April Contest

Well March has nearly come and gone and soon it will be April. March 20th is the 1st day of Spring. How about making a suggestion about what kind of conrest we could have. If its a good one maybe Dotsie will be able to use it...hummm, thinking! Okay I'll start by suggestiong we write a short story, 500 words or less about our most fun spring activity so far....okay thats mine come on all you creative ladies, give!!

Hi Chatty Lady: Why do I have a feeling that many women here are writers??????? 500 words???? I had a tough time doing essays of 250 words....how about I "think" of a contest and you put it into 500 words??? This is not 500 words by any stretch of the imagination: but a
fun activity in the past spring was this:
I took my younger son out to our yard to point out all the beauty nature brings to our doors...
asked him to point out (by the way this child was 19 yrs of age!!! and negative at the time!)
anything that he would consider "lovely"... and we spent quite a bit of time looking at the old oak (yes, in Florida and my back yard) with the moss dripping from its boughs, and the beautiful hibiscus etc. That mother's day he made me a card: Left side: was an alamanda flower, noted as "a beautiful gift from nature" right side,
3 cigarette butts, with the notation "a disgusting gift from my mom"....of course I kept the card!!! lol...

Sandi alas there are many writers etc. here. Now that story of your son was a definite "gotcha" moment! Oh and you'll notice I said 500 words or less, and that was just a suggestion, someone else may come up with a much better contest idea.

Sandi, I am laughing out loud. I have teens so I see the humor in it! What a hoot.

Yeah, I've dropped the ball on contests in here. Let's see...

Why don't we have the funniest post in this topic and I will get soemone from outside the forum community to judge? Word count doesn't matter.

Funniest spring memory...anyone?

The prize is a Friends Heal Friends t shirt.

Let the fun begin.

Sandi, I am laughing out loud. I have teens so I see the humor in it! What a hoot.

Yeah, I've dropped the ball on contests in here. Let's see...

Why don't we have the funniest post in this topic and I will get soemone from outside the forum community to judge? Word count doesn't matter.

Funniest spring memory...anyone?

The prize is a Friends Heal Friends t shirt.

Let the fun begin.

Obviously she thought it was so funny, she posted twice....LOL! I too see the humor in your sons "point" as well. Kids...can't live with um, can't sell nowadays...

My funnies don't come in seasons, they seem to be a daily occurence...you should follow me around some time. For instance, me and a bunch of girls decided to take off for Florida's beaches one Spring and before we left, we gave each other aliases...Mine was Rusty. When I met a guy, that's what I told him my name was. He was foreign, his first name was Nail. I don't make this stuff up.....

JJ

Oh yes you do!!!!!

teehee...I swear I don't....and then when we ordered a drink, guess what it was? A RUSTY NAIL! hahahahah....I swear!

JJ

Hunh - uh! Was not! You on a roll, JJ????? O, man, one nite out with you and it'd be all over...but the shoutin'!!!

Girl.........if you were a male, the shoutin' would just be astartin' ........what? hahahaha....what?

Okay, so maybe that was when I was younger. Sue me.

Course now, you'd probably still hear the shoutin'....they'd be like trying to get away...

"Somebody help me! help me! Crazy woman wrapped around my leg... help!" hahahaha....ahem.

teehee.... mahahah....JJ

Is that anything like the old saying;

Its all over but the shoutin???

submissions anyone?

JawJaw: There is a restaurant in NJ called the
Rusty Nail!! Very cute. Now whenever I go up North, and end up at the Rusty Nail, I will be thinking of you!

Ok Dotsie: How about: most embarrassing moment?
I'll start: Many, many!!! years ago (and today I am the size of another person! no more skinny and flat chested) I modeled in NY.
Runway stuff, sitting on cars w/ go/go boots at the colluseum, print work etc., One day, my agency sent me to do "showroom" work. Never did it before, and since the buyers in the booths were so close! I was pretty nervous. 7th Ave, today it is called Fashion Ave - so it gives you an idea of how long ago that was!! It was market week, and because they didn't have their little one pieces ready, we were told just wear a slip under the garments. Not having my slip and not wanting to admit it, I wore nothing under the blouse. Over the blouse was a vest, over that a jacket. We would walk out, mirrors all around the room, and have to start at the very last booth. Open the jacket, sling it over the should, pivot, come back forward w/ the jacket open - so the vest and blouse were visable.
After lunch that very first day, the big boss said skip the blouses and vests, the salesmen would have them at the booths, since it would be a very hectic day, and thus doing, it would save time. . Walking out among these booths, pivoting and spinning back around, I automatically opened the jacket...and yes......
wide open, and bare....I ran out, ppulling the wiglet! off my head, my false eyelashes were all wet and coming off from crying, I packed my bag so fast, and knew my agency would fire me.
Just before running out the door, Mr. Big Boss called me in his office, told me in 37 yrs in the business, he had never heard of anything so unprofessional....and hired me full time.

