My Dad

I don't mean to be a downer right now, but my dad is in the hospital again. He has been doing really well, and all of a sudden the other day he couldn't keep any food (what little of it he eats) down. He has been throwing up ever since. I am afraid the cancer he had in his intestine came back with a vengeance. To top it off, his last test showed his lung tumor is growing again. Needless to say, they are not going to do anymore chemotherapy on him.

He is in alot of pain and he has been in the hospital since last night. They are doing more tests, and he is in Bethesda which is one of the best hospitals. He is in good hands.

I am going to try to get my ducks in a row and then go to him. I haven't told my daughter yet and I am waiting for her to go get Zoey and then her other grandma is going to call me so I can tell Sofia while she is at thier house. I don't want to give her this kind of news while she is alone.

I just do not have a good feeling about this.

Please pray that my dad finds peace and comfort while he is still with us. I want him to enjoy what time he has left. Please pray for my mom, she needs comfort, I am so worried about her. They've been married for 45 years, they were married when she was 16. Please pray for the medical staff and hospice workers. At last, please pray that I am able to hold it together. My mom is going to need me and I want to be strong for her.

I know I am asking alot and I am sorry. But I am at a loss right now and need to get it together.

I'll keep you all posted.

God Bless you dear sisters!

Cathi

Wisdom & Life,
Prayers have been sent to Heaven on behalf of your dad and mom
and you and all family members. Situations such as this are so
difficult to navigate. May God give you peace and strength and
wisdom for the days ahead. Blessings, understanding, and love...

Thank you so much Jabber. I am so glad you are here!

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Cathi, my heart and prayers are with you and your family. Remember to breathe, and try to stay in the moment with your Dad...when you're with him, just BE and hold him in your loving presence...tomorrow will unfold as it will. Stay in the now as much as you can. My experience, and unfortunately I've had far too much recently, is that you will find the strength and courage you need as you go. Breathe in Life and let it sustain you through whatever the days bring, draw on your faith and lean against the love of your family, friends and your sisters here at BWS. You are not alone.

Dear sweet W&L

Oh goodness honey, I know this must be ever so difficult for you and your family...all of you. Please know that I'm here and holding each of you in Light, knowing that it is there, even when our lives and hearts seem darkest.

Take a deep breath, and another, and another, knowing we are all here and holding you up as you walk this journey.

If you need to talk or need some other support, let me know!

Thank you Eagle and MamaRed,

I have been posting here today and it has calmed me a bit. I didn't plan on it. After all, I have laundry I need to do..., but I am feeling drawn to post here, right now.

I am just waiting for my aunt to get there and she will let me know what is going on. She doesn't over dramatize(SP), nor does she under dramatize(SP). I have already emailed my boss at work, so I am prepared to leave at a moments notice. Fortunately, my parent's only live a 3 hours drive from me in N. VA.

Even though I am actually calm now, I still have a hint of a sinking feeling in my stomach. Not a good sign. I know my dad is headed in a much more beautiful, painfree and comfortable loving place. He is the one I have gone to for any wisdom and advise to this day. I am going to miss him very much!

Okay, deep breath...deep breath...Actually this is good. I can get this out of my system so I can be stronger later.

On the other hand, he is still breathing and there is still hope. I am just one of these people who needs to be prepared or else I lose it...

Thanks and God Bless!

Love,
Cathi

Hi sweet one

Yes, breathe, just breathe. And when the sinking feeling comes, say "thank you for that and, right in this moment, I *choose* to be calm and know I am loved, I am lovable, and I am loving."

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed. It is easy to say that we know they are going to a more peaceful place, isn't it? And yet it is hard to deal with the loss, especially given the relationship you describing.

The laundry will be there...as we all know...so you do exactly what is best for you, the Amazing Cathi with all the wisdom of the world in her heart.

I have just posted in another thread to welcome you back and read an update on your Dad from there, Cathi. I am so sorry to read of the latest on him. Please bear in thought and heart that you and your family are carried in prayer.

Thank you for your prayers, it truly means alot to me. That's the nature of the beast with cancer. One minute it seems like you are in remission and bam...next thing you know, you take a turn for the worse.

I have an update. It has been confirmed now, the cancer in his intestine came back. I didn't realize it could happen that fast. He is still in the hospital and I am going to go there tomorrow night. They are going to try to go from behind and try to remove the tumor. If not, they will do the last resort and operate on him again. I feel so bad, he had just now recovered from the last abdominal surgery where they discovered and removed the other one. However, if it will buy him more time without having to suffer so much, I do not object. My mom told me he is in so much pain though and they have him on morphine.

Thanks again and I love you all alot!

Cathi

Your family's personal intentions will be one of those mentioned at bidding prayers at Sunday Mass today, Cathi.

