Children addicted to prescription pain killers

Any insight would be welcomed.
On my birthday this year, September 16th, my husband and I came home from work to find that we had been robbed, but only my things had been gone through and taken. The thief was very neat but I am OCD and noticed the small things out of order. The policeman told us right off the bat that it was a mature woman in our own family who did it. Of course, we had a hard time accepting that statement. As the story moved through the family grapevine, it evolved that the daughter next door had stolen "some stuff" back in June when we were away. I had never noticed anything missing. She came over and just cried and cried, saying she was sorry, but she needed money for drugs. Not for herself, but for her sister and her daughter, who were both addicted to prescription pain killers. She also stated that she had been addicted, too, but had kicked it. She was adamant about only taking certain gold items in June, not in September.
The total of missing jewelry was about $5000. She admitted to taking only two items. My husband decided to go to a pawn shop in the nearest town. They told him that she had been in their shop. We went to the local police who had a copy of a pawn shop receipt with her drivers license, date of transaction and pictures of the goods. Only one of our items was pictured, but the date on the slip was September 16th.
My husband's other three children, (all of these children are in their 40's)said that we should not prosecute her because it would break up her marriage. Her husband has no idea what she did. He knows about the drugs but nothing else. Her oldest daughter has sent me a horrible letter accusing me of taking all of grandmother's things when I married her grandfather.
We have been married 14 years. Nothing was ever said about this before. I don't know how to respond to her accusations. Everyone tells me that she's a kid and shouldn't be held responsible for her letter. She's 20 years old. How old do you have to be before you are responsible for your actions?
I am so upset by all this. My feelings for this step daughter and her daughter have drastically changed. We used to be so close. I just can't believe all this. My husband and I had a great relationship before all this, but now we seem to be on each other's cases about things all the time. This has been really hard on him, but it hasn't been easy for me either.
When does the hurt go away? I asked her if she would have done this to her own mother and she stated unequivocally "No!"

I bet she would have Bookitty. A lousy druggy will steal from God if they get the chance, been there, have had that done to me.

How did she gain access to your personal property? Did she break in? Oh, and 20 ain't no kid.

If it were me, and it was, and you have those types around you, go out and purchase a large home safe, a good heavy one that can't be broken into except by a real expert and not carried away due to its weight. Its all you can do because in your wildest dreams and no matter what anyone says, you can NEVER trust a drug addict!!!! So sorry this happened to you, it really is a confidence shaker.

By the way, WELCOME to our happy little cyber home.

Bookitty,
I'm sorry for this happening to you. First, you can't trust a word she says. Period, you trust should end.

But second, the addict is a SICK person who needs medical help and we must remember that while protecting ourselves. If we start to see a person who is an addict as a criminal, as one judge put it in Robert Downey Jr.'s case, we are not achieving anything by putting him in jail over and over. He ordered rehab.

I know you are in no position to order rehab, or maybe you are. If you are, force her in. If you are not, cut her out of your life, period. She is of no use to the world by being an addict. Let your phone number be known but the door locked to her and to any drug addict she knows. Fall for no tricks and know you can't save an addict.

Prosecuting is something I would think long and hard about. Sometimes it creates bad feelings in even her dealer. By letting her fall down HARD, she will be forced into rehab.

It's your choice and I dont' know your whole situation, just some experience here for you to think about.

Please tell us what you decide and how this goes?

Warm regards,
Dancer9

We had already decided not to prosecute but my feelings towards this woman will never be the same. And the things her daughter wrote to me hurt like hell.
For years, we had a house key hidden outside. She obviously used it to gain access. Stupid, huh? But we trusted all the kids. Trust. None now. Got a nice big, heavy safe.
Her older sister got her and her daughter into drugs. She says she's clean, the others, I don't know.
We really feel violated. So we go on as if nothing happened, except I can't stand to see her.
You think time heals all wounds? We'll see.
Thanks for the input everyone.

Bookitty,
I would have lost trust forever in them and I don't blame you at all. Of course you were violated, and used. Please don't take it personal, it is the drugs, but that does not make it right, or mean you should ever trust them.

Trust is a good thing, bookitty, the more we can trust, the more successful we are in life. You tried, you found out about the problem and you changed your thinking. You made no mistakes and were kind to trust.

Drugs are evil and cause actions that would never take place without them. The drive the bus of whomever is the addict.

I don't know if you will heal, or if you will find the feeling fade a bit and be able to better live with it. I could not see her either.

I'm pleased with your safe, I have one. I learned that from my father. We should not have to live in such fear or with such protection in our homes but we do and I'm sorry for what happened to you.

Hopefully you will trust others and not let this experience colour your feelings toward those you can really trust. It's hard, I know. To be violated like this is hard to get over, it happened to me. I was hurt, angry and had no where to take those emotions.

I have not gotten over them regarding this particular person but I have made friends I feel I can trust sense then.

Good luck, bookitty and again, I'm sorry.

Dancer

Bookitty...what an awful situation to have to deal with...and such trauma for the family! It's a difficult situation to forgive and yet maintain a healthy boundary to keep future events from occurring....my heart goes out to you.

bookitty, I'm wondering how you and your husband are getting along. Have you had a heart to heart about why you're getting on one another's cases? It's one thing to have to deal with the addicts, yet another for you and your spouse to be upset with one another. You do have control over your relationship with your hubby, so I'd think about making that the best it can be. Sorry to hear you have to deal with this. Wishing you clarity and wise words for the situation.

Bookitty, I'm sorry for all that you've endured. Would it upset your husband if you changed the locks? I know its difficult with extended families and considering the two gals are not blood relations that you may want to prosecute. I wonder if you could speak to them and prepare a contract stating that they will pay you back financially the $5K or you will prosecute? Yes, you were violated and they need to earn your trust, which may take years. They need to understand that and you need to be repaid or have the jewelry that is recoverable returned (especially if family gifts or heirlooms). I understand and will pray for a resolution.

My experience has been this: I've seen people destroyed by stepchildren. Watch your back. The bio parent takes the children's side, leaving spouse vulnerable. What Chatty suggests, buy a big, heavy safe and put your valuables in there, seems wise. Take care of you! And welcome to BWS. Good luck. Prayers and blessings,

Thank you all for the support. It's always good to get views from others who have been there. My husband and I are supportive of one another, but I know it really hurts him to think that his child did this. We have talked with her twice, but I have a hard time believing anything she says. Time will heal all wounds they say. We'll see. We aren't prosecuting but I have a hard time dealing with the "getting away with it" idea.