Sandi
Good story!!! I never knew that!!!

karen

What a hoot! What did he have you do for your next job? Or shouldn't I ask?

OMG...do you know Janet Jackson? Girl...how embarassing. However, have you ever pooped on first base? It's a long story...sigh. It's hard being me.

JJ

JJ, you are way too funny. I am belly laughing.

Want to tell us your story? I bet it happened in spring.

Well...here's mine:

My Red Dress
My girlfriend and I were ecstatic when we won a party at our favorite dancing spot in the early spring of 1990. It was about a year after my divorce. The parties were held from 6-9 P.M., before the regular Tuesday night singles dances. The “winners” got to invite 100 guests for music, dancing, a nice buffet and two glasses of champagne. Between us, we were able to scare up about 50 friends who could go out on a week night. We thought we died and went to party Heaven.

As the co-guest of honor, I was out to impress. I shopped for two weeks and finally found the perfect dress. It was fire-engine red, long, low cut, had a ruffle that flared out at the bottom and rhinestones on the shoulders and down the front from the waist to my left knee. I had absolutely no panty lines that night.....

A cross between Cinderella and Lady and the Tramp, I greeted our guests and played bell of the ball. It’s amazing how wearing a special dress can make you feel like a whole other person.

The party was going well. The food and the music were great and the guests seemed to be enjoying themselves. I had the disc jockey introduce me just before playing Lady In Red. A gentleman took the hint and asked me to dance. Dipping and twirling, we glided across the dimly lit dance floor looking like Fred and Ginger.

Eventually, I made the necessary trip to the powder room with my entourage. We fussed and primped and after a reasonable length of time, walked through the small bar between the ladies room and the main ballroom. My daughter and sister kept trying to get my attention. (As I said, it wasn’t easy finding friends who could go out during the week.) I rambled on about how wonderful the party was, ignoring their futile attempts to shut me up.

Just before we reached the door that led to the dance floor, my daughter yelled, “Ma, stop!” The others were laughing hysterically as I stopped short and asked impatiently, “What?” They were trying to tell me the ruffle on the bottom of my stunning red dress, the one that made me feel so elegant and gorgeous, was neatly tucked up inside my pantyhose. I came within inches of making the most unladylike entrance of my life.

Though I have long since put it out to pasture, I will always remember that night and my beautiful red dress.

Louisa

Louisa, thats a fantastic accounting of what could have been an even more memorable night, still laughing...

Thanks Chatty. I'll never live that one down. As if that wasn't bad enough, shortly after that, I had on a different dress and was going to something and in a hurry. Somehow, when I zipped the dress up, I got the back part of the hem caught and didn't know it. I ran out to put something in the trunk of my car which as at the end of my driveway with the trunk facing the street. As I turned to go back in the house, I saw a convertible with the top down just rounding the corner. It was my ex in his girlfriend's car. He had just driven down the street. I don't know if he saw me or not. He never mentioned it. I always figured he must not have noticed since he didn't slam on the brakes or hit a parked car or anything.

Louisa

Lousia,
That was so funny and I am also still laughing . Wow. I know I must have some stories , they just won't come out of my head . Humm...

Louisa: There you go girl, a great embarrassing story! and how little it means to us today!
But back then, woah!!

Dotsie to answer your question, the men that owned the "houses" (showrooms) were usually gay, he was, but he had a great sense of humor and I had ended up with a great job! Horrorfying though at that time! Today I can laugh about it.

Louisa Your story reminds me of the time I had given my son a huge party for his graduation at the club house. So much to do, so stressed....but my dress, too, was a "dancing dress" I loved it, thought I looked so "together" but ignored the fact that I felt
like I had been walking just "weird" My friend's younger dtr came up to me and whispered "Sandi, I don't think anyone else will tell you, but you have two different shoes on" and I did, both black pumps but one was plain and the other snakeskin..and of course one heel was slightly lower then the other. For the rest of the night, there I was all dressed , in stockings...and so I danced anyway. KarenC: remember that one?

