Ruffled Feathers???

Chatty,

I for one, am one of your biggest fans! You know that! I scanned quickly through the forum today and didn't see your post. Ughhhhh!

I sometimes feel the same way you do - I just chock it up to - well, nobody is interested. LOL (sniffles). This is why the "hall monitor" thing is in place -- so people don't get overlooked!

You are a treasure, missy! You have impacted my life greatly!

I'm sorry that your post was unanswered --- I have to go back and find it now!

Keep posting -- we need you!

Danita

I still havean't seen the loneliness post. I need to go hunting for it.

Chatty, please do not take the replies to posts personally. Trust me, I have had tons of posts that haven't gotten replies. I just chalk it up to lack of interest on that topic at that specific time. Or, maybe it's lack of time to compose a post. Also, sometimes posts get covered up.

This is something that really bothers me about the forums. I wish there was time to give constructive replies to every post, but time doesn't allow, nor does my brain function well enough to do so.

We need honesty, and we need you. Please don't take things personally. It makes me sad.

I still havean't seen the loneliness post. I need to go hunting for it.

Chatty, please do not take the replies to posts personally. Trust me, I have had tons of posts that haven't gotten replies. I just chalk it up to lack of interest on that topic at that specific time. Or, maybe it's lack of time to compose a post. Also, sometimes posts get covered up.

This is something that really bothers me about the forums. I wish there was time to give constructive replies to every post, but time doesn't allow, nor does my brain function well enough to do so.

We need honesty, and we need you. Please don't take things personally. It makes me sad.

Chatty, I have nothing to say because Eagle and Danita just said it all. As you might know, I am letting my positions as hall monitor go because of time limitations and prioritizing. I can spend many hours a day with my boomer sibs, but I have to work on a book. I don't have any problem with your personality, nor have I ever been offended by your straight shooting style. I think it might be coincidence that you are the last to post on a thread or that no one responds to a thread you start. And where is this lonliness post? If you are feeling lonely, I want to know, so I can let you know that I am sending you lots of love and light. Lynn

I like straight shooting people. I think they are being themselves. I want to know people as they are, not as they think they should be.

I found myself writing things I didn't really feel and I stopped posting for a while. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if we can't express our opinions, even if they differ, we might just as well not post at all.

Sometimes I disagree with a post and if I feel deeply about it, I will post my opinion. Some people see disagreement as aggression so I try to be gentle, but some people just use rhetoric and emotional overstatement to make a point andit is not supported by fact. If I ask for facts those same people are sometimes offended.

People sometimes seem to come here wanting, not help, but sympathy, but they need honesty. If they only get false sympathy it is destructive to everyone involved.

Chatty, your posts are full of intelligence and great wisdom so for heaven's sake, don't run off. We need your honesty here.
smile

[ August 28, 2005, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Chatty,
You are valued very much here in the forums. I think you can see that now by everyone who's posting.
Like I told you in another post I wish I had the time to post to everything but I just can't especially during the summer. It is hectic here.
Keep up the great work that you do. I love honesty and respect that much more than anything else.
Maggie

And, you KNOW I love you! Bunches.

Bisou-Bisou

P.S. Loneliness is under menopause thread.

Chatty, I am new here, and haven't had much experience posting except on a dog website. One thing I've learned is that sometimes what we post seems a little harsh because we only see the words. If we said the same sentence in person, we would use facial expressions, body language, voice inflection etc. which adds to and softens the words. That's why if someone does sound a little harsh, I forgive it and I hope you all would do the same for me.

I will look for your post.

I couldn't find it under Menopause.

Chatty is probably the MOST LOVED person belonging to this entire forum...so in answer to her heartfelt post...YES YOU NINNY....You are being paranoid. We adore you. Love you. And quite frankly, I can't even remember what my life was like BC. <BEFORE CHATTY> We would fall apart without you...got it?

da Queen has spoken!

JJ

Chatty I too love your straight-forward posts and responses....don't change a thing! Like many of the girls here have said, sometimes there just isn't enough time to visit every single new posting on this Board because it's just so HUGE. I feel badly that I missed your post on loneliness - I'm sure I miss a lot of wonderful posts because I just don't have the time in my day to see everything here. Just know that I look forward to seeing "Chatty Lady" in the forum and appreciate your presence here.

Don't change a thing girlfriend!

The discussion on loneliness is on the Menopause forum, under the "Can Anyone Relate" thread.

[ August 29, 2005, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Chatty,
I posted under the "relate" thread, but want you to know, your words there stung me like nothing else I've seen on the board. No, you didn't say one blessed thing wrong--you said what I too often feel, but would not normally have the courage to say. It made me cry because of self-recognition. Well, now, I realize neither of us has to experience this level of loneliness. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being who you are and saying what you did. I am sure you will never know how much you helped others by your admissions. It was a gift beyond measure, and there are not enough words to thank you.

