In Memory of our Loved Ones

Seems to me that this has been a year where many of us are mourning loved ones who have passed on. Anyone who has fond memories of a friend or relative that isn't with us anymore, may like to share with us a particular memory, in this holiday season.

I see this as a gift to ourselves, and keeping those memories alive is just one more little token of love that is dwelling in us. It can be just a moment, a saying, something you laughed together about. Just something that you remember and will never forget.


I'll start in the next post...

Mom, this is the first Christmas in my life that I’m not sharing with you. While decorating our tree today, I felt your sweet presence, watching me hang our old tree decorations, some of which go back to my childhood. You sat in your favourite chair in our living room, sipped a glass of red wine, and helped yourself to our home made Christmas cookies. You enjoyed every minute, praising the tree, the cookies the wine, music and the warm glow of the fire.
It was a couple of Christmases ago; We had a particularly good assortment of cookies, and you just loved them. You couldn’t stop trying another one and another one. Finally holding your stomach you moaned, "I am so full, I feel sick.”
With that, you grabbed a banana out of our fruit bowl and ate it while you were moaning.
I couldn’t believe it.
I said, “Mom, what are you doing? I thought you are so full?”
“Oh my goodness!", you cried. "I have no idea,” tossing the half eaten banana away from you.
We laughed tears. How I loved laughing with you.

One of the memories of my brother that always makes me smile is this one. Whenever we would go away, Gary always looked after the house. We would leave him lots of treats, because he used to stop in on his way home from work. We'd leave him his favourite TV dinners in the freezer and candies in a bowl on the coffee table in the living room.

After one trip, we came home and I noticed that the candy bowl was still full and was surprised that Gary hadn't eaten any of it. But later that evening when we were sitting in front of the TV, I reached for one of the candies, and realized that he HAD eaten all of the candy but then had very carefully rewrapped every single wrapper and put them carefully back in the bowl.

We howled with laughter and the memory still makes me laugh, to think of him sitting there rewrapping all those tiny shiny wrappers. Gary had a wonderful sense of humour, and his friends often tell us that they still laugh when they remember Gary's delightful pranks.

At this time, I can't seem to shore up the will to reminisce about my sister openly on the Internet. You are after all, strangers.

And she has 2 adult children, who might stumble across all this one day. So I feel most for them too because they are hurting badly and probably missing their mom alot.

Maybe I'm still processing all this.
There are days I just feel abit tired trying to understand something, that no one can explain in the end.

I will always love you, dear sister...even though I know you must have felt so alone in the darkness.

That's fine, Orchid. Everyone has their own way of mourning. I started this thread, because I don't have really anyone who I can talk to about my mother, not even by brother seems to understand this need. I don't have any problem with the fact that strangers my read this thread. Death belongs to life. Maybe we can reach out to someone who is thankful to be able to share their own thoughts. But simply stating your love to your sister, is heart warming, Orchid.

Eagle, your story made me laugh out loud. The fact that you left candies out for your brother while you were gone, moved me too. He was truly interwoven in your life.

Can you remember how your loved one laughed?

My father was a very handsome man. Many people said he looked like Clark Gable or Omar Sharif. But when my father laughed, that resemblance disappeared. He had a large gap between his two front teeth. When he laughed, I think I always focused my eyes on that gap, which seemed to repeatedly surprise me in his flawless face. I loved it when my father laughed. Huge tears rolled down his cheeks, and he always needed a hanky nearby.

OK, this may sound outlandish.

Yet, my family disinvited me for Thanksgiving. The lady who owns the stable invited me and I enjoyed a drama free holiday.

That morning I was running late and the lights in my kitchen began flashing on/off for like 20 seconds. A few days later I was driving home from the stable at night and my exterior vehicle lights began flashing -- but they didn't, it was like lights outside yet associated w/ my vehicle.

I'm awakend at odd hours by either a bad dream or the cat(s) mischievous behavior and will find myself watching an early AM christian program.

I don't believe in ghost, but I wonder if someone is trying to tell me something?

I do believe in visions. And that is something incredible for me to say, since I am not a very religious person.

If I hadn't experienced a vision myself, I would never have believed it. So however you want to interpert those lights, or your dreams,...it's just good to know that you aren't alone. No one is truly alone in this world. Our souls are all a part of each other.

I know you were very close to your mother, Mustang. Who knows, what is happening in that other dimension.

Mustang,

I also believe in visions. I have received a few in my life, most recently from my deceased first husband, and amazingly even manged to communicate with my mother via a vision about 30 years ago, when I was 18 and living in France. (She's still alive, of course. What I mean is that I communicated a message to her mentally - when we talked about it later, we realized that it came through to her in "real time.")

So I'd say the next time one of these strange events begins to happen, stop what you are doing and mentally communicate with the spirit: Tell the spirit they have caught your attention and ask for the message to be delivered to you.