Cathi, I'm so sorry to hear this news. He has surely battled and you have certainly been there for him. Please know I'll be lifting all of you in prayer. Be smart while you're driving. Maybe you have an inspirational tape or station you can listen to on the way that will give you peace and calm. I hope so.

You are wise to go. Live in the moment while you are with him and affirm his life while you sit with him. Bless you.

Those inspirational tapes that minister to the soul are so very
helpful. Someone gave me a Cristy Lane, songs of Passion compact
disc. I listened to it on the way to see my friend yesterday.
What a help. Prayers and blessings Cathi!

Lola, thank you so much.

Dotsie and Jabber, one thing I have learned to do was utilize the time I spend on my trips. Interesting enough, I love to drive and travel, although this wasn't what I had in mind, but I work hard to try to look at obstacles as opportunities.

I love to listen to talk radio and I have a streamlink membership with one of my favorite shows I can download and listen to when I can. I listened to many inspirational audio books. I am so glad for these resources.

Anyway, I am still on stand by and my bags are on a permanent pack and ready to go.

Love and Blessings,
Cathi

I know how difficult a time like this can be. I recall when my
adoptive dad was in ICU. A day or two before he died, I looked into his face, and as sick as he was, I saw love in his smile.
Dad's are special people. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Oh Cathi, I am so saddened to read this. Cancer is hell, for just that reason -- you never know. I hope that however much time he has left, he is as pain-free as possible.

Whatever happens, your love is a blessing to him and those around you.

Cathi, whenever you can, drop back in and let us know about your dad. I'm praying that peace will surround him and the rest of the family as this next journey begins.

I'm praying for all of you, and sending love.

My prayers go out to you and your dad. Its so awful that when we become old we are not allowed the dignity to just close out eyes and go for a peaceful, permanent sleep, no muss, no fuss, no bother...

So sorry to hear about your Dad. Of course I'll hold all of you up in my prayers. Blessings to you.

I'm sorry, Cathi! It's so hard when it's a parent, isn't it?
I am hoping and keeping you in my thoughts as well as thinking of his soul and hoping he is and will stay at peace throughout his process.

I'm glad he is letting the medicine help him with the pain and to make things bearable.

Remember that however you feel is fine and to give yourself room to care for yourself and to think, feel and comfort yourself. Your Dad would want that for you.

I'm also sorry you must stay in a permanent state of "wait," at this time, not knowing when you will have to travel.

Stay strong but stay you. I know you have many who love you and are there for you.

I'll keep you in my thoughts,

Dancer

Cathi, I remember when my Dad was terribly ill. I was at rock bottom at the time. I think it is so devastating to see a father turn weak and dependent, a person who represented strength and love, and a role model as well. I can imagine, for many of us, our fathers have filled such a role.
But then when my dad peacefully closed his eyes, I felt relieved that this pillar of strength could finally stop struggling, and be at peace and one with God.
This is a painful journey, and it is good that you come here and share with us. And as unselfish as you are, you request prayers for your mother. Hopefully a little of that pain is relieved for your whole family.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Cathi.

Thank you dear sisters, well he hasn't been treated yet and he is still in the hospital. He is suppose to have a stint(SP) put in his colon. They are hoping to be able to treat him this way instead of abdominal surgery. Anyway, he was suppose to have this done yesterday, then it had been postponed until today and now it is postponed until tomorrow.

Either way, I am going this weekend. I was planning on going anyway. I am taking leave next week and I was planning on spending the early part with my parent's and then drive to Blacksburg to see Sofia and Zoey. Can you believe Zoey is going to be a year old next Friday?

This waiting is frustrating, I am packed and living in my suitcase at home so I can just be ready to grab and go!

Thanks so much for your support, this is where I come to find comfort.

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Cathi, I want to send prayers for you and your Dad. Sorry I am late coming here. Love your new name.

Cathi, glad to hear you're going. Remembering you in prayer this week.

Cathi, I will be thinking of you and praying. Big Hugs!!

Thank you, I haven't left yet! I have kept in touch with my dad everyday and the doctors still haven't put the stint(SP). They just want to make sure they do it properly.

Anyway, Sofia is here with Zoey and Zoey's dad. They are trying to get work things out for Zoey. They agreed, if nothing else, they should try to be friends. Zoey's 1st birthday is Friday the 16th. Can you believe it? Anyway, they came this weekend to celebrate Zoey and another baby's first birthday together. That worked out well since I am not going to be able to be in Blacksburg for her first birthday.

I am going tomorrow to Northern VA, and I am taking the week off work. It worked out well because we had major deadlines at work this past week and contract negotiations are coming up. With the newspapers not doing well, and this economy, we are giving them even more than before in order to not give them an excuse for not renewing their contracts. So that worked out well and I am able to see Zoey, who I haven't seen in a month.