So you're straight shooting, tell it like it is, cut to the chase type of person? big deal. It's refreshing, it's honest. I haven't read any posts of yours where I felt you were deliberately attacking someone, or just being plain nasty or a troublemaker You have an opinion, a voice - you give it. And you respond lots to other people on the board, and seem to really care about them.

I may not always agree with everything said, but thats OK - I don't have to. You don't have to agree with me either.

This is such a busy website, always something being posted and talked about and posts get buried easily too. I don't get on here much and sometimes I just read posts and don't respond - either because its already been said and I don't have anything to add, or I just don't know what to say. There's lots I don't read either.....

I'm sorry if you were feeling ignored or lonely Chatty - I don't believe it was intentional. You seem to be such an outgoing, dynamic personality maybe we take that for granted

I admire you - for willingness to tell it like it is or how you see it, for willingness to bring up issues, for willingness to deal with them.

Chatty, you are a very valuable member of this community.

I often have huge time constraints. I can't answer all issues, all the time, and as such may comment only when I feel I have something significant to add. Somedays I have time to post a few things, and sometimes I'm not here for up to a week on end. You are never intentionally ignored, nor is anyone else.

Although I agree with you on some issues and disagree on others, I don't see that as a source of contention. I think you already know that if I have an opinion, you and everyone else will hear it.

[ August 30, 2005, 04:52 AM: Message edited by: meredithbead ]

Quite honestly, all the ruffled feathers around here lately causes me not to want to post at all.
smile

Smile, so sorry to hear this. Due to the growth of the forums, posts are going to get missed. I honestly don't think this is ever intentional.

Smile, don't you dare stop posting. We would miss your educational, inspiring messages. You've always been a huge blessing to me.

I don't mind if my posts are missed. If I do post something that is missed and I really want input, I'm a big girl. I just post again and ask for it.

We would all have to work full time to answer every post and every topic would go on forever. Maybe we should just realize it's noting personal and move on.
smile

Smile, I tried to PM you but your mailbox is full. I for one need and highly value your posts and voice. Sometimes this is a scary place for those of us who are sensitive or insecure...

[ August 30, 2005, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Chatty,
I've been out of town and just now got back!
I agree with EVERYONE when I say, I love you and your posts! Don't ever feel like you are being ignored by me. Sometimes I just read and don't answer anyone.
But I do understand what you are saying. It has happened to me many times also, where I didn't get a response or maybe not as many as I thought I would. I think we all get busy or maybe don't have something constructive to add or it has already been said.
Hugs,
Robin

Is there a full moon or something? Geesh.

Full moon not sure, but unfortunatly I was in a rotten funk when I posted about being not ignored but slighted and thought maybe it was because I am such a outspoken person, right or wrong. I was feeling lonely and depressed and fat and useless because of many things going on about me but mostly because I received a late night phone call from the SPCA vet asking me to meet with some people coming into his office. They had brought in their 4 year old Lab earlier with what seemed t be severe pain and vomiting. He put the dog under and did extensive x-rays only to be shocked to see the poor dogs body riddled with straight pins. He had apparently been given the pins in some meat he ate and they were sticking inside him everywhere. He put the Lab down while he was under the anestetic, there was nothing else he could do. The man and woman were due in shortly to learn the outcome and the Vet knew it would be awful for them. I and another woman act as grief counselors for the organization. The cruelty of this act once we calmed down the owners sent me reeling. I could not imagine another human being doing something so terrible to an gentle, innocent animal and it literally rocked my world. I guess you all got the fallout of that emotion. I aplolgize and have put my whining to work for the betterment of us all I hope...I can be and am very strong for others all the time but then in private sometimes I fall apart myself, go figure.

[ August 30, 2005, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

How can people even think of these things let alone do them? What in the world.

I hope you're feeling better.

Chatty, you must know how much we care and embrace you...your pain, wherever it comes from, is our pain too. What a cruel situation you had to deal with it...you're such a compassionate, kind soul, it must have torn you apart to see such evidence of sick cruelty. I'm glad you came here to be you with us...you call it "falling apart", I call it "being real".

Ladies,
Let's all go back and re-read the mission statement and regroup. We all have emotional fallout from time to time, and that's okay. Its who we are. We love each other, warts and all. And trust me, we ALL have warts.

But please, if you feel something here, or read something that is causing you pain, please say so, just as Chatty has done.

We cannot read your minds and we truly DO want everyone here to feel welcome, loved, and empowered by this site.

What we don't want to happen is for so much bickering and fighting to go on that:

1) Other people are turned off from joining
2) Dotsie sees her original mission of a place for women to gather, heal, and connect not worth the effort or,
3) For someone coming here needing friends, comforting, and understanding only to go away feeling even more unloved.