Oops! My bad on the math in the post above. That was 40 years ago that I telepathically communicated with my mother.

Just want to be totally honest about all this!

Okay. I found it.

I had a friend who would phone and say, "Hi there sunshine. Whatcha doin'?" Then he'd begin to tell me jokes. After each
joke, he'd squeal like a pig. He was so funny, always laughing, always joking. This guy was known for helping others.

Another friend I lost, would be at most social events I went to. He'd always ask me to dance or sit and socialize with me and WB for hours at a time. This guy I knew for 40 years or more.

My cousin owned a cabin down near the Stateline. She had ladies' getaway weekends. And she and I always snowmobiled together. I stood up in her wedding and she in mine.
Our moms were close too. We'd go to lunch. And we'd talk on the phone for hours at a time.

My other friend and I went shopping together; took trips together; and did lunch together. We were closer than blood kin. But she got into a jam, I couldn't pull her out of; and, I feel bad that I didn't realize what was happening to her before it was too late to fix.

I've always valued friendships. Like the song says, "From now on all my friends are gonna be strangers. I'm all through ever lovin' anyone." Not really. But that's how I'm feelin' momentarily.

It was a shock when the most recent passing took place. The day before she died, the subject seemed fine and dandy. A schoolteacher in her younger days, all those who knew her highly sing her praise. She was tiny and cute, gentle and sweet, and I'm a better person for knowing her: that I'll always repeat.

Yes, Anne, I totally agree. It’s all about letting yourself completely fall, and just let it happen. Sort of like good sex. Lol lol….actually I’m serious. There is a similarity.

Jabber, thank you for sharing your memories. I’m sure you just need time before you can make close friends again. Sort of like losing a spouse, - most wouldn’t marry right afterwards either. We are your friends here, Jabber. And we understand that we all need time to heal.

Loved your poem, and the thought of seeing the faces we loved in our mind’s eye.

I was married fourteen years to my best friend snd life partner. I was supremely happy with him and all he did and was. The week we met he said he had had a dream the evening before he met a dark haired, blue eyed woman with a laugh that filled his very being. For our first Christmas, newly married he bought me a lovely charm bracelet. For every Christmas he bought me a special charm and when I asked how he knew just what to buy he said, he dreamed it. The first Christmas after his death I bought gifts for the kids but told them to just buy for one another and not for me. I was sad knowing he wasn't going to buy me a charm and I always looked forward to them, seeing what he chose. The boys and I were coming out of midnight mass before entering our car and I kicked something, when I picked it up it was a charm of a woman and two kids in front of a Christmas tree. Tears came to my eyes and I just knew he had placed it there somehow. (YES I BELIEVE IN SPIRITS...) NO more found charms but my sons began buying me charms for awhile.

Chatty, I believe these happenings and or visions come to those who have truly loved with their whole being. I believe through this love, we remain united after death.
I don't mean to say, those who have loved their lost ones and haven't experienced a sign or vision didn't truly love them. I think it is a combination of love and allowing it to happen.

I bet the charm, you found, is the most special one of all. What a beautiful heart warming story.

Chatty,
It sounds like to me, you had a wonderful marriage, there. And
some people never know that kind of love. God has put some awesome people in my life, awesome friends. And I'm thankful for that. I'm glad you had a chance to experience that kind of love!

I believe in visions, too! And in my mind's eye I see the faces and hear the laughter of all those who've gone on before me from death into life eternal: There's my adoptive dad, mom, grandma, grandpa, cousins and many, many friends. God and His angels are
what keep me, keepin' on! I'm so grateful all these wonderful people crossed the paths of my life!

Thanks for starting this thread, Edelweiss. It is soothing to
the soul!

I think you will like this photo, Jabber.
This is for you, and anyone else who finds
comfort from it.

Today, for the first time since my mother died, I returned to her senior home, to give the caretakers there boxes of chocolates and Christmas money, as a thank you for all they have done.

I also visited some of the residents who were friends with my mother. It was wonderful and comforting to see them again. I was so afraid that I would break down and cry, but instead I found sincere caring and love, which gave me peace. I know I will be visitng these dear people often.

Edelweiss you always seem to come up with just what we all need, a perfect picture. I will miss your delightful Christmas card but hope you and Umpa have a wonderful vacation and Christmas holiday.

Edelweiss,
Thank you. That is a beautiful picture! Angels in Heaven: How
comforting!

When my friend was in the nursing home, I took boxes of chocolate to her caregivers at Christmastime. There are some
awesome people working in those facilities!

Thank you for understanding, Chatty.

There are so many sad videos on grieving and loss, but instead I'm posting an inspirational video. A video that won't make you cry, It's simply a gentle reminder that life is still good. God bless all.

Wow, Edelweiss!

That is one beautiful and powerful video. Thanks for sharing!

Awesome! Edelweiss I needed that. This is the best day of my life; Wow! Is that profound or what!!!! What a video! Thank you!

