A Misfit Boomer

Hi. I'm here because loneliness is overwhelming me and I need a place to come and connect with other women and plug back into life. I'm four months shy of my 50th birthday and am finding it very hard to fit in anywhere these days. I never had children of my own, which often leaves me feeling left out of other women's circles. I do have my hubby's delightful 4-year-old granddaughter to pamper, adore and brag about.

I've been suffering for over two years now from severe fatigue and joint pain, which can be so debilitating that it keeps me housebound for days at a time (today it's so bad I can hardly sit here and type). Over the past few months, I've felt more and more isolated, and keep catching myself crawling deeper into social hibernation. While I still have a few very close friends in the other province where we used to live, I have no friends here where we live now. Which makes it very difficult to leave that lonely hole...when it's just as lonely outside as it is inside.

But it's Spring. And Easter. And I believe in Resurrection, New Life and all that good news. I want to reach out and start connecting again. So I figure this is as good a time as ever to start, and so this is why I'm here.

Welcome Eagle Heart,

Good for you for "stepping out" and finding a place to belong!

This is the most amazing group of women you will ever find! Welcoming, non judgemental, funny, full of life!

You will fit in here perfectly!

hugs and prayers your way!

Danita

Gosh, it makes me sad that you are so lonesome. A lot of us here are reclusive. I have to force myself to get out of the house. I hope finding us will help you a lot. Welcome!

Glad you've joined us Eagle Heart. You'll make a lot of friends here.

Welcome Eagle Heart....I know about the "no children" thing - I'm 57 and never had any of my own BUT I've filled my life with cats and plants as a "substitute"! You will love the wonderful group of women here at Boomer Women and we will keep you laughing, and busy checking the forum, and looking forward to joining us every single day. It will distract you from your pain and make your life a LOT less lonely - I can guarantee you that.

Welcome Eagle Heart. You will find friends here. We'll keep you busy.
Louisa

Thanks everyone! You're right Pam, about wanting to check the forum...it's all I thought about all afternoon after signing out! Couldn't wait to get back here.

Just having a place like this to come to is already helping. Thanks for the warm welcome!

Welcome to BWS, Eagle Heart. We are here for you, as we are here for each other. You've already made friends and you'll make more as you "travel" about our forums and meet other boomer women.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, I too have a dibillitating disease that causes me daily pain. I somehow still "exist" with it, along with a healthy dose of pain medications.

Peace.

Welcome Eagle Heart. I love your name. I hope you do have the heart of an eagle. Even in pain, with a heart that strong, you can soar.
Same to you Vicki.
smile

Hi Eagle Heart...We are all living with pain of one kind or another, mental and or physical. It doesn't matter which, both can be devastating. I take comfort from the women here, my new family of sisters that accept me no matter what. Some of us put our email address's at the bottom of our posts, if you ever need to chat feel free to use them. In the meantime, relax, read, post and enjoy. Your life has just taken a turn for the fabulous...Women rule!

EagleHeart...welcome dear friend. I ventured over to your web page and boy was I impressed by your book and I LOVE that cover! If you are almost 50, I want to go out and eat worms and die. I'm only 54 and honey, you look 30ish...it ain't fair I tell ya!

Hey all, if you haven't checked out her site, please do so. There's a lovely pic of Eagle, plus a book that looks very promising. The cover art for the book is fantastic. Very interesting!

Welcome again Eagle...don't let the reclusion become your friend...let us.

Hugs, JJ

Welcome Eagle Heart. There are a lot of friendly people here. You should find what you are looking for.

Eagle, I'm glad you landed here. Please don't pick up your wings and fly away. We're here to encourage and support you.

I've been all over your site and appreciate what you are doing for people who battle depression. We have discussed depression, panic attacks, and the menopause meanies. None of this is new to us. Please hang out and continue to share. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

Thank you so much very all the warm words! Wow. I didn't expect to be so warmly wrapped in welcome like this! JawJaw, I truly am almost 50, it's amazing what makeup and a good photographer can do. And underneath all that makeup, I covet every laugh line and wrinkle, knowing what joys and battles put them there.

