As quick as I can here's the situation:

- In less than 2 weeks I'm giving a joint baby shower for my step-daughter-in-law (SDIL) along with my sister-in-law )SIL) for her daughter-in-law (DIL).

- I excluded SDIL's mother-in-law (my husband's ex) and my SDIL is pitching a fit saying we need to 'get over' the whole divorce thing.

- My husband cannot stand his ex (she's caused lots of problems for the family and his side doesn't want anything to do with her). She left him and caused him a lot of financial hardship and has tried numerous times to turn his kids against him with her lies.

- SDIL (who is pregnant and very hormonal) was crying so hard tonight saying I'd caused her undue stress because we were excluding her MIL.

- The last I remembered ex's don't normally come to the new wife's house and mingle with the ex's family especially when the family doesn't want the ex there.

- My husband if fit to be tied that his DIL is so selfish that she's only thinking of herself and not the other people coming who don't want her MIL there.

- I've spent weeks preparing for this shower, not to mention the cost of decorations, invitations, the cakes I've ordered, etc. My husband is building her a cradle out of oak.

- FYI - My huband missed the birth of his first grandchild because these same kids were pissed about our being upset they trashed my husbands tractor and didn't want to take responsibility so they disowned us and he missed out on that. It's taken about a year to get things back to what we thought was a reasonable relationship with them.

- Isn't it our right to say who is and isn't in our home for 'family' events? I called the members of the family from my husband's side and asked for their vote on whether the ex comes or not...everyone said not 'no' but hxxx 'no.'

- FYI - We went to my SDIL's home for their daughter's first birthday and the ex was there and we were respectful and pleasant because we were in their home. HOwever, we didn't expect this behavior concerning entertaining in OUR home.

- I'm ready just to have only the shower for my SIL's daughter-in-law and cancelling my SDIL's part of the shower if she doesn't come to terms with this.

- I've turned this all over to my husband. If there's one thing I've learned with step-kids is the step-parent holds no weight nor rights when it comes to trying to reason with them. He's so mad I think he's ready to toss out the cradle along with the decorations. Tomorrow he's going to talk to his son about them needing to accept that he's been divorced now for almost 10 years and they need to forget about trying to make everyone fit into this unrealistic way of wanting things to be.

GOOD GRIEF!!!!