Now I can have this peace when I get there and really try to spend some peaceful quality time, rather than a hurried one.

This is an answer to prayer definitely and I so appreciate the support.

I will be taking my computer with me, and I can keep in touch!

I love you all alot!

Cathi

Cathi, thanks for the update.

Boy have things changed for Sophia. I'm sure this brings you some peace. You've had lots on your plate this last year. Happy to hear this is working out well for the sake of the baby.

Safe travel. Looking forward to hearing about your visit with Dad.

I arrived late this afternoon. I woke up this morning with conjunctivitis and my eye closed puffy shut. I went to my Patient First and was given an ointment anti-biotic. I haven't seen my dad yet, but my mom was home and my brother went to see my dad at the hospital. I am going tomorrow and hopefully I won't be contageous anymore.

Anyway, a friend of ours was at the house too and he gave me a positive update. and a clearer explanation. It seems my dad is doing better. They now suspect the obstruction is not from a mass, but from his intestines having twisted. Now there seems to be a flow when they look in the MRI. Poor guy, I had a tumor twist on my ovary before and it was painful.

I'll let you all know what happens...see, your prayers are helping. God is hearing you!

I love you all alot!

Cathi

Well, my dad is home and I couldn't even give him a hug nor anyone for that matter. I still have the awful conjuctivitis and it is still crusting. YUK!

Anyway, we are spending some quality time together and I worry about his coughing so frequently. It's so sad to see him take a few steps and react as if he just finished a marathon race. He is on oxygen, but seems to be in better spirits.

I thought of cutting this trip short and saving my leave for later in case it is needed. But I have decided not to because this is the good quality time and it is going to be more useful. I will try to do what I can to get his morale up.

Thanks for all your prayers.

I love you all alot!

Cathi

Cathi, so did they do nothing to fix it? I'm a little confused. How sad if they could give him no relief.

You're wise to stay. Make the most of the visit, and hope the eye clears up.

Yes, that was why they kept him in the hospital and monitored him everyday. By him being relaxed, the intestine was able to open. It is something he is going to have recurring they said. So whenever he starts to feel a little pain coming, he has to go to the hospital right away. I heard the hospice nurse tell him today they would be able to help him if he would rather stay home should this occur again.

It's awful and he is suppose to eat less fibers.

That's about all I am clear on as well.

Oh girl, I'm so sorry your sweet daddy is going through so much. Good for you staying around to enjoy his company, and he yours. You are very wise to see the value.

Keep us posted!

W&L, has your father decided whether he'd prefer hospice or hospice-at-home care? I'll pray for the right decision for all of you.

Hi Cathi

I've been out of the forum for about a week and was checking in to see how your Dad is doing. It sounds like it is a tough time and it also sounds like you're making the best decisions possible. I bet he is glad to have you here now rather than later.

Know I'm thinking of you, sending love and light your way, along with prayers of "right action, right thoughts, and caring companons".

I'm glad your Dad is out of the hospital and that there would be immediate care at the hospice should the same problem recur, Cathi. Prayers and thoughts.

Eeeek! I also had conjunctivitis and woke up the first time today in 6 days without "trapped eyes". Hope yours is on the way to clearing as up well.

MRed, you have been missed. Cathi, how does one get conjunctivitis? Just curious.

Any news?

Ah shucks sweetie...thanks! I'm honored...

Cathi, I recall all of sitting in the living room with Mom while the hospice nurse explained what she was agreeing to. It was so sad. I'm sorry you are going through this.

But I have to say, that even though it was a sad time, hospice was amazing. We met several hospice nurses and every last one of them were angels. I'm certain. Especially Melody, that was her name. She was gentle with all of us to the bitter end.

I hope you feel the love coming form your BWS sisters. Embrace it and keep caring for and loving Dad.

Hi, I just typed in this long reply and lost it while submitting it.

I am in the waiting room in Bethesda Naval Hospital now. My dad had to go back in the Hospital because he began vomitting again yesterday. He decided to go to the hospital because the Doctors told him to do so if he vomitted again. So to answer your question about the choice of hospice, I think as long as there is hope, he will continue to seek medical treatment. I think he is making the right choice. He hasn't been told, "there is nothing more we can do". I don't blame him and my mom for holding on to any tiny hope there is.

I had to go to the urgent care because my other eye is affected. I never had the pink eye so bad in my life before. The doctor put me on steriods and anti-biotics and I am beginning to feel a little better now. It's just I have this one big bag under my left eye and I can see it from the corner of my eye.

Anyway, my mom needs prayers because it seems like she is feeling pressure from those around her. You know how it can be when you have friends and relatives who will give you never ending suggestions based on what they read online or based on an experience they had. I try to tell her to ignore what they are saying and do what she thinks is best for her and my dad. I just want to see them in peace with what time my dad has left.

