Didn't know where to put this topic but as a woman do you need or have to talk through things that have hurt or made you angry with your partner, SO, husband? If I don't, it can grow in intensity until I feel like I'm going to explode. Just sit down with me even if it takes two hours, and discuss it so we can work through it. Are any of you like this or can you just blow off irritations and move on?

I'm an exploder, too, so I would rather discuss it and resolve it. My problem is, I can pour my heart out to my husband, he may say he understands, but the problem doesn't usually get resolved. He likes to walk away from problems and hope they go away on their own (his parents both did this!). I was raised by two Sicialians!! We may yell, scream, curse, slam doors, but we resolve it!! Then we'd eat lots of pasta and laugh.

I realized years ago that talking to my husband is like banging your head against a brick wall! Or asking him to do anything......(he always takes the easy way & I end up redoing it!)...

I try to ignore my husband......but being Irish..I have quite the temper!!! He just clams up & makes me even madder!!!!!!!

So basically....we both ignore one another...with just moi being vocal & getting a sore throat for nothing!!!

sometimes, I would prefer the brick wall...at least you know what it's made of!

Dianne, I'm exactly the same way. I used to try not to need to talk about those hurt and angry feelings, but the more I tried, the more explosive I eventually would become. I finally explained to hubby that if he would just take the time to sit and listen right away, we could avoid my rages. He finally "got" that part and will at least listen to my need to be listened to.

But like Bluebird, while he nods his head and smiles in the right places, I know he's really not getting it. It's frustrating, but I've had to recognize and accept that this is one of HIS limitations. Now I just pick my battles, and try to keep the focus of "need and resolution" consistent, so he only has to remember 2 or 3 of my emotional needs that require his action, rather than a confusing sea of them.

Someone on the site mentioned the book "The Five Languages of Love"...I'm anxious to read that book; something tells me it might help me to understand hubby's seemingly innate inability to communicate on that emotional level.

Dianne, I am a talker too. Fortunately, so is my husband. I am usually the one to initiate issues, but he hangs beautifully with me and joins the conversation.

Bluebird, your comment about getting it all out, then eating pasta and laughing was great. You are right...at least you get it all out in the open. I can't stand burying stuff!

There is one more step that has to come out of "getting it all out in the open". Change.
For example, if my husband says "I don't like celery in my salad" I will make sure I never put celery in the salad again. (This actually happened.) It seems so simple! If I say " I don't like it when you pile all your stuff on my dresser" don't you know that he continues to do it!! I think some people just take longer to have things get through into their brains! Of course, throwing his stuff onto the floor accelerates this process!

I think they can have convenient amnesia too. Mine does. He says women never forget anything and I told him, neither do men. They can tell you who was the quarterback for The Cleveland Browns in 1967 but can't remember what irritates their wife!

If men only figured out that sitting down and resloving conflicts will put a stop to problems being brought up again, they would be way ahead but then, do they?

Yah!
And if men would only realize that 99% of the time we are right!

I'm a person that if there is a problem or something that bothers me I have to get it out so I can get over it. Consequently I sound like a big nag! If I held it in too long and added it to all the other little things it would end up turning into a big thing and I would surly explode! Either way is a problem at our house.

Western Bluebird, I totally understand the celry thing. I am the same way. If he says he doesn't like it, I don't cook it or do it again if I can help it.
My husband is a good cook but because...one time...when I would not eat the roasted chicken he made that was stuffed with, garnished with and topped with what seemed to be a humungous bush of rosemary he will no longer cook. What really made me angry was that he already knew that I have a grand dislike of rosemary! A little rosemary goes a long way and it took me weeks to get the smell out of the house and kitchen. UGH!

Truth strikes again!