JawJaw: not to hog this here, but I must admit, I didnt' poop on first base, but........

Louisa, thank God you didn't have some toilet paper hanging out the top of your pantyhose!

Sandi, one Thanksgiving my aunt wore two different shoes to dinner. They were the same pump but different colors. So the next year everyone came to dinner with very obvious mismatched shoes. We never let her live that down.

You want and embarrasing moment.. I still want to fall through the floor!
I was at a nearby mall, just roaming around. There was a kiosk in the middle of the main floor with nothing but chocolate and nuts. I was standing there looking into the case of goodies when a young man came up and asked me if he could help me. My reply? "Not right now, I'm just looking at your nuts"! Everyone around me just started laughing and one guy even spit a mouthfull of his drink all over the place!

OUT LOUD! OUT LOUD! FOLKS, WE HAVE A WINNER! OMG....how freakin' funny!

JJ

I vote 4 for lin656, how funny. Wonder whose face was redder, his or yours....Oh and welcome.

That is a riot!!!

Keep them coming!

OK...here goes....I had my hair cut and blown dry...a week later, I hated the cut so I called up my stylist and spoke to the receptionist. I told her I didn't think I had to pay again since it was just done a few days ago...she said that was up to Jim, the guy who did my hair...I asked if he could call me back when I got back to work...I left my office number but my cell # was on file.
I was at a restaurant for lunch with my boyfriend and a client couple of his.....Jim called me back right in the middle of coffee & dessert....
He said that he got my message and what was I planning on having my hair blown dry again today...He said it would not cost me for the cut...I said, and I am very loud...that I did not mind paying for the 'blow job' but I would not pay for the cut!!!!
After I said it out loud I realized what I said....Man was I embarassed....I was looked at very weird by all the patrons...I thought I should do the best thing and that was looking to see if I could crawl under the table.....
Very horrible moment
Karen C

My story is about my granddaugther. Mom and Dad are working on manners for a while. Kali was coming to spend the night with us. She was sitting in the booster seat in the back seat and she just started giggling! I said "Kali, what's so funny?"

Her answer was, "Oh Grandma, I farted and forgot to cover my mouth!" I laughed so hard I cried driving down the highway. She was 4.

Sherri
Best New Christian Writer 2006

I had to think about this one for awhile. Being blonde, I have to be careful or I become the target of alot of dumb blonde jokes : ) I can't blame others for it though, I make a pretty good fool of myself on a regular basis.

One New Years Eve several friends and I decided to go to a dinner and dance at one of the five star hotels downtown. I am not much of a drinker but I love good food and dancing. The hotel had three different bands to choose from. We checked all of them out and decided to stay with the one that had the most single men there. I was dancing with this good looking complete stranger to a song where everyone was doing the twist as low as they could go. Keep in mind that I am all dressed up in a floor length gown. I went down as low as I could go which was to the floor, when I came back up , the heel of my high heels was on my slip and as I came up, down went my slip.As I stood there with my slip on the floor and looking at the horror on my dance partners face as he was looking at me I decided to "flow with it" I hooked the toe of my shoe to my slip, tossed it to the side of the dance floor and kept right on dancing! I was sure I probably wouldn't get asked to dance again, but lo and behold I danced the night away. The only problem was someone made off with my slip. Good thing it was dark in there : )

KarenC oh boy now tht had to be a funny situation for everyone. Did you tell it to the hairdresser when he did re-blow your hair?

Sherri it really is true that kids say the darndest thing....

And almostangel you really put the words of the song "slippen" and a slidden, to the test....

I always get a good laugh from all you ladies.

[ March 27, 2006, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty Lady
Yes...I did tell my hairdresser....we had a great laugh together.....and he DIDN't charge me, and my hair looks GREAT!!!
Another story: When my son was small he was always into one thing or the other at school..by the time he was in kindergarten I already got phone calls every day about what he did wrong...Well, one day, when he was in first grade his teacher called to tell me that my son, Robert, who pronounced his name Wobet had a speech problem and wanted to meet with me. I said OK but didn't say much more on the phone...I knew the teacher had a nice and friendly personality because she had a wonderful reputation from other parents...
Well, I went to the meeting, shook her hand and said "Hello, Mrs. ---- I am Wobet's mom...what seems to be the pwoblem???? She was shocked at first and we just cracked up...You must understand that every day I would receive calls from the principal....like my "son is not sitting in class" or "he is bouncing a ball in the hallways"...sooooo this was just something funny I thought I would do.
Anyway, the teacher and I became friends and together we helped my son....
Something we will NEVER forget....
Karen C

Dotsie
Why does my name come up at KartsC when I signed on as Karen C??????