Anyway, my dad is in the OR and I should have more information from the doctor when they are finished with him. I'll let you all know what happens.

I love you all alot!

Cathi

I pray all be well with your Dad, Cathi. Please keep us updated. Prayers for you and your Mom as well.

Hi Cathi

Praying for you and your family. Doncha wish folks could, at least at times, keep their blankety blank opinions to themselves! Like your mom needs anything more to deal with at the moment.

Lots of love and hugs coming to you.

Thanks for the prayers, they have helped. He came out of surgery okay and is in ICU. They are hoping to have him out of ICU by tomorrow. We were able to see him for a little bit. The surgeon was a nice young gentleman and he took his time explaining the surgical procedure to us.

Basically, there is another tumor there. They didn't take it out because it was too risky to do that. The tumor is attached to some blood vessels. What they did was an "intestine bypass". In other words, they fixed the bowel obstruction by allowing the bowels to get to the colon and out. It's the best way I can describe it.

MamaRed, I will never figure out why some people feel the need to try to intervene and push thier beliefs on others.

Anyway, this should help him for a long time. I am so relieved to hear this. I am so happy my parent's are not willing to give up either.

Praise God to the Highest, I am so glad He heard your prayers.

I love you all alot!

Cathi

Lola, it is angels like you who makes coming here such a joy!

Thanks for being there spiritually! I can feel it!

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Cathi, I'll be thinking about you and carrying you in heart-prayers throughout the night and next few days.

Every moment is a gift. No matter what anyone else says around you, keep your hope, and embrace every single chance and victory. Don't let anyone steal your hope or diminish your joy in celebrating each moment and each victory.

Oh sweetie, I'm soooooooooo glad they were help to do something to help your dad. That is awesome news.

Well, Cathi...He did promise that when two or more are gathered in His name. So, we gather and pray. And, we do that now for your Dad's good recovery. Are your eyes better?

LOL!!! I could be one of those relatives of yours. I'd recommend chewing on a bark if it's something someone passes on and says it might help as well. Then my children say: "Oh, Mother...you've gone secular. LOL!!!

Cath, remeber to breathe. I realized I was holding my breath while reading this post. I can't imagine what it's like for you. Deep breaths honey.

I see nothing wrong with not takng calls from people who are upsetting Mom. Let your mom call them when she wants to update them. Then she talks when she feels up to it and maybe they'll get the message that their advice isn't welcome. Caregivers have to protect themselves during such stressful times.

Hello,

Well, he is out of the ICU and now he is in the Cardiology Ward. They detected some kind of heart murmer. It's not unusual for his condition, but they want to monitor him. He was in good spirits again today and I think he may be a little hungry now, LOL.

I have to give kudos to the military staff there. They are so attentive and so respectful I am so glad my dad is in good hands there. They are always ready and cheerful and focused at the same time. I wanted to take the opportunity to point this out.

Well, I am leaving tomorrow. I have to go back to work on Tuesday...

As for my eyes...I wore make up today for the first time in a week. Yay!!! Those who know me, know I like to wear make up. I never ever thought conjuctivitis could be this bad. Anyway, it was nice to wake up this morning and be able to open my eyes.

Love and hugs,
Cathi

Will continue praying for him and the whole family too.
Love and blessings.

Cathi-I hope you are feeling much better today.

Cathi, how are you eyes? I hate you have to leave and go back to work. I know your heart will remain with dad. It sounds as if the surgery was a success. I'm so glad he has relief!

As others have said, we will continue prayers for your sweet dad, and for your mom. I'm sure she is a strong woman as well...I mean, look at her daughter!

Sending love,

Hi Cathi,

Been reading your posts about your dad and yourself, and my prayers are with you. So hoping your dad can come into a period of peace medically speaking where he can enjoy life and you all can enjoy each other.

I went back to work yesterday. My dad is still in the hospital, but he is doing better. The doctor told us he will not release him until he feels my dad is ready. In other words, they want to keep him until he has a great recovery. They had to put him in the Cardiology ward, as a precaution, because of a heart murmur they detected. Evidently, it is not unusual for cancer patience to have this as a result of chemotherapy.

I have to say, I never thought I would see so much care and respect as I have seen in Bethesda Naval Hospital. It was so nice to see him treated this way. I had to mention this because of the bumb rap the military hospital gets all the time on the news. I am witnessing the complete opposite.

I'll keep you posted and I truly appreciate the prayers.

My eye is finally okay, I even put make-up on the other day and finally was able to give my dad a hug before I left. I never thought the pink eye could get so bad. As awful as it was, I look at the positive side to it. I was forced to get some much needed rest and I was on leave from work anyway. This is all a part of God's Mystery I suppose.

