memories of my 3 yr old

I woke up this morning with memories of myt three yr old's first fishing trip and i did everything i could to keep from crying until my room mate left.

My son was 3 and was down at the lake with his dad , while I stayed behind with his one yr old sister.

Before I knew what was happening, my son and his dad were coming back. My son was in tears and his dad was furious and angry. My ex threw down the fishing poles and proceeded to walk away. When I asked what happened he said ask your son.

Well wonderful my husband was walking up the trail cooling off as I look to my son who has tear streaks running down his face and marks on his arms. All he could repeat was its my fault and im bad.

So I'm guessing my ex threw my sons line in the water , handed him the pole after securing it to the ground and threw his own line in. By the time he has settled my son has realed his line in to see if he cought a fish, (now mind you this is speculation since i was not there) After two or so more times he,my ex got made and touched my son making his cry. Well this did not sit well with me, how dare he lay hands on my son, he was three and this was a new adventure to him. One his dad could have clearly enjoyed with his son.

Well any way after calming my son down as a mom would I screamed quietly at my husband and ignored him the rest of the day , consentrating on my kids.

Well this morning as i was cooking breakfast for my room mate that vision or memory came back to me in full force and i was taken off track. Now mind you my son is now 17 18 and probably has forgotten that memory himself, why am i remembering it ,, it cant be just a nastalgia thing or a moms memory thing, there are days i go without thinking of my kids or ex at all then boom they hit full force knocking me for a loop.

I feel better just sharing this very personal experience, I guess my question is , why am I suddenly remembering these times now?

oh well, back to cleaning house and trying to get on with things.

Deb

Deb,
The human memory is interesting. We have so many small details categorized in our brain most of with we don't even know - until something triggers the memory like a word typed in Google pulling back webpages on all sorts of topics.

It is hard to say what is triggering that memory - it could be any number of things, similiar weather conditions, you being in a similiar place in your life in some way, you doing something similiar to what you were doing at the time of the event, or simply you could be feeling some natural emotionals that all of us do when our children grow up - that we should have done more to help them, less to hurt them or let them be hurt...Mothers can be the toughest creatures on themselves.

Deb, you have no control over your past, or what your ex did - even if your ex was YOUR choice. The only thing you can control is your relationship with your son, letting him know how great you think he is, how competent and successful he is at various things in his life.

Praise your son for the wonderful son he is to you.

One of my favorite verses that I think of while raising my little guy, Andrew, is "Kiss The Son, lest he be angry." (Psalm 2:12) It just reminds me to give him hugs and kisses daily - as well as praises.

I know a 17 yr old son might just think that is gross =) and might disown you if you try that in front of friends - I'll let you make that your call.

You are doing a good job, Deb - and your son I am sure appreciates in his own way - all that you have done for him.

Thanks Dallasgal, its hard not being there with him every day or being there now. I just feel like i failed them as a parent. Anyway, I was told this morning by someone in a chat room that I had a self pitying personality.So i will stop griping ,lol. But at the same time she gave me a number of a company that might be able to help me get a job, so i guess you take the good with the bad. But those here are the ones whos opinion and friendship i value Thanks for being there.

Deb

Debi,

Love people like that. (not) (sorry).

It's ok to express your feelings - God gave them to you, And, Jesus wept!

I don't know your whole story - but I do know that you are entitled to your feelings!

hang in there!

Danita

p.s. I have never heard anyone being insenstive like that on the boomer board. That is what makes this group different AND precious

I guess you could call me the b-witch on this forum as I do tell it like I see it and that woman probably meant well but personally where are children are concerned we can't have enough emotion about them, good or bad or mixed, whatever. You speak your mind and to hell with anyone that dare criticize you for it. I think so often of my sons when they were just little guys, thats very normal and I think necessary especially when we are away from them. I remember how beautiful my rosey chubby cheeked Mark was as he would put those little arms around my neck and say, "mommy I wuv you." I haven't seen Mark now for 11 years and wonder if he will ever love me again. Where are your children and why are they not with you, maybe thats private and if so forget I asked. You keep on thinking and feeling whatever you waqnt and your personality is no one business but yours. I find you a very sweet person...

Chatty,

I have to disagree with how you see yourself - You are more generous then that! :0) You might "tell it like it is"...but you are also sensitive to people!

D.