Men I know vs. majority????

Seems like there's alot of women I personally know at work, who state or complain that their hubbies never helped them raise their children..and hence, wouldn't know how to take care of a baby,children.

These are women in our age bracket.

I contrast this against the men I personally know well who are younger than my father (1 generation after him)...my partner, my 3 brothers-in-law, several hubbies of close friends, several cousin's husbands....these men would be comfortable looking after their young children when wife would disappear for most of the day or longer.

They are active in changing diapers, feeding the children, wiping their faces, toilet training, discipline as well..not just playing with them or shouting at them to "stop".

I would like to believe that things in shared childrearing have changed alot in our generation..at least in North America amongst those born here and westernized. But maybe not.

Orchid, my experience is a lot like yours. My ex was really involved with raising our kids...he worked nights so I could work days when our two first kids were babes. He'd diaper, wash clothes, wipe snotty noses, all the fun stuff the same as I did. We lived, worked, played our entire lives here, so I can't say if this really is a problem in western society/North America or not. My dad was the same...helped out with kids, etc. My mom told him he had to get comfortable with nasty diapers LOL.

My SO was the same. He helped raised his kids too, but I don't think he was involved to the same extent as my ex as the SO seems to be a real workaholic at times, but I've seen him too help bathe the grandkids, change diapers, feed them, play with them, etc.

Orchid I have to agree 100% with you that childrearing has changed, and for the better. Men today seem to have a more hands on, active roll raising the kids. They are not just the "bread winners" or dole out the punishment as in "wait till your father comes home." In my dad men didn't do as much I don't think as the younger men do today. Maybe divorce has something to do with that and the difference in our young women. You think?

Ross was also totally involved with all parts of childrearing. It's such a gift to the kids and to the father. Heck, it's a gift to mom too. Everyone wins. It makes for better relationships and how can you argue anything that does that?

I have to say that I was surprised to read a book called Bitch in the House. It was written by women a little younger than boomers and the stories they were shared stated that women are still doing it all. They were bitter and frustrated. Very sad. I was surprised.

My son-n-law made a remark about this subject during our last visit. After I made a concerned remark about one of the games my grandsons were playing, he said that he feels his two boys are learning a different way to look at the world - that boys seem to be more feminine. The way he made it sound was that it started in our generation, and that books began to be introduced into the school systems that made boys want to be less masculine. I told him when I was in school, it was still a man's world, and that there were no 'books' telling me I was equal to, or better than, a man, or vice versa. I also told him, besides the aggressiveness of some women like Gloria S., our generation was more about 'free love.' Maybe he considers me younger than I am... because society did make a great leap while my DH and I were rearing our girls. However, I fell in love with a man who was a natural at being involved with family, no matter if it was the house, the girls, the social....
One other thought comes to mind. There was the beginning of the 'easy divorce,' which put women in a place of authority unlike all others. With divorce, mothers have the most direct influence on children, which in turn gives the children (future adults) a clear view of what women will and can do. From there, I think both females and males have been empowered to do as they so desire... no more having to live subjugated (female) or appear tough stuff (male), as far as society is concerned. Now, there are still pockets in the country where men expect men to be men, women to be women, as they understand it.

My DIL is spoiled rotten because my son does everything around the home, inside and out. But he loves doing it and she does not and they have struck a happy medium. I asked her once if his being in charge bothered her and she remarked, hell no mom, I can't do anything as well as he can, so I just stopped trying, its easier that way on harmony in the home. She said, all her friends whose husbands can't, or won't, even get their own beer are jealous and keep saying, watch out or someone may steal him away from you...

The sad thing, much to my disappointment I think there maybe much larger pockets of this old thinking of traditional female and male roles vis-a-vis childrearing and housework, still occurring in the younger generation. I didn't really clue in at all, until I heard some of the women where I work now.

and we must remember lots of women in OUR generation who have hubbies just very resistant and uncooperative about sharing childrearing and housework. And they are not from Old World cultures. Nor are they new to North American society. It actually surprised me alot because these women in person, are not shrinking violets, confident in other ways, strong-minded.....