Adult/teen grandchildren

Dad has four older grandchildren: Female, nearly 24, male, nearly 21. Another family female, just turned 19, male, 17. Three other grandchildren are 17 (who DOES talk to him!), 12 (special needs) and 9.

He gets upset when they don't either call him or hold any kind of decent conversation. First of all, the two younger ones live in the UK with my SS and BIL, so they really don't know him.

The older ones are (female) a new homeowner, single and working; (male) in college. They do NOT phone him.

I asked Dad if, at those ages, he called HIS grandparents or thought of them. He chuckles and said, "No, I guess not". Teens and young adults have no idea how grandparents feel. And Dad, being an "only parent" since 1975 when Mom died, I suppose is feeling sad. I, for one, do call him at least once/week.

My theory is that, since the older ones, whose mother is my oldest sister, kinda follow in their parent's shoes. My sister does not call my Dad much at all, and her husband is nearly non-communicative. He's some big-shot company VP/GM and has no time to chat!

Question: If anyone has adults grands, how do YOU keep the lines of communication open with them...if at all?

I don't have adult grands, but do have 20-something nieces and nephews. If I want to talk to them, I pick up the phone. I think we have to be the ones who reach out.

I don't have adult grands, but I get calls from my young grands and from my children. We stay well connected, but I have noticed lately, as they have gotten older, their lives are soooooo very busy - band, basketball, academics, etc. I don't see how they do it. My oldest granddaughter sometimes has three basketball games during one weekend.
If I don't hear from one or another of them and need to, I'm like dots, I pick up the phone.

Though I've known, played and babysat a niece and nephew since they were babies, no they aren't phoning me nor any of their aunts and uncle. They are in their early 20's and bright young adults who are genuinely thoughtful people.

I think this closer bonding thing might be actually more complicated when there is alot of aunts and uncle who live elsewhere in the city /country.

Maybe for our family , they just want to give even attention...and hence end up distant with all of us. this is ok, we're not their parents. I'm not certain if niece phones her mom (my sister) but there is decent communication. She happily comes to all the local family gatherings. This is good enough ...since I hear too many stories of other people avoiding family functions.

The language barriers can be very real in some multi-generational families where the older generation still barely speaks English. It is very true between my parents and all their grandchildren. What can be done about it? Not much, just make the family gathering events pleasant, memorable so that the adult grandkids truly want to come and will modify their personal schedules to come.

But Di, in this type of less verbal communication between my parents and grandchildren, is just the sheer presence of these 2 cross-cultural generations celebrating together an event, is meaningful. It doesn't have to be all talk. I believe for the grandchildren who cannot speak Chinese (not even the 100% Chinese blood grandchildren, who are as clueless as 50% Chinese grandchildren), the sheer presence of my parents to them, is a visual reminder that enhances their identity, their roots, ....and most likely enhances the understanding of their parents, the 2nd-generation Canadian-born Chinese.

To speak the same language and to have great phone spontaneous voluntary phone conversation would be great, but the present methods already will serve the grandchildren well to appreciate their grandparents...and history.

I have wondered what is it like not know your roots, mother country in family lineage, not to have any inkling of your families' maternal/paternal tongues from way back...it is a wonder sometimes for some people they feel disconnected and grab onto other external, quick gratification things to define their identiy/uniqueness.

I was born and raised in Canada. 15 years ago my husband and I packed up 3 kids and a few essentials and headed to California. It was very difficult leaving my parents behind...my Dad loved his grandkids! My Dad (he passed away a few years ago) called every Sunday to California to say hello! It was always a quick call and he spoke to his grandkids every week.

Tell your Dad to make the calls...short & sweet and it will be a lovely memory for his family!