You don't have to post everyday. There are NO rules on when to post. You DON'T have to answer every post. There are NO rules on the number of responses you must provide.

What you SHOULD do, is post when you feel the need, answer when you have something constructive to offer, and help when you can provide a much needed answer.

Guilt has no place here. Some people have jobs, some people have family demands, and others just have nothing to contribute. Its just the way it is. It doesn't mean anything and we need to stop trying to read something into it.

Do what you can, when you want to, and know you are valuable to this forum and to each other.

And if you start trouble, if you want a good argument, or fight...check out a children's forum, cause we don't need or want you here.

And that is wayyyyyy more than I should or wanted to say.

Whew!

Now...where's my Oreo's.

JJ

Chatty, I love you. My problem is time constraints. With mystery shopping, freelancing, merchandising and grandkids, I'm pretty restricted on time. Also, I just finished the last edit on my novel. The cover is designed, the back cover is done, so then the marketing starts and I'll still be busy! LOL

JJ, that calls for an Oreo toast! Thank you for your courage...

I'm going to see Chatty's post next. Thanks for letting us know where it is because I haven't seen it yet. I do see things get buried. For example, on another thread I responded to a response made by JJ, but my response did not show up. Now JJ may think I'm not interested in answering her question about PINK magazine when in fact my response to her response is just buried. I confess to ignoring the cooking/recipe forum because I don't cook! So Chatty, there you have it: Don't go changing....Love and Light, Lynn

Hey, I'm with you. I don't cook either, but I have a collection of cookbooks that would choke a horse (no offense). I love to read them! go figure.

On the response getting buried. I know how to find it, and if I'm needing/wanting/gotta have an answer to something, I'll PM the intended party.

Love to you boomer babes!

JJ

JJ, good rules of the road.

I just now figured out I posted about the ruffled feathers on the WRONG topic. I thought it was the one about Chatty's friends leaving the site with ruffled feathers because their posts were unanswered. I misread it.

However, quite honestly, I take no responsbility for those who leave. I figure the site just didn't meet their needs.

I am sorry if Chatty's posts go unanswered because she contributes to the posts of others. She is frank, but she does it in a loving way and I love that. As to the recipes, I read them and sometimes print them out, but what do you say to a recipe except maybe YUM.

If I skipped over Chatty's other posts, I might have simply missed them or had nothing to add. Or it might be because I have been busy lately.

I was in a hurry when I posted earlier, and certainly didn't intend to hurt anyone though I do feel we sometimes take things too personally.
smile

Couldn't agree more SMILESmeister...and just for the record, my initial longgggg post was in response to both post...Chatty being overlooked, and the people leaving.

I hope they return, but if that doesn't happen, they I will just hope that they have found a forum that meets their needs.

In the meantime, I'm staying put. This is home to me.

JJ

I'm with you JJ. Nothing's perfect, but this is close enough.

I'm a lifer.

smile

What has been amazing me is that I usually run away in great trembling and anxiety at the first sign of controversy or, as Chatty calls them, ruffled feathers in a social setting. And if I think that I'm the one responsible for hurting another person's feelings, well, that can put me in bed under the covers for days wondering how to make things right.

But this place and spending time here with you ladies has changed me. I might have felt like running away a few times, but unlike so many other times in my past, now I'm able to stop myself...because deep in my heart, I know that I belong here, this IS my home, and I'm NOT running away this time. This is where I want to be...and I too want to be a lifer, so I'm here to stay. No running away. Now if that's not healing-in-action, what is!

So please, whatever you do, don't kick me out today...

Eagle,
You're a great addition to this site. And nobody is ever going to kick you out!! You might as well face it, you're a lifer too.
smile

Then bring on the Chips. And Oreos. And any of Chatty's recipes we can whip up, except the Cow Patty one. Let's just relax and celebrate being lifers.

Amen!

Hey the cow manure, not pattys was not from me, have to talk to Sandra about that one, I'm still trying to figure it out....I think my cow patty if I conjured one up it would be made of dark chocolate, caramel, walnuts and coconut on a crispy white cookie base.....hummmm!

Now you're cooking, Chatty! That's definitely something I could sink my sweet-craving teeth into!

Hey, I agree with Eagle. I have found that in real time social situations I am more at ease than I used to be. I think it's because of the frequent and supportive giving and receiving on this site. No kidding! It's true, it's true! I used to be like Eagle: avoiding confrontation. And if I hurt someone else's feelings, my goodness, I couldn't get over myself, even if they were way past it. I would apologize for things I said to him or her and he or she would say, "What? That didn't even faze me." Meanwhile, I had beaten myself up. Somehow, the communication here has helped me 1) not take things too personally 2) not mull over if I should have said this or that or not. Love and Light, Lynn

I've been away on holiday this last week so I missed the post you mentioned.

It looks like you have many good friends here and I hope that they have helped lift your spirits.

Take care
Itza