Want to Die Laughing?

Please forgive me should I offend anyone.

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?.....
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was go ing to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear end and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

Woof woof ...sorry it's not polite to bark/laugh with my mouth full...lol

Mustang Gal,
This is SO funny!!! My redneck may be showing here, but this took "Here's Yur Sign" to a limit only a Qualified Boomer Woman could. Thank YOu very much for my laugh of the day! Gotta go read some more jokes! What a Gal you are! Did you really do this? Gosh I hope so. Wish I'd been there.
QBall

This is hysterical. Okay, now is this a joke that is getting passed around, or did you really do this? Pardon my stupidity. If you do things like this while you shop, can I do my shopping with you?

I cannot stop laughing...I've GOT to remember this if this happens to me...OH PLEASE let it happen to me...in a crowded store. I'm going to print this one for future reference...LOVE IT Mustang Girl!!!!

I love this..I've read it before but one this funny is always SLAP-YOUR-KNEE and laugh out loud, worthy of reading again!

Anne...thankfully I haven't run into any drunks where I shop...but, sometimes someone will pass you in the aisle that could knock you over with the smell of booze on them.

Mustang you should get an award for that one, can't wait to tell the church ladies tomorrow.

What about when you are behind someone in line at the store, NO ONE is behind you and the clerk checks you out then says, anything else? I always say, do you see anything else, dah!! More aggrivating than funny...