I love you all alot!

Hugs,
Cathi

Thanks for the update.

How's your mom hanging in there?

Welcome home.

My thoughts are with your dad and the entire family.

I've been a nurse for many years and spent much time with those who faced the challenge of very serious illness. I'm glad your dad is doing what is best for himself, and that you two had a wonderful visit together.

May each day bring your dad closer to the fulfillment of his prayers.

Well, I received a call on Saturday from my aunt. The doctors haven't given my dad a good prognosis. They said he could have 2 weeks or 2 months. So I came to see for myself this weekend, and I am here. He is getting very teary eyed all the time and nostalgic. Last night, he really broke down and he couldn't take a step without getting long winded. His legs have given out on him too.

Anyway, even though my dad told me it wouldn't be necessary, I am going to go back home and pack for a longer time. I am trying to encourage him to take any little thing he wants to do and do them one at a time.

He told me he wanted his energy back, I told him I would do what I can to find out how we can make that happen and work on it.

I don't know what else to do or say...

I love you all alot!

Thanks,
Cathi

Cathi,
Thank you for the update. You are so faithful to keep us posted with so much going on in your life. God love you! What wise advice you gave your dad and given the situation, I think what you said was absolutely fine. I really do.

Cathi, use this time to affirm his life. SIt with him and reminisce. They love that. I don't know what his faith is, but some people like hearing scripture. Others love listening to peaceful music.

There's a great book called Final Gifts.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+final+gift&x=13&y=14

I recommend it to anyone helping a loved one die. Sorry to sound so blunt, but that's what you're doing. I pray it's a lovely time for both of you because it certainly can be.

wisdome and life pm me and asked i pass this message on to you all in this thread as she was rushing to get back to work so i cut and pasted her relivant words below

"... Please tell everyone I am taking the leave indefinitely and that my dad is now in a hospice facility. Tell everyone I love them and I will try to post soon."

ther you go i gess she on the last bit of journey now with her dad, i sure you all hold her in your prayers.

Of course I'll hold wisdom and life in my prayers. It is such a hard thing to loose a parent. Thanks Celtic for passing along the message - you're a good friend.

your welcome sandpiper and i happie she trusted me to pass it along.

i not sure if anyone else heer how she doing yet? i have't

Ij ust heard from wisdom and life (Cathi). As celtic said, she's with her dad. She asked that I fill everyone in.

SHe is at the Washington Home and Community Hospice Center in DC. Everyone has been lovely to her dad and all of her loved ones.

He was given his last rites yesterday. The priest told his loved ones that they are the midwives for assisting in his birthing to his spiritual life, and this deeply touched Cathi.

Today he has been taken off oxygen.

Please keep the prayers flowing for Cathi and her family. Thanks.

thanks for letting us know. cathi and her dad will surlie need prayers now more than ever.

In prayers and thoughts.

Still holding her tightly in my heart.

Well, this evening at 7:35 EST, my dad passed away peacefully. I can't really explain this, but this was the most peaceful moment I have ever experienced in my life. My mom finally gave him permission to go and I finally gave him permission this morning.

I told him to go in peace and to relax... I aaked the angels to take care of him as they escorted him. Just moments before he took his final breath, he opened his eyes and looked at my mom and looked around and at the ceiling. Then when he took his last breath, he seemed to have a slight smile on his face...

Celtic, thank you so much for posting this for me and understanding. Of course I trust you dear one...you are my good friend and sister.

Dotsie, thanks for posting the update and posting what the priest said. It really gave me a sense of releif when he said that.

I love you dear sisters alot and I thank each and everyone of you for taking this journey with me from the beginning since the summer of 2006. My dad fought the good fight!

We just came back from the hospice, where the people were absolutely wonderful with my dad and our entire family. The staff loved him because he cheered them up and he always appreciated everything they did for him. This one lady in particular took good care of him before they came from the funeral home to pick up his body.

I love you ladies alot!

Love in Peace,
Cathi

In prayers, thoughts and, most of all, gratitude for allowing us to keep vigil with you, Cathi. My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Cathi, condolences to you and your family.

Cathi, I just got your phone message from last night and came here to update. You beat me here.

I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's death, though I'm grateful you are at peace, and so is he. It's beautiful to know your faith is carrying you.

Take time for yourself these next few days. I'm not sure what the arrangements are, but know your sisters here are helping to carry you through. Many ofus have experienced the death of a parent so be sure you're in our thoughts and preayers from a very personal perspective. Safe travels.

You're in my prayers and thoughts!

Cathi, I just read this and you have my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Being a daddy's girl, I can so relate to your loss, and I want you to know that the peace you were given before his death, and since...is a gift.

