Building our own prisons

When I went to my doctor a year ago, overwhelmed by life to the point of chronic panic attacks and acid reflux disorder, he said that I had "Mother's Disease". I saw on the news this morning a new syndrone called "Hurried Women's Disorder" or something like that. It describes the symptoms as panic, depression, anxiety, weight gain.....sound familiar. The last few weeks have given me time for great introspection and I realized something just this morning. We women build our prisons a brick at a time. We are the architects of our condition. Boomerwomen especially grew up in an era where we were told we could have it all, do it all, should want it all. Well we've got it all right! Marriage, children, jobs, volunteering, etc, etc, etc. We become the consumate pleasers, basing our satisfaction or lack there of on other people and their expectations while internally believing that this is as it should be. So brick by brick, wall by wall, bar by bar, we've created a prison for ourselves, often hiding our true selves inside. At least that is my case....I shouldn't presume about anyone else. But I found during my recent crisis that I didn't want to live in my prison anymore. I still wanted my husband, my kids et al....but I wanted the whole me to emerge from that prison. A person who said, so what if I admit that I am vulnerable. So what if I want my husband to take care of me. So what if I want a more old fashioned- traditional marriage. So what if I go a little wild. So what if I become a sexual wild woman. Take the chance and see what happens. Don't be afraid to let the whole person step out into the light of day and shed the prison garb. Well let me tell you, the first week of my parole has been a revelation, sometimes scary, but mostly incredibly satisfying.
My how I have gone on.....sorry! Just had to share.

kathryn, i agree wholeheartedly. i too am on medication for almost every symptom of "hurried woman syndrome". as i sit here posting, thinking i should be working, (luckily, at least, from home today), getting ready to go take eight of the eleven pills i take daily, i hate it. it does however keep me sane and from throwing up in the back of my throat! The weight thing i have finally gotten a hold of and that has helped me with alot of the other stuff. my son's car crash and resulting near death really threw me back sanity-wise, but i will be okay with that too. we all struggle with mental illness crap to a certain degree. maybe some people don't admit it. you know me, well not really, but from this forum you know me and , hell, i will say anything. i am often very mentally ill! anyway, what i am trying to say is,,,i may take a crapload of pills to be normal, but the pills make me normal right now and i am able to get out of my prison and be the me i once was. i love being a vibrant, funny, loving, sometimes dependant, sometimes not dependant, sexual, mothering, nurturing, working, successful, boomer woman. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!! (how queer was that?)

Kathryn, thanks for sharing! I can totally relate to our perception of having to do it all. Our generation of women truly were told that we could have, be, and do it all! Thus the reason for more health issues in women than ever before.

We have been trying so hard to have, be, and do it all.

Maybe the beauty of being mid-lifers is figuring out what we need to have, who we are, and who we want to be for ourselves and no one else. Are we slow learners?

At least we are learning.