Napkins-for special occasions

I just received this and I'd like to share a laugh for today! Enjoy! (Song)

THE GOOD NAPKINS... ahhhhh... the joys of having Girls...

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom.Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months.... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Isn't it easier to just tell the truth?! ????????

Have a great day!

rotfpmp!

thanks for sharing songbird! lol!

danita

My Big no no was when I was around 11years old. My Uncle had a job visiting farmers.I was in his car whilst he was with the farmer talking.
I saw a horse in distress....so I knocked on the door rang the bell and shouted for help..saying that I thought the horses intestine was "hanging down" and he must get the vet.
I squirm when I remember the laughter.I pass the farm now and then and always remember when I learned what really was up with the male horse.(much later may I say)

Me...I was told napkins were underarm shields for ladies dresses.
Need I say I was moe honest with my own children,
Mountain ash.

I did tell you my area was the original sleepy hollow

I still wonder how come so much mystery surrounded such life issues!

These are funneeeeee stories.

Songbird, I think a bit of mystery is good. The youth today aren't experiencing that hushed up tantalizing sex stuff. Everything is so out in the open and nothing is mysterious anymore. I think they are missing out on the fun of discovering the mysteries.

Oh, my Mother would kill me for posting this....but here goes.

My 6th, maybe 7th Birthday Party: Mom says to all the Mothers present, "Oh I forgot the balloons." I quickly ran upstairs to her locked(not to me) jewelry box and brought down a big ol' balloon...and said, "I found one" as I proudly waggled the 'condom' in the air for all to see. I was just about ready to blow it up, when Mom tried to snatch it from my hand. I was holding on tight and it stretched and snapped into Mom's hand. All I remember was all the women were laughing hysterically.I can't remember if Mom was laughing too.....uh...probably not!

when I was about 12 - I was having lunch with my mom and her girlfriend...they gave me a box of vanilla wafers to open....when I realized I opened the box upside down,

I slapped myself on my forehead with my open hand and said,

"I'm such a douche bag".

My mom and her friend broke down into hysterics - while I watched in wonder. They asked if I knew what it meant (my brother had been calling me that forever)...and once told...I decided I would NEVER label myself such a way again. lol

danita

I used to work for an OB-GYN doctor...one Sunday his daughter and her friend left Church to go to the restroom... when they returned...they had mini-pads around their wrists...needless to say...they lived in an afluent community...with lots of tennis playing moms! Sweat Bands anyone?

Haha, I have friends who traveld to Australia. They said the insects were so bad that they tied tampons on the rims of their straw hats, and shook their heads to make the tampons whip at the flies.

There must be a good line for this somewhere... but Dotsie is watching....

HL...are you thinking naughty thoughts...AGAIN...LOL!

I was only five and learning to knit.Now and then I would get drop a stitch.My Granny would be helpful and sort things out. One time I was again in trouble and said quite innocently.My knitting is a load of B------s.(Bad word)Now my homelife was a quiet life and no swearing card playing chewing gum rules were just a fact of life.
Thing is I thought the aforsaid word just meant a mess.When asked I said so.
Maybe the school playground had something to answer for .I just know I did not know it was wrong to say it.Cannot remember who said it despite being asked at the time.
Mountain ash

Hannelore, let it rip!

Okay Mountain, I can't figure out your bad word. Any more clues? Maybe a couple more letters... Am I the only one?
Danita, I remember people being called douche bags. What a hoot.

B_ _ L-SH_ _T ?

Really naughty word for what men have that we don't
Word sounds a bit like male cattle.
Dont even like writing these clues.
Sorry.....
Mountain ash