Self medicating

Why would a 42 yr old husband and father suddenly decide that a quick toke is a sensible solution to stress? And why is it that somehow I'm one of the stressors? The best defense is a good offense I suppose. I'm coming unglued.

I don't know why, but please don't let him blame you for his dumb mistake. Hopefully he will learn from this when he sees you coming unglued.

So sorry this is going on for you! Hang in there with us and we will try to support you as we can!

Your honesty will allow you to get the help you need! You are a loving and caring person and don't let him tell your otherwise. Stick up for yourself! Pray, and if you can't right now because of your emotions, know that others are carrying you in prayer!

Kathryn -- I can't begin to understand where you're at on this because I don't know any particulars.

I DO know about self medicating. Everyone has a breaking point -- and a different way to deal with the stress. You really can't do to much about his "stress" except try to understand and support the fact that he HAS a "stress". What you CAN do is not let it get to YOU.

If this was me -- the first thing I would do is find a middle ground. A marriage counselor -- the family priest/minister -- a mutual person of respect on both your parts. Someone that can keep things on an even keel in the process of communication. Maybe you ARE doing something that's stressful to him -- you may not even realize it -- it might be something that you say WOW -- sorry about that and you fix it. Maybe he doesnt know what's going on inside himself so he blames the one person he knows will "allow" him to blame them -- can't blame the boss - you'll get fired, can't blame the kids - they're innocents and that's not fair, can't blame yourself - that's human nature survival -- so who's the obvious to blame -- the one that's been to hell and back with him over the years -- the one that's been the backbone of the family -- the one most likely to forgive him when all the dust settles.

Then again -- he might just be a jackass and you'll be better off throwing him and his attitude out the door

Bottom line though -- is finding out what the problem is -- you can't fix it until you know what's broken. And in the meantime -- you have to stay true to you. It takes two to fight -- make your boundaries clear -- you won't tolerate him crossing them. You will not be insulted - you will not take abuse - you will not go to jail for him. Respect those same boundaries for him.

and please know that I hope that I can be as soft a shoulder for you as you have been for me the last few weeks

Thanks for the great thoughts! I have suggested, sort of demanded that counseling is now mandatory both separately and together. And a visit to the Dr. as well. We're going to go away for an overnight this weekend to try to work things thru a little minus the distractions. We'll see! I',m glad I have you guys! God Bless you all.