The "different" (step) grandma

Well, the time is coming soon. In two weeks, DH's daughter, SIL and two granddaughters (ages 2 and 3 months) will be visiting for a VERY short time. (Fri night to Sunday morning). We will not see them much as we have he market on Saturday morning and they'll leave the next morning.

A feel really badly that I do not share his enthusiasm that I would assume a "real" grandmother does. I feel no connection except maybe like a friends kids. And granted, his daughter is younger than me by about 15 years, so she is really not my peer.

I also realize that many "real" grandmothers here want to reply and TRY to tell me how to do it. But what I really seek is feedback from steps, who don't have their own kids/grandkids. Hope this does not come across wrong, but as much as a "real" grandma can tell me this/that, I still won't feel it.

Then, DH wants to ask his daughter to spend a few days (maybe about 4 or 5) with us sometime. I don't mind at all...it just "might" be fun!

Yes, I love kids which is why I am saddened about not having my own. But I just so want to help DH. He is alone on this one so I want to hear what you do, as a step (not ever having your own kids) grandmother.

thanks for understanding my specific needs here in looking for a point of view from my (unique) perspective.

Di, I have been there, in the past, and I know what you are feeling. The love is different.

My advice, for what it is worth, is to accept your feelings and enjoy them in anyway that you can. It's okay to feel like you do.

Love, joy and wanting to be with someone looks different for each of us, whether it is the passionate love that your DH feels, or the feeling that you are experiencing. Again, all I can say is it is OK to feel differently about the grandchildren, his daughter and the time you spend together.

Peace to you.

Sounds like your feeling very guilty as a step-grandmother. Perhaps it's best just to do a few simple things with grandkids and let those feelings of disconnection go...over time. You cannot force the "love" or connection.

No one, not even your hubby is demanding that you must feel a special bond with step-grandkids.

My partner has a grandchild. He will be 5 years old. Parents and grandchild live thousands of kms. away. So the priority is for my parnter to express his connection as grandfater....that's very important that he feels good in his role...what I feel is most secondary to me because I never helped raise his son (the father) ...

The boy, is pleasant blonde-haired boy with a good nature at this time. What is most important is the boy has the best parent mentors in life.