I am holding you close to my heart.

Dear Cathi,

from Edelweiss

Thank you very much! I know I could rely on you. I had to go with my brother today to the funeral home and make the final arrangements. We have to wait until March 11th to have the funeral. He is being buried in Quantico in full military regalia. This is what he wanted.

Anyway, I am planning on having a memorial page for him in a few days and I will give you the link to it when it is up. I have to drive to Blacksburg tonight to take my daughter back and to get my things. When I came to my parent's, I was only going to stay a couple of days because we thought my dad had at least a week. I didn't see the need to drag three weeks worth of packing with me last weekend for only 2 days with my granddaughter and all her things...

Anyway, I am hoping to be able to build the site in a couple of days. My mom has my aunt with her while I am going to be away. I don't know how to explain this, but I need a couple of days away from all this and my mom has urged me to go. I will be much better for her when I get back.

I am so touched by your prayers and I am so touched by your friendship here. I especially am in awe of the hospice program and this hospice center. I am saddened as well, that it does not get the recognition it deserves... I hope I can, in a small way, change that!!!

I love you all alot!

Hugs and Blessings,
Cathi

P.S. Dotsie or Jawjaw, you can go ahead and close this thread whenever you are able to. I am going to treasure this journey for the rest of my days!

just before you close it i wanted to jump in with hugs and condolenses too. in case ya cume back to it later, even afteer its closed maybee just to read.

i agre with the idea of peace for you be a great gift and the permision you and your mum gave your dad is love as its most ideal.


and enjoy your time to yourself for a few days without gult, you be more refreshed and ready to take on the rest of your duties.

biggest hugs. xx

Dads are special. I'll bet, jawjaw, there are a lot of daddy's
girls on this site. Memories of my adoptive dad, keep me going
many, many days. I feel your pain, Cathi!

It's so hard losing a parent. I'm saddened by this news. Take care of yourself during this mourning period.

I really didn't realize the amount of support I had here until now.

It's the third day and I am starting to fill the void even deeper now. It's sad indeed, I really miss him very much.

I finally put together a memorial page for him. My writing isn't the best and when I tried to proofread the contents, it's reminded me of an elementary school level.

Oh well, check it out and see how handsome he was in his youth. I use the youth pictures because I believe when they are on the other side, they are back or at least close to this age. My Dad - Jim Overcast

The background music I used was Johnny Mathis Wonderful Wonderful. Before he stopped talking, his response to everything was "Wonderful"

I went to Starbucks today and bought the CD with the Swing music. He loved Glen Miller, Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey... I listened to it in the car and I started balling my eyes out. I remember when I was a little girl he would play this type of music on the reel to reel (remember those?). This would be his relaxation, just sitting and listening to this music. I would go in the living room and start dancing to this music. I remember he would have a smile on his face.

BTW, as for closing this thread. I only mentioned it because I thought it was suppose to happen this way. If not, then we can keep the thread, it's fine by me.

I am feeling the urge to go out of my way to please my mom. I feel so bad for her, he took good care of her. He was the love of her life for 48 years. I didn't want to do this, but I am going to cut my hair short. She kept telling me she prefers it that way and asks me why I don't have it that way. So when I get back, we are going to go and get our hair done and I am going to cut it the way she likes it. My dad kept telling her to get out and get her hair done and take care of herself. She wouldn't leave his side.

I love you all alot! I hope you enjoy the memorial page.

Cathi

i thought that the thread may be bringing you painfull memories and thats why you wanted the thread close cathi.

since its not the case at this time then weer else to post his memory book. I just been in and read it and viewed your pictures and your storie about him when you had whiplash and his attitude was wonderfull. I sure he was a blessing to you in life and i hope you feel he could be still blessing you.

I know its a difficult time for you and sometimes when all the rushing about subsides then the reall pain builds up. at lest you yhave this place to share your feeling with as many of us have lost parents and know that deep kind of grief and how it trickles dowen and touches all the family, frends and acquantinses he or your family members have.

As aqutlie painfull as this time is its also a time that will stick in your memorie for a long time, at lest it did with me. I hope your gentill with yourself and allow yourself to feel all the diffrent emotions that come at this time. I hope you feel or witness the miricales that can happen at this time within a familie, good luck and my thoughts are with you. xox

Dear Cathi,
You wrote a beautiful memorial page. And just in a few words, you described what your father was all about.

He truly was a very handsome man, and I think you have a lot from him. That will be with you forever, Cathi. Look in the mirror, and you see his eyes.

I loved the poem you posted, and have copied and pasted it to my favourites. I know this poem will comfort me someday when my mother is with the ‘Master’ too.

You are pretty wonderful, yourself.

Sending you a warm sisterly hug,
Edelweiss

What a "Wonderful, Wonderful" tribute to your Dad, Cathi.

