Since there seems to be several of us who are childless (I am not by choice and would not appreciate child-bashers here), can we start some discussion about our lives as they have been and how we think they will be?

of course, I do not want to exclude the singles, so how can we cross-link marriage and singles in the childless arena?

Anyway, who wants to begin some dialogueing about a childless (not by choice)life?

Di, thou I am not childless, I know a beautiful person who is. She is divorced and has had her share of hard times.

She works full time and dedicates just about all her free time to making inspirational handmade greeting cards for those in whatever situations.

She dedicates hours in the making of one card. But you can be assured that it touches the life of the receiver in such a special way. It's a ministry to her and she stops at nothing to make the best use of her resources and time, always creating, always adding a new touch and spreading love all around her!

She is so special!

Wow, songbird. Thanks for sharing your childless Pillar of Strength with us. I love hearing these sentiments. I,too, have a ministry. Had not mentioned it yet, but it's about those who are like me: childless, not by choice.

My goal is to educate in churches where there is a ministry for EVERYTHING but the childless.

Educate others in how to respond when they hear of someone having a miscarriage (some never conceive again)

Educate others in how to respond when they hear that someone was never able to have kids. ("You can have mine" is NOT a good answer!)

...and much more.

Thanks for dropping by. And thanks for recognizing that the childless, not by choicer HAS a life and CAN be busy and not bored!

By the things I read that you've posted about being childless Di, I am under the impressioin that you have had some miserable, hurtful expereiences regarding this topic. I get from your words a feeling of anger, loss and maybe can see a chip on your shoulder? Why is being childless such an issue? Thousands, no maybe millions are childless and lead active, full, interesting lives filled with other things. Having children doesn't make one any better or different that not having children. We are women, we give to everyone around us no matter their age, gender, nationality or ocupation. We are who we are and having a child does not change who we are. If you're a wonderful happy, giving person then thats who you remain and no child can change that for the better or worse. In other words we are what we are as women, single, married, widowed, divorced, mother or not. Sometimes God chooses for us and he doesn't make mistakes. Just be all that you can be and for those who say they'd give you their kids, they probably mean it, think about it!!! LOL

[ November 17, 2005, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I was also not able to have children, and did regret that at one time in my life, but over the years that void has been filled to overflowing with so many other wonderful opportunities that would not have been possible if I had had children that I no longer feel much more than the occasional twinge.

It is what it is. For me, there really was no choice but to accept it if I had any hope of living fully and healthfully in the here and now. I've learned the hard way that letting regrets about what I don't have gnaw away at me only blinds me to what I DO have. So I've been working very hard at focusing more on the positives in my life, and am discovering that they far outweigh the negatives!

Probably the biggest positive is that we relish our freedom to just up and go anytime and anywhere we want to. Someone from way up north calls and needs help to winterize their patio doors, we go. Someone else calls because they're lonely, we're off on the 4-hour drive to go have tea with them. We're the perfect customers for "hot deal" traveling...with no kids, we're free to go anywhere at a moment's notice.

Since I have no choice but to make do with what life has given me, I choose to work my way toward contentment. Not that it's easy...ask everyone here who has let me cry on their shoulders over the past year!

When people ask me if I have children (and most people ask immediately upon meeting) and I say no it is an immediate conversation stopper. I mentioned in the welcome forum that by the time I thought I was emotionally mature enough to have children it was biologically too late. At the age of 38 I thought I was pregnant for the first time. I wasn't pregnant, but the OBgyn discovered that endometriosis had been festering for decades, rendering the lining of the uterus not viable for sustaining a fetus. In other words, the recommendation was to not get pregnant because most likely I would not carry to term. Plus I had a sister with Down syndrome, and the risk is higher the older the mother. Plus I had taken plenty of LSD in my youth. I was afraid that the drugs would affect the development, even decades after the use had ended. The odds were stacked against me. I like what Eagle writes above. Sometimes she puts words in my mouth.

[ November 17, 2005, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: Lynnie ]

Sometimes it's difficult when I am around people who want to talk about *nothing but* their children or act like I am not as busy as they are and my time is not as important, which happens often. Then again, we have five cats and I'm sure some people are sick of me talking about them, LOL!

Imperiale, welcome to BWS. I hope you'll go to the Welcome forum and tell us a little more about yourself.

You need to meet Di. She's a member here and has a site for women who don't have children. I'm sure you gals will be able to relate to one another's situations.

Five cats? You also need to meet chatty. She's our resident animal lover!

Children are God's choice to give us and sometimes it's a difficult choice to accept. We haven't any children but, like the Galatians woman, I have many because I draw them to me.

I think we, men and women, focus on the wrong thing...whether we do or don't have children. For me, it's how can God use me how He's made me for this place in time. Or maybe, how can I *allow* God to use me.

There are many, many organizations that can use a well-grounded woman as a mentor to a child. Such a relationship enriches mentor and mentee and those on the side-lines.

I do agree it's, frequently, hard for folks w/o children to be around folks w/children. In our county, children rule...and I mean that *literally*. Virtually *everything* revolves around children...school, sports, clubs and the entire focus is the child and where/what/when they are participating. Frankly, I think a good dose of "seen but not heard" should apply more frequently especially when being held "hostage" by one of the little darlings or their parent.

Oh Boy...I'm gonna get it now! HaHa

Anne, how selfless to choose not to have children due to passing on genetic issues. I admire you for that.