I am peeved and confused! The 'other'woman had children by my former beloved husband while we were still married. What's done is done, right?

Well, those children are my children's siblings. My children are 21 and 18, no longer eligible to recieve benefits that exceed $1000 per month. My daughter will for a total of 4 months, a third of the thousand. His insurance money will be coming soon to which my former left solely to my his eldest child, my son.

Now, my problem is this; do I tell him to be fair and split it evenly amongst the 4 of them, despite the fact that $1000 will be added to their household income? Or do I just have him split it amongst his sister, my daughter?

BTW, the $1000 per month is not being dispersed yet because this woman has the burden of proof that her children are indeed my husband's children. Till then, Social Security has all monies on hold (i think they gave her 90 days).

What to do?

Did your son ask you for advice on what to do? If he did, tell him to follow his heart. Follow what his heart says to do, and never mind fair. His father left it to him. Was it before his sister was born? Did he leave anything at all for your daughter? Just my 2 cents worth, but if I were in this situation, I'd tell him to put it in a short term CD immediately upon receipt and then pray about it. That way he couldn't make any rash decisions about what to do; with prayer from you and by him, the right thing to do will become clear. Americans are so *into* being fair. Sometimes *fair* is in the eye of the beholder. I've been *fair* to my own detriment. It makes you resentful; resentment is worse and harder to get rid of. Far better to be labeled *unfair* than to carry resentment in your heart. (Just my humble O-pin-yon.

Have them grant what they believe their father's wishes would be.

I'm confused. Does the other woman and her children receive money seperate from the $1000 your children receive?

Diane, my children don't recv the 1000 because they are too old. The other woman's children are under 18. My daughter is 18 but still in high school til May so she'll recv a third of that 1000 til she graduates.

I was thinking that since they'll be recieving that amount per month, my children should split the insurance. I'm sure they wont be sending parts of their money.

Unique, that sounds like a great idea. I'll suggest it to him. He talked about purchasing property and then dividing that up once it starts pulling in revenue. That must be his business major idea??

Dots, what his father wanted was to forget that he'd ever been with another woman, let alone have children by her. I had to tell him that it was not the other woman's children's fault that they'd been born. That didn't stop his ignorance to the children prior to his death though.

Maybe it's just me, still bitter. It just seems like it's so unfair that they'll be getting benefits that should solely be my children's since he was my husband. Now there stands this issue that they may be getting double. Monthly income plus. Or, maybe I'm just thinking about the fact that this money will increase the other woman's income and not mine. I really don't know what it is. It just doesn't seem fair. My children are in high school, at senior at that, and a soph in college and I'm the one taking care of their needs, alone.

SS no longer extendes these monies to children over 18 that have graduated HS. He was my husband during his military years, my children's father, abscent because he was off serving, me without a husband while he was on duty. Now the money will go to another woman??? It just doesn't sit well with me.

I don't feel your son should be obligated to share any of the insurance money...for any reason. And if this other woman does try to cause guilt over it, that's her problem. I don't blame you for being upset. You are justified in your feelings.

Oh, that woman knows not to say anything to me, Dianne. This is a discussion amongst my son, daughter and I.

She tried to speak to me, even hug me, at the funeral. I simply whispered in her ear as she reached for me while I was seated on the front bench with our children, his parent and sister, "You don't want to do that." My urge to claw her eyes out was a bit too strong at that point. Just looking at her and the results (her children) pissed me off and made me revisit all the pain endured during those times (she was 4mos preggo while I was 8).

Can you just imagine the tears? Now this??! If you can imagine this, smoke must be coming from every orafice.

Sugaree, When my ex passed away he left my second son, his natural son with me an inheritance and left my older son, his step son nothing. My second son KEPT all the money and there were no hard feelings. (I guess) Hey I wanted to tell you that if you were married to this guy for 10 or more years you are entitled to Widows benefit Social Security. I get $753.00 because I was married to #2 for over ten years even thought we were divorced 14 years before he died. Check it out if you were married for 10 or more years. It came as quite a nice surprise to me and you can still earn $12,000. besides and there are no taxes on the Soc. Sec. benefits. I have been getting mine now since 2001 and will continue to get them even if I remarry OR until I apply for retirement, then I can take whichever is higher....Good luck and forget that witch and her kids, worry about you and your kids....They are not family. There his mistake not yours.
Call Soc. Sec. for details @1/800/772-1213

You poor little thing. This must be so painful for you and your children. I'm really, really sorry you are going through this and I pray you are all protected. This is awful.

Thanks for the details on SS, Chatty. I didn't know that but when I applied for my high school daughter, the interviewer told me that I can recv these benefits but only when I turn 50, if I haven't remarried. I have ten years to wait. Aint that a b? I didn't have to wait for the bs, why do I have to wait for the $$? Wonder why I'd have to wait so long?

You're right! I am not going to worry about that anymore. I will give my son my final opinion on splitting the money then leave it up to God, as also suggested here. It does take too much energy to be angry.

The other woman applied only 2 days after his death according to the SS person. I was too busy making arrangements and helping my children cope to even think about that at that point. I tried to put my self in her position trying hard to understand. It didn't work cause I would have never had children by a married man, especially if I knew that he was married. Of course, I'm by no means excusing his behavior. I guess that's obvious though. I divorced him.

Thanks for your empathy Dianne. I used to be 'a poor little thing' back then. Now I'm a huge lump of anger!

You all should see have I acknowledged her children on his obituary! OMG! That was revenge at it's sweetest. If I find the diskette, I will place that excerpt here. I made it very obvious that her children were concieved during our marriage, but tactfully since their were innocent children. SHE and the other adults aware of our dirty laundry got it for sure. LOL.

Sugaree