Just beautiful and heart warming Cathi.

Cathi what a beautiful memorial page you have dedicated to your Dad. I am sorry to hear about his passing. God Bless You and your family.

Awesome! And how handsome he truly was!

Cath, what a lovely tribute, and the music you chose is perfect. I love the beauty of the internet for allowing us to share such touching things as this.

Listening to that music and crying your eyes out is very therapeutic. Anything that helps the tears flow this soon after his death is probably a great way to grieve.

I recall thinking how quickly life began again after Mom's death. You'd like it to stop so you can grasp what happened, but it's probably best that life goes on as usual. Try to find time in your days to revel in his good life.

Well, what's your hair looking like these days?

Cathi, I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. You're so lucky you could be there with him when he passed. I lost my dad last summer (he died at 5:30 a.m. and we all thought he was getting better so no one was with him). I hear from friends who've been in the room when loved ones die that they feel a great sense of peace, even joy.

Thanks so much ladies. What a comfort it is to come here and read your kind words.

LOL Dotsie, I don't think I will ever get my hair done. My dad had pink eye when he passed and so my mom and sister-in-law got it too. My mom's is as bad as mine was and it was her bad eye (diabetes). But her doctor said it was pink eye. My sister-in-law said that is the final gift form her father-in-law, so it doesn't matter to her. So anyway, we can't get our hair done until it goes away.

DJ, the day before my dad passed, the man in the room next to him passed away. His sister told me later on, she had just left to go and get some comfortable clothes to stay with him over night. As soon as she left, he passed away. Her comment was, I think he did it on purpose so I wouldn't be upset. Perhaps your dad didn't want anyone upset and he let go when he did on purpose. At least that's my belief.

Thanks for the kindness dear sisters. Celtic...thank you and big hugs to you dear sister. I look forward to more conversations with you and I cannot wait to jump in the other thread. In the meantime, my sister-in-law is explaining to me the Muslem beliefs in the end of days.

I love all of you alot!!!

Love, Hugs, & Blessings,
Cathi

DJ, we were with Mom around the clock for days when she was dying. Her final day, the hospice nurse told us she couldn't beleive she was still alive. She had the teeniest space in one lung that was sustaining her. Her lungs were full of fluid.

She asked us to please leave Mom alone. She thought our touching and taling was forcing Mom to live on, though she was hardly capable. She told us to all stay out of the room. Every hour, one of us was to go in and give her the dropper of morphine in the corner of her mouth and say nothing, nor touch her. Then leave.

We tooks turns every hour. It was St. Patrick's Day. We'd finished our corned beef and cabbage. It was the 7 o'clock hour and my turn to go in. When I entered the room there was this tremendous silence. She was no longer laboring to breathe. My heart began racing and I ran out to tell everyone that Mom had passed. Dad couldn't beleive it so he went in alone, and sure enough. He came out and said it was so.

I was touched that I was the one who discovered it. My youngest sister who had just left to go to my home to shower and cahnge and visit with Ross, the kids, and other nieces and nephews who were camping out at our home since it was so close by, she was touched becaused because Mom waited for her to leave.

It's interesting. I share this because somehow, all of us found peace with Mom's dying. Heartwarming, isn't it?

I believe God orchestrated the whole thing.

DJ, for some reason, it's as God planned. Your dad probably didn't want any attention and willed to go silently. Maybe?

Cath, how is everyone holding up?

I hope it is okay to put this here. I was contacted by someone whose father had spent his last days recently in a local Hospice. She said she noticed that their books, what few they had, were worn and old. She said if I or anyone I knew had books to donate she would pick them up. That was a coincidence because I had recently boxed up all my books, some never even opened and was going to sell them on www.Half.com

Three weeks went by, no one showed up so I looked up the address of the Hospice in question, called them and they said, they would love some books.

Well if you could have seen the commotion they made over those two boxes of books, it was amazing. I am so glad I took them in. I had some poetry books, Romance novels, many Mystery novels and some books containing short stories so when reading to a patient they could finish the whole story before they got tired.

This brings me to the reason for this post. Have any books, old or new ones you want to get rid of? Find the local hospice and donate them. Some of these families sit there for weeks just waiting for the inevitable and having a good read would be very helpful.

Chatty, what a beautiful post about sharing. I applaud you first for doing this, and second for letting us know what WE can do to help. You are just the best!

Dotsie, we are doing alright. I just feel bad for mom, it's been a week now and I am worried about her for after I leave.

Anyway, Chatty that is a great idea. Toys and games would be another item, children are often there too. Thanks for the suggestion. We already made it clear in dad's obituary (in the Washington Times) instead of flowers to donate to the hopice he stayed at.