Reclusion has been a constant companion lately...but maybe this Eagle has found a better place to roost. I'm looking forward to getting to know you too!

Welcome Eagle (yay! another Canadian on the site - we are growing in numbers ) I'm sort of at the opposite end of the province to you, though

I checked out your website, it looks lovely - and I ditto what's been said about the cover of your book, the artwork is beautiful!

Welcome,
I am new here as well and eagerly drop by daily to read and be encouraged and inspired. I am a manic-depressive so I understand the depths of despair and isolation having visited there a few too many times myself. Learning that hope is ever alive was my hardest lesson. Now I love life and all the fun of living it. Be welcome and stay connected!
Kat

Dear Eagle Heart,

I suffer from depression and panic/anxiety attacks. This winter has been especially bad. If it weren't for this group, I'm not sure where I would be right now. This group is a wonderful, caring group of women who are really interested in your life and connect with it.

Where is the website they are talking about?

Sherri

Hi Sherri,
I think this winter has been bad for those of us prone to depression...it's been such a long, dreary, cold, snowy winter, full of disturbing stuff in the news just about every day. It's difficult to get one's spirits up when constantly confronted like that.

I don't know about you, but the sight of the snow melting off my front lawn is somewhat hopeful that winter might finally be melting into Spring...although I think your corner of the world is getting more snow today, aren't you? Anyway, we do know by the fact that we just celebrated the Vernal Equinox that Spring is definitely on its way!

I love this time of year, and try to use that whole theme of New Life to bolster my hopes and spirit. It's good for the reclusive soul to bask in that warm sunshine as much as possible...I always try to get enough so I can reserve some for next winter!

That website is at www.eagleborntofly.com. I'm going to visit yours and others from these postings as soon as I can. In the meantime, it's sure good to be here!

Hi Eagle Heart,

Welcome to BWS! We are here for you.

Very nice website.

Thanks MeridithBead,

Your jewellery is exquisite!

I was thinking...have any of you tried light therapy?

Dianne, I think that's a great idea. When I was in Milwaukee where the clouds and winter seems to last forever, I would go to the tanning parlor periodically and it seemed to help.
Maybe if Eagle doesn't have one of those light therapy lights, she could try that.
smile

Welcome Eagle Heart!
This is the place to find solace, friendship, understanding and humor. I recently joined too, and found these gals to be amazing. They are warm, friendly and non-judgmental--they are friends!
Alanna

And even in winter, boomers bring sunshine into life.
smile

I tan all winter long, it helps tremendously. I would recommend it to anyone who has a problem with SAD.

Sherri, when I read about Smile tanning I immediately thought of you. Personally, it scares me. I have only done it to prepare for early spring vacations to warm islands.

Sherri, do you protect your eyes while tanning?

My skin is already wrinkled enough from taking scalding baths.

Dotsie, Yes I do protect my eyes and also wear a foundation on my face that is spf 15. I use lots of lotion every day, and lotion when I tan.

If I had to choose between the POSSIBILITY of skin cancer and the well being it give me right now...well, I'm still tanning!

Sherri

Thanks for the light therapy advice...I've was diagnosed with SAD about 20 years ago. At that time, the lamp was way out of my budget's reach. So I've just always tried to walk 30-40 minutes in the sunshine everyday and that seems to keep the SAD at arm's reach most of the time. Even just knowing what it is helps to not get too sucked in by it.

I'm very fair-skinned, rarely tan, but burn easily. Two years ago I decided to try the tanning salon before our annual trek south, to see if that would help me tan vs burn. Lying there basking in that glorious heat was very rejuvenating, until one day I could actually smell my flesh burning. I ignored it, but the next few times it happened again. So finally I lay there asking myself why on earth was I doing this to my poor body? Who was going to see my tan anyway? It's the dead of winter and we have to wear tons of clothes, so any tanned bits get covered up. I realized that for me personally it was more vanity than anything else, I just wanted to be able to show off to everyone else a glorious winter tan (which my skin is probably never going to be capable of attaining anyway). But all I usually end up with is a very un-gloriously blotchy red face and even more hot flashes. So I stopped going.