Edelweiss,
Lookin' at that picture of your daddy, reminds me of a picture
I have my dad when he was young. Talk about handsome; he was handsome. But the nicest thing about the man, was his kindness.
He was so tenderhearted, gentle and sweet! What a wonderful man!

Your daddy was a handsome dude!

I wish you could post a photo of your father, Jabber.

Awesome. I'm still having problems with certain folks who want
to be unkind. When this is all behind me, then perhaps I can
share pictures of beloved family.

......taken this morning in our front yard.

Momma, you are with the angels and at peace, I know.
But at the same time, dear mother, can’t help but miss you so.

Every Christmas song, I hear, that you loved so dearly,
Churns my emotions; heavy is my heart, eyes get teary.

Your picture is on our mantel, a lit candle glows next to you.
Sometimes I think you smile, when the flame flickers and moves.

It depends on my mood if I think you look happy or sad,
Still, your eyes seem to say, “I’m at peace and oh, so very glad..”

I hear your soft voice whisper, “dry your tears, there is no need to cry.
Enjoy the gift of life, and live, live live, don’t mourn, please no more sighs.

Feel the Christmas cheer within your home and deep within your heart,
And feel I’m with you, my dear, for my love will never ever part.

So beautiful Edelweiss...and they're the same whispered words I hear when I begin to be overwhelmed with the sense of loss...Mom, Dad, Gary, others...they all seem to ripple gentle peace and a gladness for being where they are - and always the exhortation to "enjoy the gift of life and live, live, live". These whispers of peace and joyful affirmation of life have helped me to move forward from a stance of death and mourning into a sacred ground where my heart can learn to leap for joy again. Slowly but surely we get there.

Thank you, Eagle.

Celtic? Orchid? Chatty? Jabber? You there? I hope you read my poem. This may sound strange, but I simply wrote it, without even trying. It was as if my mother guided me. I know 100% this is what she would say to me. I hope it will comfort you like it does me.

Bless you all, and every one else who is mourning this Christmas.

Beautiful poem and gorgeous pictures, Edelweiss! Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

Edelweiss,
I read your lovely, lovely poem, and feel what you're feeling.
The spirits of those gone on before me, comfort me each day.
This will be a difficult Christmas but I know I'm not alone.
I have all of you to understand, as we all struggle through
God's Master Plan!!!

Beautiful poem, Edelweiss, and I am delighted to hear that it just poured out of you. surely that is a sign that it came from your mother. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Thx for sharing Edelweiss.

When I think of my sister, I tend to remember her mannerisms, how she interacted with her children when they were young. I probably remember this more because I relocated to Vancouver from Toronto at the time, her children had just started/about to begin university. Thereafter for the next 9 years, I only saw her/my family annually or less since it is costly to fly to Toronto.

I'm so glad you all enjoyed the poem. It was very personal for me, but if it comforts, then that is good.

Orchid, do you have any particular childhood memories of your sister? Were you close as children?

This must be so very hard for your nieces and nephews ( don't know how many)this time of year. I hope they are enjoying the Freshmen year at the university.

You mentioned that you have moved because of a new job. Seems like alot of changes have taken place in your life recently.

I am so enjoying my peacefull life right now. I feel like I'm recovering. Sometimes it was alot for me, between taking care of my mother, my granddaughter and working full time. For the first time in years, I finally feel relaxed.

Edelweiss (your nickname of course, I think of my dearie's mother who passed away at 93 yrs. a few years ago: one of her well-loved the "Sound of Music"'s song...yes, when Christopher Plummer sings of a nostalgic longing for Germany):

Now when at Christmas when I hear of the season's many different soaring music/songs, I think of my sister. When those music notes rise to heart-breaking heights...

My memories aren't a whole lot about playing with her as a child, but more of a tough childhood she would have remembered with me. She would have shared with me to look after younger siblings.

I have another sister who is funnier/more comical bedause that's just her --more goofy.

Edelweiss is the national flower of Switzerland and Austria

"Edelweiss" is a show tune from the 1959 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical The Sound of Music. It is named after the edelweiss, a white flower found high in the Alps. It is sung by Captain Georg Ludwig von Trapp and his family during the concert near the end of Act II as a defiant statement of Austrian patriotism in the face of the pressure put upon him to join the navy of Nazi Germany. In the 1965 film adaptation, the song is also sung by the Captain earlier in the film as he rediscovers music and a love for his children.

Before his mother died, my partner bought the DVD of Sound of Music for her when she moved into the nursing home. He knew how much his mother loved the story line and the music....even though abit romanticized. (I've seen the movie several times. I have also been in Stowe, Vermont where the real von Trapp family moved to when they left Austria.) The edelweiss flower to me, is appropriate for his mother...not a showy flower, but quiet and enduring.

My sister, the one who died recently, played the video often for her children when they were young. Many songs to enjoy children with.

Julie Andrews has an amazing voice. This alone is a gift to the movie.