---

---

Happy Birthday Freddie and Happy Memories to you Mij. Reading what you wrote touched my heart. Thank You for sharing it.

thank you for your story and for the music..I have traveled with you thru the music...remembering your brother all the while.

thank you!

Dear Mij, you are grieving and letting it out in the open. Hopefully that is a first step to healing. And please, don't feel guilty about wishing your brother's death. I can understand that, and would probably have done the same in your situation. Peace and stillness shall fill your heart. We are all just passing through.

Bless you and may you be granted peace.Able to live your life
with joy.Claim that.Later than you should have.

The siblings of ill children have to cope in a way that is often overlooked.Here in the UK the hospice movement work with the whole family.

Thank you for sharing your story.
Mountain ash

Mij...you dear heart, you. My eyes well up with tears as I read your tender words and I could see you typing this and feel how you must be feeling. Happy birthday to your brother...he's in a happier place, looking down from heaven watching over you...know he's there and that he understands what's in your heart...even the parts you may not understand yourself. Thank you so much for sharing the most painful part of your life and I appreciate so much your honesty...you are one of the bravest women I know. Bless you sweetheart.

What a touching post. I'm grateful you were able to spill it all out here at BWS. Has this added to your healing? I pray so.

I think everything your'e feeling and thinking is so very natural considering what you lived through.

I have a loved one whose friend commit suicide as a teen. I believe my loved one is still raw. Teen and young adult deaths are hard to get beyond. I pray you can keep trying to do so with the love of your borther's family. I'm grateful they're there for you.

I encourage you to keep writing about this- if not here, in a journal. Writing heals.

In fact, we're ahving a teleseminar about journaling next week with the NABBW, www.nabbw.com. Please let me know if you'd like to be on the call and I'll send you the information.

Mij, you've accomplished the first step in healing -- acknowledging the pain and talking about it. This was a big step for you. Thank you so much for sharing. Happy birthday to your brother, whose life had so much trouble.

Thank you all for your kind, wise words. You each have said something that I feel I should quote and respond to, but I think I want to leave this "tale" alone as I don't want to jumble it all up with "facts."

This post was totally unplanned and was more stream-of-consciousness writing than I have probably ever done about my past. My fingers could not keep up with my thoughts, and I had a few revelations in writing like that. Last night what came out was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, which is what my childhood was all about. Love and hate. Anger and pity. Feeling strong and feeling weak.

So, yes, what I wrote last night was healing for me. I didn't expect it at all. I don't post much, but I do read, and I know that you are a very kind, loving group of women. I had no second thoughts about posting, which is rare for me. I just felt comfortable posting it here.

Dotsie, thank you very much for your thoughtful invitation. I only have a cellphone, and it gets terrible reception here. I can't really use it in the house, so don't get to talk to friends very much. But I do appreciate the thought.

Thank you all again, you each have given me comfort and different ways of looking at my life.

Big, comfy hugs to you all,
Mij

Mostly I agree with the advice we give here.
But I am putting my professional hat here.

Most people benefit from journalling.Making a life book or scrap book.
For some the trauma is deep and held in a place no one should tamper with.
That is why only a sensitive trained person working with elderly will go into the yesteryear.
There are boxes of memeory things taken into residential care..so the folks can unwind share and so settle into their new life style.
For some this unlocks prior wounds.Even the smell of a sweet connected to hurt or a piece of music can do more harm than good. Only after careful listening should any practionioner procede.
You said

This post was totally unplanned and was more stream-of-consciousness writing than I have probably ever done about my past

so I sense you are in control of your own strategy for living. This does mean though that you may return to this again.And then will be the time to share again.

Maybe next anniversary..maybe never again.
What really matters is that you know we care and share.
Mountaina ash

mij, please email me at dots@nabbw.com in a couple weeks. I'll send you the PDF version of the teleseminar so you can read it if you'd like.