IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR ............

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like my mother's old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.

Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's opened a shop in my neighborhood.

Airbags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life
experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.

But here's the worst of it all, almost every time I sneeze or cough, my radiator seems to leak.

Vicki,

That is sooooooooo funny! I can relate to that!
(cough cough).

I always tell my husband, "if you took 1/2 as good of care of ME as YOU DO YOUR CARS, then I would be a "well kept model".

So, I guess it's my husband's fault that my "car" is in such poor repair. LOL.

Danita

I love it Vicki! Kinda reminds me of a poem I wrote, in which I will change one word to keep it clean:

Reluctant Boomer

My knees won’t bend. My elbow squeaks.
I now have jowls where once were cheeks.
My hair is grey. My bosom sags,
and underneath my eyes are bags.
My memory is null and void.
My libido would appeal to Freud.
My teeth sit by the bed at night
Oh dear, I am an awful sight!
My body poots and burps and hisses
and if I sneeze or cough it *isses.
I am not ready for this final stage,
so please can we just skip old age?

© 2004 S. M. J.

Thanks for the laughs!

If I were a car, I'd be a Ford: On any given day I could feel like one of the following:

Mercedes Bents
Ford Must Hang
X curse em
Tear us
Un Focus
Tender bird
X peed addition
Ford Danger Super Pooty
X gape
Con Fusion
Link gone

Today I feel like a brand new shiny "Can I lack"

chick

[ May 27, 2005, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]