Whatever I'm doing these days seems to be working to keep the SAD manageable. My bigger problem is the social angst, which probably won't respond to light therapy anyway; walking seems to be better for me all around, if and when I can drag myself out of my cave...

Ladies I read all you accounts of SAD etc. and am here to tell you, there is no need to risk your health in unsafe tanning booths when you can purchase a simple lightbulb to put into any lamp to bath yourself in immitation sunlight. True these lights use to be out of reach money wise but are much more affordable now. I have one in my lamp on my desk next to the comuter. I realize I live in Las Vegas and we are suppose to have 360 days a year of bright sunlight and that use to be true but "times they are a changin" and that is no longer the case. We've had a miserable cloud filled winter. I felt like I was back in Illinois. Check these light bulbs out, they really work with NO danger to anyone.

Sherri...do you realize the most common area of the body for skin cancer is the back of the legs? Girl, stay out of that booth!

Today, I'm shaving and spit shining my body and getting myself a "store bought tan." One of those spray on tans. I should look like a island beauty by tonight!

Thanks ladies for your love and concern. I probably won't stop tanning. It just makes me feel healthier and happier. And, since I'm retiring and hopefully my stress level will go way down, I hope to drop off of quite a bit of my meds for depression and anxiety. I'll probably replace one stress with financial worries, but I still feel I'm doing the right thing.

Eagle, walking is a cure for many ails. I'm glad you've realized this. It gets those endorphins going.

chatty, can you get the bulds at Target, or Walmart? What are they called?

Dianne, let me know how it goes. The thought of wearing shorts with these white road map legs is too much.

Hello Eagle
I know how you feel, I also felt isolated until my daughter turned me onto this site. I live on the other side of Canada. The snow is slowly melting, the sun is shinning, spring looks like it has arrived but I won't hold my breath on that one. I just turned fifty-seven don't feel it, have to grown children and two grandchildren, I work full time as well, if I didn't work I would go crazy, even though my kids have family of their own, I still suffer from empty nest syndrome.

Hi Chichii,
You're a little farther north too. We were in Edmonton about this time last year for our grandson's hockey tournament (he was barely five at the time, but it was some of the best hockey we've ever seen!) It was COLD there, and lots of snow. But we made a wonderful tour along what they called the "cowboy trail": Caroline, Rocky Mountain House. We really enjoyed the area, especially driving along along the Rockies.

I can't work because of some persistent health problems. Loneliness was a huge issue until I came here to this forum. My mood, mental health, outlook and emotional well-being have all drastically improved since arriving here, although the energy levels are still erratic and undependable.

I enjoy being retired, even though it was a forced retirement due to health. For a long time, I felt guilty, useless, restless, isolated and an emotional wreck. Now, most days there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything there is to do...and I hardly even leave the house! Imagine what I could do with a little more reliable energy in the fuel tank...

Don't know how I'd fit a job into it all. Wouldn't want to have to now.

How old are your grandchildren? Do they live close to you? My husband has one four year old tri-lingual granddaughter here in Ottawa (she's his by blood and mine by heart), and a six-year-old Spiderman-crazy nephew in Edmonton we've both *adopted* as our grandson.

[ March 31, 2005, 08:26 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

I imagine so Dotsie and they would be advertised as the sunshine indoors or something likie that you'd have to shop around. I get mine from a catalog and they are Spector Sunshine or something like that. You will definitely be able to tell the difference.....Why would anyone want to take scalding hot baths or showers, all they do is dry the skin and leave it damaged. A luke warm bath is best just use lots of a good soap, plenty of lather and rinse well.

I'll be on the look out for those bulbs next winter. I'm relying on spring to do the trick now. Day light savings time begins this weekend. YAHOO!

I know I shouldn't take hot baths, but they are so relaxing. Some people drink to relax, I bathe. It feels so good! My skin is drying out, but I use oil in the water which helps a little. I'll take the wrinkled skin over a stressed, hunched body any day.

[ April 01, 2005, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Hey that's the way I feel about my tanning too!!

Good luck and condolences to you both, ha,ha,ha, to each his own!!!