I agree with the timing of how people go and who is around when it happens. I am just glad I was there, my issue was for him to go peacefully. I was so worried about that and God made sure I saw him go in peace!

Love,
Cathi

Cathi, what a lovely tribute your memorial page is. I could feel the love flowing from everyone who was touched by your Dad.

chatty, thanks for the reminder. I have PLENTY that have never been read. I'll box and take to the local hospice around the corner.

Cathi, will Mom be alone in the house?

Anne, not offended at all. You know, Mom had lingered for so very long and breathing was a tremendous effort once taken off oxygen. Almost a week before, we stood around her bed as a family, with the priest and prayed the Lord's Prayer thinking it was her last day. Day after day, we loved her and hugged her and affirmed her life over and over again.

This may seem odd, but the rattle of death (the terrible breathing sounds) went on for days and we felt so sorry for her suffering as she did.

It was time so we listened to the nurse. It does seem like an odd request from a hospice person, but all of us had done everything we needed to do, and to be honest, when she passed and the room was silent, we were so grateful she was with her God. Finally peace for Mom.

Cathi,
I was away in Cuba during this time. I only just read about your Dad this morning. I'm so sorry. I've been carrying him in my heart for so long I feel like he was a vital part of my family too. My heart aches for you during this time. You know that I know how difficult this is, especially as time moves forward but the hole in our heart just gets bigger and more difficult to tiptoe around.

As sad and difficult as the grief is, I'm finally experiencing the paradox of joy too. I experience my brother's sweet presence often enough to know he's really not all that far away. And that I'll see him and my parents again.

Just know that I continue to carry you in heart and prayer. We've been on this journey together for so long, haven't we. Today would have been my brother's 45th birthday. It's still a day to celebrate, because I was so lucky and blessed to have him in my life for 43 years. So we're planning to raise a toast to his life today. I'll raise another to your Dad, who has had a wee corner of my heart for so long that he's as much a part of me as my own Dad.

Peace, my friend.

that a lovelie sentiment eagle, whishing all the best still cathie.

how are you now?

eagle, glad to hear you're toasting your brother today. I'm sure he and your parents are right there joining in from their little corner of heaven.

Hi Eagle,

Thanks for the toast. I am really touched with your sentiments. It's going to be a month tomorrow and I still feel this void in my heart.

In truth, I thought it would get easier, but I've been depressed the last week. There are days I want him back so badly, just to hear his voice one more time. The guilt has set in too. I feel guilty if I move on, kind of like a disrespect for his memory. I don't know, I can't explain it and I know it's not rational.

Dotsie, my mom is staying at the house. That's what she wants, but for the past week she has been spending the night at a neighbor's house. She has many friends and I will try to see her as much as I can. My brother as well.

Please pray for both my mom and Johnny (my brother). This has been really tough on him. He is trying to take care of my mom's assets and get her set up and taken care of. It must be hard on him to go over all the paperwork. I know I could barely make it when I made a shadow box with dad's picture for my mom. I went and took his military rank and medals he earned and put a memorial piece together for my mom before I left.

Eagle, I feel we went through this together. Both Gary and dad were diagnosed about the same time with their cancers. I remember when Gary passed, I felt this void as if he was my brother too. I'll never forget that feeling.

We are truly sisters here, I know that for sure now!

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Celtic, you are so sweet. I don't think I've told you lately how much I appreciate your friendship and am so glad I know you.

I hope to see you one day... Dotsie, can I come with you to New York when Celtic eventually comes here?

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Oh, I can relate. Totally. There are still days when I catch myself thinking that he's just working too hard and that's why he hasn't been able to drop by...then it hits me. Argh! It does hurt, probably more than at first, because the absence has been longer and we've never gone this long without seeing each other.

Guilt is a natural part of grief, and it's okay. It will eventually melt into a recognition that living our lives joyfully (carpe diem, seizing the moment) is the best way to honour their lives and memories. That's why we've been traveling so much...we've been using the money that we got from Gary's estate to "see the world" that he never got to see. I've always wanted to travel far and wide and see everything I could possibly see - what better time to do it than NOW! And I felt Gary's joy and approval and blessing every step of the way. I think that we can eventually believe that they ARE watching over us, rooting us on, cheering us toward the best possible life we can live for ourselves. We're meant to live abundantly, and wherever they are they know that now. So they want us to live as abundantly as possible. That doesn't mean moving beyond their memories, but learning from their death just how fragile and precious OUR lives are...and how important it is to not wait to live our dreams but to go and do NOW.

We're now looking into a cruise/tour through China and south-east Asia, possibly as early as this fall. Who could ever have imagined me, poor as a church mouse a mere decade ago, even contemplating a trip to China!!! But that's Gary's influence...I just know that if I'm ever going to do it, it has to be now.