband I was going to buy a cheap boxed wine and put it in front of my ex.

It's not that his dad doesn't have the money. He would rather spend the money on himself. Trust me, I was married to him for 13 very long years and I know how he operates.

I feel so sorry for my son. Poor guy.

Dianne, it's sad when people we are supposed to trust make promises and then back off, even more so when it comes to a parent. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough. Sorry your son and you are going through this.

I pray you all have a wonderful wedding day and are able to rejoice in the love these two persons share, liquour or not!

I may have confused some of you by saying I thought Dianne was at her son's wedding this past week. I was wrong. She was at a wedding, but it wasn't her son's.

I guess she'll be leaving us again soon so she can celebrate her son's wedding this time around.

Planning weddings can create tremendous stress. It's so sad that so much of the stress boils down to money.

It's supposed to be such a special day. I wonder if there is a way to make weddings less stressful. Even planning ahead far in advance doesn't seem to work. What is it about weddings that can bring out the monster in people? David and I had people show up for our wedding who weren't even invited! The unmarried couples were arguing and left early. It was weird.

I'm trying to alleviate some of Derek's stress by stepping in and taking care of things for him and Missy. I never wanted to be a big part of the planning because I didn't want Missy's mom to think I was taking over. Missy and I talk on the phone about their plans but I don't give advice unless it's asked for.

My ex did the same thing to me when our son got married. Didn't pay for a thing, but now acts like the all benevolent father and grandfather, handing over money when my sons need it. That's something I can no longer do since retirement. He's a jerk, but most ex's are, aren't they?

The wedding will be beautiful and in the days ahead, it will be you they will think of with so much love, for your support and help with their special day.

"He's a jerk, but most ex's are..."

That's why they're ex's

You know, I've always tried to back away from being one of those women who talked terrible about their ex. The worse thing I could do was divorce him, which I did and I've tried to leave him behind me. Of course, with weddings, etc. they will alway be a part of your life. I have never talked bad to my son about his dad--never. And Derek has always appreciated that. It's like someone is messing with my kid and my claws come out! I'm going to have a wonderful time no matter what his dad does. This is my son's special day.

What's the fun of divorcing them if you can't bash um? Okay, I'm just joshin'... I never said one word against they boy's Daddy to them. Ever. I wanted them to form their own opinions about people. Even their Daddy.

JJ

My boys found out on their own what their Dad was really like. Now my oldest son is so contrite because he says he now sees himself now as treating his wife Gwen the way he saw his Dad treat me and he is so sad and sorry about that.

My daughter is getting married in November and her dad (my ex) is not putting one penny toward her wedding. Me and my husband are paying for everything. The kids have been really good at being frugal and keeping the plans simple. But it just burns my goat that my ex thinks that paying for his own airfare to get to the wedding is a good enough contribution. ARGH!

Vicki I hope she isn't going to let her cheap father give her away....He doesn't deserve the priviledge.

Unfortunately, that's the one priviledge he still gets to keep. How do these men do it? How do they get away with being such bast****, and still get to be held up in the eyes of their children?

I've often wondered that myself but I think it's important for my son to have a father figure no matter how blissfully ignorant he is. It doesn't take away from my relationship with my son.

I would be humiliated to not give anything toward my children's welfare or wedding but for some reason, it doesn't bother these guys. I'm just thankful that I'm in a position to help.

I guess it's all relative.

I remember when I got married, it was on a mountain, and I was wearing a prom dress, the zipper totally ripped open as I got out of the car, there were ants in my bouquet which was fresh picked for me by a new friend, and I saw a coyote as I got out of the car...which means look out, you're about the make the biggest mistake of your life...which it was, except for my beautiful son.

Now with regard to him getting married. He said that if he ever got married it would be a ceremony like in Braveheart...that's the Celt in him....a spiritual ceremony. He doesn't believe in tradition. Neither did I.

However, some traditional weddings can be so beautiful.

Looks like money won't be an issue with him...it never is.

Thought I'd share that.

With love
Leigha

Gee Leigha, do you think God was trying to give you some signs? How funny.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I FINALLY found a dress to wear to my sons wedding. Was going to wear a beautiful pantsuit but wasn't really comfy about that so my daughter and I went from store to store to store yesterday until we finally found just the right dress. Light pink and very flowing, longer in the back and has a matching shawl. Break out the self tanning lotion! My white skin doesn't look that great with pink.

Dianne, That sounds lovely...how will the pink go with your bruises? Or are they all healed now?

And do you have a pink thong to go with it? (Sorry, couldn't resist...Dee's story is STILL making me chuckle!)

You said the wedding's at the end of the month. Is it close to you, or will you be travelling to get there? I hope your son has a special wedding, full of love of family and friends, and wonderful memories for everyone there.

I still have some bruising on my knee and can't put pressure on it. Probably should've had the doc look at it.

And YES, I do happen to have the perfect pink thong to wear. I only wear thongs and I know some of the women here think it's disgusting.

Wedding will be in Northern Arizona, where I basically grew up. It's going to be like a family reunion because my sister and her husband are coming from France and also her grown children from TX. I'm so excited!

Hi Dianne
YUP...and I missed all of them for seven years. Taught me a lesson...now I watch for signs like a hawk whenever I have to make a decision. I watch my front door, back door, side doors...anything and everything.

Talk about refining awareness...even became psychic so I wouldn't miss any signs...how's that for careful. They say to balance something you usually go from one extreme to another and then balance out somewhere in the middle.

I'm still waiting for the middle! Can never be too careful! That's where feelings are great though...learning to trust your feelings! That took a long time! Finding the balance! Oh lord, it's in the door under my feet, the one I forgot to look at. HA! Ha! Have a nice day Dianne!

With love
Leigha

Dianne;

PRETTY IN PINK is what you'll be...

For all the wedding guests to see...

Of you your son will be so proud...

So anxious to intoduce you to the crowd...

Imagine his feeling, imagine his pride...

A Mother as beautiful as his new bride...

Ah...how sweet of you. Shucks. I'm blushing.

Chatty, that is adorable. Way to go girl!

Dianne, I'm excited for you. Is it this month? I'm curious to know where you found your dress. I am forever trying to find appropriate stores for baby boomer women to shop and find clothes that fit well, and look great.

The 24th of this month. It's almost impossible to find clothing for women in my age group. I was so frustrated. Found my dress at Lilly Rubin or however you spell it. Haven't shopped in there for years but had run out of options. I was lucky enough to find a sales lady who went out of her way to help me.

[ September 12, 2005, 02:01 PM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

Derek called me today with a new stress. Poor kid. One of his groomsmen said he couldn't be in the wedding because he couldn't afford to rent his tux. He's a bullrider (you read right!) so unless he has a winning ride, no money. Derek told him he'd pay for the tux. So you, of course, know what the phone call was about. Mom...can I borrow some money for just a little while? If he gets through this wedding without an ulcer it's gonna be a miracle!