OK, I KNOW I'm living in the dark ages. But what ever happened to good old fashioned "dating?

I guess I've been "out of the loop" for a long time. But it seems like everybody these days not only expects sex on the first date, but to stick like glue and be together 24/7 after that.

What happened to dinner and a movie or (insert your own favorite activity here), that ends with a kiss goodnight and no overnight company?

What happened to taking things slow and getting to know each other for awhile? And enjoying the process?

Just curious as to what other people are experiencing.

Whirlwind

I think things are the same as always from the mans point of view and I do date but am casual and NO man gets any farther than good conversation and a nice meal and hopefully a lot of laughs. I believeyou are treated exactly the way you allow yourself to be treated by a man on a date. If a woman is hard up in her own mind and acts that way, of course a man will take advantage if he can. But he will not admire you, respect you or love you, how could he? Be a lady at all times no matter what the world around you is doing. I would rather be alone than on loan! I feel sorry for those who disrespect themselves so much that they turn into something cheap....Its a lose, lose situation....

I think the same way you do Chatty Lady. I respect myself too much for anything else.

There is a guy I've seen a few times over the past few months and he's pushing for more. The other night, online, he made the comment that "it was easy for me to resist him." I felt he was trying to make me feel guilty for not "fitting him in" last time he was in town (and he wanted to stay at my house).

I pretty much "lowered the boom" on him, in a nice way. I told him that it had nothing to do with "him", but I neither wanted nor desired a boyfriend or a relationship right now. Because I just truthfully don't have the time or energy to devote (I work close to 50 hours a week and maintain a household, on my own). And attitudes such as his (whining because he didn't get to see me) was NOT going to make me change my mind.

That was not "entirely" true, but I am always worried about other people's feelings. Let me add that this person retired way too early, has very little money, is basically homeless, and is a romantic, "looking for love." I don't want to be cruel and point out to him that most women are not going to "fall" for an able bodied man who has no place to live and is basically a gypsy. I understand the "live your dream" mentality, but I also understand being responsible and taking care of yourself.

He ended the "conversation" saying maybe we could get together next week when he's here. No "strings", just some good talk and maybe mutual backrubs. Are all men idiots, or just the ones I come across?

On another note, tonight I went to a country music concert, and David Lee Murphy performed. Now I don't get all excited over entertainers, so don't take this the wrong way. But if I could find a decent, hard working guy who liked the same things this guy claimed to (camping, cooking out with friends, scuba diving, yadda yadda) I "might" be tempted to put a little priority into a relationship. LOL.

Whirlwind

Why would any man imagine that any woman in her right mind wants a man that doesn't work though he still could and is probably just looking for a meal ticket and soft lace to land. Boy I could write a book on that subject. Been there done that but to my defense, I didn't know ahead of time that "I DO" meant and won't ever again. Whirlwind if and when you get invloved make it with a man that can improve your life not invade your space...I may wait forever and thats fine with this Boomer gal....

Well, Hey!!! here I am again, updating you all on dating...Last night I went to dinner with a fella I met thru Yahoo personals, and with whom I had corresponded sporadically for a couple of months. He had called me several times, and so I felt comfortable meeting him for dinner. The dinner was nice enough, but I sensed that he had many unresolved issues about his divorce, as well as a recent relationship in which he was abandoned by a younger woman. I ended the evening by saying goodnight at his car. Today, I received a nasty email from him, primarily because the evening didn't end with sex!!!!! What's that about??? I had just me the fella! I felt no attraction to him, and why, oh, why, would I want to become physical with him?
Now, about this "gypsy" fella you mention, Whirlwind...I am recovering from a relationship with a man who kinda fits that description. An unemployed Ph.D. (in Psychology). I was tremendously attracted to this man, but knowing his financial status, I was careful not to expect or impose on him when on a date. That is not a good thing. Also, I became physically involved with him, and have posted about it here. It ended disastrously for me, and I have paid dearly for my lack of judgment. I think, unless a man is capable and willing to show you that he values you, by paying for dates, and a willingness to share, it will end as it did for me. This same man, the Ph.D. is probably going to be hired in a college teaching position soon. He would have, no doubt, abandoned me had I stuck with him, once he gets a valid income. I was just an easy target for him while he was unemployed!
ARI

whirlwind...I have to agree. What's up with having sex on the first, or second date? How in the WORLD can people do that? Don't people have any respect for themselves? I feel so old fashioned.