Where does it say KartsC? I think I'm missing something.

I have tears running down my right cheek. I began with KarenC's and worked my way down the page. Ya'll are way too funny.

angel, who was your dancing partner, and how old were you.

KarenC, I don't know which one is funnier. I can just imagine the faces of the people at lunch.

Sherri, you are so lucky to be able to spend so much time with your grandkids.

Dotsie, that night I had several dance partners. The majority of the guys were 50's and older. The one that I happened to be dancin with when I was "slippen and slidden" was in his 40's. I was 48 at the time. I remember his name was Brad but can't for the life of me remember his last name.
My fear is one day I will see him on the street and he will say "Hey, don't I know you?" "Weren't you the lady I was dancin with that pulled her slip off at the Plaza?" Makes me sound like a hooker : )

Dotsie
This was a very nice restaurant...the people just looked at me like I was crazy...a couple of the guys chuckled and the woman laughed as well....the guy I was with looked at me with his hands up as if to say "I don't know her"....and the other people just laughed...I got off the phone and said " Did I just say what I thought my ears heard"...they all said YUP!!!

Pepper, I love people who can laugh at themselves! I seem to spend a lot of time doing that, personally.

Dotsie
I laugh at myself alot!!! I think that is what keeps me sane....
Too many other things to be concerned about in this world..I try to laugh alot during the day and I try to make at least one person laugh a day or in the very least chuckle...

My funniest (or most embarrassing) moment would have to be the Sunday I had a date for dinner. We met at the Sunset Casino. I was wearing a brand new bright orange pantsuit that was quite stylish if I must say so myself. The jacket was very long, nearly to my knees, like the old Neru jackets. It had gold spangles from the pockets and collar. The slacks were tailored. I wore backless, toeless clear 2 inch heels with orange and gold trim, and gold jewelry. My date commented on how beautiful I looked and we went in to dinner. Near the end of dinner I felt really weird and got up to go to the restroom, I made it to the outer door before all hell broke lose.(so to speak) My slacks were ruined and I was trying to wash them in the toilet along with my underwear. It took me quite awhile and my date sent someone in to see if I was alright or even still there I guess. Talk about embarassed. Well to make a long story short, I walked out of that restroom, my head held high, wearing wet undies, the slacks I threw away so as not to have to carry them and that long jacket that almost came to my knees. He looked at me quizingly as if he noticed something was missing but wasn't quite sure. I headed for the door, my car and home. My pulse was pounding and I was in the midst of an anxiety attack and there I was laughing my butt off wondering what I'd have done if not for that long camouflageing jacket??

Oh my Chatty, I think that would take the cake! I went to lunch one day with a girlfriend, got out of the car, and the same thing happened. I normally always have a plastic bag under the seet of my car now!

Sherri

Well if all I did was pee it would have been alright but unfortunately without any real warning and not a pamper in sight, LOL, the worst possible thing happened, I messed my pants. Never happened before and never since, as if once wasn't enough. At first I refused to go anywhere for months in case it happened again but then slowly got my nerve back and ventured out. I always wear black now when out, not bright orange, especially for dinner. For awhile I carried an extra pair of slacks in my purse. That was several years ago but the memory lingers on and I can laugh about it now. Never did find out why it happened.

I know what you mean, and I know if I've been very stressed, I carry spare underwear. I also make sure know where the bathrooms are when I go somewhere, and like you, seldom wear light colored pants.

Oh, you ladies! I've hurt myself laughing!

I've got a good one for you. LONG time ago, I was a very young 17, blonde and blue-eyed, and typical of that age. I realize now that even though I was incredibly critical of myself back then and didn't consider myself much to look at I was really pretty attractive.

My friends and I hung out in a hole in the wall coffee shop in the evenings debating whatever subject struck our fancy. The "regulars" in there consisted mostly of retired gentlemen that came in to socialize with other retired folk. They enjoyed listening to our group and would occasionally interject their opinions.

