I'm including this post in the "Marriage" section because this is about a man with whom I'm planning to marry. We've only been dating for 9 months but both of us are about 49 years old, Christians, and marriage-minded. I've been divorced for 10 years, he for 4 years. So I ask myself, am I being a brat?

Mark is so many things I do want in a man, he's smart, kind, sensitive, hard-working, responsible, a good father, loves his family, and tried his level best to make his 18-year marriage work before she left. We are very active in church and he is very well liked by many people there. So what's the problem?

I'm used to a much more romantic kind of relationship. The kind where the man expresses his admiration and love for me on a very regular basis. Granted, most of my dating relationships have been short, so I guess we never got past that stagem, but frankly I wither a bit for the lack of it. I've told Mark I need him to express his reasons for choosing me more frequently, especially verbally, but he said he has trouble with this. Perhaps it's one of his family values to not be too "conceited" - I don't know. But for the lack of it, I feel unloved and unappreciated, and the sparkle in my eye dims for him. I do not want to give up this kind of romance and indeed, I don't believe I can and actually have a happy marriage.

Here's what I really think. I'm a very competent woman - aren't we all - we women tend to do so much and we're so good at it. Hold down a job, raise the kids, volunteer in our church/community, keep the house clean, continue our education and get to the gym regularly - that's just what we do. But for me, what I need the guy for is exactly that romance I spoke of above. The rest is pretty much do-able on my own. If I have to feel like a sister in my relationship, well, I can feel like a sister with a lot of fellows, including my boss at work. I want the affection, the flirtation, the steady flow of words and actions that say loudly, "you are special, you are my woman, I love you." So am I being a brat?

I hear all the time how hard marriage is. I was married myself for 17 years so I know it is, and that sometimes we have to compromise - but we better know what we can compromise in and what we can't. I'm getting ready to explore further with Mark his struggle with providing me with the romance and affection I need to make this relationship work. The biggest thing I'm trying to do is not be whiney, adolescent or immature. Moreover, I don't want to make him feel like he's "failing", especially because when a man feels like he's already failed, he's unlikely to even try and the sparkle in his eye goes out too.

On another note, I hate the thought of starting over again, especially since we're well mated in many other areas. I would love to make this one work - but the sparkle in my eye is currently not lit enough to show me the way. Am I being a brat?