Also, run the other way for your gypsy friend. You don't want him working his way into your heart.

Ari, be careful! Do these Yahoo men know where you live?

I sound more like my mother every day!

Chatty, I love, "I'd rather be alone than on loan". Amen.

Remember, they can find directions to your front door if they know your phone number. Thanks to Google. Use your cell phone number. I don't think that can be traced...YET.

Dear Dotsie

You are in no way old-fashioned Dotsie. Believing in who you are and being able to sustain that, your feelings and your heart and your actions are the foundation for a good life and the food of the spirit and soul.

In today's times we are not taught to be strong within ourselves because that would have an effect on market share. Sounds strange though, doesn't it. Media, fashionable viewpoints all generate fear to get us to follow societal trends. Being original and strong within yourself doesn't play well and it doesn't sell products or sex.

For women to give up their strength and inner knowing of what's best for them to suit the trend of the moment just because its fashionable is just society's lie. It's refreshing when women allow themselves to become strong in who they are.

For my part I haven't dated in over a decade, a) due to illness and b) because I found that real love comes from such a deep place in the heart, this surface existence that society lives in the dating scene has become just a ghost to me.

A SECRET WE ALL NEED TO KNOW
There is a beautiful light that lives within all of us and the journey is to bring this forth, the stronger the light within grows (and this is a quantum effect) the higher the consciousness rises and this permeates all the cells and when that happens ladies...this magnetic energy within will draw to you men within that consciousness... where the heart and truth really live outside of what's fashionable.

I'm sure there are some absolutely fabulous men out there, where the heart touches their soul and just knows and feels integrity and beauty, but society today has taught men not to go deep into their heart and their beauty, rather to stay positioned on a surface reality that informs them how to act in the moment. When men start to realize that there is a greater journey than what they are told by society, a journey within, then indeed life would be very interesting, the men richer in character and beauty.

Society has caused a great deal of pain within the men and they don't even know it, their heart's repressed from childhood, having to live in a surface understanding of what a man should be. I have felt the beauty of a man, his heart the wildness of spirit and the depth of his soul, it brings tears to my eyes when I remember, the character, the strength, the integrity and the ineffible sadness of enduring a society's ways that is ultimately taking away the inner strength of a man...

True love, the heart and its merging with the other, the light, the beauty and the soul of peace have become my guideposts, although a sadness within my heart that took many years to heal, still lives when I remember the beauty and the tears of love.

A TIP:
Often we fall in love with the energy a man exudes, but there are many energies, the energy of his soul(what he has loved), the energy of his personality(how he acts and reacts in daily life)the magnetic energy, charisma, ie the light within him that he exudes that sometimes confuses us because we are so drawn to a specific energy within him. We think we're in love but really we're in love with the energy. To really know a man takes time if we can't recognize all of the energies within a man, some of them conflicting. For example, a man's heart and love of his soul and what he loves may be very beautiful, but how he was taught to think in regard to communicating within this world and what he was taught to expect fashion his personality which may be in total opposition to his heart and soul. Sounds strange, but that's what happens when a man moves away from his inner being and becomes attuned only to the surface living of societies' dictates. I'm not against society, it's just that society comes out with these trends called fashion that is geared to the market place. There is no division anymore, where the soul can live in peace without having to contend with the demands of fashion.

But have peace ladies, it's important to keep becoming the beauty of who you are on this ever present journey and enjoy you! Because that's something we can always count on! The best to all of you!

Leigha

That's a beautiful message, Leigha! Thank you for posting it. My experience, unfortunately, is that men do not look for the "soul," the heart of a woman, but more toward the physical. Because of that, I am on the "journey" now to find peace alone.
ARI