The day of infamy...a hot trend in clothing back then was those cute little tops with shirring across the bodice. All the girls wore them, especially girls like me with rather small perky ones, and without wearing a bra. Mine consistently crept up, probably from not having enough to hold the darn thing in place. Anyway, after several gentle tugs to reposition it, aggravation took over and I tugged too hard. Needless to say, out popped my rather modest breasts, in front of a mixed crowd of my peers! Those that weren't looking at me at that exact instance still got a good look due to my involuntary shriek of horror causing all eyes to immediately take it all in. At the same instance, an old (at the time) man of about 50 fell out of his booth onto the floor holding his chest! Everyone jumped up to go to his rescue, including me with my breasts now safely tucked back away in my top, only to see the old fart smiling from ear to ear! Once we were all standing directly over him he looked me right in the eyes and said, "Honey, you need to keep those locked up! You'll give us old Geezers a heart attack whipping them out like that!"

I've never been so humiliated in my life! I left immediately, went straight home and changed, never to wear that top again. My friends razzing me for several weeks after that was a walk in the park after having suffered the embarrassment the old guy dished out. I was never able to look him in the eye again. I still haven't decided if he was a pervert or just a clown looking for a laugh.

Tami

Tami when reading this I thought perhaps this old gentlemen did this to avert peoples attention from your little problem to himself, giving you a chance to fix things...Kind of like an old knight in rusty armor...

Hello Dotsie,
I don't know if this would be suitable for your 'contest'...it's an extract from my journal of my last move to Italy....

europa.

LOOKING BACK ON HOW LIFE IN ITALY BEGAN (THIS TIME ROUND)
Well I’ve finally moved into my own house, so no more ‘care of’ addresses. I actually got my Residency in my new village granted in May. But having moved in and falling over boxes that I hadn’t allowed the removal people to unpack, I have still had to live with the builders, carpenter, electrician, plumber, tilers and painters as they gradually completed their work.

None of them have any compunction here in taking on all the work they can get their hands on - and then juggling their teams around to do a bit at a time for everyone. I got used to (and fed up with) them disappearing for 10 days or so at a time. But found the way to get them back was by ‘locking my knees’ and jumping up and down while cursing at them in the Milanese dialect – it worked every time! Didn’t stop ‘em disappearing again mind you, but it did get ‘em back for a while.

Well the house is just about complete inside. There are still countless boxes to be emptied, and that in itself is exciting…. it’s like Christmas every time I open a box. I‘m finding things I'd forgotten I had.

And talking about forgetting…. I’m getting ever so good at that - I’m not much good any more at remembering things, but the ‘forgettery’ is absolutely great, I could win prizes for my 'forgettery'!

The removal company, when they packed up, followed Sergio’s (my son) instructions to the letter. He had asked me what to pack? (as if I cared when I’d only just got out of hospital) - I told him ‘everything’. Well, this will make you laugh - one smallish box felt very light, and no wonder, it was full of used plastic shopping bags (LOL) – and they weren't even 'crammed in'....I ask you!
I have had to leave some of the unpacking work for the time being as I have to be careful not to overdo it. It has been so very hot here (even in the mountains) just recently. It touched 39°C for nearly a week (one day it was 42°C down in Milano), with upwards of 60% humidity and approx 29°C at 6 am (not funny). I spoke to my cardiologist about the heat and he warned me that I should do nothing when it is that hot.

I rented my nieces little holiday home (in the next village) from January until I moved into my place. That saved me the trouble of driving up and down from Milan (60miles each way) two or three times every week to check on the house progress. Thank goodness I did, as the weather here was very cold and the roads were like skating rinks. A couple of times with the snow and ice the temperature dropped to 27°C BELOW freezing. The contrast with the weather this year has even surprised the locals….all they talk about is the ‘greenhouse effect’. What can one say – Perhaps they’re right. But I’m not a scientist so I don’t get involved in the local discussions on the matter!
And 'no matter what' - I still LOVE LIVING HERE!!!!

Chatty - I never thought of that! Makes me ponder how strange it is to remember it the way I did. Just goes to show how we tend to remember things in the moment that it happened, the eyes of a 17 year old. I'll definitely file your input into this memory. It's less uncomfortable to think he might have been doing it for my benefit rather than his. Thanks!

Tami